为什么是他？（2016）

我的天
Oh, God.
各位 晚餐上桌了
All right, everybody, dinner is served!
史考特 找个树桩坐
Scotty! Come on, grab a stump.
爸 你坐那里吧 妈
Dad, you wanna go there? Mom.
你确定你不要脱掉外套？
You sure you don’t want to take off your coat?
不用 我很好
No. I’m good.
这里走家庭风 大家就开动吧
We do it family style here, so everyone just dig in.
随意就好
It’s super cas.
今天晚上有三道菜
Okay, so we have three dishes for this evening.
舒煨象拔蚌
We have sous-vide geoduck.
– 豪饱海胆卷饼 – 好耶
– We have Mission-style sea urchin burritos… – Yum.
搭配食用纸
…with edible paper.
因为你是印刷商
Because you’re a printer.
– 最后则是… – 真贴心
– And last but not least… – Sweet.
烟燻加州熊
…we have smoked California bear.
– 请慢用 – 靠
– Enjoy. – Oh, shit!
谢了 阿布
Thanks, Blais.
– 熊？ – 嗯嗯
– Bear? – Mmm.
史考特 看过神鬼猎人吗？
Yo, Scotty, you see The Revenant?
我想但爸妈不肯让我看限制级电影
No, I wanted to, but my parents don’t really let me watch R-rated movies.
– 你是不该看 – 他才十五岁
– You’re darn right we don’t. – He’s only 15.
– 要报纸吗？ – 当然好 谢谢
– You want some paper? – Yes, certainly. Thank you.
不知道这是哪一版
I don’t know what section that is.
那只熊超机歪 现在换我们搞死它
Because that bear fucked that dude up! Now we’re gonna fuck this bear up.
不是说要注意用词？
Hey, what about that language?
靠 抱歉
Oh, shit. Sorry.
我想我拿到艺术版了
Ah, I think I’ve got the arts section here.
你最好吃慢一点
You better slow down, Barb.
否则还没到笑话版就饱了
You’re gonna be full before you get to the funnies.
奈德
Ned.
你们俩怎么认识的？
So, um, how did you two meet?
– 我来说？ – 好啊
– Uh, you want me to go? – Yeah.
好吧
Okay.
莱德和刘博士办了一场校园讲座
Laird sponsored a talk on campus with Doctor Joanne Liu,
她是无国界医生组织的主席
the head of Doctors Without Borders.
喔
Oh!
梅琳达盖兹
Melinda Gates got me totally pumped
我就回不去了
Now I’m obsessed.
哇
Wow.
– 那是比尔盖兹的老婆 – 对
– That’s Bill Gates’ wife. – Yeah.
– 她很棒 – 是啊
– She’s great. – Yeah.
了不起
That’s terrific.
史黛芬也对这领域有兴趣
That’s Steph’s field of interest, too, so that’s great.
我知道 你该看看她在讲座的表现
Yeah, I know. Ned, you should’ve seen her at the talk.
她问的问题充满智慧 我都傻了
She asked the most intelligent question. I was blown away.
我说了什么？
Really? What did I say?
你说…
You were like…
“原民族群的妇女健康跟人口密度”
“Hey, what’s the connection between “women’s health and population density
“有什么关系？”
“in indigenous communities?”
我心想“她是谁啊？”
I was like, “Bam! Who’s that?”
你还记得真是窝心
That’s so sweet of you to remember that.
我当然记得
Of course I remember. Mmm…
– 第一次见到你… – 她就是这样
– The first time I saw you. – That’s our girl.
她总是最聪明的那个
She’s always been the smartest person in the room.
– 没错 – 是啊
– So true. – Yeah.
– 也是最性感的 天啊 – 这…
– And the sexiest. My God. – Well.
我无法不看着她
I couldn’t keep my eyes off her.
– 她的秀发和眼睛 – 很美的眼睛
– Her hair, and her eyes. – Very pretty eyes.
她的背轻轻拱起 尾椎曲线毕露
The way her spine gently arches to meet the top of her tailbone.
我真想扎营住在上面 懂吗？
I just wanna pitch a tent and live in there. You know what I mean?
– 不会吧 – 你说过头了
– No. – You’re taking it too far.
你真热爱户外
Quite the outdoorsman.
我只是想说她的身体很美
I just mean she’s got a great body.
– 是啊 – 知道了
– Oh, well, yes. – Mmm-hmm. Yeah.
她是很甜美的女孩
She’s a darling girl.
– 就像你 芭芭拉 – 好基因
– Like you, Barb. – Great genes.
