冒牌家庭（2013）

Have fun tonight, kids.
玩得开心点 年轻人
– Awesome. – I’m never gonna wash these hands.
– 太棒了 – 我再也不想洗手了
Mwah, mwah, mwah!
姆啊, 姆啊, 姆啊!
Thank you so much.
太感谢你了
– Good night. That was great. – Okay, bye, guys.
– 晚安 今晚很棒 – 好的 拜拜
Great. What now, genius?
很好 现在怎么办 小天才?
– Tell me… What? – Oh, Oh, oh. I don’t know.
– 你说… 怎么? – 我不知道
I just got earfucked in a tent.
刚才在里面他干了我的耳朵
If you let her finger bang you they would have given us the keys.
要是让她给你指交一下 也许钥匙就到手了
Oh, really? Why don’t you go suck Don’s dick for them…
是吗? 你怎么不进去给唐口♥交♥…
and then you get the keys? He was certainly loving on those earlobes.
这样你就能拿到钥匙了? 他明显很喜欢你那对耳垂
Okay, look. First, unlike you, I only suck a man’s dick if I’m in love, okay?
首先 和你不同 我只会为我爱的男人口♥交♥ 好吗?
That’s kind of a personal rule I have.
这就是我做人的原则
– Yeah, and secondly… And secondly… – What?
– 第二… 第二… – 第二是什么?
I don’t have a second one. I don’t know where I was going with that.
没有第二 我忘了刚才想说什么了
Fucking idiot.
蠢货
Oh, I thought of one. I got one.
我想到了一个
Here comes Joe Morgan up to the plate.
乔·摩根来啦
Oh, Don.
哦 唐
Okay, what?
怎么了?
What? What do you mean?
什么? 什么意思?
I mean do you wanna talk about it…
你想谈谈这件事…
or mope around like someone kicked you in the vagina?
还是一直无精打采好像有谁踢了你的下♥体♥
Okay. Um…
好吧
Well, I’ve never really like…
我从没有…
Had sex before. Shocker.
做过爱 令人震惊
Kissed a girl before.
亲过女孩
Wait, what? I thought you said you were like 18.
等等 真的? 我记得你说你18岁了
– Okay, you know what, forget it. – Okay, okay, wait. Okay.
– 好吧 还是别提了 – 好吧 等等
Come on. Sit down. Don’t need to be so dramatic.
过来 坐下 不用这么激动
Look, it’s okay that you haven’t kissed a girl.
你没亲过女孩这没什么
I’m sure there are some girls…
我确定会有女孩…
who I’ve never met…
我没见过的女孩…
that find inexperience kind of sweet.
想找你这样没经验的小可爱
I don’t wanna be a sweet, inexperienced guy who’s never been worth kissing.
我才不想当那没经验让人亲都不想亲的小可爱
I wanna be the guy who grabs a girl and kisses her. You know?
我想变成能迷倒女孩然后亲吻她的人
Okay, let me make one thing clear.
好吧 我先声明
This isn’t one of those bullshit moments where the girl kisses the boy…
这不是那种女生亲吻男生
and realizes she’s been in love with him this entire time, okay?
然后意识到爱上了他了的情景 明白了吗?
You’re my fake brother and you’re a sweet kid…
你是我的假弟弟而且你很可爱
so this is for you to bring back to Melissa.
这是为了让你能把梅丽萨追回来
– What is? – I’m gonna kiss you, dingus.
– 什么? – 我要亲你 笨蛋
Oh.
哦
– What are you doing? Shut your eyes. – Okay, sorry. Right.
– 你在干嘛? 闭上眼睛 – 好吧 不好意思
That’s weird. That’s really weird.
这样很奇怪 特别奇怪
– Sorry. – All right. Ahem.
– 对不起 – 好了
That was okay. Now more tongue.
不错 这次试试用舌头
Tongue. I can do that.
用舌头 我可以的
Too much tongue. Too much tongue.
太过了 太过了
Right. Too much… Yeah, that’s my fault. My bad. Sorry.
是 太过了… 我的错 不好意思
Less tongue.
少用舌头
That was good.
不错啊
All right, now this time, I want you to choke me a little bit.
这次 我希望你能让我窒息
– Uh, okay. – Whoa. What’s going on here?
– 好的 – 这怎么回事?
Uh, it’s…
呃…
– We’re not doing what it looks like. – Really?
– 不是你们看到的那样 – 真的?
It looks like Casey’s teaching you how to kiss out of pity.
看起来像是凯西在教你如何亲吻
Mm-hm.
恩
Uh, well, then it is what it looks like, yeah.
好吧 那就是看起来的那样
Really.
这样啊
What did you teach him?
你教他什么了
The basics. He’s never kissed a girl before.
最基础的 他之前从没亲过女孩
You haven’t? Oh. Well, honey, show me.
从来没有? 好吧 来试试
– Uh, really? – Yes.
– 呃 你确定? – 当然
Okay. Uh…
好吧 呃…
Oh. Not bad.
还不错啊
It’s not bad.
挺好的
– Try this. – Okay.
– 试试这个 – 好的
Come here.
