泰格 Tig

We had this show booked
去做一集节目
where we were gonna do an episode of This American Life.
老美生活记事: 芝加哥广播电台出品的一档每周播放的纪实类广播节目, 首播
于1995年11月17日 目前节目在全美509家电台播放, 每周收听人数过百万
我们要在纽约上台表演
We were gonna do it onstage in New York City,
主持人 《老美生活记事》
而且还有全国影院的转播
and beam it into movie theaters around the country.
Tig在表演人员之一
And, uh, Tig was one of the performers.
Ira和我已经计划这场演出九个月了
Ira and I were planning this show for nine months.
我当时一直在警告他 我身体特别糟糕 他说
I was warning him I had been sick, and he said,
“你就别勉强你自己了 咱们可以下次再做”
“Don’t push yourself. We can do this another time.”
然后我就说 “你不懂”
And I was just like, “You don’t understand.”
我就是感觉 “要是我能到纽约去
And I felt like, “If I could
把老美生活记事这个节目做好
just get to New York and do This American Life,
我应该就会觉得 我终于成功地挺过了某件事”
I would feel like finally I was coming through something.”
请欢迎喜剧演员 Tig Notaro
Welcome comedian Tig Notaro.
有一次我和我朋友Pam去一个派对
I went to this party with my friend Pam,
我们就快离场了 突然她对我说
and we were going to leave the party, and she said to me,
“你知道那个靠门站着的人是谁吗”
“Do you know who that was standing by the door?”
我说 “不知道啊”
I said, “No.”
她说 “那是Taylor Dayne啊”
She said, “That was Taylor Dayne.”
你们知道Taylor Dayne是谁吗 不知道是吗
Do you know who Taylor Dayne is? No?
她是个流行歌♥手 活跃于80年代末和90年代初
She was a pop singer in the late ’80s, early ’90s.
她唱过 “爱会指引你归来”
She sang “Love Will Lead You Back.”
不管怎样 我真的很喜欢Taylor Dayne 并无讽刺意味
Anyway, I love Taylor Dayne, and not ironically.
于是我走过去 跟她说
And I went up to her, and I said,
“不好意思打扰你了
“Excuse me, I’m sorry to bother you,
我必须得告诉你 我真的很喜欢你的嗓音”
but I just have to tell you, I love your voice.”
然后她转过身来跟我说 “哦 我再也不唱歌♥了”
And she just turned and said, “Yeah, I don’t do that anymore.”
Tig真的是一名冷面笑匠
Tig is a really pure kind of deadpan,
她是一位惊艳的 独一无二的表演家
incredibly special performer.
她就是那种从来都不心急的人
She’s somebody who is just in no hurry at all.
她的自信如此出众
Like, it’s just somebody with such supreme confidence
她就是有那种能让一切都暂停 并为她停顿的能力
that she will just pause and hold a moment.
然后 大概又过了九个月吧
Then, like, nine months passed.
我碰巧又跟
And I happened to be out
我那个朋友Pam出去吃饭
to eat with that same friend of mine, Pam.
餐厅里 有十个人正好坐在我们身后开派对
And there was a party of ten seated right behind us.
你们根本不会相信有谁坐在我们后面
You guys are not gonna believe who was sitting there.
有谁想猜?
Any guesses?
– 你说是谁? – Taylor Dayne
– What’s that? – Taylor Dayne.
猜对了
That’s correct.
确实是Taylor Dayne
It was Taylor Dayne.
Tig真的就是博得满堂喝彩
Tig really just brought down the house.
等节目一结束的时候 我就问Tig
And immediately when we got done with that, I was like,
“好吧 你还有啥绝活没使出来? 你现在就是观众的最爱
“Okay, what else you got? You’re now, like, an audience favorite.
咱们的数以百万的广播听众
Like, you know, our whole radio audience, millions of people,
都想继续听你的表演 你到底还有啥绝活?”
they wanna hear you again. What else you got?”
Ira建议做一个有关我当时遭遇到的一系列悲剧的特辑
He suggested doing a piece about the recent tragedies in my life.
他说 “你得把你的经历融进你台上的表演”
He said, “You need to do that on stage.”
好吧 最开始的时候 她就说的很清楚了
Well, first of all, she made it clear,
她对那种做法一丁点兴趣都没有
she had no interest in that at all.
我感觉 我心中有一个小小的部分感觉受到了冒犯
I guess there was a part of me that was a little offended
因为他认为我的悲惨经历里有着幽默
that he would think that there was humor in this.
她不知道要怎么处理这种融合
She didn’t know how she would go about that,
她就是 好像
and she was just, like, it
对此一点兴致都没有
didn’t seem fun or interesting in any way at all.
他当然知道我不可能把这些事当做表演材料啊
Like, of course he knew I was not gonna do this material.
