爱宠大机密

Don’t leave out nothing. We love gory detail here.
-没错 -告诉我们
– Oh, yeah. – Tell us.
好的 告诉他们 麦克斯
Right.. so tell them, Max.
好吧 那么
Okay, so…
-我但是 -我们当时
– I was like… – We were like…
吃我一爪
Take that.
-愚蠢的主人 -对
– Stupid owner! – Yes!
我们…就是这样的狠角色
So, that’s… That who you’re dealing with.
这个故事无聊死了
That story bored me to death.
-很无聊 -告诉我们细节
– Boring. – Give us detail!
好的 麦克斯
Okay, Max!
好 这个嘛
OK, well…
-厨房♥里有个东西 -对 桌子
– So, there’s this thing in the kitchen… – Yes, table.
-它扁扁的 -烤面包机
– It’s like flat… – Toaster!
-顶端是圆的 -勺子吗
– And the round just on the end of it. – A spoon?
-对的 勺子 -对
– Yes, spoon. – Exactly.
你没法用勺子伤人
You can not hurt anyone with a spoon,
勺子是吃饭的
you scoop with a spoon.
谁会想听勺子杀人的故事
How many people wanna know how to kill somebody with a spoon?
好吧 我们是用勺子
Ah, okay, well, we used a spoon,
按下了这个机器的按钮
hit a button on this machine.
-对 还带那个… -就在台子上
– Right, right, and it’s got those… – On the counter. In..
-就是那个 刀… -刀片
– You know, uh… knives. – The blades.
是搅拌机吗
Was it a blender?
你大搅活人了
You blended somebody?
他说的是搅拌机呀 一定要是搅拌机啊
He talk about the blender, guys. Oh, please tell me it’s a blender.
老兄 我没问你那玩意叫什么
Hey, buddy, I don’t ask what it’s called.
反正我们就是用它杀的
We just kill with it.
不过确实是搅拌机
But it was a blender.
你们都听到了吧
Wow, you all hear this?
你知道你们跟谁很像吗
You know who was like this?
里奇 你含笑九泉了
Ricky, rest in peace.
里奇是我麾下唯一一位
Ricky was the only soldier I had
见到人类就打算拼命的战士
that is ready to kill humans on sight.
而其他人都需要来点心灵宠物汤鼓舞
Everybody else need a pet talk.
今天这两位兄弟不一样
Not these two brothers.
我们都深受人类折磨
See, all of us have suffered at the hands of man.
比如我吧
I mean, take me as an instance.
我以前是小孩子派对上的魔术道具
I was a magician rabbit for kid’s parties.
但后来 兔子魔术不流行了
But then, bunny tricks went out of style.
所以我的主人怎么办了呢 他呀
So what did my owner do? My owner,
就不玩魔术了 让我永远从他生命里
went and left magic behind, and made me disappear
滚蛋了
from his life.
我以前住在纹身馆
Uh-huh, I lived in a tattoo parlor,
那些实习生拿我来练习
the trainees used to practice on me,
直到我身上无处可纹为止
until they ran out of space!
人类都说他们爱我们
I mean, yes, humans say they love us.
但转眼就把我们弃若敝屣
But then they turn around and throw us out like garbage.
是不是这样 马库斯最知道了
Ain’t that right, see Marcus.
实物与广♥告♥不符又不是我们的错
Hey, it’s not our fault we don’t look like the ad.
就是啊
Yeah.
好了 既然你们要加入帮派
Okay, you guys are joining this brotherhood.
那就举♥行♥仪式吧
It’s initiation time.
-什么 -你说什么
– What? – I’m sorry, what time?
传毒舌
Summon the Viper!
等等 这毒舌有毒吗
Ah, is this viper poisonous?
我得事先说明 我对毒严重过敏啊
Because I should warn you, I’m very allergic to poison!
好了 给她看吧
Alright, show her.
麦克斯的项圈 他在哪
Max’s collar! Where is he?
他怎么了
What .. what happened to him?
无可奉告
Oi, I ain’t say nothing.
给我交代出麦克斯的下落
You’re going to tell us where Max is,
立马交代
and you’re going to tell us now.
这也能威胁到我吗
Is it supposed to scare me?
我可是猫啊 我肯定会四脚着地的
I’m a cat, I’ll land on my feet.
一定能四脚着地吗
Does it always happen?
我看你这脑袋好像经常着陆啊
Coz your head looks like it has taken a lot of landings.
