为什么是他？（2016）

that we’re pretty sure you don’t own.
你们太客气了
You shouldn’t have.
打开吧…
Open it. Yeah.
对 打开看看
Yeah, right there.
是iPad
It’s an iPad.
按下那个Home键
Hit the home button right there.
好
Yeah.
绘图部的人发挥了一点创意
We had a little fun with that down in Graphics.
图片是从史考特的脸书抓的
I got the images off Scotty’s Facebook page.
他看来很正直 就像年轻时的你
He looks like a stand-up guy. Like a younger version of you, Ned.
快致词
Make a speech!
对 快致词
Speech! Oh, yes, speech!
致词…
Speech, speech, speech.
那是什么？
The heck is that?
喷射机跟直升机？这是哪里？
Laird, a jet and a helicopter? Where are we?
等等 宝贝 快到了
Hang on, babe. Almost there.
– 等一下 – 梅修
– One second. – Mayhew!
– 你们先等一下 – 去里面拿件外套
– Guys, stay here for a minute. – Honey, go inside and get a jacket.
– 那是梅修 – 就是他？
– That’s Mayhew. – Is that the guy?
莱德
Laird!
我们在哪里？
Where are we?
怪怪的 好像格雷的五十道阴影
That looks weird. It’s kind of Fifty Shades of Grey-ish.
– 冷吗？ – 是啊
– Cold? – Yeah.
来吧
And here we go.
惊喜
Surprise!
女儿
Hi, honey.
登登
Ta-da.
– 你带我回家？ – 对
– You brought me home? – Yeah.
没先跟我说？
Without telling me?
我是违反了神秘约会的规定…
I realize I violated the sanctity of mystery date
但今天应该是合家团圆的日子
but I just thought the family should all be together today.
你没有资格这么做
Okay, that wasn’t your place to do that, hon.
女儿 我知道…
Steph, I know,
但今天是圣诞节
but it is Christmas.
– 很高兴能看到你 – 这不是她要的
– And we’re glad to see you. – This isn’t what she wanted.
确实不是
No, it’s not.
我本来希望我们都能在加州过节
What I wanted was for us to spend Christmas in California together
结果搞得一塌糊涂
like I planned, before everything went to shit
因为你只想到你自己
because you made it all about yourself.
嗯哼
Mm-hmm.
你们俩都是
You both did.
– 我？ – 对
– I did? – Yes!
你们两个白♥痴♥以为我是你们的财产
You idiots think you can pass me back and forth
可以传来传去的吗？
like I’m your property or something?
我受够了
I’m done.
这是史上最烂的圣诞节
This is the worst Christmas ever.
– 女儿 – 乖女儿
– Steph. – Steph. Honey.
我想她气炸了
I think she’s pissed.
对 她气炸了
Yeah, she’s pissed.
靠
Shit!
我只是觉得你们今天应该在一起
I just thought that you guys should be together today.
好吧 交给你了
All right. Well, I’ll leave you to it.
圣诞快乐 奈德
Happy holidays, Ned.
你也是 莱德
You too, Laird.
莱德
Uh, Laird.
你故意慢慢走是因为你不想走吧？
You’re doing a “I’m gonna walk away slowly “’cause I really don’t wanna leave” walk.
也许吧
Maybe.
过来
Come here.
过来
Come here.
发生什么事？你没有求婚？
So what happened? You didn’t propose?
我怎么能求？
How could I?
我们打过勾勾了
I never got your permission
我没有你的允许就不能开口
and we pinky-swore I wouldn’t ask without it.
你真是个奇葩
You are remarkable.
你没办法骗人吧？
You don’t have a gear to be dishonest, do you?
看来是不行
Guess not, dude.
你不需要我的允许来向史黛芬求婚
Laird, you never needed my permission to ask Stephanie to marry you.
但若你把它看得这么重…
But if it still means anything to you,
我祝福你们
you have my blessing.
真假？
For reals?
我没在乱说
No clowning.
哇
Whoa.
不过史黛芬是对的
But, Laird, Stephanie’s right.
这应该由她来决定
It’s up to her. It’s always been up to her.
不是我们
Not us.
我一直到现在才了解
It just took me a while to realize that.
好中肯
It’s so true.
我们真是混♥蛋♥
Dude, we were such jerks.
是啊
Yeah.
我咬了你老二
I bit your dick.
热狗加蛋
Shaft and balls. Oh.
对不起
I’m sorry.
我也很对不起
I’m sorry, too, dude.
听着 如果你想向史黛芬求婚
Look, Laird, if you wanna ask Stephanie to marry you
时机一来 就问她吧
when the time is right, just do it.
好 那我可以现在问吗？
Okay. Is it cool if I do it right now?
因为我想说可能会成功…
Because, uh, just in case it worked out
就叫老古在直升机里塞了一堆白鸽
I had Goose put a shit ton of doves in the helicopter
我还有另外两个惊喜
and I have a couple other surprises.
莱德 你决定就好
Laird, this is totally your call.
但我可以给点建议吗？
But can I give you some advice?
当然了
Dude, please.
– 我现在他妈的超紧张 – 好…
– I’m so fucking nervous right now. – All right, look…
史黛芬不在乎华而不实的东西
Stephanie doesn’t care about all the bells and whistles.
你知道她的
You know her.
她在乎的是你
She cares about you.
她爱你
She loves you.
你就单膝下跪
So you get down on one knee
对她说出你的肺腑之言
and you speak to her from your heart.
这个你最会了
That’s what you’re best at.
是不是 贾丝汀？
Isn’t that right, Justine?
我完全同意
Totally agree.
哇靠
Holy shit.
我第一次来密西根 冷死我了
My first time in Michigan. It’s cold as balls here.
是啊
Yeah.
他妈的太赞了
Dude, that’s fucking great!
奈德·弗莱明风格
Do it Ned Fleming style.
老派做法
Old school!
水啦
Fuck yes.
好吧 听着…
Okay. Well, look…
我会想办法让她出来
I’ll go in there and see if I can get her to come out.
好
Okay.
– 祝你好运 – 谢了
– Good luck. – Thanks.
答应我一件事
Hey, promise me one thing.
你会好好待她
You will treat her well.
我会把她当作屌♥他妈的女王
Dude, I’m gonna treat her like a motherfucking queen.
我接受
I’ll take that.
好
Okay.
古斯塔 改变计划
Gustav, change of plans.
我们要求婚 其他的都不要
We’re go on the proposal. No go on all that other shit.
讯号♥不太好 你说要按计划进行？
I have only one bar. You’re saying we are a go, yes?
不 不要
No. No go.
只要求婚 其他的不要
Go on the proposal, no go on the shit.
莱德 你是说“不要”
Laird, are you saying it’s a no go
还是“不 要”？
or are you saying, “No. Go.”?
夭寿哦 老古
God damn it, Goose.
你害我他妈的更紧张 闭嘴啦
You’re making me fucking nervous. Just shut up.
抱歉 祝你好运
Oh, I’m sorry. Good luck.
对了 记得要呼吸
Oh, and by the way, please, Laird, breathe.
好
Okay.
也别骂脏话