触不可及

Or I’m invisible.
除非他们知道我很有钱
Unless they know I have money.
我这辈子都被这么对待
Welcome to my world.
我是指 除了有钱那一部分
I mean, except the money part.
我一点钱也没有
I don’t have no damn money.
我觉得我应该做一些更
I guess I gotta do me some more, uh…
一些更横向思维的事情
some more lateral thinking.
-我需要做一些改变
I gotta make some changes.
-你在读我的书 -我试着去读
You’ve been reading my book. I’m trying to.
但是它有些枯燥
It’s kinda dry, though.
枯燥 它并不枯燥 那是商业理论
“Dry”? It’s not dry. It’s business theory.
好吧
Well, okay.
在我看来那本书有些枯燥
My… My theory is that the book is dry.
不是的
No.
横向思维就像艺术一样
Lateral thinking is like art.
它就像另一扇门
It’s another door.
那你准备好来一个头脑风暴了吗
Are… Are you ready to have your mind blown?
我准备好了 完全准备好了
I’m ready. I’m so ready.
好的 我为我的生意想到了一个点子
Okay, I got the idea for my business.
好的 它是一款应用程序
Okay, now, it’s a app.
-明白吗 -明白
Okay? Yeah.
它能帮你找到
It’s a app that helps you find
最近的大♥麻♥
the closest weed.
它叫做”找到我的毒贩”
It’s called Find My Dealer.
不 不 不是这个名字
No, no, no. It’s not that.
它叫 忘了刚才那个名字 好吗 它叫爱贩
It’s… Take that out, okay? It’s called iDeal.
因为结合了爱和贩毒
Because of the “I” and “deal.”
这就是爱贩
It’s ideal.
你明白我的意思吗
You see what I’m saying?
你知道它怎么回事了吧
You see how it works?
-我明白了 -怎么样
– I do. – Right?
但我认为你应该再想想
But I think you need to think some more.
这太针对利基市场了
It’s very niche.
利基是什么鬼意思
What the hell is “niche”?
就是 就是猪身上的一条肉
It’s… It’s the girl version of a nephew.
那么 你的家很有钱吗
So, was your family rich?
你老爸把他所有的钱都给了你
Your daddy gave you all his money?
我的每一分钱都是自己挣来的
I earned every penny I have.
我父亲什么也没给我
My dad gave me nothing.
好吧 这一点上咱们一样
Oh, well, we got that in common.
你知道吗 我父亲是个专家
You see, my dad was a artist.
真的吗
He was?
骗子 他是个骗术专家
Con. Con artist.
我一般很难见上他一面的
I ain’t never see him, though.
见面的那几次都是在号♥子里
Unless you wanna count the time we spent together in lockup.
我们一起坐过牢
We was in prison together.
感人吧
Sweet, right?
你知道我们在牢里相会时他对我说什么吗
You know what he said when he saw me, man?
他跟我说 欢迎回家
He said, “Welcome home.”
你能想象这他妈是一个爹对孩子说的话么
Can you imagine saying some shit like that to your kid?
在监狱里说欢迎回家
“Welcome home.”
我发誓 我绝不会让我的孩子进监狱的
I swear, my son ain’t never going to prison, man.
他太聪明了
Too smart.
他是个很聪明的孩子
Boy is so smart.
这点随了孩子他妈
His mom, she’s smart too.
哈 Dell 其实你也挺聪明的
Well, you’re smart, Dell.
聪明个屁哦
Smart-ass.
不是的 你的确聪明
No. No, you’re smart.
明智
Intelligent.
好啦 准备好了吗
DELL: All right, you ready?
163号♥街上 现亟需一个上百万的点子
It’s on 163rd. It’s just waiting for the million-dollar idea.
你有什么好主意吗
Which you have.
听到食物二字你的第一印象是什么
Okay. What do you think of when I say the word “food”?
我会想 别告诉我你要开一家饭店
I think, “Don’t pitch me a restaurant.”
– 真没意思 – 怎么 你连做饭都不会吧
– Forget it, man. – What? Do you even cook?
