打开心世界（2020）

我跳到倒塌的楼梯间
as all my brothers had done before me.
我们在黑暗中挤在门廊里
And we all huddled together in the dark on the porch.
后来妈妈说
Later, my mother said
从那以后恐惧 就再也没有完全消失
that the dread never fully went away after that.
她说:“如果坚固的地面都能这样 那什么才是安全的呢
She said, “What was safe if the solid earth could do that?”
妈妈啊
Mother.
泰莉 你冻僵了
Tallie! You’re frozen!
泰莉 保持清醒 保持清醒
Tallie! Stay awake! Stay awake!
睁开眼睛 睁开眼睛
Open your eyes! Open your eyes!
睁开你的眼睛
Keep your eyes open!
睁开你的眼睛
Keep your eyes open!
看着我
Look at me.
没有你我会死的
I would die without you.
那你现在是安全的
Then you’re safe.
因为我在这里
Because I am here.
3月17日星期一
Monday, March 17th.
一半的鸡都死了
Half the chickens are lost.
我从他们半开的嘴里挖出冰和雪
I dug ice and snow from their dead open mouths
试图去救活他们
in an attempt to revive them.
钉上平头钉
Hobnails…
会有更好的牵引力
For better traction.
威尔顿寡妇的儿子在他巡逻的时候
The Widow Weldon’s son, on his rounds,
告诉我泰莉已经安全到家了
reported that Tallie had gotten home safely,
他觉得泰莉只是有点冻伤
with, he thought, only a bit of frostbite.
我们有一阵子没看到你的朋友了
We haven’t seen your friend down the lane for a while.
芬尼带她去了奥尼昂塔
Finney took her to Oneonta.
所以 一切对你来说都是枯燥乏味的了
So everything is tedious and lonesome?
4月10日星期四
Thursday, April 10th.
我们早餐吃了饼干和千鲭鱼
Biscuits and dried mackerel for breakfast.
戴尔给牛栏里补充了一些稻草
Dyer has augmented the padding in the cattle pens
还用枫叶和干稻草做了一个临时栅栏
with his hoardings of maple leaves and old straw.
似乎泰莉永远不会出现了
It always seems that Tallie will never appear.
但我数着日子
But I remind myself that time and the needle wear
用针线活打发漫漫清晨
through the longest morning.
我意识到当她真的到来时
And I have noted that when she does arrive,
我的心就像一片落叶
my heart is like a leaf borne over a rock
被湍急的水流推向了岩石
by rapidly moving water.
你好
Hello. Oh!
小心点
Oh! Careful.
过来在这坐好
Stay. Sit, sit.
4月12日星期六
Saturday, April 12th.
过去这两天空气是潮湿的多云的凉爽的
-I spent the last two days… -Very damp, cloudy and cool.
如烟雾般的
Smoky.
也许森林深处着火了
Perhaps the forest is somewhere on fire.
你的鼻子还真是有趣
Your nose is being gracious.
4月14日星期一
Monday, April 14th.
到目前为止 这都是一个糟糕透顶的春天
A terribly bad spring so far,
但是 三叶草已经长了出来
but the clover has come up through it,
还不错
and is all right.
芬尼怎么样了
And how’s Finney?
他是个有耐心的人
The soul of patience.
他又提出要搬去西部
He’s mentioning again the idea of migrating west.
你们打算搬去西部
You’re planning on moving west?
也许吧
Perhaps.
我有个叔叔之前搬到了俄亥俄州 最终却落得悲惨结局
I had an uncle who moved to Ohio and came to a desperate end.
这正是人们从俄亥俄州期望得到的
Which is what one might expect from Ohio.
-明天 -嗯
-Tomorrow? -Hm.
4月17日星期四
Thursday, April 17th.
倾盆大雨几乎下了整夜
Rain in torrents nearly all night.
巷子被淹了 水沟也溢满了
The lane is flooded and the ditches brim full.
今天早上只有毛毛细雨
This morning, only a slight shower.
泰莉今天比平时来得晚
Tallie came later than her usual time today.
