泰格 Tig

好 再来一次…
Well, again…
一天里接受好几个访谈
Getting interviewed several times a day
在每个访谈里都被问到
and being asked, in every interview,
“你的喜剧是什么样的”
“What is your comedy like?
“你是一个不一样的喜剧表演者吗”
Are you a different comedian?
“你的段子讲的是什么 现在你是谁”
What is your material? Who are you now?”
这种压力就是 “天啊 我自己都不知道怎么回答”
It’s pressure, like, “Gosh, I don’t even know.”
大家好 我是Tig Notaro
Hi. My name is Tig Notaro.
我曾经得过癌症 人们现在经常拍我的照片
I had cancer and now people take my picture a lot.
即使在我的伤疤痊愈之后 我已经在恢复阶段了
Even after my scars healed and I was in remission,
我还是不能处理好发生的一切
I couldn’t process everything that was happening.
喜剧表演者是一个怎么样的职业呢
So how does that work? Comedians,
比如你什么时候会发专辑
like, when you release an album like that?
你会做巡回表演吗 你会去哪里呢
Do you, like, do a tour, where you kind of go around?
一般来说…
I mean, typically…
毕竟你不会再重复一场表演
‘Cause obviously you’re not gonna repeat the show.
对 不会的
Yeah, no.
你会为了宣传做个小的巡回演吗
Do you go on a little tour at least just to promote it?
一般来说 我会的
I mean, typically, I would.
但是现在 我处于一种尴尬的境地
But now, I’m in this weird place
哪里我也不能去
where I can’t really go
我不能登上舞台说 “大家好 我得了癌症”
on stage and be like, “Hi, I have cancer.”
你说的有道理
You’re right.
所以我现在试着
So I’m just trying to write
写一些新段子 这样我就可以开始新的巡回演出
new material so I can start touring again.
没错
Right.
我现在处在一种非常不寻常的状况
Um, I’m in a very unusual situation.
没有办法继续上一张专辑
There’s no way to follow up that album.
我有一种不安全感
I had started to feel so insecure.
作为一个喜剧表演者 我并不知道我在说什么
As a comedian, I didn’t know what I was saying.
我的专辑销量在排行榜位居第一
My album was number one on the charts,
但是我的自信心是一直以来的最低谷
but my confidence was at an all-time low.
我必须做一些事情来弥补现在失去的东西
I had to somehow make up for what was missing now.
但是我不知道该做什么或者从哪儿开始
And I didn’t know what to do or where to begin.
你知道
这样的
好处是
你总是可以
放心
上帝从来不会
给你摆平不了的事
我一直脑补
上帝
说
你知道吗
我觉得她可以再惨一点
然后天使
站在后面说
上帝
你在做什么啊
你疯了吗
帕斯克里斯琴 密西西比州
我视帕斯克里斯琴为我的家乡
Pass Christian is what I consider my hometown.
我的家庭来自那里
It’s where my family is from
暑假也是在那里度过的
and where I spent summer vacation.
这里是我和我哥都认定的
Just this is where my brother and I both
可以视为家乡的条件
identify in that way of it being our hometown.
我觉得这是我妈妈的家乡
I think it being my mother’s hometown…
我可以习惯身体的变化
I can adjust to my body being different
习惯饮食习惯的变化
and I can adjust to eating different.
这些都没问题
That’s all fine.
只是失去了我妈妈很不好
It’s just losing my mother isn’t fine.
我感觉很孤独
I was feeling very alone.
我的表亲住在下面一条街
This next street, that’s my cousin’s street.
– 把你的帽子戴上 – Tig戴上
– Put your hat on. – On Tig.
– Tig戴上你的帽子 – 不要
– Tig, put your hat on. – No.
快点
Just come on.
你在癌症之后感觉怎么样 感到痊愈了吗
So how are you doing after the cancer? Like, it’s gone?
至少我们现在知道的
I mean, as far as we know.
我很快就开始治疗了
I do start treatment soon.
我的癌症会被荷尔蒙诱发
My cancer is fed by hormones,
所以我必须注射荷尔蒙阻断剂五年
and so I have to block my hormones for five years.
那你的声音会更低沉吗
– 可能? – 你说”更”是什么意思
– Maybe? – What do you mean “More”?
可能会
可能会的
– 你说”更”是什么意思 – 看 就像我说的那样
– What do you mean “More”? – See, it would. Like that.
你现在看起来就像是壮志凌云里的汤姆·科鲁兹
难道不是吗
讲真
我不敢相信你把另外一个人带坏
I can’t believe you’ve brought another human into this situation.