好的
Okay.
窈窕母女档
Two fit women.
这我再认同不过了
I’ll have to agree with you there.
辣妈芭芭拉
Ol’ Slamming Bod Barb.
两位美女跟两个好命鬼…
Two fit women and two lucky dudes…
和一个双插男
And one double-dicker.
好吧
Okay, well.
莱德 你哪一年从斯坦福毕业的？
Laird, when did you graduate from Stanford?
我没念那里 我高中都差点没毕业
Oh, I didn’t go to Stanford, bro. I hardly even graduated from high school.
他只是谦虚
He’s being modest.
他十三岁就开始帮升阳电脑写程式
He actually started writing code for Sun Microsystems when he was 13.
– 那倒是 – 跟我一样
– That’s true. – Wow, that’s just like me.
我从七年级就在弗莱明公♥司♥实习了
I’ve been interning at the Fleming Company since, what, the seventh grade?
是啊
Mm-hmm. Yup.
未来的执行长 但你要上大学
Future CEO, but you are going to college.
– 我知道啦… – 就像你姐姐
– I know, Dad. I know. I know. – Just like your sister.
史黛芬 你不讶异
So, Steph, weren’t your surprised
这位科技业大亨想跟你交往吗？
that this big tech mogul wanted to date you?
他自称是优步的基层工程师
He said he was some low-level programmer at Uber.
我不知道他赞助了整场活动
I had no idea that he sponsored the entire event.
所以他骗了你
So he lied to you.
我身不由己啊
Oh, Ned, I had to.
矽谷有很多拜金女
I mean there are so many gold diggers in Silicon Valley.
她们只想用鲍鲍换包包
They just wanna fuck you for your tech money.
– 注意用词 宝贝 – 小心为上
– Language, baby. – You gotta be careful.
我一直到四月才坦白
I didn’t spill the beans till April.
四月？那是八个月前吧？
April? That’s eight months ago. What?
你在电♥话♥里说你们只认识几个月
Steph, over the phone, you said you’ve only known each other for a couple of months.
– 一开始还没认真嘛 – 才不
– It was super casual at first. – No.
才不是这样
No, it was not.
我们第三次约会就说我爱你
We exchanged I love you’s on the third date.
– 记得吗？就在我们… – 才第三次？
– Remember? Right after we… – The third date?
– 在伊沙兰的浴缸里爱爱后 – 不…
– Made love in the hot tub at Esalen in Big Sur. – No! no!
– 哪里？ – 大索尔的伊沙兰
– Where, what? – Esalen in Big Sur.
真的吗？
Really?
奈德 你别误会
Ned. Don’t get the wrong idea.
那不是性 绝对不只是那样
It was not sexual at all. It was so much more than that.
抱歉 这下我听不懂了
Okay, I’m sorry. I’m confused.
你们到底有没有性♥交♥？
Did you have intercourse or not?
史考特 闭嘴
Scotty, shut it.
爸 我只是想厘清事实
Dad, I’m just trying to connect the dots here.
好吧 我们做了
Look. Yeah, we did.
但我想说的是那改造了我
But what I’m saying is I was transformed.
史黛芬就像花苞般绽放开来
Stephy opened up like a flower.
可惜你们没看到
You should have seen it.
我是不该看到 但现在有画面了
I shouldn’t have seen it, but now I feel like I have.
我只是想让你♥爸♥妈知道
I just want your parents to know
你是和全心爱你的人同居
that you’re living with someone who’s completely devoted to you.
– 等一下 – 同居？
– Wait a minute. – What-ing with someone?
– 你们现在住在一起？ – 对
– You say you’re living together? – Yeah.
没有 才没有呢
No. We do not.
好吧 一星期有五天
Okay, five nights out of seven.
这里有你的东西
Your stuff is here.
你不常住在宿舍
You don’t really stay at the dorm.
– 你在这里有牙刷吗？ – 有
– Do you have a toothbrush here? – Yes.
那就是同居
Yeah. That’s cohabitating.
史考特 闭上嘴吃你的报纸
Scotty, stop talking and eat your paper.
爸 我们没有住在一起
Dad, we do not live together.
对 只是同居
Yeah, we’re cohabitating.
[发♥情♥的水豚]
“像花苞般绽放开来”
“Opened up like a flower.”
老公 我在看伊沙兰的网站
Honey, I’m looking at the Esalen website right now
那里一点都不低俗
and there’s nothing dirty about it.
他们还提供瑜伽课等等的
You go up there for yoga classes and things like that.
他们等于已经同居了一年