仇念（2022）

嘿，一，二，三。
Hey, one, two, three.
现在，红色的索罗杯是♪最好的容器
♪ Now, red Solo cup is the best receptacle ♪
♬在烧烤、车尾门、集市和节日裡♬
♪ For barbecues, tailgates, fairs and festivals ♪
还有你，先生，你没有一对睾丸
♪ And you, sir, do not have a pair of testicles ♪
♪如果你更喜欢用玻璃杯喝水，喔♪
♪ If you prefer drinking from glass, whoo ♪
♪红色Solo杯♪-♪嗯哼♪
– ♪ Red Solo cup ♪ – ♪ Uh-huh ♪
♪我给你加油♪
♪ I fill you up ♪
♬我们开个派对吧
♪ Let’s have a party ♪
♬我们开个派对吧
♪ Let’s have a party ♪
♪我爱你，红色Solo杯♪
♪ I love you, red Solo cup ♪
♪我把你举起来♪
♪ I lift you up ♪
♬去派对，♬去派对
♪ Proceed to party, proceed to party ♪
♬我真喜欢你这麽容易堆叠♬
♪ Now, I really love how you’re easy to stack ♪
♪但是我真的很讨厌你这麽容易被破解♪
♪ But I really hate how you’re easy to crack ♪
♪因为当啤酒从我的后背流下来时♪
♪ ‘Cause when beer runs down the front of my back ♪
我的朋友们，这是很噁心的
♪ Well, that, my friends, is quite yucky ♪
但我不得不承认，女人都被♬迷倒了
♪ But I have to admit that the ladies get smitten ♪
♬欣赏♬多麽尖锐
♪ Admiring how sharply ♪
♬我的名字是♬
♪ My first name is written ♪
♬我用记号♥笔打你的时候
♪ On you with a Sharpie when I get to hitting ♪
就靠它们来帮我走好运
♪ On them to help me get lucky ♪
♬红色独奏杯♬
♪ Red Solo cup ♪
♪我给你加油♪
♪ I fill you up ♪
♬我们开个派对吧
♪ Let’s have a party ♪
♬去派对♬
♪ Proceed to party ♪
-♬独奏♬-♬呸，哦，嘟♬
– ♪ Solo cup ♪ – ♪ Bah, oh, doo ♪
-♬Solo cup♬-♬哦，哪哪♬
– ♪ Solo cup ♪ – ♪ Oh, bo, doo ♪
-♬独奏♬-♬啊，哦，♬
– ♪ Solo cup ♪ – ♪ Ah, oh, doo ♪
-♬Solo cup♬-♬啊，哦，嘟嘟，哒，哒
– ♪ Solo cup ♪ – ♪ Ah, ooh, doodle, da, doo ♪
-♬Solo cup♬-♬嗯哼，嗯♬
– ♪ Solo cup ♪ – ♪ Uh-huh, mm ♪
-♬独奏♬-♬德，达，达
– ♪ Solo cup ♪ – ♪ De, dum, dum ♪
-♬Solo cup♬-♬噢，de, da, bah。♪
– ♪ Solo cup ♪ – ♪ Ooh, de, da, bah. ♪
这个房♥间的潜力是惊人的。
The potential in this room is astounding.
我喜欢这种潜力。
I love the potential.
百分百。
Hundred percent.
这是一个充满无限可能的世界。
It’s a world of infinite possibilities.
——无限。——倍。
– Infinite. – Hundred percent.
这麽晚了，我该在”嘿”后面加多少个”Y”啊?
How many “Y”s do I put in “Hey” at this time of night?
-凌晨2点前吗?-是的。
– Is it before 2:00 a.m.? – Yeah.
-两个Y -好的
– Two “Y” s. – Okay.
-三是渴了。——口渴。
– Three is thirsty. – Thirsty.
其中一个很简短
And one is curt.
你知道我在想什麽吗?
You know what I was thinking about?
