特雷弗·诺亚：但愿你可以（2022）

衣衫不整地说: “各位 这不是开玩笑
He came there, barely dressed, like, “Everybody, this is not a joke.”
我见识过了 整个英国必须马上封闭
“I’ve seen it for myself. The UK’s shutting down.”
球赛立刻停止 酒吧马上关门
“Please, football’s gone. The pubs are gone.”
绝不能轻视病毒 我已经经历过了
“Do not take this lightly. I’ve experienced it myself.”
真不是开玩笑 我不能透露太多 我得走了
“I promise, this is not fun. I can’t talk, I have to go.”
真不能说 我得⋯”
“Please, I can’t talk. I have to…” And he was just gone.
然后他就跑了
跑了!吓得魂都丢了
Gone! That man was terrified.
我还以为新冠病毒 会从拐角跑出来追他呢
I was half-expecting coronavirus to come around the corner.
Like…
但是特朗普还是不当回事
Trump, on the other hand, didn’t give a damn.
那个人要死一定是犟死的
That man will die from being stubborn.
他出院的时候
He came out of the hospital
几乎无法呼吸了 但是还是开了新闻发布会
could barely breathe, but still held a press conference.
都没怎么说话 光是⋯
Didn’t even speak. Was just like…
“如果我能做到
“If I can do it…”
“…so can you.”
那你也行”
真是笑死了
Ah, man.
我真的不明白为什么有人给他投票
I honestly don’t get how anybody voted for that man.
I really don’t get it.
我真的搞不懂
而且说实话
And by the way
我说的不是政♥治♥方面
I don’t mean politically.
我理解人们会投给 他们认同的政♥治♥观点
All right? I understand.
People will vote for the politics they wanna vote for. I get that.
我不理解的是为什么有人投他
What I don’t understand is why people voted for him.
更疯狂的是有些人投给他之后
What was even crazier was that some people voted for him
竟然会对他的真面目失望
and then were disappointed by who he was.
That was the craziest thing I’ve ever seen.
那是我见过的最疯狂的事
他们说:“真不敢相信他会这么做
People were like
简直难以置信”
“I can’t believe what he’s doing.”
“不好意思 你不敢相信什么?”
“I’m sorry, you can’t believe what’s happening?”
“特朗普 你敢信吗?”
“Donald Trump. Can you believe this?”
“他一辈子都在做 这样的事 你说我敢信吗?”
“Can I believe he’s doing the same thing he’s been doing his whole life?”
“是的 我不敢相信 这太惊人了”
“Yeah, I can’t believe this. This is shock–”
“你觉得吃惊?”
“You’re shocked?”
特朗普是我见过的 最不让人吃惊的人类
Donald Trump is the least shocking human being I’ve ever come across in my life.
他从始至终都在做自己
He is consistently being himself.
他就是最老套的反派
The man is a clichéd villain.
长得像反派 说话也像反派
Looks like a villain, talks like a villain.
He looks like he should be in a Scooby-Doo episode.
他长得就像《史酷比救救我》的反派
With that face, with that vibe?
那个长相 那个感觉
你都能想象主角 审犯人的时候 他站在嫌犯中间
You could see him in the lineup when they’re trying to solve the crime.
“你觉得谁是凶手 史酷比?”
“Who do you think it is, Scoob?” Be like
“哦 我可以跟你说 绝对不是我”
“Oh, it wasn’t me, I’ll tell you that much.”
“我什么都没干 我是清白的”
“I didn’t do anything. I’m innocent.”
然后特朗普说: “我是清白的 绝对清白
“I’m innocent. So innocent.”
“Some say, the most innocent man who’s ever lived.”
甚至有些人说 我是全世界最清白的人”
“我觉得凶手是他”
Be like, “Yeah, I think it’s that guy.”
我真的不明白
I just don’t get it.
为什么要投给⋯我的意思是
Why would you vote…? I mean, actually…
我明白 但我不理解
I get it, but I don’t understand.
我想了很久 终于发现
‘Cause what I get and I’ve realized is
在美国这个国家
in the United States of America
如果你想赢得大选 你只需要有个奇怪的声音
if you want to win an election, all you need to have is a strange voice.
Simple as that. Wanna be president of the United States?
就这么简单 你想成为美国总统?
弄一个奇怪的声音 你就赢了
Get a strange voice, you’re done.
什么政策什么理念 全都不重要
Yeah, forget policies, forget ideas. That’s boring.
你一出声“这是我的⋯”
You come out there, “Here are my–”
“Boo!”
“Normal-sounding-ass bitch.”
“声音正常的混♥蛋♥”
No.
不行
如果你的声音很奇怪 选民一定喜欢
You come out there with a strange voice, the people love it.
你会发现 没有一个 美国总统的声音是正常的 没有
You realize there’s been no American president
who has a normal speaking voice. None.
You can go back as far as you want. None of them spoke normal. None.
