为什么是他？（2016）

They’ve been practically living together for a year.
她怎么都没告诉我们？
Why didn’t she just tell us that?
毛巾在哪里啊？
Where the heck are the towels?
他还带坏了史考特
He’s even affected Scotty.
到底什么是该死的双插？
What is a double dicking, for crying out loud?
她来了
There she is.
我的天 她会…
Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. She’s gonna…
她最好解释这是怎么回事
She better explain what the heck is going on here.
你客气点
All right, so be nice.
说你好喜欢她超正常的男友
Be like, “Oh, my God. I love your boyfriend. He’s so normal.”
我行的
I’m good.
嗨
Hi.
嗨
Hi, uh…
我以为是史黛芬
I thought you’d be Stephanie.
史黛芬累坏了
Steph’s super pooped.
我晚餐时的表现让我们大吵一架
We had a big fight because of the way I behaved at dinner.
别担心 我们洗鸳鸯浴 床尾合了
Don’t worry, we took a shower together and worked it out.
但我溜出来看看你们
But I snuck out to have a little check in.
好的…
Okay. Well…
奈德 你要加入我们吗？
Ned, would you come join us?
我在这里就好了
I’m good here.
拜托 这是特大双人床
Oh, please. This is an Alaskan king.
空间还很多
There’s so much room.
超多的
So much room.
这对我意义重大 拜托你
It’d really mean a lot to me. Please?
好吧
Okay.
嘿
Hey.
我欠你们一个道歉
I owe you two an apology.
我一紧张起来
When I get nervous
就会一直讲各种垃圾话
all kinds of crap comes flying out of my mouth
我知道这不是你们的调调
and I know that’s not how you guys roll.
没错
No.
我只是想给你们好印象
I was just trying to make a good impression.
你有啊…
Yeah. Well, you did. It was…
其实你没有 不过没关系
I mean you didn’t, but it’s okay.
晚餐很尴尬
It was an awkward dinner.
那情况很特殊…
It was a unique situation for…
但我们就别再提了
Yeah, but let’s all just move on.
好 太好了
Okay. Great.
说真的
Truth be told,
我跟父母相处的经验不多
I haven’t spent a lot of time with parental figures.
你们可能不知道 我没见过我爸
I don’t know if you know this, but I never knew my father.
他在奥克兰的酒吧钓到我妈
Yeah, he picked up my mom in this bar in Oakland.
他们车震后就没再交谈过了
They had some sloppy car sex, and then never spoke again.
好的
Yeah.
我跟我妈也不亲
I’m not really close with my mom, either.
坦白说 她算是个大贱♥货♥
To be frank, she’s kind of a motherfucking bitch.
一句罚一块 我就发了…
If I had a nickel for every time I…
是啊
Yeah.
很遗憾听到这些
We’re sorry to hear that.
真是个悲惨的故事
That’s some tough stuff, pal.
是啊 真是…
Yup. That’s…
真的是…
That’s…
好了 时间有点晚了…
All right. Well, it’s getting late, so…
是啊
Yeah.
我好爱你们的女儿
I’m in love with your daughter, dudes.
能认识养育她的人让我超嗨的
And I’m just so fucking psyched to get to know the people that raised her.
我们要照你们家的方式来过圣诞节
And we’re gonna do Christmas just like you do at home.
明天晚上…
Tomorrow night,
我要为你们办一场派对
I’m gonna throw a party in your honor.
– 不用这么大费周章 – 真的不用
– Oh, you don’t have to go to the trouble. You don’t… – It’s not.
所有的节日狗屁都要来一回
We’re gonna do all the holiday shit.
– 好 – 所有狗屁
– Okay. – Hmm. All the shit.
奈德 我很想跟你共度男人时光
Ned, I’d love some guy time with you.
我们明天早上去走走吧？
So maybe we could take a walk tomorrow morning?
– 好啊 – 太酷了
– Okay. – Okay, cool.
贾丝汀 奈德的闹钟要设在六点半
Justine, will you set Ned an alarm for 6:30 a.m.?
没问题 莱德
You got it, Laird.
