假期历险记

再见
Bye.
可恶
Dang it.
爸 你干嘛来搅局
Dad, why would you do that?
看到你跟她说话 觉得你可能需要帮手
Saw ya talkin’ to her. Figured you could use a Wingman.
我不需要帮手
I didn’t need a Wingman.
看来你需要 她走人了
Well… Looks like ya did. She left.
那是因为你来了…
That’s because you were approahing…
你知道 詹姆斯 我在你这年龄时
You know, James, when I was your age,
克拉克爷爷曾找我促膝长谈 我们聊了一些事
grandpa Clark sat me down and we had a little chat.
看到你跟那女孩 我发觉我们没聊过那种事
Seeing you with that girl made me realize that we haven’t had that chat yet.
-我们不必聊那种事 -是吗
-We don’t need that chat. -Yeah?
别逞强 我懂那很尴尬
No. Come on. I know it’s embarrassing.
但如果你跟美眉袒裎相见
But it’d be a lot more embarrassing
却不懂怎么做♥爱♥
if you found yourself Tummy to Tummy with a lady friend,
那样更尴尬
and you didn’t know what goes where.
我懂怎么做♥爱♥
I know what goes where.
-是吗 -嗯
-You do? -Uh-huh.
-你确定 -对
-Ya sure? -Yep.
好吧 好吧
All right. All right.
我只要你知道 我能解答你性方面的…
Well, I just want you to know I’m here to answer any questions…
任何疑惑…
you might have about that stuff,
无论问题看上去多么令人不自在
no matter how uncomfortable it seems.
好 好吧
Yeah, okay.
-那好问吧 -好吧 好吧
-Yeah, right. Here it comes. -Yeah. All right. Okay.
嗯…学校有些孩子们…
Uh, there were some kids at school…
说到”舔菊花”
who were talking about rim jobs.
-嗯 -那是什么 什么是舔菊花
-Mm. -So, what’s that? What’s a rim job?
-舔菊花 -对
-Rim jobs. -Yeah.
嗯 是”菊花”
Hmm. Is that R-I-M?
嗯
Mm-hmm.
舔菊花 出处
Rim job. Country of origin.
我不知道 嗯 美国吧
I don’t know. Um, America.
能举完整句子吗
Can I hear it in a sentence?
-“爸什么是舔菊花” -噢
-“What’s a rim job, Dad?” -Oh.
舔菊花嘛
Well, rim job.
我猜舔菊花就是闭着嘴巴亲某个人
I would guess a rim job is when you kiss someone with your mouth closed.
对吧 就像含苞的菊花 舌头伸不进去
Right? So you’re only using the rim of your mouth.
-这么简单 -当然
-That’s it? -Sure.
感觉比那脏多了
It… It felt like it was something way dirtier.
不会 不然还能是什么
No, I mean, what else could it be?
还有其他问题吗
Any other questions?
应该没了
I guess not.
相谈甚欢 詹姆斯
Good talk, James.
希望你还没长大到睡前不让老爸给你”舔菊花”
Now, I hope you’re not too old to let your Dad give you a good-night rim job.
欢迎来到阿肯色 自然之州
特克萨卡纳 125英里
达拉斯 300英里
休斯顿 415英里
看来晚餐前能到奥黛莉姑姑家
Looks like we might get to aunt Audrey’s before dinner.
斯通姑父会在吗
Oh, will uncle Stone be there?
会 应该在
Yeah, I suppose he will.
-斯通姑父很酷 -酷才能当名人
-Uncle Stone is cool. -You have to be cool to be a celebrity.
他不怎么算名人
He’s not exactly a celebrity.
我是说 他只是地方的气象预报员 就这样
I mean, he’s a local weatherman. That’s all.
实际上 奥黛莉说全国台对他有兴趣
A-Actually, Audrey said that the networks are interested in him.
-是吗好吧替他高兴 -是的
-Yeah? All right. Well, good for him. -Oh, yeah.
妈 你觉得斯通姑父会让我骑他的马吗
Mom, do you think uncle Stone will let me ride his horse?
我想不成问题
I don’t see why not.
-那我能向他借枪 -不行
-Do you think I can shoot his guns? -No, you cannot.
太可惜了 不然我会把你♥他♥妈♥的从马上射下来
Too bad. I would’ve shot you right off that fuckin’ horse.
你知道 我从没料到我妹妹会嫁给这么一个保守派
You know, I never would’ve imagined my sister marrying such a conservative.
哦 是啊 但斯通的政♥治♥信念跟我们不同…
Oh, yeah, but just because Stone’s political beliefs are different than ours…
不代表他不是帅哥
doesn’t mean he’s not good-looking.
