特雷弗·诺亚：但愿你可以（2022）

他被定罪了吗?没有的话就闭上嘴
“Has he been convicted of anything? Then shut the hell up.”
新闻总说他丑闻缠身
Be like, “He’s scandalous.”
还说他的丑闻骇人⋯ “他曾在一个富人家里留宿”
He’s got the terrible… “He slept at a rich man’s house.”
Ah, that’s adorable.
真是太可爱了
My favorite scandal of Justin Trudeau’s, by far
目前为止 我最喜欢的特鲁多丑闻
是他去印度拜访的那次
is the one where he went on a trip to India.
And then became Indian.
最后他变成了印度人
这可以算是有史 以来最棒的丑闻之一了
That has to be one of the greatest scandals of all time.
我还记得整个流程
I remember when it broke.
他从加拿大出发的时候穿的还是西装
He took off. He was wearing a suit. He left Canada.
站在飞机上向大家告别“各位再见”
Waving on the plane. “Goodbye. Goodbye, everybody. Goodbye.”
坐上飞机 飞到印度 着陆
Got on, flew to India, landed.
舱门打开 一出来突然就成了半个印度人
Doors opened, and he came out, and he was already half-Indian.
Had the jacket on.
穿着印度的传统上衣
但是更好笑的是
But what was crazy
随着印度之旅的推进 他变得越来越像印度人
was that as the trip progressed, he became more and more Indian
每天都变得更像
each day.
显然没人告诉他 加拿大正在报什么新闻
Clearly, no one’s telling him what’s happening on the news in Canada
因为加拿大人快气疯了
because Canadians were losing it.
“这太失礼了!他怎么能这样?”
Like, “This is disrespectful! How can you do this, eh?”
但是他还在变得越来越像印度人
And he was out there becoming more and more Indian.
It started with the top, and then he went down to the pants.
最开始是上衣 然后是裤子
然后又穿了整套服装 戴了头饰
He had the full outfit. Then he had the headdress.
我最喜欢的一张照片 是他和印度政要一起开会
My favorite was when he walked into a meeting with Indian dignitaries
印度政要全都穿着西装
and they were all wearing suits.
This man walked into that meeting
而特鲁多穿得就像
要去为《巴特班》试镜一样
looking like he was about to audition for Baat Ban.
我当时想:“你在搞什么?”
You were like, “What the hell is this?”
He was getting so Indian that I was hoping a moment would come
他变得太像印度人了 我开始想
他会不会在演讲中途人设突变
where he’d be in the middle of a speech
我当时希望他能讲着讲着突然
and I was just hoping suddenly he’d be like…
“我想说 我为两国合作
“Can I just say how proud I am
取得的成就感到骄傲
of the work we’ve done together?”
“As Canadians and as Indians…”
作为加拿大人 作为印度人
我们⋯”
♪ …we… ♪
I was hoping that would happen.
我当时特希望会变成这样
我一直在默默期待
I was waiting for it.
有史以来最大的丑闻
“The biggest scandal of all time.”
“他变成了印度人”
“He became Indian.”
我觉得这事没有那么糟
I don’t think it was that bad.
我只是觉得他用力过猛了 说实话
I just think he tries too hard, to be honest.
我觉得特鲁多总是用力过猛
You know, I think Justin Trudeau tries too hard.
总想表现得有同情心 结果总是用力过猛 你懂吗?
Tries too hard to show he’s compassionate. Tries too hard, you know?
我不觉得这很糟 我知道这不客观
I don’t think it’s that bad. And look, I’m biased.
我承认我有点主观了
I know I’m biased. I am.
因为我⋯“特鲁多式”用力过猛
Because I… I too have Trudeau’d.
I’ll… Yeah.
我⋯好吧
我现在就坦白
I’ll confess it here tonight.
我也犯过“特鲁多式”错误 加拿大
I too have Trudeau’d, Canada.
I too have tried too hard to connect with a group of people, and…
我曾想和别人拉近关系 结果用力过猛 然后⋯
结果并不好
it did not go well.
My story happened in Edinburgh, Scotland.
我的故事发生在苏格兰爱丁堡
Beautiful place. If you’ve never been, go. Stunning.
很美的地方 如果你没去过 一定要去看看
那里的一切都很美
Everything.
到处都蕴含着悠久的历史
The place is full of history.
那里的人也很友善 温暖
The people are lovely and warm.
天气很冷 但人很暖
The place isn’t, but the people are.
Everything is old. They love telling you that.
他们总喜欢告诉你 所有东西都很古老
你去爱丁堡的任何地方 他们都会问
Everywhere you’ll go in Edinburgh, people will be like
“你觉得那座桥有多少年了?”
“How old d’ya think that bridge is?”
我说我不知道 他们说:“三百年了”
Like, “I don’t know.” They’re like, “Three hundred years old.”
我说:“哦 好吧” 他们又说:“那个教堂 五百年了”
Like, “Oh, okay.” They be like, “That church, 500 years old.”
“这是我儿子 八百年了”
“Meet my son, 800 years old.”
-“他看起来像六岁” -“靠的都是苏格兰工艺”
“He looks six.” “Aye. Scottish workmanship.”
