天堂门票（2022）

[siren wailing]
今晚要向她求婚？
[architect] So you’re asking her tonight?
对啊，有什么建议？
[sighs] Yeah. Any advice?
你要浪漫点，我都是这样
Go for the grand gesture.
I used to do stuff like that all the time.
他从不会浪漫，那完全不像他
He never did anything like that.
It was totally out of character.
四万，有没有四万五？
[auctioneer] 40,000. Do I have 45?
-其实… -四万五
-Actually…
-[auctioneer] 45,000.
大卫向我求婚是唯一一次惊喜
…David’s proposal was probably
the only time he ever surprised me.
她念大学我们交往了四年
[David] We dated all four years
she was in college.
我在念建筑系研究所
I had a spot in the master’s program
for architecture,
所以肯定要留在芝加哥
so I was definitely staying in Chicago.
我突然有机会去洛杉矶艺廊工作
Then out of nowhere,
I get an offer from a great gallery in LA.
七万？
[auctioneer] 70,000?
七万
[art collector] Seventy.
七万
70,000.
毕业前一晚…
So the night before graduation…
她跟我说她要去
…and she springs it on me
she’s leaving.
我很冷静，也替她高兴
And I’m calm.
You know, happy for her.
他完全吓到傻
[art collector] He freaks out completely.
隔天早上就是毕业典礼
So, the next morning, the ceremony,
我走上台去领我的毕业证书
I’m up there walking towards
the dean and my diploma,
大卫突然从旁边冒出来，单膝下跪
and suddenly, there’s David,
right next to me, down on one knee.
然后她就开始哭
And she starts crying.
我尴尬到死
I’m so embarrassed.
全场尖叫和掌声如雷
The whole place erupts.
Everybody’s clapping and shouting.
只有她爸妈觉得她还太年轻
Except her parents.
They thought she was too young.
他们觉得他配不上我
-They thought I could do better.
-[auctioneer] Going once.
但谁会听爸妈的话呀？
But who ever listens
to their parents?
乔吉雅卡顿得标
Sold to Georgia Cotton.
长话短说，她没搬去加州
Long story short,
she didn’t move to California,
一个月后她就怀了莉莉
and a month later,
we were pregnant with Lily.
超猛的，那是多久以前？
[breathes heavily] That’s amazing!
Wait, how long ago?
让我算算看
Let me do the math.
3月7日就满25年了
March 7th, it’ll be 25 years.
结婚25年，超幸福的
Incredible. Twenty-five years of marriage.
我们早就离婚了
Oh, God. We’re not married.
天啊，不是
God, no. [grunts]
[chuckles] We divorced five years later.
我们五年后就离婚
而且是比八点档更狗血的离婚
And it’s not one of those
amicable divorces you see on TV.
我们简直是水火不容
I try not to be in the same time zone
if I can help it.
但莉莉明天毕业，所以才会来
But Lily’s graduating tomorrow,
so here I am.
一定会超尬的
Wow, that’s gotta be awkward.
不会啦，都多年前的事了
What? No. Ancient history.
对啊，恶梦一场
Oh, yeah. Nightmare. [chuckles]
请买♥♥单
Check, please.
[students chattering]
你在干嘛？
What are you doing?
-打包啊 -你要带工作去？
-I’m packing.
-You’re packing work.
谁会带工作去度假？
Don’t pack work.
Why would you pack work?
假期很短，人生很长耶
Because it’s a short vacation
and a very long life afterwards.
我也有想过啦
Yeah, I’ve been thinking about that,
我认真觉得当大人这件事
and I really don’t think
this whole “being an adult” thing
超不适合我
-is gonna work out for me.
-[cell phone vibrating]
我们又没得选择
[sighs] Yeah, well,
I don’t really have a choice.
嗨，妈
Hey, Mom.
我正在烫衣服，想知道我要坐哪里
So I’m just steaming my outfit,
and I am wondering where I’m sitting.
对我来说没差啦，一点都没差
Not that it matters. To me, I mean. Just–
I mean, it doesn’t matter to me at all.
那你干嘛…
-Then why did you–
-[cell phone beeps]
等等，爸打来
Oh, hang on. It’s Dad.
[steamer hisses]
爸，妈妈也打来
Hey, Dad. Mom’s on the other line.
别替我问候她
-[David] Don’t say hi from me.
-[Lily sighs]
你们不会坐在一起啦
You’re not sitting together,
okay?
会坐在礼堂的两头
You’re on opposite sides
of the auditorium,
礼堂大到像罗德岛州
which is the size of Rhode Island.
那是最小的州
That’s the smallest state.
[cell phone beeps]
不准酸言酸语、吵来吵去、冷嘲热讽
So you promise? No mean comments,
no arguing, no passive aggression?
那热嘲冷讽呢？可以吗？
What about aggressive
aggression? Is that okay?
我爱你
[chuckles] I love you.
我也爱你
[Georgia] I love you.
今天会超惨的
[sighs] This is gonna be
an unbearable day.
只要戴顶蠢学士帽，咬咬牙就挺过去
Come on. We shake an old guy’s hand
and wear a dumb hat.
还会出什么事？
What could possibly go wrong?
他们要坐在一起
They’re sitting together.
[exhales]
（毕业典礼）
[feedback whines]
午安
Good afternoon.
借过，抱歉
Excuse me. I’m sorry.
I’m sorry.
我谨代表普曼大学教职员…
On behalf of the faculty
and staff of Pullman University…
很嗨喔
Big day.
…欢迎应届毕业生的家长
…it is my privilege to welcome
the parents, family and friends
还有亲友
of our graduating seniors.
有没有搞错
You gotta be kidding me.
看来这是我的座位
因为你自从莉莉箍牙后就没约会过了
Guess this is my seat, as you haven’t
had a date since Lily was in braces.
至少跟我约会的都是同龄人
At least when I do date,
it’s age appropriate.
[Georgia scoffs]
你不爽他是法国人
You just don’t like him
because he’s French.
我喜欢法式薯条、法式吐司
I like the French. I like their fries.
Their toast. Their mustard.
我叫莉莉别让我们坐一起
I specifically asked Lily
not to seat us together.
你打给她？有够贱的
You called her? That’s so pathetic.
-开始了啦 -别嘘我
-Shh. It’s starting.
-Don’t shush me.
别嘘我
-Shh.
-Don’t shush me.
事不宜迟，开始叫毕业生上台吧
So, without further ado,
let’s begin the roll call.
芮妮巴特勒
-Wren Butler.
-[all cheering]
好耶！
Yes!
芮妮！
Wrenny!
抱歉，扶手在我这边
Excuse me.
That’s my armrest.
才怪，那在中间
No, it’s in the middle.
-你从来都只顾自己 -这只是扶手
-This is so like you. Take, take, take.
-It is not a metaphor. It is an armrest.
-分我一半 -够了喔
-Give me half, please. I would like half.
-Just stop. Just stop.
分我一半，小气鬼
Just give me half!
What is wrong with you?
-放手 -莉莉卡顿
-I just want half!
-[dean] Lily Cotton.
-拍张照 -你来拍
-Take a picture.
-You take a picture.
-我正在嗨 -干嘛要拍照？
-I’m in the moment.