特雷弗·诺亚：但愿你可以（2022）

Like, “Can I get that one? The papadums?”
这个东西你们叫什么?
“What do you call these ones?”
我能点这个吗 不加香料?”
“Can I get this one, but not spicy?”
“你去死吧!”
“Kill yourself!”
“Can I get the curry, but not spicy?” “Kill yourself!”
-“我要点咖喱 不加香料?” -“你去死吧!”
How you gonna ask for curry but not spicy?
怎么会有人点不加香料的咖喱?
咖喱的重点就是香料
That’s the whole point of curry.
还想点不加香料的咖喱
You want curry without the spice.
你去寿司店会要求把鱼煮熟吗?
What, do you go to a sushi restaurant and ask for the fish slightly boiled?
“不加香料”
“Don’t want the spice.”
你的祖先为了 香料在全世界都杀过人!
“Your forefathers went around the world killing people for this spice!”
现在你又不想要了?
“Now you don’t want it?”
“闭嘴好好吃你的香料吧 史蒂夫”
“Shut up and eat the spice, Steve.”
他说:“特雷弗 我不知道你这股怒气是从哪来的
And he’s like, “Trevor, I really don’t understand where this is coming from.”
好吗?我不会 让你尴尬的 我懂咖喱”
“All right? I’m not gonna embarrass you. I understand curry.”
我说:“争论 到此为止 这件事交给我
I was like, “Let’s just leave it at that. I’ve got you.”
因为我比你更懂印度菜”
“I understand this way more than you.”
他说:“不好意思 你又没有比我更像印度人”
He’s like, “I’m sorry, you’re not more Indian than me.”
“抱歉 你说什么?”
Like, “I’m sorry, what?”
“我说 你又没有比我更像印度人”
Like, “Yeah, you are not more Indian than me.”
我当时就⋯
I was like, “Kuch Kuch Hota Hai.”
-“你说的是啥?” -“就是这个意思”
“What the hell is that?” “Exactly.”
“Don’t tell me I’m not more Indian than you.”
“说什么你不比我更像印度人
等会服务员进来 你闭嘴⋯”
“You shut up. When the waiter comes in…” He’s like, “I’m not gonna shut up.”
他说:“我就不闭嘴”
-“你闭嘴!” -“好吧 那你点吧”
Like, “You shut up!” Like, “Okay, fine. Order, then.”
服务员走了过来
The waiter walks over
一个美丽的印度男子 穿着美丽的印度服饰
this beautiful Indian man, got his beautiful Indian garb
走上前来
and he steps up.
我了解史蒂夫 我知道他一定会质疑我
And I know Steve. I can see him questioning my authority
我用余光看到了他的表情
out of the corner of my eye.
那一刻我“特鲁多式”用力过猛了
And that’s when I Trudeau’d.
I was just a little too hyped.
我可能是太兴奋了
我想向他证明 这是我的族人
I wanted to show him that these were my people.
所以服务员一过来 我都没等他开口
As the waiter got there, I didn’t let him speak.
直接就开始点菜“晚上好
I just jumped up and was like… “Good evening.”
“I’m going to be ordering for the entire table, please.”
我负责为大家点菜
首先 我们想点三个蒜香卷馕
“Could we please have three garlic roll naans?”
然后再来三张印度飞饼
“We’re going to have, uh, three rumali rotis.”
一份沙希奶酪 一份菠菜奶酪
“Give us one shahi paneer, one palak paneer.”
“You know what? We’re going to have a rogan josh. Lamb, of course.”
对了 我们还想点 一份羊肉咖喱 当然是羊羔肉
“Could we also please have one butter chicken for my Caucasian friends?”
能给我的白人 朋友来一份奶油鸡吗?
“And then we’re going to have three samosas
然后再来三个咖喱角
最后 饮料就来三杯芒果拉西吧
and three mango lassis to wash it all down.”
谢谢”
“Thank you very much.”
I crushed it.
我太牛了
I could feel it.
我自己都感觉到了
其他人肯定也感觉到了
Everyone could feel it.
反正他们肯定有感觉
They could feel something.
因为所有人都安静了
‘Cause the table went dead.
而服务员却一直盯着我
The waiter just stared at me.
一开始我以为他被我惊艳了 后来我才意识到他根本没听懂
At first I thought he was impressed. Then I realized he was confused.
这个印度人朝我靠了过来
And this Indian man leans in
死死地盯着我说
looks me dead in the eye, and he’s like…
“Sorry, sir, could you repeat what you said?”
“不好意思 先生 您能重复一遍吗?”
“我没听懂您说的 您好像有点口音”
“I canna hear what you were saying. You got a bit of an accent.”
And I was like, “Oh, shit!”
我当时想:“完了!
“He’s Scottish!”
他是苏格兰人!”
我知道他是苏格兰人 因为我们就在苏格兰
I mean, I know he’s Scot… We’re in Scotland.
可是他是印度人啊!我没想到会这样
Scottish… But, like, he’s Indian! I didn’t expect that, right?
而且这个餐馆 太印度了 里面都是印度人
Because the whole place is Indian. Indian restaurant, people were Indian.
墙上还挂着印度服饰 服务员也是印度人
Indian garbs on the wall. The guy was Indian.
还留着印度风格的胡子 结果一张嘴是苏格兰口音
His beard was Indian. But his mouth was Shrek.
我没想到会这样
I didn’t expect that.
而且他还没听懂我的话
And now he didn’t understand me.
因为我像特鲁多一样用力过猛了
‘Cause I Trudeau’d too much.
