为什么是他？（2016）

I can’t keep this from Patty much longer.
公♥司♥不是一直有我撑着吗？
Lou, haven’t I kept us going?
对 这个你最会了
Yeah. I mean, it’s what you do.
我只需要多一点时间罢了
I just need a little more time. That’s all.
你是大♥师♥
You are the maestro.
也许你会创造圣诞奇迹
Maybe you’ll pull off a Christmas miracle.
– 是啊 – 是啊
– Yeah. – Yeah.
对了 你昨晚表现得真镇定
By the way, good job keeping that game face last night.
谢了
Oh. Thanks.
很好玩的聚会
That was some shindig, man.
是很好玩
Yeah, it was fun.
直到那小子的3D屁♥股♥占满荧幕
Well, till the kid had his farter all over the screen in 3-D.
我心想“哇”
I was like, “Whoa!
“太夸张了”
“That’s a lot, man.”
而且…
And get this…
史黛芬要我们飞过去
Stephanie now wants us to fly out…
趁放假认识那个股沟后的男人
to meet the man behind the crack over the holidays.
想到公♥司♥的状况 我根本没心情去
With everything that’s going on here, that’s the last thing I want to do.
等等 这是她第一个认真的对象？
Well, hold on now. This is the first serious boyfriend?
显然是如此
Yeah. Apparently.
真的很奇怪
I mean, it’s so strange.
我跟史黛芬一直都很亲
I mean, Stephanie and I have always been so close.
她却从来没提过这家伙
And yet she has never even mentioned this guy.
都嘛是这样 老大
That’s the way it goes, Cheese.
我也以为我很了解小小卢
I thought I knew everything about Lou Junior,
他去俄亥俄念大学后
when he was down at Ohio State.
突然带了同校的女生回家
Out of nowhere, he comes dragging home this Buckeye
还说已经交往一年多了
that he’s been dating for over a year.
– 不会吧 – 真的
– No. – Yeah.
她是个好女孩 不过控制欲好强
Nice girl, but still. She’s so controlling.
抱歉 我不是那个意思
I’m sorry. I don’t mean it like that
我跟她不够熟 但我就是讨厌她
because I don’t know her that well. But I don’t like her.
– 真的 – 小卢
– I don’t. – Lou.
这种事就是会发生
It’s just what happens, you know?
小卢 讲重点好吗？
Lou, what is the point of all this?
飞过去认识他吧
Go out there and meet him.
我知道公♥司♥现在有些状况
I know we going through a lot right now
但小小卢已经在说五月要结婚
but hell, Lou Junior is talking about getting married in May.
结婚
Married.
一旦他们离家以后
Once they’re not under your roof,
你再也搞不懂他们了
there’s no telling what they’re into.
对了 他想请你在婚礼上致词
Oh, uh, that reminds me. He does want you to speak at the wedding
美言几句
and say some kind words. Oh.
我答应他会问你看看
I told him that I would talk to you about it.
而且他们想在你家后院结婚
And they’d like to get married at your house in the backyard.
– 这… – 反正啊
– Well… – But anyway…
我想你可能该去认识一下这小子
I’m just saying you might want to get out there and meet this kid.
因为你也看到了
Because, I mean, you saw it.
他是个大鸣大放的人
You saw it, he’s a free spirit.
你是说…
You mean…
你也听到他走进房♥间
You heard him come into the room.
提枪快跑的样子
He came in there guns blazing.
他弹♥药♥满满 已经准备要…
He had that revved up energy where he was like…
啪…啪…啪…啪…
bow-bow-bow-bow.
他只想要冲冲冲
He just wants to go and go and go…
照三餐喊“史黛芬 我来了”
and just morning, noon and night, and “Stephanie, here I am.
“史黛芬 我来了 我又要来了”
“Stephanie, here I come. I’m coming again.”
我记得那年纪是怎么回事
I remember being that age, don’t you?
总是精虫冲脑
Just always ready.
[12月22日 圣荷西国际机场]
♪ Come on, it’s lovely weather ♪
♪ For a sleigh ride together with you ♪
谢谢你们来看我
Thanks for coming.
天啊 这里太美了
Oh, gosh, it is so gorgeous here.
你们都来了 让我好兴奋
I’m very excited that you guys are all out here.
我们也很兴奋
We’re very excited.