你尽管找 没有一个人声音是正常的
比如说⋯肯尼迪好了
Go back as far as… Like, JFK.
JFK. He didn’t speak normal.
他的声音就很奇怪
他的声音有个特点 “不要问你的国家能为你做什么
He had that thing. “Ask not what your country can do for you
而是要问你能为国家做什⋯”
but ask what you can do for your…” That’s not normal.
这太不正常了
Don’t care what anybody says. That’s not normal.
我不管你怎么说 那就是不正常
You’re telling me that man was standing in a McDonald’s
你告诉我 有人在麦当劳里
用那种声音点餐吗?
ordering food with that voice?
“我要个一号♥汉堡 五分熟 加薯条
Like, “Could I please get a number one, medium, with fries.”
我还要一个麦旋风 谢谢
“And I’ll also have a McFlurry, please.”
你说冰淇淋机坏了是什么意思?”
“What do you mean the ice cream machine is broken?”
That’s not normal.
这声音太不正常了
没有一个 美国总统的声音是正常的 没有
No American presidents speak normal. None.
克♥林♥顿♥的声音也不正常
Bill Clinton. He didn’t speak normal.
他的声音听起来 总觉得他想色♥诱♥观众一样
He always did that thing where it sounded like he was trying to seduce the audience.
你懂吗?就是
You know? Like…
“我没有和那个女人
“I did not have sexual relations…”
“…with that woman.”
发生性关系”
你在干嘛?
What are you doing?
没有一个 美国总统的声音是正常的 没有
No American president spoke normal. None of them.
布♥什♥的声音也不正常
George Bush, he didn’t speak normal.
总有种拿腔拿调的感觉
Always did that weird chuckly thing.
“我一定会找出罪魁祸首
“Gonna find the people that did this
and then bomb a totally different country.”
然后再找个国家炸一下
“Fool me once…”
耍我一次⋯”
That’s not normal.
那绝对不正常
没有一个 美国总统的声音是正常的 没有
No American president spoke normal. None.
奥巴马的声音也不正常
Barack Obama, he didn’t speak normal.
听起来就像有东西在缓冲一样
Always did that thing where it sounded like his voice was buffering.
“Uh…”
“Uh… as Americans
“作为美国人
uh, we gotta try to get, uh… faster internet.”
我们要努力争取
更快的网络”
That’s not normal.
这真的不正常
拜登的声音也不正常
Joe Biden, he doesn’t speak normal.
真是那样
You kidding me?
他每次讲到最后声音都咕咕哝哝的
He just fades into mumbles every time he gives a speech.
Not normal. He’ll be up there, like
反正不正常 他演讲是这样的
“所以我们要理解的最重要的事⋯
“That’s why the most important thing to understand…”
“…the dreams of the finest negroes. Come on, man.”
优秀黑鬼的梦想 拜托
“Come on. Please.”
拜托 拜托啦
我说真的
“I mean it.”
拜托啦”
“Come on.”
这声音真的不正常
That’s not normal.
特朗普的声音是最奇怪的
Trump, that was the weirdest of all.
其他总统的语调起码可以预测
Every other American president was predictable.
你知道他们声音的起伏
You understood the ebb and flow.
但是特朗普的语调完全无法预测
Trump, you never knew what to expect.
All right? The volume on his voice, all over the place.
他说话的音量总是忽大忽小
音调更不合理
Inflection where it didn’t make sense.
你知道听他演讲的时候
Do you know how hard it was to figure out where to put the volume
调节电视的音量有多难吗?
on your TV when watching his speech?
我每次都跟DJ一样 上上下下按个不停
I had to sit there and ride it like a shitty DJ the whole time.
因为你不知道他的语调会怎么变化
As he would speak. Because you wouldn’t know when it’d happen.
“我认为 作为美国人
He’d be up there, “I think, as Americans
我们应该去尝试 大试 特试
we try and try, so try, big trying.”
全都试
“All trying.”
我知道这个 真的知道
“I know this. I do.”
但是我知道 而且我觉得
“But I know and I think
如果我们行 那就是行
if we can, we can,
但是我们不会 但是我们会 但是可能 但是⋯”
but we won’t, but we will, but maybe. But…”
What?
什么东西呀?
It’s not normal.
那太不正常了
所以每次来加拿大 看你们的新闻 我都会笑
That’s why I laugh whenever I come to Canada and watch your news.
Every time I come to Canada, I turn on the news, and they’ll be like
每次来加拿大 打开新闻 报道的都是
“加拿大的丑闻出现了
“There’s a Canadian scandal happening.”
特鲁多再次陷入丑闻”
“Justin Trudeau in another scandal.”
他的丑闻简直太可爱了 不是吗?
He has the most adorable scandals. You kidding me?
跟美国总统比 啥都不是 新闻总说特鲁多丑闻缠身
Compared to American presidents? What? They’re like, “He’s scandalous.”