我是说…
I… um…
好人
A good person.
-你说漏嘴了 -呃 老公…
-Ya said it! -Uh, honey…
嘿 看那里
Hey, look at that!
前面有温泉 我们一直想去泡汤
Hot Springs up ahead. We’ve always wanted to do that.
老公 去奥黛莉家可别迟到了
Oh, honey, we don’t wanna be late to Audrey’s.
那就迟到几分钟吧
So we’re a few minutes late.
我们是在度假 对吧 来吧 让我们及时行乐
We’re on vacation. Right? Come on. Let’s have some fun.
好吧
Okay.
-哦看看这队伍 -这会等很久的
-Oh, look at the line. -This is gonna take forever.
大家开心点 我们多常能泡热水
Come on, guys. How often do we get to soak in hot water?
每次泡澡都是啊
Every time we take a bath.
不 这不同 这是天然的
No. This is different. ‘Kay, this is natural.
这种水是在大自然母亲的肠道加热的
This water was heated in mother nature’s bowels.
哦 真恶心
Oh, gross.
一定有捷径进去
There’s gotta be another way in.
我来问这位先生 他八成知道
I’m gonna ask this gentleman. I bet he’d know.
先生 请问一下
Excuse me, sir.
-你好 -嗨
-Hi there. -Hey. Hi.
我们想知道温泉有别的入口吗
Hey, we were wondering. Is there another entrance to the hot Springs?
像是当地人进出的秘密入口
Like, a secret entrance the locals use?
每年这时候都会排很久 对吧
Line can get pretty long this time of year, huh?
是啊 还用说
Yeah. Yeah, it sure can.
好 我教你怎么做
Yeah, I’ll tell you what y’all do.
看到那条泥土路 左边那条小路
Uh, can you see that dirt road? That path there on the left?
看到了
Yeah.
从那进去直走就能到达温泉
If you just follow that all the way up, that’ll take you to the hot Springs.
好 太好了 谢谢
All right. Perfect. Thank you.
没问题 祝你们玩得愉快
Oh, no, no. You bet. Y’all have a good time.
一定会的
Oh, will do!
你的宠物鼠叫什么名字
Hey, what’s your pet rat’s name?
我的宠物什么
Is my pet what?
我不认识它
I don’t know him.
老公 确定吗 没人走这条路
Honey, are you sure about this? I mean, nobody else is going this way.
多数人的想法都局限在框架内
Yeah, well, most people think inside the box.
但知道谁的想法跳脱框架
But you know who thinks outside the box?
斯通姑父
Uncle Stone?
我 你们老爸
Me. Your father.
老公 我没看到任何温泉
Um, honey, I don’t see any hot Springs.
那个人说这条路走到底 所以…
Well, the guy said it was right at the end of this road, so…
那个人也不知道肩上有只大老鼠 所以很可疑
Well, the guy also did not know he had a rat on his shoulder, so there’s that.
等等
Hold on.
老公 这太美了
Wow. Honey. This is beautiful.
-是吧 -是啊
-Isn’t it? -Yeah.
好 大伙儿 快换上泳衣
All right, everyone. In your bathing suits. Now!
看来咱们发现专属的私人温泉了
Looks like we found our own private hot spring.
我建议取名为”格瑞斯沃德温泉”
I say we call it “Griswold Springs.”
-哦水温刚好 -天啊 真舒服
-Oh! The water’s perfect. -Oh, my God. It’s so nice.
为什么闻起来像臭鸡蛋
Why does it smell like rotten eggs?
喔 那是硫磺 孩子
Oh, that’s the sulfur, buddy.
-对 -很天然
-Yeah. -It’s natural.
对 这东西真的对你们也很有好处
Yeah. And it’s really good for you, too.
其实这泥土里的矿物质…
Actually, the minerals that are in this mud here,
能吸出你们身体里的毒素
they draw toxins out of your body.
-啊 -很了不得吧
-Ah. -Can you believe that?
酷吧
Cool, right?
哦 哇
Oh, wow.
呣
Mm.
太完美了
This is perfect.
我们正需要放松一下
It’s exactly what we needed.
是啊 正确决定 格瑞斯沃德家
Oh, yeah. Good call, Griswold.
危险 未净化污水
-哦舒服 -是啊
-Oh, man. -Yeah.
-好正是这样 -正是这样
-Oh, yeah. That’s it. -That’s it.
我能感觉到我的身体正在排毒
I can fell my body detoxifying.
老实说…
You know…
这尝起来有点屎味 但我觉得那正是功效
It tastes a little shitty, but I think that’s part of it.
-对 -放心啦
-Yeah. -That’s okay.
太棒了
This is wonderful.
真过瘾