吸血鬼生活

Like slipping and falling onto a giant spike.
或者睡着在
Or falling asleep.
一堆秋叶中
In an autumn pile of leaves,
然后叶子堵住了你的气管
and having some of them, block your wind pipe.
又或是犯了一个简单的错误
Or making the simple mistake
比如 用饼干做了面具
of fashioning a mask out of crackers,
然后被一群鸭子攻击
and being attacked by ducks.
鹅
Geese.
天鹅
Swans.
又或者只是死于年老
Or simply dieing of old age.
但即使死于年老也是残忍♥的
But even old age is brutal.
目睹着你的朋友们
Watching your friends…
变老
… grow old.
他们无法方便
They can’t piss.
然后他们说傻话 大脑不灵光了
And they say stupid things and their brains go
然后他们什么也记不得了
and they can’t remember anything.
然后 有一天 他们甚至记不起你是谁
And then, one day, they can’t even remember who you are.
你希望他们死了
And you wish they were dead.
然后他们的确死了
And then they do die.
不
No.
如果我了解斯图
If I know Stu…
这应该是他想要离开人世的方式
… this was probably the way he wanted to go.
被狼人撕咬开膛
Disemboweled by werewolves.
血和内脏
Blood and guts,
喷在树上
splat onto the trees.
他的脸被撕成了碎片
His face torned to shreds.
希望我让你心情好些了
I hope I made you feel better.
额 好吧 从我们一开始看到的
Ah, well, from what we could see in the beginning
看起来这里有一场疯狗袭击
it looks like there’s been a bit of a dog attack.
这算是可能会发生的事情 当有一些 额
That’s really what happens, when you get, you know…
危险凶残的狗
dangerous dogs.
呃 流浪狗 没有人照顾的时候
Um, strays, not being looked after.
这很糟糕
This is not good.
非常糟糕
No, not good at all.
这不是最好的离开人世的方式 像这样
There’s nicer ways to go, then being…
被大概是不止一只狗 一群狗 撕碎
… torn apart, by what looks like a pack of dogs, more than just one.
我同意 类似的袭击最近越来越多了
I say so. These attacks have been happening more, more frequent.
他们每月都在发生
They’re happening on a monthly bases and
对任何人都没有好处
and it’s just no good for anybody, okay?
特别是对那些狗和这个社区来说
Specially not the dogs. Certainly not the community.
我找到那个小混♥蛋♥了
I’ve got the bastard.
其中一只狗在这里喔
One of them here, hey?
这就是我之前在说的 看看它
That’s what I’m talking about. Look at it.
最终 这条狗必须被抓捕
End of the day, this dog is gonna have to be put down.
真可惜
What a shame.
看看你做了什么
Look what you did.
他又闻到味道了 不是吗 他想再干一次
He’s got the scent again, hasn’t he? He wants to go again.
他还没完
He’s not finished.
是啊
Yeah.
有人说吸血鬼的心又冷又死
They say that vampires hearts are cold and dead.
肯定是死的
Definitely dead.
斯图 再见 他应该会很喜欢这条围巾的
Bye Stu. He would have loved his scarf.
这是一个可爱的松软的围巾
It was a lovely, loose knit.
但我不这么认为 我觉得我的心还是有感受的
But I don’t know. I think I still feel things inside it.
迪肯
Deacon!
迪肯 醒醒啊
Deacon, wakey, wakey. Hey!
你不能睡在这 窗帘没拉 快早晨了
You don’t sleep in here. The curtain’s opened. It’s nearly morning.
你这样会被烤成薯片的
You want to get sizzled to a crisp.
你应该注意一下的
You know, you could think a little about these things.
好吧
Okay.
– 对不起 维亚戈 – 没事的
– Sorry Viago. – It’s okay.
– 晚安 – 好的
– Night, night! – Okay.
于上午4:20收到
Received at 4:20 AM:
大家好呀 这里是吸血鬼尼克
就想提前说一下 我有一个蛮大的惊喜
我觉得大家都会很震惊的
– 斯图 – 迪肯 你好
– Stu?! – Hey, Deacon.
