副总统 Vice

你现在就准备当个
And now you’re just going to be a lush
给州里挂电线的醉汉吗
that hangs power lines for the state?
你准备一辈子住在一辆拖车里吗
Are you gonna live in a trailer?
我们是不是要生十个孩子 这就是你的计划吗
We’re gonna have ten kids? Is that the plan?
我们能晚点再说吗 求你了
Can we discuss this later, please?
不行 我们就得现在说清楚了
No, we’re gonna discuss this right now
就算你现在闻着像呕吐物
while you smell like vomit
和廉价酒
and cheap booze.
– 迪克要喝点咖啡吗 – 什么东西
-Does Dick want some coffee? -What?
妈 出去
Mom, get out!
出去啊 “迪克要喝点咖啡吗”
Get out. “Does Dick want some coffee?”
我真的服了
Jesus Christ!
行吧 我是这么打算的
Okay. Here’s my plan.
你在听吗
All right?
要么你挺起腰板…
Either you stand up straight…
好好做人…
and you get your back straight…
拿出勇气来变得更好
and you have the courage to become someone,
要么我走
or I’m gone.
我知道十几个人
I know a dozen guys
还有几个学校的教授都想追我
and a few professors at school who would date me.
我爱你 琳恩
I love you, Lynne.
那就证明给我看
Then prove it!
证明给我看
Prove it!
我不能…
I can’t…
去读藤校
go to a big Ivy League school,
我也不能开一家公♥司♥或者当市长
and I can’t run a company or be mayor.
这个世界上女人就是这样
That’s just the way the world is for a girl.
我需要你
I need you.
但你现在就是个尿骚味的大胖子
And right now you are a big, fat, piss-soaked zero.
我 我见过我妈以前整晚不睡
I’ve, I’ve seen my mom waitin’ up all night
就为了等我爸回家
for my father to get home.
我也见过我爸在家里喝酒
And I’ve seen my father drunk in this house
骂人 甚至还打人
and raising his voice and way worse,
我是绝对不会走我妈的老路的 绝对不会
and I am not dancing that dance anymore. I’m not.
你知道为什么我上了她吗
You know why I fuck her?
绝对不会
I’m not.
所以你能改变吗
So can you change?
我是在等你改变 还是在他妈的浪费时间
Can you change, or am I wasting my goddamn time?
我不会再让你失望了 琳恩
I won’t ever disappoint you again, Lynne.
你因努力工作 勤劳奉献
You were chosen because of your hard work,
而被选中
your diligence, and dedication.
简单点说 你们就是美国最好最聪明的
Stated simply, you are America’s best and brightest.
让我们一起前进 共同学习 为国奉献
So let’s go forward and learn and be of service.
上帝保佑你们
God bless you all
也保佑这个伟大的 呃 国家
and God bless this great nation.
现在 我想给大家介绍几个–
And now, I’d like to introduce some– a young man from Illinois
一个来自伊利诺斯州的小伙
who has done quite well for himself
他在首都混的挺好
here in the Capitol.
唐纳德 拉♥姆♥斯♥菲♥尔♥德♥代表
Representative Donald Rumsfeld.
鲍勃有没有跟你们说过这份实习工作
Did Bob tell you that this internship is a great honor?
是你们的荣誉
Huh?
他说过吗
Did he?
说过是吗
Huh? Yeah?
其实 不是的
Well, it’s not.
这种工作我们在海军的时候都叫狗屎
It’s what we called in the Navy a “shit detail.”
唐纳德 拉♥姆♥斯♥菲♥尔♥德♥
Donald Rumsfeld,
人们也叫他“拉米”
or “Rummy,” as they called him,
层是普林斯顿大学摔跤队队长
was the former captain of the Princeton wrestling team
以及一名优秀的海军喷气式飞机驾驶员
and an elite navy jet pilot.
大多数国会议员像斧头一样使用他们的权力
Most congressmen use their power like an axe.
最好最聪明
Best and brightest.
拉♥姆♥斯♥菲♥尔♥德♥就不一样
Rumsfeld, on the other hand, used his–
在哪呢
Where?
…他就像蝴蝶刀大♥师♥
…like a master of the butterfly knife.
所以 就像任何大♥师♥ 当你挡着他的路了
And, like any master, if you got in his way,
他就会杀了你
he would cut you.
这可以是一个巨大的机会
This can be a great opportunity.
