隐于书后（2016）

and merely desiring that
人人都能过得像我一样舒适
everybody could be as comfortable as myself
他们是如此不受欢迎【
and as undesponding of them,
我们应该有一个宽容的世界
we should have a very tolerable world of it.
他们走了
They’ve set off.
-很好 -说我老套也好
– Good. – Call me old-fashioned,
但我认为大家一起在家非常好
but I think it’s nice having everybody back at home.
-理论上是的 -发生了什么
– In theory. – What happened?
-你听到叫喊了 -我用枕头遮住耳朵
– You heard the shouting. – I had my pillow over my ears
所以没听见具体的
so I didn’t catch the details.
你真走运
Lucky you.
所以他一直在鬼混
So he’s…been mucking about,
作为惩罚
and by way of punishment,
他和玛莎的父亲一起度一周的假
he’s packed off on holiday for a week with Martha’s father?
度一周的假 或是被晾几天
Packed off on holiday for a week, or got shot off for a few days.
这取决于你看待事情的方式
It’s all a question of how you might choose to look at it, Tabby.
如果你真这么觉得的话
Well, if that’s how you feel.
-你还在写故事吗 -偶尔吧
– Do you still write stories? – Sometimes.
关于贡达尔吗
About Gondal?
如果可以的话就写
When we can.
艾米莉呢
Emily as well?
你和她在一起的时间比我多
You’ve been here with her more than I have, surely.
-我们从未讨论过这个 -从未吗
– We never talk about it. – Never?
你写吗
Do you? Write?
-还在写吗 -不怎么写了
– Still? – Not so much.
那个可憎的世界呢
What about the infernal world?
我放弃了写作的笔
I relinquished my pen.
-为什么 -因为我感到恐惧
– Why? – Because it frightened me.
它让现实世界显得毫无意义
Threatened to make the real world seem… pointless.
单调又乏味
And colourless and drab.
同时又充满疯狂
And that way lies madness.
现实世界就是这样
You know, the real world is what it is,
我们没得选 所以
but we must live in it, so…
如果创作让你开心 你就应该继续
You should write, if it makes you happy.
我担心我的眼睛
I worry about my eyes.
我收到索西的回信的时候就在想
And I think, as well… when I got that reply from Southey –
“文学创作不是女人所该从事的”
“Literature cannot be the business of a woman’s life.”
那时我决定放弃
At the time I brushed it off.
我越是投身写作 我年纪越大
But the longer I’ve dwelt on it, the older I’ve got,
我想的越多
the more I’ve thought…
意义何在
What’s the point?
对我来说 意义就是
The point…for me…
我写作的时候感到前所未有地充满活力
I’m never more alive than when I write.
你一定也是这样的
You’re the same, surely.
但如果没有出版的可能呢
But with no prospect of publication?
那就只是瞎胡闹
It’s just playing at it, isn’t it?
我们这是在玩还是干嘛
Are we playing then, or what?
你是否想过我们做这个
Does it ever bother you that we might be getting…
有些太老了
a bit old? For that.
-你两周前在约克的时候没说啊 -是
– You weren’t saying that two weeks ago in York. – No, well…
我在约克的时候不想破坏气氛
I didn’t want to spoil things in York.
我考虑这个已经有一段时间了
It’s something I’ve been thinking for a while.
-你叫我出来干嘛 -说说话
– Well, what did you come out with me for then? – To talk.
说什么
What about?
许多事情 家里的
Things. At home.
你难道从没考虑过…
Do you never think about…?
什么
What?
未来
The future!
我们没了爸爸和勃兰威尔该怎么办
What are we without Papa and Branwell?
爸爸又不能 不能永生
Papa won’t… He won’t live forever.
他还失明 那所房♥子 我们的房♥子
And he’s blind, and that house, our house,
属于教堂受托人 不属于我们
it belongs to the Church trustees, not us.
还有勃兰威尔 他在做什么
And Branwell! What’s he doing?
他在想什么 未来的一切
What’s he thinking? That he’s such a hopeless grasp
我们根本指望不上他
on the realities of what comes next?
对他来说我们算什么 他眼里有我们吗
Are we nothing to him? Does he even see us?
