泰格 Tig

It started to grow into this thing of not just being into her,
而是我觉得她可能会是
but somebody where there was potential
一个让我想去认真对待的人
and somebody that I felt like I could really get serious about.
这样的话 我们就很难和以前一样随意相处了
It was hard to stay as casual as we were.
我们互发信息 一起吃饭 一起闲逛
We were texting, we were having dinner, we were hanging out.
我们一起待到餐厅打烊
We’d stay till the restaurant closed.
我们会在车里聊天聊到下一个天亮
We’d talk in our car until the sun came up.
但这对我来说是个谜题
But it was such a mystery
她是个女人 所以我不能…
to me with it being a woman that I couldn’t…
如果她是个男人 我会觉得 “我们当然是在约会”
If it was a guy, I’d be like, “Of course we were dating.”
但在我脑海中 我
But in my mind, I…
每次我见到她 我都会想 “我在干什么”
Every time I’d see her, I was like, “What am I doing?”
就是 我不能理解
Like, I couldn’t figure it out.
然后 她在接受格莱美协会的采访时
And then, she was being interviewed by the GRAMMY’s Association.
我去了 我记得那晚的情形
I went to it, and I remember that night going,
“我感觉自己像在跟她约会”
“I feel like I’m on a date with her.”
你知道 很多人问我是否会感到沮丧绝望
You know, a lot of people have asked if it bummed me out that…
比如说 “噢 我是你多年的粉丝了”
You know, they’re like, “Oh, I’ve been a fan of yours for years,”
还有 “我不能相信癌症如何如何”
and, you know, “I can’t believe it took cancer to…” You know.
有一阵 我觉得我的反应就是 “对”
And for a little while, I think I was like, “Yeah!”
你知道
You know.
但我后来仔细想想
But then I thought about it,
其实并不是癌症给我带来了关注度
and it’s not cancer that brought the attention.
而是因为 我是做单口相声的
It was… I was doing stand- up.
– 那就是我所从事的 – 嗯
– And that’s what I do. – Mmm- hmm.
对于我怎样一路走来成为现在的自己 我觉得还好
So I’m… I’m okay with how I reached where I am.
谢谢Tig Notaro
Tig Notaro.
谢谢你
Thank you.
但他们一直都这么干吗
But this is something they do all the time?
是的 比如采访Stevie Nicks
Yeah, with, like, Stevie Nicks
Stevie Nicks: 美国歌♥手 流行音乐作家 加州知名乐团 Fleetwood
Mac 的灵魂人物被滚石评为”所有时代中100名最伟大歌♥手”之一
– 还有像她那样的人 – 哦 酷
– and people like that. – Oh, cool.
但不是 像我这样的人
But not, like, people like me.
听自己的专辑时我不是很舒服
I wasn’t comfortable hearing my album.
– 真的吗 – 嗯 真的让我很不舒服
– Really? – Oh, it makes me so uncomfortable.
– 你只听过一次吗 – 嗯
– And you’ve only listened to it once? – Mmm.
看你听自己的专辑很有意思
It’s fun to see you listen to it.
– 真的吗 – 是啊
– Really? – Yeah.
你能看出我不自在吗
Could you tell I was uncomfortable?
– 不能 – 不能
– No? – No.
– 你不是那么了解我 – 不了解 比如当你
– But you don’t know me well. – Not that you were like…
当你说”耶 开大声点”的时候我看不出
Not that you were like, “Yeah! Turn it up!”
– “开大声点 我喜欢这段 嘘” – “就是这段”
– “Turn it up. I love this part. Shh!” – “This part.”
– “啊 耶 癌症” – “每次都这样”
– “Ah, yeah! Cancer.” – “Every time.”
“每到这段我都得癌症”
“I get cancer every time right here.”
我没有计划要跟她谈我们的关系
I had no plans to talk to her about our relationship,
但在深夜时分 我只想跟她一起闲晃
but by the end of the night, I think just hanging out with her,
这种感觉确实向我席卷而来
it really came over me.
我想要对这个人作出承诺
I wanna commit to this person… and…
我感到如果无法这样的话 我就应该退出
I felt like if that wasn’t gonna happen, I needed to step away.
那晚 她说 “我不能再这样了”
That night, she said, “I can’t do this anymore.”
我立刻说 “好的”
And I immediately just said, “Okay, fine.”
因为我心里想 “我对这个人做的事算什么”
Because I was like, “What am I doing to this person?”
“这不公平”
And, “This isn’t fair.”
“她对自己的感觉如此明晰 而在她的生命中
And, “She’s so clear on how she feels, and in her life,
同性恋其实不算什么”
and it’s… it’s nothing.”
而到我这里 我却是 “呃 我 我能尝试吗
And here I’m gonna be like, “Well, I just… Can I try?
而且我不知道这样是不是对的
And I don’t know how… if it’s gonna be right.
