为什么是他？（2016）

I’m gonna call Don Millis at Subaru of Southern Michigan.
听说他们可能会找新的合作伙伴
I heard a little rumor that they might be looking for a new dance partner.
唐是那个大只佬吧？
Yeah, Don, the big guy, right?
你们以前一起卖♥♥过车
You guys go back to your car selling days.
对 值得一试 听着…
Yeah. It’s worth a shot. Listen…
帮我翻出他的名片 我找支笔
I need you to go in and pull his card from my rolodex while I look for a pen.
没问题 老大
You got it, Cheese. No, you got it.
[高速企业 莱德梅修]
加州那边情况如何？
So how goes it in Cali?
感觉就像来到“阴阳魔界”
It feels like we’ve landed in The Twilight Zone.
找到名片了吗？
Did you find the card?
[唐·密里斯]
[梅兰妮米勒]
我找到了
Yeah. I got it right here.
等等 我没地方写字
Just hang on. I have nothing to write with here.
整间屋子都没纸
This whole house is paperless.
没纸？
Paperless?
那你怎么擦屁♥股♥？
Well, how do you wipe your ass?
没得擦
You don’t.
他们有日本制的马桶会…
They have these Japanese toilets that…
你是说那种要用蹲的
It’s one of those little squat jobs, little squatter.
不是…算了 告诉我号♥码吧
No. Just… never mind. Just give me the number.
奈德 有我在
Hey, Ned, I’m here.
我能帮你记下号♥码
I can take it down for you.
贾丝汀 别…我可以的
Justine, please just… I’m fine.
走开啦
Just go away.
我只是想帮忙 你不用这么机歪
All right, I’m just trying to help. You don’t have to be such a dick.
等等 老大 那是谁？
Whoa, whoa. Cheese, who is that?
她嘴巴真坏 是那小子的秘书吗？
She’s got a foul little mouth. Is that the kid’s secretary you fighting with?
不…是住在天花板上的女人
No, no, no. That’s the woman who lives in the ceiling.
老大 她长什么样？
Cheese, what she look like?
– 那女人住在… – 她住在天花板上？
– The woman who lives… – You say she lives in the ceiling?
她是无形的声音…
She’s a disembodied voice that…
算了 我之后再解释
Never mind. I’ll explain later.
听起来很辣 是名人的声音吗？
The voice sounds sexy. Are they using somebody famous?
没有很有名啦 周薪几百万而已
I wouldn’t say too famous. You know, million dollars a week,
只是全球最夯的影集嘛
biggest show in the world, no big deal.
– 小卢 – 她听得到我讲话？
– Lou. – She can hear me?
我当然听得到
Of course I can hear you.
你好吗 宝贝？
How you doin’, baby?
跟你讲到话就好多了
Better now that I’m talking with you.
号♥码给我 我现在打给他
Just give me the number. I’m calling him now.
[读取中…]
冲浪时间到啦
Let’s catch some waves.
[第二关 海啸]
海啸
Tsunami.
那个人好酷
That guy’s cool.
对 老古最屌♥了
Yeah, Goose is the best.
[莱德]
[史考特]
莱德 我老实跟你说
Laird, I’m gonna be honest with you, buddy.
好
Okay.
僧帽猴穿海滩裤是很有趣
Gorillas in board shorts is a fun touch.
– 是啊 – 这点没问题
– Yeah. – I’ll give you that.
但抵达海岸就过关 戏剧性不够
But when the only mission is to get to shore, I’m not feeling enough drama there.
你懂吗？
You know?
你♥他♥妈♥的对极了
You know what? You’re so fucking right.
妈的
Fuck!
我们研发这掰咖鸡好几个月了
We’ve been developing this limp dick for months.
你来玩个五分钟 就知道问题在哪
You come and you play it for five minutes, you know exactly what’s wrong with it.
你真是个犀利的小混♥蛋♥
You’re a sharp little fucker. You know that?
谢谢
Thank you.
说真的 谢谢你这么说
I mean, for real, man. I appreciate it.
能被倾听真好
It’s just nice to be listened to.
什么意思？
What do you mean?
有一天我会接下我爸的事业
I’m gonna be running my dad’s business one day.
嗯嗯
Uh-huh.
但他根本不听我创新的想法
But he won’t even listen to any of my ideas about innovation.