But they’re a wonderful people. It was really great out there.
但他们人真的很好 那里真的很棒
我们去那里参加喜剧节
We were there for a comedy festival, okay?
然后⋯
And…
不管我去哪儿旅行
what I do whenever I’m traveling is
只要我的朋友也在那里
if I get to be in the same place as my friends
我们就会约出来一起玩
we try and spend as much time together.
我们通常会一起吃饭 或者出去玩 然后每次都会
And what we’ll do is we’ll order food or we’ll go out, and when we do that
选一个人出来为大家点菜
we allow one person to designate the meal.
其他人只能接受 而且点菜的人是轮流的
Nobody negotiates. Everybody gets to pick a day.
每次轮到我的时候
And so, whenever my day comes around
我总是会选印度菜
consistently I pick Indian food.
我认为这是全世界最棒的美食
All right? Yeah, I think it’s the best cuisine in the world.
没有什么能相提并论
Nothing comes close.
你要是不同意 那我们可以去停车场打一架
You don’t agree with me, let’s meet in the parking lot and we can fight.
I love Indian food. Loved it my whole life.
我从小就喜欢印度菜
We’re in Edinburgh. I’m with friends. “Where are we going?”
当时我和朋友 在爱丁堡 正在想去哪儿吃饭
“Trevor, what do you say?” I’m like, “Indian food.” “Every time!”
他们问我 我说印度菜
-“每次都这样!” -“那当然”
“Yes, every time, Indian food.”
“每次都是印度菜” “那你还问什么?”
“It’s always the same.” “Then why keep asking?”
“你明明知道 不要再问了”
“If you know, you know. Stop asking me.”
然后我开始找餐厅
And I searched for where we were gonna go.
我总是想找到 当地最正宗的印度餐厅
I always try and find the most authentic Indian restaurant I can find.
那种原汁原味的印度餐厅
I mean, like, authentic Indian restaurants.
你们懂吗?我通常会 去一个地方 然后向周围的人打听
You know? What I’ll do is I’ll go to a place, and then I’ll ask around.
“你都去哪个餐厅?”
I’ll ask people, like, “Where do you go?”
白人说的餐厅 我绝对不会去
Then like, where the white people tell me, I don’t go there.
然后我找到了正宗的印度餐厅
So I found this authentic spot.
而且它非常⋯我特别高兴
And it was… I was so happy.
我坚持这么做是有原因的
Now, the reason it had to be so authentic
这跟我的经历有很大关系
just so you understand a little bit of me…
你们可能知道我在南非长大 对吧?
I grew up in South Africa, as you know. Right?
但很多人不知道的是
Now, what a lot of people may not know is that South Africa
除了印度 南非有着全世界最多的印度人口
has one of the largest Indian populations outside of India.
它是印度以外最大的印度人聚居地
All right? One of the largest Indian populations outside of India.
我知道现在加拿大是最大的
I know Canada’s number one now.
But when I was growing up
但在我小时候
除了印度以外 南非有着全世界最多的印度人口
we had the single largest population of Indians outside of India.
如果印度炸了
Yeah. So if India blew up…
We were India.
我们就是印度
It was that close.
就是多到这种地步
所以我很幸运 是在印度文化的环绕下长大的
And so I was lucky enough to grow up surrounded by Indian culture.
我小时候最好的朋友
In fact, one of my best friends growing up
就是一个叫锡森裴雷的印度男孩
was a little Indian boy by the name of Theesan Pillay.
我们俩玩得特别好
And we were thick as thieves.
你们可能无法理解 但我们每天都形影不离
I don’t think you understand. Every day, we hung out together.
每天的休息时间都在一起
We spent our recesses together.
我们会一起玩 一起吃东西 干什么都在一起
We’re hanging out, eating, everything together.
因为我们有很多的共同点
Because we had so many things in common.
学年一开始 我们俩就认识了
We met at the beginning of the school year
而且我们之间的共同点特别多
and we had so many things in common.
比如他喜欢跑步 我也喜欢跑步
Like, he liked running. I liked running.
所以⋯
So…
Theesan and I would spend every day together.
我和锡森每天都在一起
而且我俩的仪式 特别简单 我们先去上课
And our ritual was simple. We’d go to all the classes we did
然后在午休时间碰面
and then we’d meet at what we called break time.
坐在一起吃午餐
At break time, we’d sit and eat lunch together.
我们俩的午餐特别不一样
Now, our lunches were very different. All right?
锡森每天都会带妈妈做的午餐
Because Theesan would get a packed lunch from his mom every single day.
而我是从妈妈那里拿钱
I would get money from my mom to buy food
在学校的小卖♥♥部买♥♥东西吃
from the school tuck shop. Right?
也可以叫食堂
Cafeteria. Right?
所以我每天都是买♥♥饭吃
So I’d go and buy the food every day.
因为我妈妈不会做饭
‘Cause my mom couldn’t cook, right?
她做过一次 吃完我说:“你别再做了
Well, she tried once, and I was like, “Don’t do this ever again.”
“This is child abuse.”
这是虐待儿童 你给我钱就行了”
“Just give me the money.”
我每天都是买♥♥东西吃