为什么是他？（2016）

You know, “Tiffany’s this, Cartier that.”
简直点点点 真是够了
But, you know. Just dot, dot, dot. Enough already.
你一定懂我的意思 奈德
You know what I’m talking about, Ned.
当然
Oh, yeah. Sure.
超无聊
Boring.
– 莱德呢？ – 他在楼上
– Where’s Laird? – Laird is upstairs.
他的电♥话♥会议快结束了
He is just finishing a teleconference.
– 他马上就出来 – 那我们上去吧…
– He’ll be right out. – Oh, okay. Why don’t we go up then?
– 莱德 我是奈德 – 不…
– Laird, I’m Ned. – No, no, no.
– 蓝迪是实习生 – 他不是莱德
– No, this is Randy. – That’s not Laird.
刚从麻省理工学院毕业的优等生
Just graduated summa cum laude at MIT.
蓝迪 快帮他们提行李
So Randy, shake a leg. Get their luggages.
是
Yes, sir.
屌♥他妈的弗莱明一家大驾光临
The motherfucking Flemings are in the house!
水啦
Yes!
实在他妈的屌♥呀
This is fucking awesome!
快上来 我超想见你们的
Get up here. I’m so psyched to meet you.
全家福耶 屌♥爆了
Family, baby. Fuck yeah!
老天爷
Oh, my God.
史考特
Scotty.
小老弟 欢迎你
Yes, my brotha! Welcome.
– 芭芭拉 – 你好
– Hey, Barb. – Hi.
欢迎
Welcome.
奈德 好耶 太棒了
Hey, Ned. All right. Oh, yes.
太棒了…
Yes. Yes.
– 太棒了 – 真高兴见到你
– Yes. – So glad you’re here.
– 太棒了 – 嗨
– Yes. Hey. – Hi.
– 宝贝 – 嗨
– Hey, baby. – Hi.
我超他妈想你的
I fucking missed you.
你身上为什么没穿衣服？
Why aren’t you wearing a shirt on your body? Oh.
别担心这个 我有个小惊喜
Don’t worry about that. I have a little surprise.
我们待个半小时就回饭店
Let’s stay half an hour and then we go back to the hotel.
– 好计划 谢谢你 – 可是这里好狂
– That’s a good plan. Thank you. – Dad, come on. This place is so sick.
– 是很狂 – 二十五分钟就好
– Yeah, it’s sick. – 25 minutes.
好
That’s it.
放过那女孩
Hey! Just leave her alone.
奈德…
Hey, oh, Ned. Ned.
奈德 你看那个
Ned, would you look at that.
姐 那是你的脸耶
That’s your face, Sis. Oh.
还真像
Very good likeness.
谢谢
Oh, thanks. Yeah.
这刺青是在我们相识一周后刺的
The Stephy tattoo. I got it, like, a week after we met, right?
– 一周啊 – 就在我心口上
– One week. – You know, right on my heart.
好了 你们想参观一下吗？
Great. Okay, do you guys want to go see the house?
我们可能该…
Uh… We probably should…
– 我们只是来打招呼 – 对 该走了
– We came to stop and say hey. – Yeah. We should go.
不行
Actually, no.
不行 在参观前
No. Before we go, um…
我要给大家一个小惊喜
I have a little surprise for everybody.
靠 我他妈的超紧张
Shit. I’m fucking nervous.
你想先问问我吗？先谈过你再…
Do you want to consult me about it? You want to talk to me before you…
不管了 我要直接冲了
You know what? No, I’m just jumpin’ in. All right?
乔落去就对了 这一定会屌♥到翻
I’m just going to do this. Laird, it’s going to be fucking great.
登登
Ta-da!
我的天啊
Oh, my God.
[圣诞快乐！]
我今天早上才刺的
I just got it done this morning
一定还很红吧？
Yeah. I bet it’s red, huh?
我需要一点评语
I need a little feedback.
– 那是我们的圣诞卡吗？ – 对
– Is that our Christmas card? – Yes.
我就是用那张卡 你们怎么知道？
Yeah! That’s exactly what I used. How’d you know?
他连面条都刺上去了
Look, he even got Noodle in there.
痛惨了
Hurt like balls.
天啊 他还刺了“圣诞快乐”
Gosh, it says “Happy Holidays” and everything.
什么？
What?
– 他妈的少乱说 – 好
– Get the fuck out of here. – Okay.