如果我们不做出点成就的话
If we don’t make something of ourselves,
即使上帝知道我们一直在努力
and God knows we’ve been trying,
我一直在努力
I’ve been trying…
我在那破地方当了五年家庭教师
I was a governess at that ludicrous place for five years!
我们该怎么做 艾米莉 我们…
What will we do, Emily? What will…
会变成什么样
What will we be?
我从罗黑德学校回来的时候
It was when I came back from Roe Head.
他也在家 勃兰威尔
And he was there, at home, Branwell.
他不应该在家的
And he wasn’t supposed to be.
你们都不应该在家 你和夏洛蒂
You’d gone. You and Charlotte.
你们应该回罗黑德学校
You’d gone off back to Roe Head.
而他应该待在伦敦
And he was supposed to be in London,
努力进入皇家学院
trying to get his foot in the door at the Royal Academy.
那时候我知道他是个大骗子
That’s when I knew what a liar he was.
-骗子吗 -是小偷
– Sharpers? – Thieves!
所以 他们攻击了你 你遭抢劫了吗
So what? They attacked you? You were robbed?
-四个人吗 -我想是四个
– Four of them?! – I think four.
光天化日下吗 这也太…
In broad daylight? That’s…
肯定有人看到了呀
Well, surely someone saw what happened?
-你还没到那就被抢了吗 -没到
– You didn’t even get there? – No!
我刚刚到达圣马丁列格朗的旅馆
It was just after I arrived at the coaching inn
我也认得路
at St Martin Le Grand, and I knew my way around.
脑中的地图给我指路
From the maps in my head.
但是伦敦 比我想象中大多了
But London…the whole thing is so much bigger than I imagined.
你们都没告诉我伦敦那么大吧
And you didn’t tell me how big it was, did ya?
我也不知道该向谁求助 身无分文
And I didn’t know who to turn to, with no money.
所以 我回来了
So, I came home!
目击者
Well, er… Witnesses.
抢劫时一定有人看到了
Surely someone must have seen what happened.
没有目击者
There were no witnesses.
每个人都只是掉头忙自己的事情
Everyone just turned around and went about their business!
30先令
So all 30 shillings?
-全没了吗 -全没了
– Gone? – YES!
接着 勃兰威尔姑妈回房♥睡了
Then, when Aunt Branwell went to bed
爸爸回房♥看书去了
and Papa went back to his study,
我对他说”你在撒谎”
I said to him, “You’re lying.”
他承认了
And he admitted it.
他根本没到伦敦
He didn’t even make it to London,
根本不在意什么皇家学院
never mind any business at any Royal Academy.
他说他要在布拉德福施展抱负
He said he was about to get on the high-flier, in Bradford,
在画画和素描上有所建树
with his paintings and his sketches.
但是 当他真正
But then, when he was faced
动身前往伦敦的时候
with the reality of setting off for London,
他意识到他的画… 没有那么好
he realised that they just… weren’t that good.
它们可能在家乡看上去足够好
They might look well enough at home,
但是跟劳伦斯或者盖恩斯伯勒比起来
but next to a Lawrence, or a Gainsborough…
他说 他给自己加油打气
So he fortified himself, he said,
才能有勇气搭下一辆马车
to get courage to get on the next coach,
这是他的初衷
which was his intention.
但他没有做到
But he didn’t.
他在布拉德福待了四天
He spent four days in Bradford.
又醉又痛苦 还在那儿幻想着
Drunk and miserable and dreaming up some trash
家里所有人都会傻到相信他
that he thought everyone at home would be blown enough to believe.
他四天就喝光了30先令
He spent 30 shillings on drink, in four days?
一开始我本可以高兴地杀了他 然后
I could’ve cheerfully murdered him, to start with. And then…
我其实替他感到难过
Actually I felt sorry for him.
他们总是对他抱以厚望
They always expected so much of him.
也许他们所期望的超过了他的能力
More, probably, than he was ever capable of.
然后我就想”谢天谢地我不是你”
And I just thought, “Thank God I’m not you.”
我知道这让人失望
It’s disappointing, I know.
我也很生他气 他在格林村让我难堪
And I’m angry with him too. He humiliated me at Thorp Green,
他也知道自己在做什么
and he knew what he was doing.
但是我们不该放弃他 不是吗
But we shouldn’t give up on him, should we?
我们不该放弃他
No, we shouldn’t give up on him.
但我们要实事求是地看待他