为什么是他？（2016）

Okay. And I just push it?
对 按下去
Just press it, yes.
这是古龙水吗？
Was that cologne?
古龙水？对了…
Oh! Cologne? Oh, yes!
那是有名牌香氛的爽身粉
That is a designer-scented talcum powder.
但那按钮不该启动这功能的
But that button should not have activated that.
奈德 那是雷夫罗伦的马球男香
Ned, that is what is called Big Pony for Men by the Ralph Lauren.
我好想试试哦
I’m excited to try.
– 可以继续了吗？ – 可以
– Can we please just continue? – All right.
– 奈德？ – 是
– Ned? – Yes.
我要再次诚心向你道歉
I would like to apologize sincerely again.
你现在坐的是二〇一八年的款式
This is the 2018 model that you are on right now,
他们的说明书还没有英文版
so they have not yet made an instruction manual in English yet.
所以我要从这边处理 好吗？
So I’m going to take care of this on my end, all right?
你专注在你那边就好
So Ned, you focus on your end in there
我会从这里瞄准你那边
and I will focus on your end out here.
– 说的真好 – 就是这个
– That’s too good. – This is it.
这样应该行了 奈德
This should do it, Ned.
好 有运转声了
Okay. Something’s whirring.
有东西在运转
Something’s spinning around in there.
不 快把它关掉
No! Turn it off!
关掉…
Turn it off! Turn it off! Turn it off!
天啊
God!
惨了
Oh, scheisse!
我们遇到一些技术问题
We are having some technical difficulties.
那是阴♥部♥清洗功能
That was the vaginal cleanse.
什么清洗？
The what cleanse?
我只想要一张卫生纸
I just want a square of toilet paper.
阴♥部♥清洗
The vaginal cleanse.
我听说会很清爽 显然也很刺♥激♥
Which I hear is refreshing and apparently also very stimulating.
我听说的
Just saying.
奈德？
Ned?
你来真的？
Really?
对不起 奈德
I’m so sorry, Ned…
但我必须从里面手动重开机
but I’m going to have to manually reboot the system from the inside.
从这里？
In here?
真对不起
I am so sorry.
好吧
Fine.
有何不可？
Why not?
老婆 可以关上门吗？抱歉
Barb, would you close the door? Sorry.
这会很棒的
It’s gonna be great.
奈德 我是专业人士
Ned, I am blinders.
我什么都没看到 闻到
I see nothing. I smell nothing.
– 这图案太小了 – 没错
– The print is very small. – Mm-hmm.
不好意思
Okay, forgive me.
我看不到说明
I can’t see the instructions.
好了 让我看看
All right. What do we have here?
我昨晚有点肠胃问题
I had some stomach problems last night.
我想是熊肉害的
I think it was the bear.
我保证是熊肉害的
I can guarantee you, it was the bear.
抽风机启动中
Turning on the fan.
太好了 真给力
Great. Wunderbar.
怎么样？
How’d it go?
很抱歉花了这么久的时间
I am so sorry that it took so long.
奈德 我需要你定住不动
Ned, I’m going to need you to be completely still
我们要锁定你的位置
while we try to lock in your location.
我坐在马桶上 够“定”了吧
I’m sitting on a toilet, that’s pretty still.
搜寻中…
Searching, searching, und searching.
我们锁定目标了
And we have target achieved!
让水喷吧
And sploosh!
吃吧 女孩们
There you go, girls.
你养鸡？
You raise chickens?
完全放养
All free-range.
也有乳牛
Cows, too.
猪 几只羊驼
Pigs, artisanal llamas.
这里的食物都来自方圆五百码内
Everything you eat here comes from within a 500-yard radius.
我称之为“草地直送饮食法”
I call it “lawn to table eating.”
它来了
There she is.
黛西
Hey, Daisy.
嗨
Oh. Hi.
去吧
Go on, get.
真高兴能跟你出来走走
So glad we’re doing this, Ned.