我可以雇个厨子啊
I could hire a cook.
像Charlotte这样的就不错
Maybe Charlotte.
所以 你的点子就只是
So, your pitch
要把我的厨子撬到你那边呗
is that you might hire my cook away from me?
拉倒吧拉倒吧
Forget it. Just forget it.
你这个人可太扫兴了
You’re so negative.
Maggie说她可能 会晚些才到
Maggie says she’s, uh… she’s running late.
行吧
okay.
我倒是不急
It can wait.
但你的导尿管不这么想 它可急得很啊
Well, it says it can’t. Says I gotta change your crazy straw.
怎么就没有自动导尿管呢
Why don’t they have a self-changing catheter?
哎 想到个商机
Okay. Business idea.
我要是发明一种可以自我替换的导尿管
What if I told you that
你觉得怎么样
I can create a self-changing catheter?
我可能得先了解一下
I would ask
您老是在哪儿考的生物医学工程学位呢
where your biomedical engineering degree was from.
Dell 听我说 你至少得有个爱好
Look, Dell, just find something you love doing.
以爱好为起点开始寻找才行
And then find a way to scale it.
我的意思是 你到底擅长点什么呢
I mean, what are you really good at?
反正肯定不是这事
Well, it’s clearly not this.
咱能先不聊了吗
You know, can we just not talk?
我现在感觉自己在演那种最糟糕的色情片
Especially while I feel like I’m in the worst porno ever.
这没什么大不了的
It’s no big deal.
什么叫没啥大不了的
What you mean, “It’s no big deal”?
又不是你在摸别的男人的那个
You ever touched another man’s, uh…
哪个 你敢不敢大大方方的说出来
What? You can’t even say the word?
我当然敢说了
Yes, I can say the word.
行啊 倒是说啊
Well, say it.
– 我不 – 说出来啊
– No. – Just say it.
我不想说
I don’t want to.
– 老二 – 住口
– Penis. – Stop it.
好吧好吧 不说了 我的天
Okay, fine. Jeez.
弄完了 成了
All right. Done.
我这技巧足以点石成金
Young Merlin’s got the sword.
你是说我的老二现在有含金量了嘛
So, that would make my penis the stone, then?
咱能不提那个词了么
Can you stop saying that word?
我只是顺着你的话往下说而已
Just using your analogy.
不要再提那个词了
Stop saying the word.
– 算我求你了 – 好吧
– I’m asking you. – Okay.
– 并不好笑好吗 – 好吧
– It’s not helping me. – Okay.
行了 我先把之前这些拿出去
All right, so, I’ll take this out.
然后我要
And then I, um…
我得捏一下 得先要把头部掐住
I gotta pinch the… pinch the head.
然后在把管子放进去 清楚吗
Put it in. All right?
我是在给你个心理准备
I’m just letting you know what’s going on.
行吧 我要开始了
All right. Let’s do it.
老兄 这么粗看着好像插不进去啊
This don’t look like it’s gonna fit, man.
她之前也是这么说的
That’s what she said.
好吧
All right.
准备好了么
You ready?
不行 还是接受不了 让我缓一缓
I’m not. I’m not ready. Gimme a second.
我的天啊
Goddamn.
鼓起勇气 Dell
Come on, Dell.
你可以的 没问题的
Shake it off, boy.
好了 我准备好了
All right, let’s go.
眨眼的事儿
Coming in fast.
我先抓住它
Grab it.
什么鬼 老兄 我的妈啊
What? Come on, man.
哥们 别这样
Come on, man.
你这是怎么了 你看看你
What is that? What?
你是磕了春♥药♥了还是怎么的了
You have a Cialis for breakfast or something?
好吧 如果你不再玩它的话
Well, if you quit playing with it
-或许就不会是这个样子了 -我才没有去玩它
– maybe it wouldn’t have happened. – Nobody’s playing with it.
没人会去玩它的 你先让它
Ain’t nobody playing with nothing. Go…
冷静一点可以吗
Make it go down.
– 让谁冷静 – 让小菲利普冷静点儿