他看起来棒极了
看看这些小胳膊小腿
对我而言家人一直是非常重要的
Family’s always been important to me.
我一直想要一个孩子和一个家庭
I’ve always wanted a child and a family.
就在我生病之前
Right before I was ill,
我离开始尝试去有一个孩子还差一步
I was a step away from starting to try and have a child.
这是给你的手掌笑脸
Here’s your hand smiley faces.
太好了 谢谢你
Great. Thank you.
看 它确实很像
See, it does look like…
这很可爱
That is pretty.
– 谢谢你 – 不客气
– Thank you. – You’re welcome.
在我母亲去世以后
When my mother died,
我变得不想有孩子
I switched into this mode of not wanting kids,
因为我在想 “我妈妈见不到他们”
’cause I was thinking, “My mother can’t meet my kids.”
这看起来毫无意义
It seemed pointless.
然后我告诉了我的发小
And then I was talking to my friend that I grew up with,
她说 “Tig
and she said, “Tig,
你可以告诉孩子们关于你母亲的一切
just the fact that you could tell your kids about your mother,
或者你可以从他们身上看到你母亲的身影
or the fact that you could see your mother in your kids,
这些理由都足以让你有孩子”
that’s reason enough to have children.”
人们总是…当我说我想要孩子的时候
People always… When I say I want kids,
他们总会说 “天呐 你的生活会被完全改变的”
they always say, “Oh, my- – Your life is gonna totally change.”
然后我说 “是的 我知道啊
And I’m like, “Yeah, I know.
好像我从来没思考过一样”
It’s not like I haven’t thought about that.”
好像我会认为 “噢 我以为我可以
Like, “Oh, I thought I could
和平常一样睡觉然后晚上去演喜剧
just sleep in and go do open mics at night.
难道我还要照看和喂养他们吗
I’m gonna have to watch these things or feed them?
他们需要什么”
What do they need?”
我的生活当然会改变
Of course my life is gonna change.
这就是我想要的 我需要我的生活有变化
That’s what I want. I want my life to change.
但是现在 因为我有癌症 所以我没办法怀孩子
But now, because I’ve had cancer, I can’t carry a child.
我不得不找代♥孕♥母亲
So I have to have a surrogate carry my child,
如果我自己不能生孩子
if I can even have a kid.
但只是提取我的卵子
But even to have my eggs extracted,
我就需要服用荷尔蒙
I have to take hormones.
他们觉得清除了所有的癌细胞
They think they got it all,
但是在我体内可能还存在癌细胞
but there could be cancerous cells in me.
所以如果我体内有癌细胞 我还注射荷尔蒙
And if there are cancerous cells in me, and I take the hormones,
就好比火上浇油 癌症又复发了
that’s the gas on the fire. It starts it up again.
Tig的肿瘤科医生办公室
我在尝试要小孩
I was moving in the direction of trying to have kids.
为了能提取卵子
他们想用荷尔蒙
即使已经做了乳♥房♥♥切除手术
乳腺癌也还是有复发的可能
当癌症卷土重来
一号♥检查室
有可能无法治愈
有孩子这件事就要重新考虑
你知道 有时候不是所有事情都如你所愿
是的
我不知道
I didn’t know that.
我知道癌症有可能复发
I was told that my cancer could come back,
会涉及到血液 骨头 肺
that the concern would be blood or bone or lung, or whatever,
而这是我第一次听到有人说
but nobody said if it comes back, it’s not treatable.
如果复发 它不能被治好
That’s the first I’d heard of that.
它不是
That’s not like,
“会诊一切顺利 感觉很好” 这种情况
“Oh! Yeah, that meeting went well. That feels good.”
很好 那我也希望癌症不要复发
Okay, so I’ll just hope my cancer doesn’t come back. Great.
我却感觉糟透了 不知道怎么去做决定
I feel just stuck, not knowing how to make a choice.
我不是坐在电脑前写下我的段子
I don’t sit at a computer and write my jokes.
我写下一个单词
I write a word down
然后我会在台上现场发挥
and then I’ll go on stage and I work out the concept on stage.
这完全是新的开始
It was truly starting over.
我觉得自己是个全新的喜剧演员
I felt like I was a brand new comedian.
你们知道”Rapper’s Delight”这首歌♥么
You guys know that song “Rapper’s Delight”?
我曾经听过这首经典作品
It’s a classic song, and I was listening to it.
不知道你们有没有发现 它有15分钟那么长