过来
There you go.
就是这样
You feel that? What I did with my tongue?
感觉到了? 我怎么用舌头的?
– Yes, ma’am. – Show Casey what you just learned.
– 是的 女士 – 让凯西看看你学到了什么
Look at that.
瞧瞧这个
Mm! Whoa!
哇! 不错!
Wait. Hold on.
等等
I wanna get a picture of you with the first girl you ever kissed. Here you go.
我给你和你第一个亲吻的女孩拍张照片
– Mm-hm. Make it good one. – Good.
– 好看点 – 好的
Rose. Get in there. There you go. Photobomb it.
萝丝 来一起 就是这样 拍下来
– This is getting better, it’s getting better. – Okay.
– 有进步 越来越棒了 – 好的
It’s so cute.
真可爱
Use your hands. They got so much fun stuff to play with.
试着用手 很有乐趣哦
You’re not using your hands.
你没用手
Kenny?
肯尼?
– No, Melissa… It’s, uh… – I’m sorry.
– 不 梅丽萨… 这… – 打扰了
Melissa, wait.
梅丽萨 等等
Fuck.
靠
You know, there’s a 50-50 chance she’ll be into it.
有一半的可能她会喜欢的
Redhead. They’re crazy.
红头发的女孩 她们不可理喻
Grab your things, guys. Kenny, grab my stuff. Thanks.
拿好你们的东西 肯尼 拿着我的行李 谢了
– Here we go. – Well, looks like you’re ready to roll.
– 我们走 – 看起来你已经准备好了
Gary called me first thing. He seemed real eager for y’all to come pick her up.
盖瑞跟我说 他特别希望你们尽快把车取走
– Good. Good, good, good. Okay. – Guess this is it, then.
– 好的 好的 – 看来就是这样
– Good luck to you, David. – Hey, thank you, Don. Take care, will you?
– 祝你好运 戴维 – 多谢了 唐 照顾好自己
Hey, yeah, listen, I would appreciate it if you kept what happened last night…
等等 我希望昨天晚上的事…
all that Chinese vibrator talk, between us.
关于中国制♥造♥按♥摩♥棒♥的事 只有你知我知
– Yeah. – If folks at my church found out about that…
– 当然 – 如果我们教堂的那帮家伙知道了…
Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, no. I get it. Yeah. No, say no more. Mum’s the word, okay?
当然了 不必多说 我会守口如瓶的
Before you go running off…
在你走之前…
– Yeah? – Well, last night notwithstanding…
– 怎么? – 尽管昨天晚上…
things bedroom-wise between me and Mrs. Fitzgerald…
我和菲茨杰拉德夫人
– haven’t been a real five-alarm fire of late. – Okay.
– 床笫之间还是没那么激♥情♥ – 好吧
Now that I’m not working as much, we finally have a chance to light the flame again…
现在我没那么多工作了 我们有时间重燃激♥情♥…
– but our matches are wet. – Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
– 就像擦着湿火柴 – 恩
– If you catch my drift. – I do, yeah.
– 如果你明白我的意思 – 我明白了
Yeah, the matches are genitals. I get it.
我明白 火柴就是指老二
No, I was talking about our passion.
不 我是指我们之间的激♥情♥
Right. Sorry, sorry. Of course. That’s the way…
哦 不好意思 我…
– That’s okay. That’s all right. – Yeah.
– 没关系 – 嗯
So we’ve been looking for new ideas…
所以我们一直在想办法
and she read on the internet about this finger thing…
她在网上看到了关于手指的某些东西
– Don, you don’t need to share that with me. – No, no, it’s okay. I want to.
– 唐 你不用和我分享这些的 – 没关系 我愿意和你分享
Okay, as long as you’re comfortable.
好吧 只要你舒服
– I need your advice, David. – Mm-hm.
– 我需要你的建议 -嗯
You and Rose seem hotter for each other than a couple mice…
你和萝丝好像能在彼此的
having sexual congress in a wool sock.
关系中找到许多激♥情♥
– We do? – Yeah.
– 有吗? – 是的
You’re like newlyweds, the way you keep looking at each other.
你们看对方的眼神就像新婚夫妇
– We are? – Yeah. I guess I just wanna know…
– 我们? – 我只是想知道…
what do you do to keep things exciting after years in the same fishing hole?
这么多年在一个鱼洞里钓鱼如何能保持激♥情♥
– Hmm. – What’s your secret?
– 嗯 – 你们的秘密是什么?
Right.
这样
– And by fishing hole you mean… – Genitals.
– 你说的鱼洞意思是… – 女♥阴♥
That’s genitals. Okay. Um.
生殖器 这样
Yeah, um, my secret? Uh…
我的秘密? 嗯…
Well, you know what I do, Don?
你知道我怎么做吗 唐?
I just treat Rose like she’s a stripper.
我只是把萝丝想象成一个脱衣舞娘
– No kidding? – No kidding.
– 真的? – 真的
Like she’s a dirty, dirty stripper.
就好像她是下流的脱衣舞娘
Okay. Heh-heh-heh.
这样啊
Dirtier the better. Heh.
越下流越好