他刺了“圣诞快乐”？
It says “Happy Holidays?”
去你♥妈♥的♥
Barb, fuck you.
夭寿哦
God damn.
没想到师♥傅♥把卡片上的字也刺上去
I gave the guy the Christmas card. I didn’t know he put “Happy Holidays” on there.
– 哇 – 妈的
– Wow. – Fuck.
这句话会甲我揽牢牢了
Guess it’s stuck on there, huh?
– 糟糕 – 妈的
– Oops. – Fuck.
因为你们要过来
Well, you know, you guys were coming over…
我太兴奋了 非做点什么不可
I was so excited, I just had to do something, you know?
那真的很特别
Well, that is something, all right.
有时候只能说句“去他妈的”就算了
You know what? Sometimes, you just got to say, “Fuck it.”
去他妈的
Fuck it!
– 你应该… – 莱德
– You should… – Laird,
他才十五岁
this is a 15-year-old child.
所以我们不太…
So, we don’t really…
靠
Oh, shit.
– 你不说“他妈的”？ – 妈 我…
– You don’t say fuck? – No, Mom, I…
我当然会讲脏话
Heck yeah, I cuss.
你才不会
No, you don’t.
– 你会吗？ – 会啊
– You do? – Yeah.
他会讲脏话
Oh, he cusses.
– 你不会啦 – 你最喜欢谯哪一句？
– No, you don’t. – Yeah, bro, what’s your favorite cuss word?
天啊
Oh, boy.
– 别怂恿他啦 – 你最爱哪一句？
– Don’t egg him on like that.No, you don’t. – What’s your favorite?
奶♥子♥
Titties.
奶♥子♥？奶♥子♥啊
Titties? Titties.
别说了
Stop it. Stop that.
奶♥子♥？真经典
Titties? Classic.
好了 我们该走了
Okay. We should be going.
– 不错哦 还有什么？ – 臭菊花
– Nice one. What else you got? – Asshole.
– 臭菊花 – 好了 够了
– Asshole. – All right. That’s enough.
那也是很棒的身体部位
Okay. Another good body part.
– 还有什么？ – 抽♥插♥ 双插
– What else? – Dicking. Double dicking.
– 双插 – 行了
– Double dicking. – Okay.
等等 双插？
Wait. Hold on. Double dicking?
– 你满意了吗？ – 这个我没听过
– Are you happy? – That’s a new one on me, bro.
那是什么玩意儿？
What the fuck is that?
那是啥？是鸟对鸟的意思吗？
What the hell is that? Is that like dick to dick?
好了 晚安 我们要去饭店了
Okay! Good night! We’re going to the hotel.
这小子坏透了 我他妈爱死他了
This kid is nasty and I fucking like it.
– 水啦 – 好耶
– Yeah. – Yes!
我们开始参观吧
All right, let’s do the tour.
我带你们到处看看 好吗？
I’ll show you around! All right?
垃圾行李随便丢
Just throw your shit anywhere.
– 双插男 来吧 – 东西放着就好
– You little double-dicker, come on. – Throw your stuff anywhere.
我是铁粉 我有加入线上猿人军
By the way, I’m a huge fan. I’m part of the online Ape Army.
赞哦
Awesome.
这就是我在车上想告诉你们的事
You know, this is what I was trying to tell you guys in the car.
可以放这里吗？
This is okay here?
你想把外套脱掉吗？
Do you want to take your coat off?
不用了 我很好
Uh, no. Nope. I’m fine.
来吧 各位
Come on, guys.
这里是厨房♥ 我们放食物的地方
All right, so this here’s the kitch. This is where we keep the food.
餐厅
The dining room.
那是两个人在嘿♥咻♥的雕像
That’s a sculpture of a couple people fucking.
[胖松鼠]
一只胖松鼠的画
Painting of a fat squirrel.
[三匹鹿]
这一幅叫“三匹鹿” 很好懂吧
And this one’s called “Triple Team,” self-explanatory.
这里是我们的巢穴
All right. This is the den.
他们只是在测试游戏
These dudes are just testing out video games.
奈德 史黛芬说你很爱打保龄球
Ned, Stephy says that you’re pretty serious about your bowling,
所以我装了两个球道
so I had a couple lanes installed.
天啊
Oh, my God.
这是全新的？
None of this was here?
没错
No.