为什么是他？（2016）

跳很可爱的新舞步
She was doing this cute, new dance.
你的背会拉伤的
You’re gonna throw your back out.
我才不会拉伤…
I’m not gonna throw my…
我要扑倒你
I’ll throw you out.
– 让我上去 – 等等 你有闻到吗？
– Let me get on you. – Wait, do you smell that?
– 我要它进来 – 什么味道？
– I’m putting him in. – What is that scent?
它进来了
There. Oh, it’s in.
– 那是什么？ – 天啊
– What is that? – Oh, my God.
我的天
Oh, my God!
是猫王前妻的“印度盛夏”吗？
Is that Indian Summer by Priscilla Presley?
我在九十年代都喷这香水
I used to wear that perfume in the 90s.
没错 是我喷的
Yup, pumping some in.
你在同学会的脸书页面上有提到
I saw you mentioned it on your college reunion’s Facebook page.
我知道你爱哪一味 奈德
I know what you like, Ned.
我知道你爱这味
Oh, I know you do, dawg.
下去吧 下去
Yeah, get in there. Get it!
– 老婆 – 大口吃
– Barb! – Get you some!
– 快 很好… – 好啦
– Get it! Good. Oh, that’s… – Okay.
好耶 你就快碰到了
Yeah. You’re almost in there.
不对 你离它还有十五公分
No, you’re, like, six inches away from it.
快点嘛 这就对了
Get in there. Yeah, that’s the spirit.
– 老婆 – 好耶
– Barb. – Oh! Yeah!
– 老婆 – 很好
– Barb! – That’s good.
很好 你开始进入状况了
Oh, that’s good. You’re getting into it now.
– 够了… – 不要
– That’s it! – No!
– 不行 – 抱我…
– No, no! – Take me! Yes! Take me!
– 我不要… – 抱我
– I’m not… – Take me.
我要抱你到床上睡觉
I’m taking you right to bed. That’s what I’m doing.
– 下去吧 – 不要 我想做♥爱♥
– Here you go. Yes. – No, I wanna do sex.
– 我们不会做♥爱♥的 – 可是我想啊
– We are not gonna do sex. No, honey. – But I want to.
– 贾丝汀 关掉音乐… – 我想要
– Justine, turn all the music off please… – I wanna do it.
今晚别再来烦我们
…and leave us alone for the rest of the night.
我要你全放进来
It’s gonna be full penetration!
你真是够了
Would you stop!
姐妹
Psst… Hey, girl.
右边第五个按钮
Fifth button from the right.
晚点再谢我
You’ll thank me later.
♪ Mama, won’t you please let me Mama, won’t you please let me ♪
♪ Mmm… ♪
♪ Mama, won’t you please let me ♪
♪ Mama do the hump mama do the hump hump ♪
♪ Mama won’t you please let me do the hump hump ♪
♪ Mama do the hump mama do the hump hump ♪
♪ Mama won’t you please let me do the hump hump ♪
♪ Mama do the hump mama do the hump hump ♪
♪ Mama won’t you please let me do the hump hump ♪
♪ Mama do the hump mama do the hump hump ♪
♪ Mama won’t you please let me do the hump hump ♪
吃吧 女孩们
There we go, girls.
你还好吗？
Okay. You all right?
还好
Yeah. Oh, man.
起来吧
That’s it.
我还以为我跳得过去
Dude, I thought I was gonna make it.
我知道 你差点成功 不过…
I know. You almost did, but…
很棒的跑酷 可惜最后摔个狗吃屎
Very good evasive parkour. Yes, but the last move you ate shit.
我知道
I know.
等等让你躺下来 帮你推拿一下
I’ll put you on the table later and we’ll do a little adjustment.
[圣诞树]
[游击帮]
[圣诞夜特卖♥♥ 七折]
跟老大出门买♥♥圣诞树
Christmas tree shopping with the Big Cheese.
你不知道这让我多兴奋
Ned, you don’t know how excited I am about this.
不晓得我有没有提过
I don’t know if I ever mentioned this,
我没有爸爸能一起做这些事
but I never had a father to do this kind of stuff with.
很高兴我们有机会一起出来
I’m glad we’re getting a chance to hang out.
那棵不错
That’s nice.
