冒牌家庭（2013）

– 一切都很顺利 – 哦 这下好了
Oh, Shit!
哦 该死!
Seriously. God…!
搞什么 天啊…!
Was this part of your plan, David?
这也是你计划之中的吗 戴维?
Damn it.
真该死
– Wait, what are we gonna do now? – I don’t kno…
– 我们现在怎么办? – 我不知…
I can’t even get a signal.
这里连信♥号♥♥都没有
No shit. We’re in the fucking middle of nowhere, dude.
我靠 这里真是前不着村后不着店
Oh, gee, thank you, Casey.
哦 多谢 凯茜
Thank you for your amazing problem solving skills. So helpful.
谢谢你出色的办事能力 真是帮了大忙了
Whoa. Hey, what are you doing?
嘿 你要去哪?
I’m not gonna stand on the side of the road next to an RV filled with pot.
我才不想在装满大♥麻♥的房♥车旁边傻站着
I’m gonna try to find help.
我要去找人帮忙
– Yeah, fuck this. I’m going with her. Bye. – What?
– 去他的 我跟她一起去 再见 – 什么?
– Wait up! – Ugh. Ridiculous!
– 等等我! – 呃 太荒唐了!
Okay. Actually, that’s fine. Good idea. Okay, hurry back though, please.
好吧 没关系 这主意不错 快去快回
“Oh, I have a plan.” Really? Good plan. You don’t have any plans.
“一切我都计划好了” 是吗? 计划得不错 你根本没有计划
Women, am I right?
女人就是这样 对吧?
Shut the fuck up, Kenny.
闭上臭嘴 肯尼
And he’s so smug. Ugh. He drives me crazy.
他是个自大狂 我都快被弄疯了
Well, yeah, he’s an idiot.
没错 他是个白♥痴♥
No, he’s not an idiot. He’s actually kind of smart.
不 他不白♥痴♥ 其实他很聪明
Why are you defending him?
你干嘛替他说话?
I’m not defending him. I’m just saying that he…
我没替他说话 我只是说…
Have you seen where we are? This whole plan is so stupid.
你没看到我们落到什么田地了吗? 整个计划都愚蠢透顶
Oh, really?
哦 是吗?
What golden advice did you follow that ended with you on the streets?
你计划的好 怎么沦落到露宿街头了?
I don’t live on the streets, okay? I crash with friends.
我没有露宿街头 明白吗? 我寄住在朋友家
Ah. Okay. I see.
啊 好吧
So you were kind of between couches when David and Kenny found you.
那么说 戴维和肯尼找到你的时候 你正在四处蹭沙发睡
Are you gonna lecture me? Seriously, I’ll puke.
你要一直对我说教吗? 我要吐了
You know what, I’m not lecturing you.
我不是在对你说教
Okay, good. Because I don’t need advice from a stripper.
那太好了 因为我不需要脱衣舞娘的建议
All right, you know what you little shit? I swear…
知道吗 小混球? 我发誓…
What the hell is this?
这是搞什么?
Well, look at this cute little couple of hitchhikers.
看看这对可爱的搭便车的母女
We’re here to save your bacon.
我们是来帮助你们的
Saddle up, little ladies. Ha-ha-ha!
快上来吧 姑娘们 哈哈!
Hey. Hi, what’s going on?
嘿 怎么回事?
They pulled up right after you guys left. They’re gonna tow us to a mechanic. Okay?
你们刚走他们就出现了 他们会把我们拖到修车厂的
They keeping asking to hold the weed baby.
但他们一直要抱大♥麻♥宝贝
All right, all right, calm down. Okay.
好了 好了 淡定
Just calm down, all right? I got this. Watch.
别紧张 好吗? 交给我来 看着
I’m holding that baby.
我要抱抱小宝贝
Edie, you will, I promise, but it’s nap time for LeBron.
伊迪 你会抱到他的 但现在勒布朗该睡午觉了
Come on, guys, let’s go.
大家都上车吧
All aboard the Fitzgerald Express. Honk, honk!
快登上菲茨杰拉德特快列车 嘀嘀!
– Ha-ha-ha! – Toot, toot!
– 哈哈哈 – 嘟嘟!
It’s like we’re pretending it’s a train, but it’s not.
看起来就像我们组装了一辆火车 但其实不是
– Surrounded by goblins. – Okay.
– 我被地精困住了 – 好的
Oh, Oh, Oh!
哦 哦!
One more sec, okay? Hold on, one second. Don’t freak.
等一下 好吗? 坚持住 别怕
When you’re a synchronized swimmer…
花样游泳运动员表演的时候…
you can’t use a maxi pad, you can see it.
不能用卫生巾 因为会被看到
So my friend bought me a box of tampins.
所以我朋友给我买♥♥了一盒卫生棉条
And I’ll tell you, I had a hard time inserting those.
跟你们说实话 刚开始塞进去真不容易
– It would just stick halfway out. – Mm-hm.
– 每次塞到一半就卡住了 – 嗯
– It was just like a Roman candle. – Mm-hm.
– 就像罗马焰火筒那样 – 嗯
And that is how I found out I was born with a shallow vagina.
就是这样我才发现自己的阴♥道♥很浅
– That was such a detailed story, Edie. – Thank you!
– 真是个描写细腻的故事 伊迪 – 谢谢夸奖!
You gotta do a one-woman show. It’s, like, so many layers, you know?
你应该去当脱口秀女主播 你知道吗? 你的表达很丰富
So, what’s your story, David?
那你们有什么故事 戴维?
– What do you mean? – How’d you two meet?
– 什么故事? – 你们俩怎么认识的?
Ah! Honey, tell her.
啊! 亲爱的 说说吧
And don’t leave out any of the romantic parts.
