抛开自我空间（2001）

典型祈求上帝恩宠的祷文会说abc“记住我吧，主啊”
True believers ask to beabcremembered by God.
虔诚的信徒们abc都希望上帝别遗弃他们
The speaker of this sonnetabcasks God to forget.
但这诗中的主角abc却祈求上帝遗弃他
We want to correct the speaker.
我们应该纠正他，是吧？
To remind him ofabcthe assurance of salvation.
让他深信上帝的救赎
But it’s too late,abcthe poetic encounter is over.
但是为时已晚了abc我们无法跟他们做面对面的交流
We are left to our own consciences.
我们只能小心呵护自己的良知
– Have we outwitted Donne?abc- Miss Bearing.
– 我们的才智是否真胜过道恩呢？abc- 贝宁小姐
Or, have we been outwitted?
或者是他甚于我们呢？
贝宁小姐
What is it?
什麽事？
You have to go down for a test.abcJason just called.
你必须出来做个测试abc杰森刚刚说的
Another ultrasound.
他们要做个超音波检验
They’re concernedabcabout a bowel obstruction.
他们要看看你肠胃是否通畅
– No, not now.abc- I’m sorry, they want it now.
– 不，现在不行abc- 很抱歉，他们要求现在
Not right now,abcit’s not supposed to be now.
现在不行abc不该现在做的
They want to do it now, I’ve got the chair.
他们现在就要做，我还推了轮椅来了
It should not be now, I…
不要现在做
I have this planned for now,abcnot an ultrasound.
我有别的事abc我不要做超音波
– No more tests, we’ve covered that.abc- I know.
– 或其他检验，我们已经做过了abc- 我知道
But they need for it to be now.
但他们却坚持现在
It isn’t a bad procedure and it won’t takeabclong, so why don’t you come now?
反正这是无害的，而且一下就好了abc请跟我来好吗
I do not want to go now.
我…我现在不想去
贝宁小姐
Name?
姓名？
B-e-a-r-i-n-g.
B-E-A-R-I-N-G
Kelekian.
柯医生
It’ll just be a minute.
请等一等
– Time for your break?abc- Yeah.
– 休息时间吗？abc- 是的
Take a break.
慢慢休息吧
“This is my play’s last scene
“这是我最后的一幕戏”
“Here
“这是
“Heavens appoint my pilgrimage’s last mile
我朝圣之路最后一段”
“And my race
“我的生命竞赛…
“Idly, yet quickly run
閒散却又急促”
“Hath this last pace
“终究还是到了终点”
“My span’s last inch
“彷彿指间仅剩最后一寸的距离”
“My minute’s last point
“时间最后的一刻”
“And gluttonous death
“贪婪的死神马上要
“Will instantly unjoint my body and soul”
将我的灵魂与躯壳分离”
John Donne…
约翰道恩
…1609.
1609年
I’ve always particularly liked that poem.
我特别喜欢这首诗
In the abstract.
因为它很抽象
Now I find the image of…
我也很清楚
…my minute’s last point…
描写我生命终站的这些意象
…a little too, shall we say…
有点儿…明显
…pointed.
而又直接吧
I don’t mean to complainabcbut I am becoming very sick.
我不是在发牢骚abc但我真的好虚弱
Very sick. Ultimately sick, as it were.
非常非常虚弱
In everything I have done, I have been…
我最虚弱的一刻，就是现在
…steadfast.
回顾过去
Resolute.
我曾是那麽的坚毅，果决
Some would say in the extreme.
有时甚至被人认为太过极端
Now, as you can see, I am…
如你所见
…distinguishing myself in illness.
我在病痛中，才找回了真正的自我
I have survived eight treatments…
各位，我历经了八个化疗疗程
…of Hexamethophosphacil and Vinplatin…
…at the full dose, ladies and gentlemen.
全剂量的Hex及Vin
I have broken the record.
我已经破了纪录
I have become something of a celebrity.
我现在真的出名了
Kelekian and Jason are simply delighted.
柯医生和杰森都很高兴
I think…
我想…
…they see celebrity statusabcfor themselves…
他们认为自己才是名人吧
…upon the appearanceabcof the journal article…
但在他们文章报告中
…they will no doubt write about me.
一定都会提起我
But I flatter myself.
我只是在安慰自己而已
The article will not be about me…
那些文章不会是关于我的
…it will be about my ovaries. It will…
而是关于我的卵巢癌
…be about my peritoneal cavity.
关于我的腹腔检验
Which, despite their best intentions,abcis now crawling with cancer.
这些器官都已经失去功能abc正遭受癌症的侵袭
What we have come to think of as me…
我现在这个样子
…is, in fact, just the specimen jar.