曲奇饼变得非常受欢迎。
Cookie dough became so popular.
因为它还没有完成。它仍然可以是任何东西。
It’s ’cause it’s not finished. It could still be anything.
百分百。
Hundred percent.
用饼乾麵团做饼乾只是个建议。
Making cookies out of cookie dough is just a suggestion.
——倍。-他们是这麽说的-你可以用它——正确的。
– Hundred percent. – That’s what they say – you could do with it. – Right.
同样的事情…比如和一个人约会一个多月。
And the same thing… Like dating someone for more than a month.
这只是一个服务建议。
It’s just a serving suggestion.
百分百。
Hundred percent.
「卡拉问号♥。」也就是说我不记得在哪裡见过她了。——好的。
“Kara question mark.” That means I don’t remember – where I met her. – Okay.
但它是一个带感叹号♥的问号♥，这意味着我应该想要跟进。
But it’s a question mark with an exclamation point, which means I should want to follow up.
让我们先看看有什麽选择。-是的。
-Let’s see what the options are first though. -Yes.
正是如此。这就是我们生活的世界。
Exactly that. That’s the world that we’re living in.
你可以看到任何选项。
You can just see what the options are for anything.
像旅行。
Like with travel.
你不能只挑你看到的第一个航♥班♥。
You’re not gonna just pick the first flight you see.
你想看所有的航♥班♥。
You want to see all the flights.
-这是好事。-是的。
– That’s a good thing. – Yeah.
这样你就能坐上最好的飞机。
You get the best flight that way.
你为什麽不通过观察所有潜在的人来找到最好的人呢?
Why wouldn’t you get the best person by looking at all the potential people?
你怎麽能指望找到一个能满足你所有需求的人呢?
And how could you even expect to find one person who could fulfill all of your needs?
找到最支持你的人更容易。
It’s easier just to find the most supportive person here.
-这裡最有趣的人。——正确的。
– The funniest person here. – Right.
-最棒的性♥爱♥。——正确的。
– The best sex here. – Right.
这是最好的建议。
The best advice here.
第二爽的性♥爱♥。
The second-best sex here.
百分百。
Hundred percent.
我从来不想知道别人的父母以什麽为生。
I don’t ever want to go past knowing what someone’s parents do for a living.
如果我知道某人的父母是做什麽的…——正确的。正确的。-我耽搁太久了。
If I know what someone’s parents do for a living… – Right. Right. – I’ve hung too long.
或者,像兄弟姐妹。比如，为什麽有人想知道你的兄弟姐妹?尤其是这麽早。
Or, like, siblings. Like, why does anyone want to know about your siblings? Especially so early.
-是的。-「你有几个兄弟姐妹?」
-Yeah. -“How many siblings do you have?”
有没有改变过你是否想和别人约会?
Has that ever changed whether you want to date somebody?
就像”我有两个姐妹和一个哥哥”
It’s like, “I have two sisters and a brother.”
——哇。等一等。-我要走了
– Whoa. Hold on. – Well, I’m out of here.
-我要走了-你知道我刚说什麽吗?
– I’m out of here. – You know what I just say?
我只和三个孩子中的老大约会。
I only date only children or the oldest of three.
他们说，「行使你的选择权。」
They say, “Exercise your options.”
就像肌肉一样。
It’s like a muscle.
-选项就像肌肉。-是的。
– Options are like a muscle. – Yeah.
有些人虚弱、萎缩，他们不明白——如何行使他们的选择权。-是的。
Some people are weak and atrophied, and they don’t understand – how to exercise their options. – Yeah.
我的选择是强壮的，强壮的和浮夸的。
My options are burly and strong and turgid.
百分百。
Hundred percent.
人们说像我们这样的人害怕承诺。
People say guys like us are afraid of commitment.
不。我们害怕承诺一些我们无法逃避的事情。
No. We’re afraid of commitment to something we can’t get out of.