有几件关于莱德的事要告诉你们
There’s a few things that I wanna tell you about Laird
我不想在电♥话♥里讲 因为…
that I didn’t feel like getting into over the phone because…
女儿…
Watch, honey…
[38号♥出口]
你错过出口了
You missed our exit.
其实我是故意的
Actually, I missed it on purpose.
我跟莱德认为…
Laird and I thought,
我们都借住他家会比较好
it’d be better if we all stayed at his house.
他家？
His house?
什么时候的事？你事先知道吗？
When did this come up? Did you know about this?
你确定他爸妈有足够的空间？
Are you sure his parents have enough room?
他没有跟爸妈住在一起
I mean, he doesn’t live with his parents.
我们在小套房♥会住得很不舒服
Honey, we’re not gonna be comfortable at some crash pad.
他自己住 也不是小套房♥
He lives by himself. It’s not a crash pad,
而且比喜来登高档多了
but it’s much nicer than the Sheraton.
比贵宾楼层还高档？
Nicer than the club floor?
我吹捧了经理 用客房♥价订到套房♥
I smooth-talked the manager. We got a suite at the regular rate.
你最上道了 老大
What? That’s what I’m talking about, Big Cheese.
– 真有你的 – 我们必须调头
– That is impressive. – We have to turn back.
– 免费欧陆早餐 – 没错
– Free continental breakfast. – Yes.
枕头香氛 开床服务 应有尽有
Mint on the pillow, turndown service, all things available at the Sheraton.
你的爱人会有那些吗？
I mean, is your lover going to have that?
你的“爱人”？
Your lover? Your lover?
我们都知道你看过他的鸟了
We already all know that you’ve seen his penis.
– 什么？ – 史考特
– What? – Scott!
干嘛？
What?
[大学街 帕罗奥图]
♪ Sleigh bells ring Are you listening ♪
他家真可爱
Well, this is cute.
其实这是警卫室
Actually, this is the gatehouse.
警卫室？
Gatehouse?
♪ A beautiful sight We’re happy tonight ♪
搞什么？
What the heck?
那是脸部辨识扫描机吗？
Is that a facial recognition scanner?
好酷哦
That’s so cool.
♪ Gone away is the bluebird Here to stay is the new bird ♪
树篱在动耶
The hedge is moving.
♪ He sings a love song As we go along ♪
♪ Walking in a winter wonderland ♪
女儿 你到底在跟谁交往？
Honey, who exactly are you dating?
莱德创办了叫”游击帮”的公♥司♥
Laird started this company called Guerrilla Gang.
你有玩“猿人刺客”吧？
You play Ape Assassins, right?
那当然 它是我八年级时的最爱
Are you kidding me? Yeah, that was my jam in the eighth grade.
很好 那是他做的
Great, that’s him.
他是做电玩的？
So, he makes video games?
– 是应用程式 – 我们到了
– Apps, Dad. – This is it!
这里是他家？
This is his house? Mmm-hmm.
你确定这里不是苹果专卖♥♥店？
Are you sure this isn’t an Apple Store or something?
我的天 你们好吗？
Oh, my God. What is up, you gang?
你看他们
I know!
弗莱明一家终于到了
The Flemings are here. You have arrived!
你好啊
Hi, buddy. Hi.
你好 小甜心
Hello, sweetheart.
– 什么都别碰 – 交通顺畅吗？
– Don’t touch anything. – How was traffic?
– 还好 他们来了 – 你好
– It was okay. – Hi, they’re here! Hello.
你好 奈德·弗莱明
Hello to you, Ned Fleming.
– 芭芭拉 – 是
– Barbara. – Yes.
你太完美了
You are perfect.
谢谢你 我的天
Well, thank you. Oh, my God.
这位一定是人气王史考特
And this must be the main man. Scotty, huh?
– 没错 – 很好
– Yup. All right. – Hey.
– 你是谁？ – 古斯塔
– Who are you? – Gustav.
是的 我是古斯塔
I am Gustav. Yes.
我都不知道该怎么形容你
I never know how to describe you.
物业经理就行了 史黛芬
Um, well, estate manager is cool, Stephy, yes.
很合适
That works.
我在亚洲经营过四季饭店集团
I used to run the Four Seasons group in Asia
但到了一个阶段
but after some point, you know,
企业生活就变得有点无聊
the corporate life becomes a bit of a snooze-fest.
一下蒂芬妮 一下卡地亚