别逼我使爪子
You don’t want me to cut you,
我可是会这样把你抓成华夫饼
coz I’ll cut you this way and you look a waffle.
笨到难以沟通 丑到难以下咽
Okay, he’s too stupid to talk and too ugly to eat.
是你逼我的 麦克斯在哪
I’m done being nice, where is Max?
-这个嘛 -快说
– Uh… – Tell me!
让我说啊
I .. let me finish…
救命啊
Help me!
别看他 看着我 没人会救你的
Don’t look at him, look at me, nobody can help you.
麦克斯在哪
Where is Max!
我说 我说 他在下水道里
Okay, okay, he’s in the sewers.
他被抓了
He got taken.
行行好 放过我吧 可爱的小狗狗
Please, have mercy, adorable puppy dog.
蛇咬 蛇咬 蛇咬
Snake bite! Snake bite! Snake bite!
为了表明忠心
As proof of your ligeance,
你们要接受一口
You’re now receve the bite of a one fang…
混血毒蛇
half-blind Viper,
浸满反♥人♥类♥愤怒的毒牙烙印
fueled by a diet of anti human rage!
谁先来
Who wants to go first?
-可是吧 问题就是… -小小狗
– Uh… Yeah. Hey, here’s the thing, tho. I mean, it’s… – Tiny dog.
能叫你小小狗吗 和你很相称 承认吧
Can I call you tiny dog? It fits you, let’s admit that.
我跟你说啊 在你和胖胖狗之间
I mean, look, between you and the fat dog,
-我还是喜欢你 -谢谢
– I like you the best. – Oh, thank you.
小小狗想先来
Tiny dog wants to go first.
大家看好了 小狗弟先来
Everybody, TD is going first.
小小狗不要先来 让胖胖狗先
No, no, no, tiny dog does not want to go first, take the fat dog.
不 不要 住手啊
No, no, no… stop!
蛇咬 蛇咬 蛇咬 蛇咬…
Snake bite, snake bite, snake bite…
不要啊
No, no ..
你在干什么 居然让家养犬入帮
What are you doing, initiating a couple of domestics?
家养犬
Domestics?
是啊 我们刚在巷子里遇到他们俩
Yeah, we just dumped those two in the alley,
抢了他们的项圈
Slashed two of their collars.
不 不对 你说你们把项圈烧了啊
No, no, no. That.. That’s not true. You said you burnt your collars.
烧了 丢了 藏起来了 被猫偷了
Well, burned, lost, hidden, stolen by a cat,
不就是表达方式不同嘛
it’s all just words really, isn’t it?
你们不配盖上毒舌章
You don’t deserve to be marked by the Viper.
-不妙 -我们这就走
– Oh no. – We’ll just show ourselves out.
你们应该被毒舌吃
You deserve to be eaten by the Viper.
抓住那两个戴项圈的走狗
Get those leash rubbers!
小心
Hold on.
干得好 老兄
Go get them, dude.
刚才那只是个意外
Ah, fellas, that was an accident.
你压死了圣之毒舌
You squished the sacred viper?
他被压成饼了
He’s a flapjack.
毒舌 毒舌 你去了更好的地方
Oh, Viper! Viper, you in a better place.
你能去见里奇了
You and Ricky.
你生前从未伤害过任何人
You ain’t never did nothing to nobody.
不过你的确咬了不少人 毒舌
Well, you bit a lot of people, Viper.
所以其实应该算报应
So technically, you might actually deserve this.
之前只是时候未到
this might be something that was long overdue.
但也不能就这样在我眼前离去啊
But, it shouldn’t have came like this, not on my watch.
抓住他们
Get them!
快跑
Come on!
等等我 杜克
Wait on, Duke!
我们道歉 能不能放我们一马
We are sorry, can this be over now?
我们有点问题
We’ve got a problem.
我俩问题多的是 你现在说的是哪一个
We have so many problems. Which one do you mean it, this moment?
站住 蠢货 抓住他们
Stop running, dummies! Stop it right there!
-憋住气 -干吗憋气
– Hold your breath! – Hold my breath?
这是我这辈子最糟糕的派对
This is my least favorite party this holding so far.
朋友们 我有一个沉痛的消息
Friends, I am afraid that I have some terrible news.
松鼠要占领全球了 我就知道
The squirrels are gonna take over the world! I knew it!
我早就说那些贼眉鼠眼的小东西不安好心
I’ve always said that squirrels are little shifty little guys.
松鼠的事情改日再议 现在的问题是