消失的西德尼·豪尔（2017）

I stared at that lunch box for over half an hour.
我盯着那个午餐盒 足足有半个多小时
What was the best way to go about this?
什么才是最好的办法来着手处理这个盒子？
Melody was still forefront on my mind.
蔓丽迪依然处于我所思所想的中心位置
Somehow I felt obligated to bring closure to this current development.
不知为何 我觉得有义务来终结目前这种状况
Even now, deep down I knew that once I opened that box,
即使现在 从内心深处讲 我非常清楚 一旦我打开那个盒子
it would ultimately not be the ending
它也终究不会是一件事情的结局
or rather the beginning of something very unfortunate.
说得更确切点 而是某些不幸事情的开端
Did you watch it?
你看过了吗？
Look man, it’s, uh…
听着 老兄 这个 呃…
It’s really none of my business.
这真的跟我没有关系
Did you watch it?
你看过了吗？
There, documented on video
那里 记录在录像带中的
was Brett’s Father,
是布瑞特的父亲
Judge George Newport, having sex with an underage girl.
法官乔治·纽波特 性侵一个未成年的女孩
And when it was finally over,
然后 当最终完事儿后
he would arrange for a car to take her back to school,
他会安排一辆车 把女孩送回学校
middle-school by the looks of it.
从外表判断 应该是一所中学
And then just minutes after the Judge left,
然后在法官离开后几分钟
it all came together.
一切都水落石出了
Smart kid.
聪明孩子
Who would have known underneath that football helmet
谁能够知道在那个足球头盔之下
was such a damaged soul.
深藏着这样一个破碎的灵魂
A soul that may well have been on its way to greatness
一个可能已经顺利走在迈向辉煌之路的灵魂
had it not been stilted by an upbringing I couldn’t even begin to imagine.
如果它没有被一种 我甚至不能开始想象的严酷教育方法催熟的话
I’m gonna kill him, I swear to God, next time he tries to touch me,
我会杀了他 我向上帝发誓 下一次他再想碰我的话
I’m gonna take a knife and I’m gonna stab him in his fucking neck.
我会拿起一把刀 朝他那该死的脖子捅下去
Okay, look, man,
行了 听着 伙计
if you turn the tape to the authorities, he won’t be around anymore.
如果你把录像带交给官方 他就不会再出现了
You know?
你知道吗？
He rapes Darcy…
他还强♥奸♥达茜…
Okay. You’re gonna have to turn in the tape as soon as possible.
行 你得尽快把录像带交上去
She doesn’t say anything, but I know he does it, man.
她什么也没说 但是我知道他强♥奸♥了她 伙计
Because I can hear her cry, some nights, through the walls.
因为某些晚上 隔着墙 我能听见她哭
Listen. Listen, this has to end.
听着 听着 这个必须得有个了断了
All right. This has to end and that’s why we dug it up. Right?
没错 这个必须结束了 这也是我们为什么要把它挖出来的原因 对吧？
That’s why we dug it up. So this can end.
这就是我们挖它出来的原因 所以这个可以终结
I’m gonna stab the fucking bastard.
我会捅死这个他妈的畜生
Listen to me, man, don’t do anything stupid.
听我说 兄弟 别做傻事
All right? Just wait until Monday, we’ll turn it in.
可以吗？就等到星期一 我们去把它交掉
I’ll go in with you.
我会和你一起去
Okay? I’ll go with you.
好吗？我和你一起去
I should have turned that tape in.
我应该把录像带交上去
I should have listened to his words and taken them more seriously.
我应该听他的话 更严肃地对待这件事
But I didn’t.
但是我没有
This is Melody. Hi.
这是蔓丽迪 嗨
Are those my notebooks?
那些是我的笔记本吗？
What’s going on?
怎么回事？
I found this in your VCR.
我在你的录像机里找到的
No… no, it’s not what you think. I don’t know what to think.
不… 不 这不是你想的那样 我不知道该怎么想
I mean, I don’t know if it’s porn or some black market S&M shit
我想说 我不知道是否是黄带 或某些黑市上的变♥态♥垃圾
but it is much sicker than I imagined you to have.
但它比我想象你可能有的 还要恶心得多
You know. And after watching this, I thought I better read your journals,
你知道 看了这个之后 我想我最好还是读读你的日记
because I better get some insight into my son.