– 斯图 – 你怎么样
– Stu! – How is it?
很高兴见到你
Good to see you.
你看他的脸
Look at his face!
我看见他们把你撕成碎片了呀
I saw them tear you to shreds!
你看 他看起来像海豹
Look! He looks like Seal!
他们没有杀死我
They didn’t kill me.
– 看起来好酷啊 – 谢谢 谢谢
– It looks cool. – Thank you, thank you.
来见见我们的朋友们
Meet some of our friends.
安东 这是迪肯
Anton, Deacon.
嗨 安东
Hi, Anton.
我应该是昏过去了
I must have blacked out.
然后 我记得有一辆救护车
And then, I remember an ambulance.
他要休克了
He’s going into shock.
奥莉丽 奥莉丽
O’Leary. O’Leary!
我来了
Yeah, coming!
朋友 冷静点 冷静点
Okay, calm down, mate. Calm down.
看起来像狂犬病 不是吗
Looks like rabies, doesn’t it?
我不知道那之后过了多久 我醒了
And I don’t know how long after that was, but like, woke up.
那时是白天了
And it was daytime.
场景重现
我找不到我的衣服
And I couldn’t find my clothes.
那些狼人们
Those werewolves guys…
最终找到了我
… eventually found me.
他们有一些衣物
And they had some,
额 借了我一条裤子
they like, lent me some pants.
所以 那些家伙一直在帮助我
So, yeah, those guys have been supporting me.
因为我很困惑
Cause I was quite confused.
是的 这些人
Yeah, these are the guys who, um,
把我变成了狼人
turned me into a werewolf.
你自己织的毛衣吗
You knit your own jersey?
– 对的 – 哦 是吗
– Yes. – Oh, yeah?
– 我会织衣 – 这个是月亮吗
– I knit. – Is that the moon, or?
– 对的 – 希望我们不会 额 变形
– Yes. – Hopefully, we won’t, you know…
啊 这真是个好地方
Ah, this is a nice place.
拜托 不要舔任何东西 或是
Please, don’t, ah, don’t lick anything or…
在任何东西上小便
… pee on anything.
起初我们很担心 我们以为
We were worried at first, you know, we thought
他们会在所有东西上尿尿
‘Ooh, they are just going to urinate on everything.’
但实际上他们很有礼貌 也很爱干净
But they actually are really polite and pretty clean.
房♥里肯定会留下狼人的味道
There was obviously that werewolves smell,
刚开始的半小时整个房♥子都是这个味道
which permeated the entire house for the first half an hour.
但我们开窗通风了一下 把味道去除了
But we opened some windows and got rid of that.
我之前想 他们的主意太愚蠢了
‘What a stupid suggestion, their idea,’ I thought.
不可能的
No way.
走进吸血鬼的巢穴 这太疯狂了
You know, walking into the vampire’s den. That’s ludicrous.
那是我的手
That’s my hand.
但我想 我们还是试试看吧
But I thought, we’ll give it a shot.
我是狼群老大 所以我打了电♥话♥
You know, I’m the alpha male, so I made the call.
我是狼群老大
I’m the alpha male.
对 所以 一般来说
Yes. So, generally…
所有人都跟着我
… all of the other guys follow me.
为了斯图 为斯图
For Stu! For STU!
谢谢大家
Thanks guys.
你的脸怎么了
What have you done to your face?
我被狼人袭击了
I got attacked by some werewolves.
安米是狼人 他看起来是个很好的人
Army is a werewolf. Seemed like a very nice person.
凯瑟琳现在是吸血鬼了
So, Katherine is a vampire now.
对 我们决定交往了
Yes. We decide to get together.
我们想 管他三七二十一
We just thought, the hell with it, you know.
我们没有什么可以失去的了
What have we got to lose?
我当时只是坐着发呆
I was just sitting, doing nothing,
然后他飘进来到我的身边
and he came floating in and over to me,
然后我认出了他 这太棒了
and I recognized him. It was wonderful.
然后我咬了你的脖子
And then I bit you on the neck.
对的
That’s right.
我不介意成为吸血鬼