丧尸乐园（2009）

塔拉哈西确信 在僵尸之地你就得发彪
Tallahassee firmly believes you have to blow off steam in Zombieland
否则会迷失自我
Or else you lose what’s left of your mind.
如果这能令他开心
If it makes him happy
别用撬棍砸我
and keeps him from using that crowbar on me,
我会说 嘿 尽情地砸吧
Then I say, “Hey, go ape shit.”
还我凯迪拉克
I want my Caddy back!
该死的小贱♥人♥
Stupid little bitches!
我好像扭到了
Oh, I got pulled something.
你觉得我们俩聪明到能不受骗吗
Do you think the two of us are smart enough to come up with a con like that?
准备活动[活命法则18]
Limber up
你犹豫了
You hesitated.
是聪明好还是走运点好呢
Would you better to be smart or lucky?
看我们找到了什么
Look at what we got here.
来吧
Come on.
-真有型 -要闻闻这手指不
– That’s nice. – Smell the finger?
法则31 检查后座
Rule 31 Check the back seat
感谢上帝对我们这些乡巴佬的眷顾
Thank god for rednecks.
牛逼的车
This is a really big truck
牛逼的枪
And these are really big guns.
慢慢玩
Take your time.
常言道 寻仇者
You know, they say, “He who seeks revenge
应事先备好两副棺材
should remember to dig two graves.”
对 两副 大妞一副 小妞一副
Right. Two graves. One for the big chick, one for the little chick.
你真的很开心啊
You are scary happy.
行了 我们为何不忘掉那两个妞
Come on, why don’t we just forget about those girls
然后直接回家
and head home?
你想谈谈家庭吗
Oh, you want to talk about home?
对我来说 家就是小狗狗巴克
For me, home was a puppy named Buck.
世上最可爱的狗狗
Cutest dog ever.
那些天杀的僵尸
All those fucking zombies.
让我失去了他
I lost him.
他不会死而复生 所以我在寻找新家
And there ain’t no getting him back, so, uh, I’m looking for a new home.
明天 我可能在黄石河里裸泳
Tomorrow, I may be skinny-dipping in the Yellowstone River,
也可能在著名的花♥花♥公♥子♥公♥馆♥寻欢作乐
or swinging from the chandeliers in the Playboy Mansion,
但今天 狂野的6升V8涡流引擎越野车
But today, a Vortec six-fucking-liter V8,
一整盒空尖弹
A box full of hollow points,
上帝垂青的话 一盒好吃的夹心蛋糕
and, lord willing, a gd twinkie.
享受点滴小事
Gotta enjoy the little things.
我讨厌那种爱发牢骚坏脾气的人
I hate to give credit to anyone who looks like Yosemite Sam,
但我要把他刚说的记下来
But I’m writing it down.
法则32 享受点滴小事
Rule number 32: Enjoy the little things.
我了解她们 是个陷阱
Knowing them, it’s a trap.
在这等 看见我发信♥号♥♥就开过来
Wait here. Drive down if I signal.
你不会打死她们吧
You’re not gonna shoot them, are you?
除非她们先开枪
Not unless they shoot at me.
但愿她们开枪
Oh, let’s hope they shoot at me.
看样子她们弃车徒步走了
Looks like they hoofed it.
可能往西走了
Probably headed west.
开慢点 睁大眼睛盯着
Just drive slow, keep your eyes peeled.
当然
Sure.
-她们在后座 是吗 -只有我
– They’re in the back, aren’t they? – Just me.
真对不起 她就像潜伏的猛虎
I’m really sorry. She was like a crouching tiger.
你竟被12岁的小毛孩扣为人♥质♥
You got taken hostage by a 12-year-old?
女孩比男孩早熟 她比我当初成熟得多
Girls mature faster than boys. She’s way ahead of where I was at that age.
12岁就像20出头了 给我枪
Twelve’s the new 20. Gun, please.
说得好像你会开枪似的
Like you would ever use that thing.
别用我的枪杀我
Don’t kill me with my own gun!
拜那些暴♥力♥电玩所赐
All those violent video games.
谢谢
Thank you.
-现在按喇叭 -什么
– Now honk your horn. – What?
快按
Honk it.
是你姐姐 还拿着我的枪 你好
It’s your sister, with my gun. Hello.
笨蛋
Bummer.
现在从车里出来
Now step away from the vehicle.