我常听史黛芬说你的事情
I feel like I know you after everything that Steph’s told me about you,
但见到本人还是不同…
but still not the same…
– 你要屈服吗？ – 去你的
– Do you submit? – Fuck you!
– 古斯塔 – 奈德 让开
– Gustav! – Ned, stay away!
你想打？
You wanna fight?
– 投降吧 – 不要
– Tap out! – No!
你想投降的
You want to tap out.
好啦…
Okay, okay! Fine!
很好
Nice work!
你的反应越来越快了
And your reactions are getting quicker.
– 真的吗？ – 对
– Really? – Absolutely.
谢了
Thanks.
抱歉 奈德 我不想让你受伤
I am so sorry, Ned. I just didn’t want you to get hurt.
等等 这是《粉红豹》那套？
Wait, so you just do this Pink Panther thing?
– 粉红豹？ – 粉红豹？
– Pink Panther? – Pink Panther?
《粉红豹》电影里的粉红豹啊
The Pink Panther from the Pink Panther movies.
卡图会攻击探长 让他保持警觉
When Cato attacks Inspector Clouseau to keep him sharp.
是很老的片吗？我没听过
Are those really old? I never heard of it.
我也不太清楚 但听起来很有趣
I’m not familiar, either, but it sounds absolutely charming.
《粉红豹》啊
Pink Panther.
电影？
The movies? Mm-hmm.
卡图是他的助手兼男仆
Cato is his assistant, his houseboy.
– 男仆？ – 这…
– Houseboy? – Well, it’s…
有种族歧视的味道
That sounds racist.
他是会叫他“黄种朋友” 不过…
He did call him “my little yellow friend.” But…
莱德是大型科技公♥司♥的执行长
I’m sorry, you have to understand, Ned. Laird is the CEO of a massive tech company.
我不喜欢被保镖跟着跑
I don’t like bodyguards around
我就请老古训练我 以防我被绑♥架♥
so I have Goose train me in case I get kidnapped or whatever.
对了 你的春谷道动作很扎实
By the way, your Chun Kuk Do moves were very solid.
但闪避性跑酷呢？
But what happened to the evasive parkour?
– 闪避性跑酷 – 是的
– Ah, evasive parkour. – Yeah.
我他妈恍神了
I totally fucking spaced!
永远都有进步空间
There’s always room to improve.
– 很好 – 谢了 老兄
– All right. – Thanks, man.
你行的 兄弟
You got it, brother.
我先告退了 朋友
All right, ciao for now, you friends.
你们好好聊天吧
And you guys have a lovely chat.
奈德 来吧 去看看我的办公室
Ned, come on. I wanna show you my office.
那根本就是“粉红豹”
You know, that’s like classic Pink Panther.
– 这是你工作的地方？ – 对
– This is where you work, huh? – Yeah.
我在屋里有个处理财务的小房♥间
I have a den in the house where I do the financial stuff
但好点子都是在这诞生的
but this is where all the big ideas happen.
你难道不需要电脑跟…
Don’t you need a computer and…
不用 贾丝汀都会记录下来
Nah. My girl Justine records everything.
对吧？
Right, J?
没错 嗨 奈德
Yep, I’m here. Hey, Ned.
你放一下昨天的录音吧
Hey, why don’t you play back a blip from yesterday’s session?
马上来 靠 你的云端有好多垃圾
All right, hold on. Fuck. There’s so much shit up here in your Cloud.
好 我找到了
Okay, okay got it.
快想出游戏的名字 白♥痴♥
Come on, idiot, think. Names for games. Um…
猿人刺客6：卷尾猴之乱
Ape Assassins Six: Capuchin Chaos.
银背大猩猩骚莎
Uh, Silverback Salsa.
狒狒颜♥射♥
Baboon Bukkake.
妈的 烂透了
Fuck! Wow, that’s awful!
烂主意
Bad idea.
为什么？
Why? Why’s that? Uh…
那是什么意思？
What does that mean?
颜♥射♥吗？
Bukkake?
就是状况此起彼落 让你应接不暇