– 什么？ – 夸张吧？
– What? – Right?
你是下一代耶
You’re next gen, dude.
大家都知道你们会带来新点子
It’s where all the new seeds come from. Everyone knows that.
我跟他说过…
And I told him that. I was like…
“爸 如果你想要我发挥潜能”
“Dad, if you’re gonna unleash me to my full potentsh…
“就让我坐上桌”
“I need a seat at the table.”
他就是不肯听我说
He just won’t listen to me.
坐上去
Um… Get that seat!
我会坐上去的
I will get that seat.
– 你要坐上去 – 那是我的座位
– Gotta get that seat, Scotty. – That’s my seat.
– 其他人不准碰 – 没错
– Nobody else touch it. – No.
哪里的座位？他妈的会议桌
Where is that seat? It’s at the fucking table.
我会坐上会议桌
And I’m gonna get that seat at that table.
你值得一个王座 小子
You deserve a fucking throne, dawg.
– 对 铁王座 – 铁王座
– Yeah, the Iron Throne. – Iron Throne.
– 铁王座 -“权力游戏”啦
– Iron Throne. – Game of Thrones over here!
我要喷火 到处抓奶♥子♥
I’m breathing fire and grabbing titties left and right.
干掉乔佛里国王
Fucking King Joffrey up in this.
那些奶♥子♥是我的
Those are my titties!
– 你是继承人 – 没错
– You’re the next in line. – That’s me.
好兄弟
My man.
天啊
Oh, God.
他们在帮你付学贷…
They’re paying your student loans.
[负债总计 375,458.27元]
[戴尔电脑]
[新邮件]
[紧急！]
无邮无虑的邀请函
Stamp Free Invites.
[无邮无虑邀请函]
[弗莱明与梅修的佳节派对]
[晚上8点在莱德家]
[圣诞他妈的要快乐！]
老天
Oh, man.
呵…
Ho, ho, ho!
哇
Wow.
– 那是马吗？ – 是羊驼
– Is that a horse? – That is a llama.
– 羊驼啊 – 嗨
– Oh, a llama. – Hi.
你好
Hello.
– 我的天啊 – 乖女孩
– Oh, my goodness. – Hey, girl.
我们那里没有这些…
We don’t have those in…
爸
Dad!
你在这啊 有件事超夸张
There you are. This is insane!
你在看帐册？
Oh, you working on the books?
是啊 一点小事
Uh, yeah, you know. Just the little stuff.
我刚刚在想莱德的圣诞派对
I was thinking about Laird’s Christmas party.
古斯塔让我先看了宾客名单
Gustav gave me a preview of the guest list.
那简直是矽谷A咖名人录
And, Dad, it is a veritable “who’s who” of Silicon Valley power players.
泰森莫岱尔会来耶
Tyson Modell is coming!
– 他是谁？ – 什么？
– Wait, who is he? – What?
– 他是创办“鬼聊”那家伙 – 对
– He’s the kid who founded Ghostchat. – Oh, right.
他拒绝了脸书的三兆 而且才二十四岁
He turned down three billion dollars from Facebook, and he’s only 24 years old.
我要让你们坐下来聊聊
I’m gonna broker a sit-down between you two.
谢谢你提醒我要带刮胡刀
Dad, thank you for telling me to pack a blazer.
我该打领带或走商务轻便风？
Now, should I throw on a tie or should I keep it business casual?
史考特 仔细听我说
Scotty, just listen to me, all right?
这些网络公♥司♥大多建立在云烟上
Most of these Internet companies are built on smoke and mirrors.
– 什么？ – 别被拐了
– What? – Don’t get sucked in.
那整个产业都是胡扯来的
That whole industry is based on hooey.
我要教你一些观念
I’m gonna drop some knowledge on you.
爸 时代在变
Times are changing, Pops.
你眼中的胡扯未必都是胡扯
And not everything you think is hooey is hooey.
还真是深奥
Wow. That’s profound.
真深奥
Profound.
而你…
And you…
就是胡扯天王
Hooey-meister himself.
你充其量只是只章鱼
You’re nothing but an octopus.
臭章鱼
An octopus.
他妈的圣诞快乐
Merry fuckin’ Christmas
你有什么酒？
What are you pouring?
今晚有新版解构蛋酒
We are doing a deconstructed eggnog tonight.