因为我最好能对我的儿子有多些了解
And all I read about was drugs and masturbation and black high school teachers,
然后我读的所有东西 都是毒品和自♥慰♥ 以及恶毒的的高中老师
and let’s not forget about the beautiful passages
别忘了还有那些漂亮的段落
about your mother, the whore!
关于你的母亲 那个婊♥子♥！
The high school cheerleader that got knocked up by the tight end.
那个高中的啦啦队队长 被足球队边锋搞大了肚子
You don’t understand, all right? Just give me…
你不理解的 好吧？给我…
Don’t understand?
不理解？
Stop it. Fuck you!
住手 去你的！
No! No! No! Maybe next time
不！不！不！ 也许下一次
you will have a little bit more respect when you write about your mother!
你在写你母亲的时候 可以多一点尊重！
Maybe next time you’ll think twice!
也许下一次 你会三思而后行！
No! No! Stop it! Stop it! Oh, fucking…
不！不！住手！停下！ 哦 该死的…
No. No.
不 不
I screwed up.
我搞砸了
Brett called me to ask when we should meet up.
布瑞特打电♥话♥给我 问我我们什么时候碰头
And I had to tell him the tape was gone.
然后我只好告诉他 录像带搞丢了
And he hung up on me.
然后他挂断了我的电♥话♥
He died on an unusually cold Sunday.
他死在一个异常寒冷的星期天
Stabbed himself, in the stomach.
用刀刺进了自己的腹部
There were rumors that he did it to avoid military school.
有谣言说 他这么做是为了逃避进军事院校
But I knew the truth.
但我知道真♥相♥
I killed him…
我害死了他…
You can’t blame yourself for that.
你不应该为此而自责
I may not have been there when the knife went in, but…
当刀光飞舞的时候我可能不在现场 但是…
I was there ever since.
我自始至终都是当事人
He’s been with me.
他一直在我身边
Watching me.
注视着我
I mean how the entire course of a person’s life
我的意思是 一个人一生的历程
can change, in a millisecond.
怎么能在一毫秒之内 就此改变
Do something.
做些什么
Do something. Do something. I’m trying to.
做些什么 做些什么 我正在做
I’m trying to, let me do something.
我正在努力 让我做些什么
Just sing.
唱个歌♥吧
Sing what? Sing…
唱什么？ 唱个歌♥…
Sing? Sing.
唱歌♥？ 唱个歌♥
What do you want me to sing? I’ll sing anything you want.
你想让我唱什么？我可以唱任何你想听的歌♥
All right… I’ll sing.
好的… 我唱
I will.
我唱
Um… yeah…
呃… 好的…
Stay with me. Stay with me.
跟紧我 跟紧我
Stay with me.
别走开
I only know the first verse.
我只知道第一节的歌♥词
I don’t know the second verse.
我不知道第二节
You want me to keep singing, I’ll keep singing for you.
你想让我一直唱 我会为你一直唱
Breathe. Honey? Honey? Sweetheart…
呼吸 亲爱的？亲爱的？宝贝…
Mel? Mel? Mel…
蔓尔？蔓尔？蔓尔…
Wake up. Come on, breathe.
醒醒 来吧 呼吸
Oh, no.
哦 不
Once Melody left me,
一旦蔓丽迪离我而去
it dawned on me,
我开始渐渐明白
looking out at all those wonderful city lights,
望着外面一片璀璨的城市灯火
that I was just one of those millions of city lights,
我只是那无以计数城市灯火中的一束而已
a tiny little pixel,
一个小小的 微不足道的像素
buried within the white noise of life,
葬身于生活的白噪声之中
blinking on for just a brief second in time.
不过是适时地闪烁短暂的一秒
I didn’t want to be a martyr.
我不想成为一名殉道者
I wanted to be nobody.
我只想做无名之辈
And I walked out of that apartment…
随后 我离开那座公♥寓♥…
with only the clothes on my back.
只带着身着的一套衣物
To become nobody.
去做一个无名之辈
I never returned again.
我永不回返
I just keep replaying that scene.
我只是不断重播那个场景
Hoping against hope that the ending would change.
在绝望中抱存万一的希望 期盼结局可以重写
That she would just wake up…
只希望她能再次醒来…
And say, “Sidney…
呼唤着 “西德尼…
I’m not leaving you just yet.
我还没有离开你
I’m still pregnant.”
我依然怀有身孕”
Sidney.
西德尼