就像是个标本瓶
Just the dust jacket.
活像是一本书的外皮
Just the white piece of paper…
不过是上头，印了几个字的一张纸
…that bears the little black marks.
My next line is supposed to beabcsomething like this:
我下一段的台词应该像是：
“It is such a relief…
『接受完痛苦的试验后
“… to get back to my roomabcafter those infernal tests. ”
还能回来真是太美好了』
This is hardly true.
虽然这话不太真实
It would be a relief to be a cheerleader…
如果我是个啦啦队员
…on her way to Daytona Beachabcfor spring break.
正要前往 达特那海滩欢渡假期的话abc这样子就真的太美好了
To get back to my roomabcafter those infernal tests…
接下来就是我做完痛苦的试验
…is just the next thing that happens.
回来的那一幕
Oh, God.
天啊！
It is such a relief to get backabcto my goddamn room…
接受完痛苦的试验后
…after those goddamn tests.
还能回来真是太美好了
Professor Bearing?abcJust wanna check your I and O.
贝宁博士abc我来看看你的水分摄取排出表
450.
6-5.
Okay. How you feeling today?
很好，今天还好吗？
– Fine.abc- Great, that’s just great.
– 很好abc- 好，非常好
How are my fluids?
我的体液检验如何
Pretty good. No kidney involvement yet.abcThat’s pretty amazing with Hex and Vin.
很好，肾功能还算正常abcHex和Vin两种药真是太神奇了
How will you know whenabcthe kidneys are involved?
你怎麽判定abc肾脏有没有受影响呢？
– Lots of in, not much out.abc- That simple?
– 摄取量多，但排出量却很少时abc- 这麽简单？
No way.
当然不是
Compromised kidney function isabca highly complex reaction.
肾脏的功能及运作abc是非常複杂的
– I’m simplifying it for you.abc- Thank you.
– 我只是将它简化好让你明白abc- 谢谢
– We’re supposed to.abc- Bedside manner.
– 这是我们该做的abc- 这是医师手则
There’s a whole course on it in med school.abcIt’s required.
医学院有关于这些手则的abc专门课，而且是必修
– Colossal waste of time for researchers.abc- I can imagine.
– 对我们来说有点烦人abc- 我可以想像
Jason?
杰森
– What were you saying just then?abc- When?
– 你刚刚说什麽？abc- 什麽时候？
Never mind.
算了，没事
Professor Bearing,abcare you experiencing confusion?
贝宁博士，你神智还清醒吗？
– Short-term memory loss?abc- No.
– 有暂时性记忆丧失吗？abc- 没有
– You sure?abc- Yes.
– 确定？ – 确定
Okay.
没事
No, I was just wondering…
我只是好奇
…why cancer?
你为什麽选择肿瘤科呢？
Why cancer?
为什麽选肿瘤科？
Why not open-heart surgery?
为何不选心脏外科之类的呢？
Yeah.
Why not plumbing?
那何不乾脆选医事检验？
Why not run a lube rackabcfor all the surgeons know about…
何不乾脆在灵长类外科手术权威医师
Homo sapien sapiens?
旁边帮忙操刀呢？
No way.abcCancer’s the only thing I ever wanted.
不可能的abc癌症是我唯一想研究的
No, really, cancer is…
不，是真的abc癌症它是…
Awesome?
不可思议？
Yeah.
对
It is awesome. How does it do it?
它很不可思议，它是如何演化的呢？
The intercellular regulatory mechanisms…
细胞与细胞之间abc通常都有一种构造
…especially for proliferationabcand differentiation.
专司控制细胞增生及区别彼此
– The malignant neoplasia just don’t get it.abc- Neoplasia, cancer cells.
– 但是病变的恶性细胞 就没有这构造abc- 恶性细胞，就是癌细胞
Yes, that’s right.
没错
You grow normal cellsabcin a tissue culture in a lab…
如果你在实验室培养正常细胞
…and they replicate enoughabcto form a confluent monolayer…
他们会慢慢彙集成单一细胞层
…and then divide 20 or 50 times,abcbut eventually they conk out.
然后以二十、五十倍速度分♥裂♥abc但终究会停止分♥裂♥
You grow cancer cells and they never stop.
但如果你培养的是癌细胞abc他们却永不停止
No contact inhibition whatsoever,abcthey just pile up.
没有细胞间隙构造阻止它们abc他们就一直积聚
They keep replicating forever.
就这样永不止息地增生
It’s got a great name.abcKnow what it’s called?
它还拥有个美名，你知道吗？
– No, what?abc- Immortality in culture.
– 是什麽？abc- 培养皿裡的永生