触不可及

Where my keys at?
我那该死的杆子在哪儿
Anybody see my fishing pole?
有人看到我的钓鱼竿吗
Where my damn pole at?
这与我喜欢的类型完全相反
That is literally the opposite of my type.
我讨厌胡子
I hate beards.
无意冒犯
No offense.
但至少你承认你有一个理想型
But at least you admitted that you got a type.
我没在找 Dell
I’m not looking, Dell.
我发现一只猫
I found a cat!
它在我的胡须里
It was in my beard.
你太难对付了 太难了
You’re tough. You’re so tough.
开门 开门
Knock, knock.
不行
Nope.
开门 开门啊
Knock, knock.
我会在这儿敲一天的门
I will sit here and knock all day.
开门 开门
Knock, knock.
谁在那儿
Who’s there?
伊芳
伊芳.
哪个伊芳
Yvonne, who?
让你大笑的伊芳
Yvonne to make you laugh.
谢谢你 Dell
Thank you, Dell.
我这只是在热身 别走啊
I was just warmin’ up, okay? Don’t leave yet.
我再讲一个好笑的 就一个
One more. One more.
谢谢你 Dell
Thank you, Dell.
怎么才能让餐巾纸跳舞
How you make a napkin dance?
在里面放一个小黑人就行了
Put a little boogie in it.
快看我
Look.
当心
Watch out!
你是怎么做到的
How did you do this?
你这叫什么话
What do you mean, “How did I do this?”
因为我是天才啊
‘Cause I’m a genius, man.
我会把锦缎铺在你的脚下
“I would spread the cloths under your feet.
但我 穷得只剩了梦
But I, being poor, have only my dreams.
于是我把梦铺在你脚下
I have spread my dreams under your feet.
轻些踩
Tread softly
因为你踩着我的梦
because you tread on my dreams.”
笑什么
What?
我不想戳破 但你并不穷
P, I hate to break it to you, but you ain’t poor.
我引用的是著名诗人叶芝的话
I’m quoting Yeats, a famous poet.
我知道她是谁
I know who she is.
为什么不给Lily寄你自己的诗
Why don’t you write Lily your own poem?
比如 写些你想对她说的话
Hmm? Like, one using your words.
可我 我不是诗人
Oh, I’m… I am not a poet.
你在鬼扯什么啊 每个人都是诗人
What you talking about? Everybody’s a poet.
行了 说说你对她有什么感觉
All right. How does the thought of her make you feel?
我不知道
I don’t know.
得了 你知道的 快说吧
Yes, you do. Come on, man.
光
Light?
好吧 光就像
All right. Light as a…
羽毛
A feather?
一声低语
A whisper.
我喜欢这个
Ooh. I like that.
很好 她还让你想到什么了
All right. What else does she make you feel?
我不知道 或许是勇敢
Uh… I don’t know. Brave?
勇敢 勇敢像
Brave. Brave as a…
杜宾犬
Doberman.
箭
Arrow.
带箭的杜宾犬
Doberman with an arrow.
我 我想只写 箭
Uh, I… I think just “arrow.”
你见到她时怎么样 她长什么样
How about when you see her? What she look like?
别说是像杜宾犬
Don’t say, “Doberman.”
我 我 我不清楚她的样貌
I… I… I don’t know what she looks like.
啥意思
What do you mean?
我们是笔友关系
Well, it’s an epistolary relationship.
只是互相写信
We just write letters.
那你们通信多久了
Well, how long you been epistolaryin’?
一年左右
About a year.
一年
A year?
你收到这些蓝色的小信件已经一年了吗
You been receiving these little blue letters for a year?
-对 -我知道还有什么是蓝色的
Yes. Well, I know what else is blue.
所以 你不知道这个女人长什么样
So, you have no idea what this woman looks like?
她亦不知我
Nor she I.
不 她知道
Yes, she does.
什么叫”她亦不知我”
What do you mean, “Nor she I”?
你到底生活在哪个年代啊
What… What century are you in right now?
听着 我觉得你并不能完全理解
Look, I don’t think you fully understand
笔友关系是怎么一回事
how an epistolary relationship works.
我觉得你不明白女人是怎么一回事
And I don’t think you understand how a woman works.
她用谷歌♥搜索过你
She Googled you.
伊芳
伊芳.
我回来了
I’m here.
Maggie Maggie 问你个问题
As for… Maggie, Maggie. Lemme ask you a question.
如果你是Lily
If you were Lily,
你会用谷歌♥搜索他的屁♥股♥吗
would you have Googled P’s ass?
或者是我的脸
Or my face, perhaps?
我可能两个都会搜一搜
Probably both.
看看 我跟你说什么了
What’d I tell you? Hmm?
Charlotte
Charlotte.
Charlotte 如果你和某大厨
Charlotte, if you were in an epistolary love triangle
靠书信维持一段三角恋
with an Iron Chef,
你会去看的照片吗
would you look up a picture of him?
第一天就得看
First day.
你看 我知道我在说什么 老兄
Hmm? I know what I’m talkin’ about, man.
我来看看你用谷歌♥搜索出来是什么样子
I wanna see what your Google Search look like.
好的 LaCasse
All right. LaCasse. Mmm.
你看起来不赖啊 老兄
You look good, man.
清爽整洁一表人才
You clean up well.
我是认真的 你看起来真挺好的
And I’m serious. I don’t just say that. You look real good.
我都想看看她的样子了
Wow. I wanna see what she look like.
她姓什么
What’s her last name?
我不会告诉你的
I’m not telling you that.
不 听着 Dell 别说没用的了
No, listen… Dell. Stop talkin’ like that.
-我想知道 -把信给我
I wanna see. Give me the letter.
Foley 来自布法罗
Foley. From Buffalo. Ooh!
Lily一定挺厉害的
Oh, Lily gonna be big.
布法罗很冷
It’s cold in Buffalo.
你的小百合不一般啊
She gonna be a big, ol’ flower.
好吧 我们搜索一下吧
All right. Let’s search it.
她对你说过她103岁生日的事吗
She say anything to you about a 103rd birthday?
有没有提过大头自♥拍♥
Ever mention a mug shot?
-天哪 -好吧 够了
Oh, God. All right, enough.
这只小百合已经上市了
This little Lily been to market.
太多了
A lot.
-够了 -现在 她很可爱
All right. Now, she cute.
但我需要更多的信息
Hello. See, but I need more information. This how…
你快把我变成一个侦探了
You gotta turn into, like, a detective.
-别这样 -那儿什么都没有
– Come on. – There’s nothing in there.
-这是隐私 Dell
That is private, Dell.
-让我看看有没有线索
Just let me see if I see a clue.
这上面有个电♥话♥号♥码啊 老兄
There’s a phone number on this, man.
所以呢
So?
这叫什么话 你为什么不给她打电♥话♥呀
What do you mean, “So?” Why don’t you call her?
因为这不是笔友该做的
Because that’s not the relationship we have.
什么叫不是你该
What you mean, “It’s not you rela…”
-快别说了老兄 -不行
Cut it out, man. – No.
把电♥话♥给我
Give me the phone.
不 不 不 停下来
No, no, no. Stop.
-别给她打电♥话♥ -这是隐私
– Do not call her. – It’s private.
请把电♥话♥给我
Please, give me the phone.
伊芳 别那样抓我
Yvonne, don’t grab at me like that.
不要 不要打电♥话♥