它没有让我硬起来
Uh, it’s not getting me hard.
你用勃起来挑圣诞树？
You need an erection to buy a Christmas tree?
有用啊
Helps.
我想多了解你
I wanna get to know you better.
你好完美
I mean, you’re so perfect.
说真的 你总是这么沉稳吗？
Seriously, did you always have your shit together?
当然不是
Oh, heck no.
我卖♥♥达特桑时被开除了
I got fired selling Datsuns.
你卖♥♥狗怎么会搞砸？
How’d you fuck up selling little dogs?
不 是达特桑
No. Datsuns.
– 那是什么？ – 是车的牌子 算了
– What’s that? – It’s a car. Doesn’t matter.
已经消失了
It doesn’t exist anymore.
但你还在啊
But you’re still here.
趋势的变化会让你紧张吗？
You ever get nervous about shifting tides?
你也知道每间公♥司♥都有起有落
Well, you know, every business has its ups and downs.
我懂 老兄
Yeah, I know it, bro.
游击帮最近不太好
Guerrilla Gang, it’s been struggling a little bit.
真的？
Really?
对 这领域他妈的超竞争
Yeah, it’s just a fucking tough landscape, dude.
杀不死你的事会让你更坚强
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
好励志 是你想出来的吗？
Chills. Did you come up with that?
不是
No, Laird.
我喷了 奈德
There she blows, Ned.
那就是我们该死的树
It’s our motherfucking tree.
好啊 它跟你的麋鹿会很搭
Why not? It’ll look great opposite your moose.
奈德 不是那一棵
Ned, Ned. Not that one.
是那棵
That one.
[虎虎游戏]
不对 莱德…
Oh, no. See, Laird…
它不是这店里的树
that doesn’t belong to this lot.
你看 它属于…
See, it’s owned by…
– 虚虚游戏？ – 虎虎游戏
– Wet games? – Wewt Games.
给你呼呼勒 我知道那些混♥蛋♥
Like, ‘woot-woot’. I know those dudes. They’re dicks.
他们想抄“猿人刺客”
Tried to rip off Ape Assassins.
再说这是我们第一次共度圣诞节
Plus, it’s the first Christmas with the family, dude.
要做好做满
Gotta do it right.
老兄
Hey, buddy.
怎么？
Yeah.
可以借用那把电锯吗？
Can I borrow that chainsaw?
你是说真的？
Are you serious?
对
Yeah.
妈的…
Fucking…
快啊
Come on.
你快一点啦
Will you hurry up?
我在努力了
I’m trying.
拜托 我需要那把电锯
Come on, guy. I need my chainsaw back.
等我一下
Just give me a second.
要先叫救护车还是等他锯掉手指？
Should we call an ambulance now, or wait till he loses a finger?
能借用一下吗？
Can I borrow those?
拿去吧
Have at it.
好 莱德…
Okay. Laird just…
好吧
Okay.
让我来吧
Hand it over?
– 你确定？ – 对
– You sure, Ned? – Yup.
最强老爸出招了
Total fucking Dad move!
靠
Oh, shit!
♪ You keep on dancing and the room gets hot ♪
♪ You drive us wild, we’ll drive you crazy ♪
♪ I wanna rock and roll all night… ♪
我爱吻乐团
Love Kiss!
吻乐团尚赞
Kiss, baby!
这些人好屌♥
These guys are awesome!
我跟史黛芬在KTV都唱他们的歌♥
Stephanie and I do karaoke to Kiss all the time.
我知道 所以我才放这首歌♥
Dude, I know, that’s why I put it on!
我们的合唱还不错
And we do a pretty good job, too,
– 不是我自夸 – 水啦
– if I might say so. – Oh, man.
– 真温馨 – 是啊
– That’s cute. – Yeah.
我一直在想我们在帐篷里的谈话
Listen, Laird, I’ve been thinking about our teepee talk yesterday.
我也是耶
Oh, dude, me too.
我有好多求婚的点子
I’ve got so many ideas for the proposal.
– 不会吧 – 奈德 你听我说
– No. No. – Ned, hear me out.
我在想可以找固特异飞船…
I was thinking about getting the Goodyear blimp,
– 放一千只白鸽 – 等等…
– releasing a thousand doves. – No. Wait.