奈德 明早的闹钟已设定在六点半
Ned, an alarm’s been set for you for 6:30 en la mañana.
什么？那是谁？
What? Who is that?
那是贾丝汀
That’s Justine.
她就像Siri 只是更赞
Yeah, she’s like Siri, but awesome.
是“宅男行不行”凯莉库柯的声音
I got that chick from The Big Bang Theory, Kaley Cuoco, to do the voice.
小贾 快问好
J, say hi.
奈德 芭芭拉 你们好吗？
Hey, Ned. Hey, Barb. How are you guys?
– 你好 – 我的天
– Hi. – Oh, my God.
史黛芬常提起你们 有事就叫我
Stephanie’s told me so much about you. Anything you need, I’m here.
– 好的 – 谢谢你
– Okay. – Thank you.
她…看得到我们吗？
She can’t… Can she see us?
她说不能 但我觉得她可以
She says that she can’t, but I think that she can.
别唬烂了 你明知我看不到他们
What the fuck are you talking about? You know I can’t see them.
她很变♥态♥
She’s a perv.
莱德
Laird.
总之 希望你们俩好好休息
Anyway, I hope you two have a nice night’s rest.
你也好好休息
Yeah, have a good night. Great night.
– 晚安了 – 好的
– Have a great night. – Yeah.
我觉得该给你们爱的抱抱
My instinct is to hug you right now.
– 不了 – 你不必…
– Oh. No. – I don’t think you…
没关系
That’s okay. Oh.
– 我的天 – 芭芭拉
– Oh, my God. – Barb.
晚安
Good night.
掰了
Peace.
♪ Baby, I want to trim your… ♪
♪ Baby, I want to trim your… ♪
♪ Baby, I want to trim your… ♪
♪ Beautiful Christmas tree ♪
♪ I’m gonna bring along my hatchet ♪
♪ My beautiful Christmas balls ♪
♪ I’ll sprinkle my snow upon your tree ♪
♪ And hang a mistletoe on your walls ♪
♪ Baby, I want to trim your… ♪
♪ Oh, beautiful Christmas tree ♪
[杂种]
– 老婆 这里没卫生纸 – 糟糕
– Barb? There’s no toilet paper. – Uh-oh.
可以帮我拿一卷吗？
Would you get a roll for me, please?
把拔便便了？
Papa make a poopie?
对 我便便了
Yes. I made a poopie.
把拔臭臭了？
Did Daddy do a doo-doo?
老婆 你就去找卫生纸吧
Barb, just get the toilet paper, please?
好啦 你坐好 我去找卫生纸
All right. Well, you sit tight. I’m gonna go find you some TP.
谢谢你
Thank you.
当然了
Of course.
[雅虎 搜寻莱德]
花♥花♥公♥子♥
Mr. Playboy.
不可思议
Unbelievable.
这是谁？
Who is that?
长得不怎么样
She’s a bit of a Plain Jane.
– 老公？ – 好…
– Darling? – Yeah. Yup.
开个门缝 把它丢进来吧
Just, um, crack the door and toss the roll, please.
情况没那么简单
It’s gonna be a little more complicated than that.
早安 奈德
Good morning, Ned.
我是古斯塔
It’s Gustav.
太好了
Great.
我们这里其实是无纸住家
As I’ve already told Barb, we are a paperless household.
无纸什么？
Paperless? What?
是无纸住家 老公
It’s a paperless house, darling.
我知道了
I got that.
那我要怎么“收拾善后”？
But how am I supposed to complete my business?
所有的日本制马桶
Well, all Japanese toilets
都有好用又舒适的洁净喷嘴
have a very effective and pleasant cleaning spray.
我非常乐意…
And I will be very happy
– 为你解说整个过程 – 老天
– to walk you through the entire process. – Oh, God.
奈德 请看你左边的控制面板
Ned, please locate the control panel to your left.
我看到了
Okay, I see it.
控制面板上有个按钮
Now on that control panel is a button
有水柱往上喷的图案
that shows an image of water spraying up.
好 按下去就行了？