千万别落下任何浪漫的部分
Okay. All right.
好吧
Where did we first meet. Um…
我们在哪认识的 呃…
It’s great.
很美好
Well, that would have been when Rose moved into my apartment building.
那应该是萝丝刚搬到我住的公♥寓♥
– Ah. That’s right. – Mm-hm.
– 啊 是的 – 嗯
I remember watching her through the crack in my door as she was…
我记得当时我通过门缝里看着她…
Wait, you were spying on me?
等一下 你偷看我?
Now, hon, just because you’ve heard it a thousand times…
亲爱的 虽然这个故事你已经听过几千遍了…
doesn’t mean you should interrupt. Don’t be rude.
但你也不能打断我啊 要淑女
All right. Proceed.
好吧 继续
But, yeah, I was spying on her.
好吧 我在偷看她
She was unloading this U-Haul all by herself.
她一个人把行李从卡车上搬下来
I wanna go help her, but I don’t wanna come off like I’m hitting on her, because…
我想去帮忙 但又不想让她觉得我想泡她 因为…
you know, I’d like to hit on her maybe at some point.
因为我确实想泡她
And, uh…
那天…
she was wearing these little navy blue Chuck Taylors and these jean shorts.
她穿了一双海军蓝的查泰勒帆布鞋 和牛仔短裤
No pockets on the back, however that happened.
后面没有兜儿的那种款式
And this, uh, Tom Waits T-shirt.
还有汤姆·威茨式的衬衫
I was like, “Oh, that’s cool.”
我心想 “哇 真酷”
Because I love Tom Waits.
因为我喜欢汤姆·威茨
And she just looked beautiful.
她看起来好美
If you’re into that kind of mean, pretty thing.
那种尖酸刻薄的美丽
So, anyway, uh…
然后…
she starts to bring up this really big weird-looking painting up the stairs.
她开始搬那些看起来很奇葩的大幅油画
And I’m like, “Okay, here’s my shot.” All right, so I go outside…
我对自己说 “机会来了” 所以我开门出去…
and I help her with it. I’m trying to, at least.
去帮她搬 至少我打算帮忙
She looks at me and goes: “Stop it!”
她看着我大叫: “住手!”
– She just snaps at me. – You started yanking at it.
– 她冲着我大吼 – 是你先抢我的画的
Next thing you know, it’s a tug of war…
接下来 拔河比赛就开始了…
fulling it back and forth and out of nowhere…
拉过来 拉过去…
His fat fist goes right through the canvas.
他一拳正好洞穿画布
– But it was an accident. – Doesn’t matter! You ruined my painting.
– 那是个意外 – 我才不管! 反正你毁了我的画
Okay. Honestly, I really think you should’ve thanked me.
说实话 我觉得你应该好好感谢我
Yeah, because that painting was hideous.
因为那幅画太难看了
My grandfather painted that painting.
那幅画是我祖父画的
And it was my favorite thing in the entire world.
它是这世界上我最宝贵的东西
So we get in this screaming match in front of the whole building.
于是我们在楼前像是开始比赛谁吼得大声一样
And everybody comes out and is watching it.
所有人都出来围观
I mean, from that moment, we hated each other.
从那时起 我们的梁子就结下了
Oh, man.
天啊
– And then you fell in love. Oh! – Yeah. Then we fell in love.
– 后来你们相爱了 哦! – 嗯 我们相爱了
– Ha, ha! – Hey, now. I think this is our exit.
– 哈哈哈! – 嘿 出口到了
David, could you grab me the map out of the glove box?
戴维 能把手套箱里的地图递给我吗?
Yes, sir.
没问题
– Whoa. Whoa. Uh… – Whoa!
– 哇 呃… – 哇!
Oh, hey, sorry about that, buddy. Didn’t mean to scare you there.
哦 抱歉 哥们 吓到你们了
That’s just my service pistol and badge.
那是我的执勤用的手♥枪♥和警徽
Oh. Your badge.
哦 警徽
– Are you a cop? – No, no, no.
– 你是警♥察♥吗? – 不 不
No? Oh, God.
不是? 吓我一跳
– I’m in the DEA. – Oh.
– 我是缉毒局的 – 哦
Yeah, my Don has been an agent for the last 22 years.
我们家唐已经当了22年的探员了
On a bit of a hiatus at the moment.
之间有几次离职
They took him out of the field, he wasn’t aggressive enough.
他们不让他执勤 因为他人好欺负
– That’s enough. – I’m sorry. It’s not right, Don.
– 别说了 – 抱歉 不过他们不应该那样 唐
None of those young guns aren’t half the agent you are, those crumb-bums.
那些乳臭未干的臭小子连你一半都不如 那群小崽子们
Edith, you know how I feel about your cussing.
伊迪斯 你知道这样乱骂我是什么感受
– I’m sorry, Don. – Edith can be a little hot-blooded at times.
– 对不起 唐 – 伊迪斯就是有时候太热血了
– I’m 1/8 Italian, so… – Oh. It’s okay.
– 我有1/8意大利血统 所以… – 哦 没关系
Uh, hey, if you guys will excuse me.
嘿 不好意思
– Wanna join me? – Where are you off to?
– 要一块来吗? – 你们去干嘛?
– We’re gonna check on the baby. – Gonna take a dump.
– 我们去看看孩子 – 去大便
– Check the baby’s dumps. – That’s what we should say.
– 看看孩子大便了吗 – 就是这个意思
– Yeah, just go check on Lebanon. – LeBron. His name’s LeBron.
– 去看看勒八朗 – 勒布朗 他叫勒布朗
He just has a terrible tummy. And it’s just bad diarrhea stuff.
他老是闹肚子 腹泻什么的
Do we still have cornstarch?