我没必要这样用力过猛
I didn’t need to try so hard.
后来我又意识到
But then I realized
我必须装下去
I also couldn’t stop.
‘Cause that would be racist.
不然就是种族歧视
当时的情景就是
So now
一个苏格兰印度人一直盯着我
I’ve got this Scottish-Indian man looking at me.
其他人全都鸦雀无声
Everyone’s quiet, and he’s like
“您不介意的话 能不能再点一次?最好说慢一点
“If you don’t mind, laddie, could you order again, a little slower this time?”
我刚才真没听懂”
“I didna hear what ya said.”
“你想让我重新点一次?”
“You want me to place the entire order again?”
“是的 如果您 不介意的话 我准备好了”
“Aye, if you don’t mind. I’m ready whenever you are.”
“我觉得大家可以 点自己想吃的 我就不⋯
“I think everybody can order for themselves at the table. I…”
我就不为大家代劳了
“I don’t think it’s necessary to hold their hands.”
大家就点自己想吃的
“Everybody can order individually.”
然后重新开始 好吗?”
“And we can go from there, okay? We can go from there.”
史蒂夫说:“我也想自己点
Steve was like, “Oh, I wish I could
但我害怕会冒犯别人 所以⋯
but I’m so afraid I might offend someone. I…”
“I think my friend here should order for us. Please, Trevor, go ahead.”
我觉得应该让 我的朋友来点 来吧 特雷弗
你点吧 毕竟你比我更了解印度文化”
“Go ahead. You’re far more cultured than I am.”
我说:“不 史蒂夫 你来点吧
I said, “No, Steve, please. You can try your hand.”
我相信你肯定知道自己想吃什么”
“I’m sure you know what you want.”
他说:“不 万一我说了 什么让人尴尬的话怎么办?
He’s like, “No, but what if I say something embarrassing?”
我最不想做的事 就是冒犯别人的文化 特雷弗”
“The last thing I’d want to do is offend another person’s culture, Trevor.”
“你不会冒犯别人的 又不会出什么大错 好吗?
“You can’t offend anybody. There are no mistakes here, okay?”
我们都是朋友 好吗?
“We are all friends, okay?”
如果有人犯错 大家忘了就好
“If anybody make a mistake, we forget about it.”
不管今天发生什么 反正总会忘掉的 不是吗?
“In fact, whatever happens today, we’re all gonna forget about it, okay?”
你点吧”
“Just order. Just order.”
他说:“虽然我 很想点 但还是你点吧”
He’s like, “No, I really wish I could, but Trevor, please go on.”
-“你点吧 史蒂夫” -“不 还是你点吧 特雷弗”
I said, “No, just order, Steve.” “No, please, Trevor.”
“快点点菜 你个混♥蛋♥!”
I was like, “Order, bastard!”
“快点!”
“Just order!”
旁边的服务员说: “嘿 没必要为这个吵架”
The waiter was like, “Hey, there’s no need to fight amongst yourselves.”
“很明显 你的朋友有点不自在
“Look, clearly your friend’s a little uncomfortable.”
你就给他点吧”
“Right? Just order for him.”
“是啊 是很不自在”
“Yes, it’s totally uncomfortable.”
“好吧 那就给我们来⋯
“Okay, could we please have, um…
三张印度飞饼 然后⋯
uh, three rumali rotis, and…
三个蒜香卷馕
three garlic naan
一份沙希奶酪 一份菠菜奶酪
uh, one shahi paneer, one palak paneer
然后再来一份羊羔肉咖喱
and, uh, could we also get a lamb rogan josh?”
我们还想要一份奶油鸡”
“And we’re also going to be having, uh, one butter chicken–”
“给你的白人朋友?”
“For your Caucasian friends?”
“给大家
“For anybody. For anybody.”
大家想吃什么样的咖喱都行 不一定非要加香料
“Anybody can enjoy different types of curry. They don’t all have to be spicy.”
那并不重要 只要大家参与就好
“It doesn’t matter, as long as you participate.”
怎么吃都行”
“There is no wrong way.”
“你真是太通情达理了 特雷弗”
“Oh, you’re so understanding, Trevor.”
“我是很通情达理
“Yes. Yes, I am.”
“Could we, um, also please get, uh–”
我们还想点一个⋯”
“Aren’t you gonna answer that?”
“你不接吗?”
“No, they can call me back later.”
“不 等会儿还会再打过来的”
“It’s getting awkward. Just answer your phone. I’ll wait.”
他说:“都有点 尴尬了 你接吧 我等你”
“Okay.”
“好吧”
“Hello?”
“喂?”
“是的 我是特雷弗 有什么事吗?
“Yes, this is Trevor speaking. How can I help you?”
“Yes, no, one and the same. Can you get to the point?”
你没打错 你有什么事?
我现在不太方便 你能不能⋯
“I can’t talk right now. Can you…”
你到底有什么事? 我不太方便 能不能⋯
“Can you tell me what you need? I can’t speak for too long. Can you…”
不 我的声音 没问题 你能不能⋯
“No, there is nothing wrong with my voice. Can you just get…”
“No, everything’s fine. No, I have not been kidnapped. No.”
不 我没事 我没被绑♥架♥
我没被绑♥架♥ 我没事
“I have not been kidnapped. Everything is fine.”
这不是求救信♥号♥♥ 你到底找我什么事?
“This is not a secret message. Just, can you tell me what you need?”
不 我们可以等会再说
“No, we can talk later then. We–”
我的声音 有时候就是这样 别担心
“No, yeah, my voice is like this sometimes. Don’t worry about that.”