一个机会去
An opportunity to work
在世界上最他妈伟大的国家的
in the hallways of decision-making
决策走廊里工作
in the most powerful country in the goddamn world.
如果这也不能让你渴望
And if that doesn’t give you a hard-on,
注：Hard-on也有勃起的意思
我也不知道你想要什么了
I don’t know what will.
这还有几位女士在 抱歉
Sorry to the few ladies in the room.
这个项目以前没有女性 现在有了
This program didn’t used to have girls, and now it does.
行吧 我是唐
Anyway, I’m Don.
不管你们干什么…
Whatever you do…
别给那边的鲍勃干活
don’t work for Bob over here.
他得是华盛顿最无聊的人了
He is the most boring son of a bitch in D.C.
你说对吗 鲍勃
Isn’t that right, Bob?
行吧 我讲完了
All right, that’s it.
去找个国会议员给他倒杯咖啡吧
Go get a congressman a cup of coffee.
如果他老婆来电♥话♥了 永远说他在开会
And if his wife calls, he’s always in a meeting.
好了 就这样 解散
All right, that’s it. Scat.
嘿 我叫艾伦
Hey, I’m Alan.
你就是那个威斯康星大学来的
You’re the other guy from the University
没错吧 – 没错
-of Wisconsin, right? -Right.
所以我们两个人有一个
Uh, so one of us is supposed to start
要跟民♥主♥党 另一个跟共和党
with a Democrat and the other a Republican.
你介意让我去跟民♥主♥党吗
Do you care if I go with the Dem?
因为我在大学的时候跟DNC一起干了挺久的
‘Cause I did a lot of work with the DNC on campus, so…
呃 刚刚讲话那个人 他是哪个党的
Um, what party is, uh, the guy we just heard?
街上有三只阴♥茎♥在走
Well, there are three penises walking down the street.
嗯 你和另外两只吗
Yeah, you, and who are the other two?
拉♥姆♥斯♥菲♥尔♥德♥是共和党
Rumsfeld is a Republican.
好极了 因为 呃
Perfect. ‘Cause, uh…
我就是共和党
that’s what I am.
别躲躲藏藏了 他妈的快进来吧
Don’t lurk. Come in, damn it.
迪克·切尼 来报道了
Um, Dick Cheney, reporting for work.
你是国会议员
You’re congressional relations
社区服务管理局
for my Office of Economic Opportunity,
而你会作为总统的顾问
and you will assist me in my job
帮助我完成我的工作
as counselor to the president.
好的
Right.
我的天哪 你是想让我
Jesus Christ, you want me
把你的手套别在袖子上
to pin your mittens to your sleeves
让你不特么会丢掉他们吗
so you don’t fuckin’ lose ’em?
– 走 – 是的 先生
-Go. -Yes, sir.
对了 切尼 你单子上有两个酒后驾车的记录
Oh, and Cheney, your two DUIs came up on your transcript.
别担心 我为你担♥保♥
Don’t worry. I vouched for you.
谢谢您 先生
Thank you, sir.
不用 你还是谢谢你的邻居多蒂
No, thanks are when your neighbor Dottie
第一次翻你呕吐物吧
pulls your pud for the first time.
你欠我的
You owe me.
– 是的 先生 – 快走
-Yes, sir. -Go!
我们部门做的第一件事
The first thing our department did
是对全国的人口分布
was to conduct a sweeping audit
进行全面的审计
at the population distribution across the nation.
你会看到
You will see that
社区服务管理局
the Office of Economic Opportunity benefits…
你是拉♥姆♥斯♥菲♥尔♥德♥的走狗 对吧
You’re Rumsfeld’s lackey, right?
一定要让他看到这个
Make sure he sees this.
我们得把它放在尼克松的桌子上 好吧
We gotta get that on Nixon’s desk, huh?
罗杰·艾尔斯 福克斯新闻的创始人
Roger Ailes, founder of Fox News.
他为尼克松做媒体顾问时
He first pitched the idea as Conservative News
先把这个想法说成是保守的消息
when he worked for Nixon as a media consultant.
嘿 唐
Hey, Don.
罗杰希望尼克松建一个共和党新闻电视网
Roger wants Nixon to start a Republican news TV network.
算了吧 罗杰懂电视 但不懂政♥治♥
Forget it. Roger knows TV, but he doesn’t know politics.
所以我会做这个燃烧棒的戏法
So I would do this flaming baton trick
而迪克会拿着一桶水在后台等着