环药房自行车赛（2017）

在82年比赛中还有其他首次
There were still other firsts at the ’82 Tour,
包括Marty Hass的参赛
including the appearance of Marty Hass,
他是第一位非籍自行车运动员
the first-ever African cyclist.
Marty Hass Marty Hass – 大非洲 近来怎样 大非洲
Marty Hass. Marty Hass. – Africa! What’s up, Africa?
情绪高涨 准备好参赛了吗
Feeling strong, ready for the race?
啊 我当时 我当时 呃
Oh, I was… I was just, uh,
超激动 超激动 超激动能参赛
psyched, psyched, psyched to be there,
你懂的 代表尼日利亚参赛
you know, representing Nigeria
代表尼日利亚所有的兄弟姐♥妹♥们♥
and all my Nigerian brothers and chicks.
Marty的父亲是开钻石矿场的
Marty’s father owned a diamond mine
靠近尼日利亚的首都
near Nigeria’s capital…
他在首都读的是纯美国人的私立学校
…where he went to an all-American private school.
他和真正的尼日利亚人根本没关系
He rarely associated with actual Nigerians.
在青年时 Marty吹捧自己为
At a young age, Marty established himself as
全国最佳自行车运动员
the country’s best cyclist,
因为其他人的自行车都是木头做的
because everyone else was on bicycles made out of wood.
但是说认真的 Rex
But on a serious note, Rex,
能够代表非洲参赛真是荣幸之至
it is truly an honor to be here to represent Africa,
因为 我不了解你知不知道
because… I don’t know if you know this,
但是非洲此刻正经历着一些衰事儿
but Africa’s actually going through some pretty weak stuff.
好吧 – 譬如说呢 经常 非洲会热得不行
Right. – For example, oftentimes, it’ll get pretty warm there.
在尼日利亚 我们都恨Marty Hass
Here in Nigeria, we hate Marty Hass.
Marty Hass是那种会走进酒吧
Marty Hass would walk into a bar,
然后去点唱机
then he would go over to the jukebox
点一张鲍勃·马利的专辑
and put on Bob Marley, Legend,
Bob Marley 南美牙买♥♥加唱作歌♥手 雷鬼音乐鼻祖 1981年病逝
1984年发行的精选集是全球雷鬼音乐界最畅销的专辑
并高呼”非洲音乐”的人
and be shouting, “African music!”
牙买♥♥加才不在非洲
Jamaica is not in Africa.
看起来你对自己的祖国非常非常自豪
Well, you seem very, very proud of your homeland.
确实 我想念非洲
Indeed I am. You know, I miss it.
身在法国 我很想家
Being here in France, I miss it back home,
然后 我祈祷非洲降雨
and… I bless the rains down in Africa.
对 对 就像那首歌♥里唱的
Right, right, like the song.
哦 这我倒不熟悉
Oh, I’m not familiar with that.
这是托托乐队的”非洲”的歌♥词
It’s the lyrics to the Toto song, “Africa.”
呃 我不太熟悉
Uh, I’m not familiar with that.
但无论如何 很难让我
But at any rate, it’s gonna take a lot…
从你身边离开
To drag me away from you.
离开 我也要这么说的
From you. That’s what I was gonna say!
我们要不要一起说一遍
Shall we do it in harmony?
太神奇了 我本来要说
That’s so bizarre. I was gonna say,
“离开你 离开这个棒棒的采访”
“Drag me away from you, from this great interview.”
真正的非洲人才不喜欢”非洲”这首歌♥
Real Africans didn’t like that song, “Africa.”
所以他在说瞎话
That’s why he was lying.
你见过托托乐队的成员没
You ever seen the dudes in the band Toto?
这些家伙才不应该唱关于非洲的歌♥
Those dudes shouldn’t be singing about Africa.
自行车比赛中也有”盗亦有道”的准则
There’s an “Honor among thieves” Code in cycling,
公开讨论提高赛绩的违禁药物的使用
and openly discussing the use of performance-enhancing drugs
显然是一个禁区
is certainly off-limits.
但是我们找到了一个前自行车手
But we found one former cyclist
他敢于在镜头之前说出真♥相♥
who was bold enough to speak frankly
以匿名伪装的方式
under the guise of anonymity.
我现在和传奇的Gustav Ditters站在一起
I’m standing here with the legendary Gustav Ditters.
看起来今年你要
You look like you’re going to be carrying
多带动一点体重了
a few extra pounds on the bike this year.
是的 超级辛苦地训练骑车就会这样
Yes. This is what happens when you train super hard, on the bicycle.
嗯 效果非常地惊人
Well, it is quite impressive.
看起来好像你能参加真正的体育项目了
Looks almost like you could play a real sport.
所有人都在作弊
Everyone was cheating.
所有人 除了我
Everyone… except for me.
我需要极其努力骑车
I’m gonna have to work extra hard
才能跟上你的节奏啊
to keep up with you out there.
对的 你听到了
That’s right, you heard it.