只能是浪费时间”
And it’s just gonna be, like, a waste of time.”
所以我们的关系 某种程度来说结束了
So we, sort of, ended it.
我特别伤心
I was so sad.
把舞台交给Ms. Tig Notaro
Give it up for Ms. Tig Notaro.
有请Tig Notaro
It’s Tig Notaro!
我做完活体组织检查后
他们又做了一次乳♥房♥♥X光检测
我必须得脱上衣
我站在
仪器旁边
操作人员说
我的天啊
你的
腹部好平
你的秘诀
是什么
我说
哦 我快死了
我有个笑话是关于我的乳♥房♥♥偷听到了
I have a joke about my boobs overhearing
所有我说”咪♥咪♥好小”的笑话
all of my “Oh, them little titty” Jokes,
朋友/喜剧演员
– 然后就 – 嗯哼
– and being like… – Uh- huh.
“她自己一点都不欣赏我们 那咱们走吧”
“She doesn’t even appreciate us. Let’s just get out of here.”
那很有趣
That was funny.
我觉得我那天晚上这样说了 观众反应很冷淡
I feel like I did that one night, and people were like…
噢
Oh!
但我觉得 可能我没有足够的信心
But I think, maybe I didn’t have the confidence.
如果你圆♥满♥完成 让观众感到自在
If you can pull it off and make them feel comfortable,
我觉得那你就成功了
I think that’d be a winner.
噢 天呐 这是我的主意
Oh, my God, here’s an idea that I had.
– 这好蠢呐 – 噢
– This is dumb! – Oh!
有主意了
I know.
洋葱日报的这个新闻标题笑坏我了
This is a headline from The Onion that made me laugh so hard.
那是什么
What is that?
“海鸥因为腹泻
“Seagull with diarrhea
让它很难
barely makes it…
让它很难及时赶到拥挤的海滩上”
barely makes it to crowded beach in time.”
– 噢 天呐 – 我会…
– Oh, my God. – I would…
我醒来时还会
I would wake up…
想到这个然后开始笑
and think about that and just start laughing.
– 太搞笑了 – 所以
– That is so funny. – So…
我在想写些关于你的大脑的段子 比如说 没法往前看
I’m wanting to write a bit about your brain, like, can’t move on.
比如说 所有人都往前看
Like, everyone’s moved on.
因为有些人就是可以看开
‘Cause there are people that move on from that just fine.
– 对的 – 我不能
– Right. – I can’t move on.
那是挺有意思的
That is really funny.
然后我就切换到腹泻的话题
And then I’ll go into diarrhea.
然后我再切换
And then I’ll go into- –
我多年来都在拿自己的平胸开玩笑
I… have spent years making fun of how flat- chested I am.
后来 我得了双侧乳腺癌
And then… I got bilateral breast cancer.
谢谢你 晚安
Thank you. Good night.
癌症
Whoo! Cancer!
呃 可能就是
Um… Yeah, it just seems like,
可能我的胸部偷听到了这些年所有我说的关于它们的笑话
probably my chest was overhearing all the jokes over the years,
然后它们决定 “咱们离家出走吧”
and they were just like, “You know what, let’s get out of here.”
我在着手一些新的材料
I’m gonna go work on some new material.
好消息是 得到一副新衣架(打趣自己做了乳♥房♥♥切除手术)
The good news is, nice new rack.
我在不知疲倦地构建新的大量的素材
I’ve been working tirelessly on building a new hour of material.
我做了Blastoff教授的直播
I did this live Professor Blastoff tour.
欢迎
Welcome.
是为了更容易回归直播表演
It just was helping ease back into live performance.
所有东西都很有趣 也没有压力
Everything was fun and there was no pressure.
出发
Go!
她…看看她 她已经这样子一晚上了
She- – Look at her! That’s how she’s been the whole night.
然后又有了动力
Then it picks up momentum.
我喜欢这段
I love this.
喜欢鼻子哼的一声
Love when there’s a snort.
如同年老的肌肉得到了锻炼
It’s old muscles that get worked out.
– 那不是我 – 没人说那是你
– That wasn’t me. – Nobody said it was you.
你能过来吗
Can you come here?
你说”不” 是什么意思
What do you mean, “No”?
你会觉得 “噢 这正是我所从事的
And you’re like, “Oh, yeah, this is what I do.
这完全是我的菜”
This is completely my thing.”
两分钟
Two minutes!
我觉得我确实已经有一些成就
I felt like I had accomplished something.
但我仍然不知道
But I still have no idea
我是否准备好做这次周年秀了
if I’m ready to do this anniversary show.
大家请欢迎Tig Notaro
Please welcome Tig Notaro, everybody!
距Tig的周年秀还有两个月
Stephanie和我已经几周没说话了
Stephanie and I didn’t talk for weeks.