没有什麽是害怕承诺的。
There’s no such thing as fear of commitment.
害怕承诺就害怕后悔。
Fear of commitment is fear of regret.
百分百。或者害怕亲密。
Hundred percent. Or fear of intimacy.
拜託，我跟每个人都很亲密。
Please, I’m intimate with everybody.
你有没有想过，如果你真的在某人身上找到了更深层次的东西，那是否会更有意义?
Do you ever wonder, if you did find something deeper with somebody, if that would somehow be more meaningful?
有时我做。
I do sometimes.
就像现在，我随便跟六七个不同的女人约会。
Like right now, I’m casually dating, like, six or seven different women.
但我内心深处很想知道，和两三个人认真约会会是什麽感觉。
But I do wonder, deep down, what it would be like to seriously date two or three.
即使我不瞭解你，我也比任何人都更瞭解你。
Even when I don’t understand you, I understand you better than I understand anybody.
——倍。-我喜欢我们一起出去玩。
– Hundred percent. – I love when we hang out.
如果有人在录这段视频，我的播客应该是这样的。
This is like, if someone were recording this, that’s what my podcast should be.
我的身下现在应该有一个低音提琴在演奏。
There should be, like, the sound of a stand-up bass playing under me right now.
好吧，我想到一个。
Okay, I got one.
“褐髮兰登书屋派对。”
“Brunette Random House Party.”
兰登书屋，出版商?
“Random House,” the publisher?
还是”随机之家”比如随机之家派对?
Or “random house,” like a random house party?
哦,」艾米丽时尚。」
Oh, “Emily Vogue.”
我想用”卡拉”这个问号♥
Uh, I’m gonna go with “Kara question mark”
因为今晚我想让宇宙给我一个惊喜。
’cause I feel like letting the universe surprise me tonight.
-活在这个时代真好。——倍。
– What a time to be alive. – Hundred percent.
——倍。——倍。
– Hundred percent. – Hundred percent.
百分百。
Hundred percent.
——倍。——倍。
– Hundred percent. – Hundred percent.
我想明白了。
I figured it out.
算出什麽?
Figured what out?
美国。
America.
好的。
Okay.
我知道你在笑，但我有个点子你一定会喜欢。
I know you’re laughing, but I have a pitch you’re really gonna like.
美国是分♥裂♥的，但原因不是我们想的那样。
America is divided, but it’s not for the reason that we think.
我们认为美国是按地理位置划分的
We think that America’s divided by geography:
红色州，蓝色州，城市，国家。
red state, blue state, city, country.
我们错过了一些更深刻的东西。
We’re missing something far more profound.
美国不是被空间分割的。
America isn’t divided by space.
美国被时间分割。
America is divided by time.
-我们不再活在当下。
-We don’t live in the moment anymore. -Mm.
既然我们可以生活在任何有记录的时刻，我们为什麽要这麽做呢?
And why would we, when we can live in any moment that’s ever been recorded?
当我们体验到我们真正喜欢的东西时，我们的本能会以某种方式把它归档以便以后使用。
And when we experience something we really love, our overwhelming instinct is to somehow file it away for later.
这很有趣。
That’s interesting.
我们不在电影院看电影。
We don’t watch movies in the theater.
电视播出的时候我们不看。
We don’t watch TV when it airs.
我们甚至不会同时聊天，因为我们会发短♥信♥。
We don’t even have conversations at the same time because we text.
你发短♥信♥的时候，我可以说”嗨”
And when you text, I can say, “Hi,”
你可以马上说「嗨」回来，或者一分钟。——或者从来没有。
and you could say “Hi” back in a second, – or a minute. – Or never.
或者永远不要，因为是你，你忙着製作美国最大的播客，这是我的观点，因为我们都生活在我们自己的个性化时代。
Or never ’cause it’s you and you’re too busy producing the biggest podcast in America, which is kind of my point because we’re all living in our own individualized times.