今年 我也会骑车 和选手一起
This year, I’ll be on the bike, riding alongside the riders,
比赛中途进行我的采访
conducting my interviews during the race,
如果我不一下子晕倒的话
that is if I don’t pass out immediately.
你觉得怎么样Gustav
What do you think about that, Gustav?
我的老天啊 老哥
Fucking hell, mate.
1982年的环法自行车赛
The 1982 Tour de France
是自行车赛史上最怪异的比赛
was the most eccentric bike race in the history of cycling,
很大程度上是因为几乎每个车手都嗑药了
in large part due to the fact that virtually every rider in the race was doping,
几乎全部170人
nearly all 170 of them.
82年比赛大家都用毒品的原因
The reason every rider was on drugs in the ’82 race
和一件事有关
has to do with the fact that
那就是信♥用♥卡♥前一年被引入芬兰
credit cards were introduced to Finland the year before.
库尔塔银行发行了第一批芬兰付款卡
KultaBank issued the first Finnish charge card,
而且发布了一个奇葩的商业广♥告♥
and they announced it with a bizarre commercial.
是的 那是一个非常令人迷惑的广♥告♥
Yeah, it’s a confusing commercial
至少有十几个原因
for a dozen reasons at least.
首先 为什么这个男的口自己的老婆就算偿付了
First of all, why is going down on his wife payment for this guy?
还有 他要偿付的是啥 洒了牛奶吗
And what’s he paying for? Spilling the milk?
我们看见他洒了牛奶
We saw him spill the milk,
所以为什么下一幕她就开始喝奶了
so why is she drinking milk in the very next scene?
你会注意到女人没有达到高♥潮♥
You’ll notice the woman doesn’t climax,
意味着债务没有被还清
which means the debt has not been fully repaid,
可能永远也还不清了 是吧各位
and likely never will. Right, guys?
对不起 我才发现大部分工作人员都是女性
Sorry, I just noticed the crew is mostly women.
我口♥活♥不好
I’m not good at oral sex.
广♥告♥里显示的惩戒性质的口♥交♥
The disciplinary cunnilingus shown in the commercials
明显没有做到
certainly did not do its job
把信♥用♥卡♥功能的传达给芬兰人♥民♥
explaining credit cards to the people of Finland.
包括国际自行车联盟的前主席 Ditmer Klerken
and this included the former president of the UCI, Ditmer Klerken.
国际自行车联盟负责
Well, the UCI was in charge
对参赛选手的进行药物检测
of testing all the riders for doping,
负责这个工作的人有严重的信♥用♥卡♥问题
and the guy in charge of that had a serious credit card problem.
我看到什么东西 比如一辆酷酷的车
I would see something, like a cool car
一匹酷酷的马 之类的
a cool horse, or something like this,
然后 然后我就递出这张神奇的塑料卡片
and… and I would hand them this magic piece of plastic
他们就给我酷酷的东西
and they would give me the cool thing.
三个月之后 Ditmer欠了库尔塔银行
After three months, Ditmer owed
将近一千六百万美元
nearly $16 million U.S. To KultaBank.
因为他欠了很多债
Because he was in this huge debt,
Ditmer给每个骑手都发了个纸条说
Ditmer sent every rider a note saying
如果他们付他五万美元
if they paid him $50,000,
当年就不会被药检
they wouldn’t get drug-tested that year.
嘿 如果你不想被药检
“Hey, if you don’t want to be drug tested,
给Ditmer Klerken一张支票
“Make a check out to Ditmer Klerken
要五万美元
“In the amount of $50,000 U.S.
你就不会被检了 谢谢大伙了 Ditmer
“And you won’t be. Thanks you guys, Ditmer.
PS 你要是告诉任何人的话
“PS, if you tell anyone about this,
我就杀了你丫的
I’ll fucking kill you!”
蠢蠢的
Silly.
开始了
And here we go!
1982年环法自行车赛正式开始
The 1982 Tour de France has officially begun!
大家骑着自行车飞驰前进
Guys came out flying on bikes!
天 我也特想跳上自行车
Man, I wanted to be on a bike so bad.
第一天 从巴塞尔到莫赫林207公里
Day one, 207 kilometers from Basel to Mohlin,
一路上经过了一些
up and over some of the
世上最令人赞叹的山景
most breathtaking hillscapes in the world.
平静祥和的景色伴随着
a serene landscape that was completely juxtaposed
即将发生的丑恶
to the ugliness that was about to ensue.
骑手还在大部队中紧凑前行
The riders still holding tight in the peloton.
JuJu Peppi不出所料地在最前领队
JuJu Peppi not surprisingly at the front of the pack.
看起来前方有个辣妹粉丝
And it looks like we’ve got a beautiful fan up ahead!
嘿 大美人儿
Hey, hey, bella senora!
JuJu上前抓了她 失去了平衡
And JuJu went in for the grope and is losing balance!
他能稳住吗 哦不 哦不
Can he stay up? Oh no! Oh no!
JuJu失去了平衡 他倒了
JuJu’s lost his balance! He’s fallen over!
大撞车了
It’s a terrible crash!
耶
Yay!