她没有做出任何解释
She offered no explanation.
我很遗憾你的童年没有那么快乐
I’m sorry that your childhood was anything less than joyous.
的确不算是快乐
Joyous it was not.
但是我自己找到了幸福
But I made my own happinesses.
我丈夫说”上帝把沉重的石头放在你的路上
My husband says, “God puts heavy stones in your path,
但将由我们决定是否跨越它们
it’s up to us to step over them.”
石头是幸运的人得到的
Stones are what the fortunate receive.
我外婆出生于1780年
My mother’s mother was born in 1780
就在这里斯科哈里县
right here in Schoharie County.
我经常在感叹
I often wonder at the courage
这些的女人们拥有的勇气和坚毅
and the resourcefulness of those women.
仿佛踏入一片荒野
Imagine faring forth into a wilderness,
但却希望建立起一个家
hoping to build the foundations of a home.
也许他们有某种我们没有的乐观
Maybe they had a certain high hopefulness that we don’t have.
你什么时候再来
When can you come?
星期二
Tuesday.
你好泰莉 你好
-Hello, Tallie! -Good day.
下午过得还愉快吗
Was your afternoon gladsome?
是的好极了
Yes, it was, very.
-再见-再见
-Goodbye. -Goodbye.
我能感觉到
I felt,
从她的表情中感觉到
looking at her expression,
她好像乘着风般极速前进着
as if she were in full sail on a flood tide,
然而我却在倒♥退♥
while I bobbed along down backwards.
然而
And yet,
我从来没有从她的脸上看出
I never say on her countenance the indifference
幸运之人对不幸之人的漠不关心
of fortunate towards the less fortunate.
早上好
Good day.
早上好
Good day.
你也生病了吗
Are you sick, too?
并没有
Not at all.
我还以为我们都感冒了
I was hoping to compare colds.
我帮你泡一杯蜂蜜水
I’ll make you tea and honey?
怎么了
What?
每天早上当我醒来
Every morning I wake up
我永远都不想离开你
and I think that I never want to be far from you.
受到你的影响 由于你非常善于措辞
And under your influence, since you’re so good with words,
我写了一首诗
I’ve composed a poem.
它的标题是
It’s entitled…
“哦 病态而悲惨的心 请安静下来
“Oh, Sick and Miserable Heart, Be Still.”
我 还是个小女孩的时候
When I was a little girl,
我认为能发挥才智
I thought I could cultivate my intellect
为这个世界做点什么
and do something for the world.
但生活却如此的平凡而普通
But my life has surprised me by being far more ordinary.
你说的是那刻
You’re talking about that moment
我曾梦想过的就像
that I have dreamed about, when we’re carried in triumph
当我们做了很棒的事 凯♥旋♥而归
for having done something wonderful or received at home
或是 在内心深处感受到的 伴随着眼泪和欢乐的呼喊
with tears and shouts of joy.
你知道我在说什么吗
Do you know what I wonder?
有没有可能
Is it possible…
这样的时刻 我们都还没有体验过
that such a moment hasn’t yet come for either of us?
我想我们体验过
I think it has.
或者我们可以去体验
Or that it could.
你确实可以
You do.
你觉得怎么样
So what do you think?
你是怎么考虑我们之间的关系的
What do you think about us?
我不知道如何用语言来表达
I don’t know how to put it into words.
那就试一试
Well, try.
我试过了 那就再试一次
-I have tried. -Well, try again.
你是怎么想的
What do you imagine?
我想我喜欢
I imagine that I love
我们目前的情感状态
how our encircling feelings leave nothing out…
让我们没有想要或者寻找的东西
for us to want or seek.
我想太多了
I’ve presumed too much.
根据我的经验并不总是那些
It’s been my experience that it’s not always those
表达的最少的人实际上感受到的最少
who show the least who actually feel the least.
只是狗的脚趾踩在木头上的声音而已
Just my dog’s toenails on the wood.
为什么你不做你试图做的事呢
Why didn’t you do what you attempted to do?