你就坐在副驾驶座
You get to ride shotgun.
我有点喜欢上这妞了
I kind of like this girl.
她不是那种火♥辣♥傲慢的小妞
She’s not your typical hot, stuck-up bitch.
即使在僵尸时期出现之前
Even before Zombieland,
维琪塔也把我们这种人玩弄于股掌
Wichita was running the table on guys like us.
你找什么
Uh– What are you looking for?
订婚戒指
My engagement ring.
加油时 我记得把它脱下来装进包里的
I took it off to pump my gas, and I thought that I put it in my purse,
肯定掉出来了 我要错过航♥班♥了
But it must have fallen out, and I’m late for my flight and–
我会帮你找到 然后快递给你
Well, listen, I’ll find your ring, and I’ll fedex it to you.
我会给你酬劳的
I’ll give you a reward.
别傻了
Ha. Don’t be silly.
三千美元 它比我的车贵
Three thousand dollars. It’s worth more than my car.
把你号♥码给我就行
Just– just give me your number.
我会找到的
Yeah. I’ll find it.
我也没别的事忙
Yeah, I’ll start looking for it right now.
现在就开始找
Because I got nothing else to do.
我以前也订过婚
I was engaged once,
但现在单身汉一个
But I’m single now.
拜拜
Bye-bye.
希望你赶得上飞机
Hope you make your flight.
没有 但我知道它就在附近
No, but I know it’s around here somewhere.
她上飞机了 真是天赐良机
She’s on a plane, that’s the beauty of it.
我等下再回你电♥话♥
Let me call you back.
你找到我的戒指了
Hey, you found my ring.
谢谢 我一直在到处找
Thanks. I have been looking all over for it.
-谁说是你的 -其实是我朋友的
– Your ring? – Well, it’s my friend’s, you know.
-我要把它寄给她 -给我报酬吗
– I’m gonna send it to her. – Do I get a reward?
40 60 80 400
40, 60, 80, 400.
就这些 收银机里就这么多
That’s it. That’s the whole register.
你会让某人喜出望外的
You made someone very happy.
彼此彼此
You too.
漂亮
Nice.
还剩多少
How many left?
我看下
Let me see.
足够我们一路用到加州
Enough for us to get to California.
将来 我也要这么大的戒指
Someday, I want a ring this big.
低价30美元 成交
Hmm. For the low price of 30 bucks, sold.
把人造首饰和无情骗术
It’s amazing how far you can get with some costume jewelry
发挥到这地步 真是神奇
And a cutthroat attitude.
她们没把我们扔在路边算是不幸中的万幸了
I guess we’re just lucky they didn’t leave us by the side of the road.
谢谢 维琪塔 谢谢 小岩城
Thank you, Wichita. Thanks, Little Rock.
闹够了没
For fuck’s sake, enough already!
我们被那些饥饿的僵尸追杀
We’re being chased by ravenous freaks!
还嫌不够烦吗
We don’t have enough problems?
她们偷了我的悍马 彼此互不信任
“Oh, they stole my Hummer. We have trust issues.”
忘掉这些 好吗
Get over it, okay?
我们四个就不能像正常人那样边开车
We can’t just fucking drive down the road,
边玩”我是间谍”之类的游戏度过这两小时吗
Playing I Spy or some shit for 2 hours like four normal-ass Americans?
杀了我吧
Fuck me!
不是吗
I know.
我就理性一回吧
Let me be the mature one.
很好
Good.
那么你俩要去哪里
So where are you guys headed?
太平洋游乐场
Pacific Playland.
是那个游乐园吗
The amusement park?
-洛杉矶郊外那个吗 -对 我们小时候去过
– Wait, outside L.A.? – Yeah, we went there as kids.
那地方实在是太…
That place totally blows.
…神奇了 非常好玩
…my mind. It’s– it’s so fun.
非常适合家庭娱乐
Just good entertainment for the whole family.
实际上我小时候也去过
Yeah, no, actually, I went there as a kid too.
实际上 现在算是淡季
In fact, this probably counts as off-season.
你们听说过吗 那里没有僵尸
Well, did you guys hear? There are no zombies there.
对 我们听说过
Yeah, we heard. Uh–
你要明白 我或许不会朝你开枪
You know what, I may not shoot you,
不过你还是把我惹毛了
But you have still royally pissed me off,