比如 “我妈妈死了
Like, what, “My mother died,
然后我不能吃东西 还在慢慢失去死去
and I can’t eat food and I’m withering away.
女士们 我说的话你们都理解了吧”
Ladies, you know what I’m talking about.”
大家就会想 什么 有幽默在这里面吗 我是没听出来
You know, it’s like, what? Where is the humor? I didn’t get it.
2012年7月24日
两个月后
然后 我被检查出长了一个肿块
And then, I found a lump.
医生进来 跟我说
The doctor came in and she said,
“我们检查了那个肿块 然后又找到了另一个”
“We saw the lump. We found another one.”
我说 “等一下 你是在说我得了癌症吗”
And I said, “Wait a minute. Are you saying that I have cancer?”
她回答说 “看起来很有可能是这样的”
She said, “It is very likely that you do.”
然后我一下子…在我的脑子里 我马上就想
And I was like… Immediately in my head, I was like,
“等等 我妈妈刚刚离去
“Wait a minute. My mother just died.
怎么可能会这样 我已经受过一次这种痛苦了”
How could this happen? Like, I’ve already been through all this.”
就好比 我想撤回这些遭遇
Like, I wanted to pull out these calling cards.
“不 毕竟我才刚刚经历这些事情
Like, “No, look, I just went through all this stuff,
我不能再得个癌症了”
and I can’t have cancer.”
我正好在人行道边上抽泣
I happened to be sobbing on the sidewalk,
然后Largo剧院的老板Flanagan给我发了一条信息
and Flanagan, the owner of Largo, sent me a text,
“我们还做不做这个秀了”
“Are we doing the show or not?”
我只是…我真的非常非常喜欢单口相声
I just… I love stand-up so much.
我想再做一次
I wanted to do it one more time.
可能这样看起来是彻底疯了
Maybe that seems utterly insane,
但当我被确诊患有癌症的那一刻起
but as soon as I was diagnosed with cancer,
我身上发生的所有事情都很可笑
everything came over me as funny.
我这种幽默的心情也是因为这些事情太荒谬了
And I got a sense of humor ’cause it just was so ridiculous.
在发生了所有的这些事情后 我竟然得了癌症
After everything that had happened, I have cancer?
所以 我开始创作段子
And so, I just started writing.
其实这件事情风险很大
That was such a major risk,
因为这很容易可能是我人生里最后一次表演了
’cause it could have easily been my last show ever
表演得很尴尬 紧接着我就死了
that bombed awkwardly and then I died.
Ed Helms的声音
《Tig有朋友》里的客串喜剧演员
我现在非常激动
I’m now very thrilled,
请允许我非常荣幸地向大家介绍
and it is my great privilege to bring to the stage.
Tig Notaro
Tig Notaro.
2012年8月3日
大家好
Hello.
Largo不允许表演期间有任何的拍照和录像行为
但是Tig把这场演出录音了
大家晚上好
Good evening, hello.
晚上
好
我
得了
癌症
你们好吗
大家
都
看
得
开心
吗
诊断出得了
人们都在笑着 盯着我
People were laughing and staring at,
大概想着 “真是个奇怪的开场”
like, “This is a weird opening.”
那边
有人
一直在
感叹
“嗷嗷嗷嗷”
“嗷嗷嗷
我觉得她
真的得了癌症”
没事的
没事的
会没事的
(可能不会没事)
但我要说
会没事的
当人们意识到我说的是真的时
When people were realizing it was true,
我看见了观众席有人在哭
I was also seeing people crying in the audience.
那种情绪…真的非常强烈
And it was… It was very intense
因为这种情绪已经反馈给我了
because it was also reflecting back at me.
就像是说 这是真实发生在你身上的事情
Like, this is really happening to you.
时间线是这样的:
我因为艰难梭菌感染住院一周
出院
一周后我母亲去世了
接着
(我知道 这很搞笑)
然后经历了
然后经历了分手
就在这一切发生的过程中
是很艰难的时刻
你没法坚持待下去
得在
癌症
来之前
闪人
那真的是我经历过的非常稀少的情况
It’s one of those rare times I’ve had as–
Bill Burr
在我的职业生涯里大概有过三次这样的经历
I’ve had it, like, maybe three times in my career,
在你前面表演的人如此优秀
where the person going on in front of you is so good,
你不再是下一个要表演的人 此刻你只是观众中的一员
you stop being the next comic, and you become an audience member.
我给女朋友发了短♥信♥
I texted my girlfriend,
Ed Helms
我坐在那里看着这场表演 发了这条短♥信♥
I was sitting there watching, and I texted,
“Tig在做一件历史性的事情”
“Tig is doing something historic right now.”
在我们埋葬了她之后