天堂门票（2022）

我没在睡觉，我是在打你
I wasn’t asleep.
I was attacking you.
到了
There you go.
打呼小声点
Try to keep the snoring down.
我有用止鼾贴片
-I have a nasal strip.
-It’s a mystery you’re still alone.
怪不得你还是单身
[grunts]
Ah!
再来一杯
Get another one of these?
给我来两杯
I’ll have two of whatever he’s having.
芮妮，你怎么会来这儿？
Hello, Wren.
What are you doing here?
我不像你女儿
Unlike your daughter,
I’ve never been
喜欢睡在茅屋的地板
a thatched-hut-with-a-dirt-floor
kind of gal.
我住在一间小房♥间
I’ve got a nicely appointed
broom closet here.
好棒棒
Good for you.
这场闹剧都是你害的
You know, I blame you
for this whole shit show.
我害的？
[Wren] That’s what you think of it?
不是吗？
You don’t?
莉莉很幸福
Lily’s happy.
她爆肝念了四年的大学
And after four years of watching her
beat herself up at college,
我很替她高兴
I love to see that.
我以为你也一样
I thought you might too.
幸福很好啊，我也希望莉莉幸福
Hey, look, happy is great.
Lily happy is the greatest of all.
只是当了家长以后又是另外一回事
It’s just that a weird thing happens
when you become a parent.
当孩子烦恼痛苦，你会更痛苦
When your kid is down,
when they’re in pain, it kills you.
当他们一切顺利、开开心心
But when they’re up,
when things are going great,
你就会开始害怕
that’s when you get really scared.
不希望出差错
Because you don’t want it to change,
但一定会出差错
and you know it will.
真的吗？
Does it always?
[chuckles]
莉莉没说过
Lily’s never said.
你和卡顿太太怎么了？
What happened with you and Mrs. C?
就像每段婚姻一样
Same thing that happens
in every relationship.
刚开始幸福美满
When it started out, it was unreal…
后来就得面对现实
then it got real.
[chuckles]
Um…
我们以前会骑车到湖畔
We used to bike out to this place
by the lake.
看书野餐之类的
You know, read, eat, whatever.
有一天我看到有块地要卖♥♥
And then one day I saw that that place,
that spot, was for sale.
我们还年轻，没什么钱
Now, we were young. We had nothing.
但我说，有一天要住这里
But I said,
“Someday, we should live here.”
她却用那副招牌笑容说
And then she said,
with that smile in her voice,
何必等待幸福到来？
“Why wait?
Why save the good stuff for later?
不该努力追求梦想吗？
Don’t we deserve some good stuff
along the way?”
Ah…
她说的对，有时候梦想能成真
She was right.
-Which happens occasionally.
-[Wren chuckles]
Well…
我们拼命存钱，结果
We saved and we scrambled,
and next thing you know,
我就在那块地打造梦想的家
I’m building the perfect house
in the perfect spot.
于是我就忙着工作还债
So, I was busy.
I was working, paying off our debt.
我累了，她也累了
I was tired. She was tired.
很快就觉得不像是一对夫妻
Then, pretty soon, it didn’t feel like
we were married at all.
我只是和…
Just felt like we were…
约过会的女人经营托儿所
running a day care camp
with someone I used to go out with.
我们开始拌嘴吵架、互相伤害
We were sniping. We were fighting.
We were tearing each other down.
我以为只要把房♥子盖好…
And I thought,
if I could just get her in that house…
就能拯救婚姻
it’d fix everything.
一切都会变好
Make everything okay.
有一晚住在湖对面的住户打给我
So, one night I get a call
from the people who lived across the lake.
他们说看到火焰
They said they’d seen these flames.
[chuckles]
我赶到时房♥子只剩下灰烬
By the time I got there, it was just ash.
三周后我们就离婚
Three weeks later, we were done.
为了一栋房♥子？
Over a house?
当时感觉不只是那样
Seemed like a lot more than that.
晚安，芮妮
Good night, Wren.
[birds chirping]
看来我婚礼那天早上才能赶到
[Paul] Hey, it’s looking like
I’m not going to make it
till the morning of the wedding.
很抱歉，莉莉好吗？
Uh, I’m so sorry, baby. How’s Lily?
为爱疯狂
Crazy in love.
那很好啊
That’s fantastic!
-很不好 -我同意
-It’s terrible.
-I couldn’t agree more.
她在犯傻
She’s making a mistake.
现在要举♥行♥一场仪式
And now there’s some kind of ceremony.
吉德和莉莉要交换婚戒
Gede and Lily exchange rings.
It’s a whole thing.
不是在婚礼上交换婚戒？
They’re not doing the rings
at the wedding?
不会有婚礼
There’s not gonna be a wedding.
我不会让她为小帅哥白白浪费一生
I won’t let her throw her life away
on some insanely handsome guy
搬到世上最美的地方
who happens to live
in the most beautiful place on earth.
这很矛盾，但我是对的
And yes, I do know how that sounds,
but I’m still right.
你永远是对的
[chuckles] You’re always right, baby.
出了状况
We got action.
我得挂了
I’m really not. Gotta go.
[stammers]
-快说 -好
-Talk to me.
-All right.
小俩口要站在那里
The happy couple’s
about to stand up there.
花童拿婚戒给他们
The ring bearer brings two rings
在师♥父♥面前交换婚戒
that have been blessed by the hat guy
for them to exchange.
要是没交换婚戒
But if they don’t,
就破坏了天时地利
it messes with the whole
“right place, right time”–
-那就偷走婚戒 -我正要这么说
-We steal the rings.
-I was about to say that.
你没说，那是我的点子
But you didn’t. So it’s my idea.
好啦，吉德的小表妹是花童
Okay, well,
the ring bearer is Gede’s cousin.
[children chattering]
为什么是我？
Why me?
你以前都扮黑脸
The hard stuff was always your thing.
我只负责倒垃圾和帮你拿杂物
My thing was taking out the garbage
and getting things off of high shelves.
少来这套，拍我马屁没用
Not that high, really.
And flattery won’t work.
-反正你会做 -为什么？
-But you’ll do it anyway.
-Why?
这是你的点子啊
Because it was your idea.
[children shouting, laughing]
孩子们！
[Georgia] Hey, guys!
想一起玩你追我跑吗？
[child]
Can you play a chasing game with us?
我先给你们看样东西
Can I show you something first?
过来看，我从美国来
Ah!
Let me show you something.
‘Cause, see, I’m from America,
美国人吃香蕉的方法不同
and in America,
we eat bananas a little differently.
都是先切好再剥皮
We slice them before we peel them.
才不是真的咧
[children] Not true!
是真的啦
Totally true!
我秀给你们看，坐这里
Here, I’ll show you.
Come here. Come sit up here.