教授

开始自我介绍吧
let’s go through and introduce ourselves.
谁想先来
Any volunteers?
那我先来 我叫理查德
I’ll go first. My name is Richard.
是你们的老师 点吧
I’m your professor. Go ahead.
真♥他♥妈♥的不好抽
That was fucking wretched.
天呐
Jesus.
好了
Okay.
下一个是谁
Who’s next?
你怎么样
How about you?
-我吗 -没错 你
– Me? – Yeah, you,
打电♥话♥的女孩
girl with the phone.
你是谁
Who are you,
我们为什么要认识你
why should we know you,
你的人生目标是什么
what do you want to do with your life?
好吧
Okay.
我是克莱尔
I’m Claire.
我来自纽约州北部
I’m from Upstate New York.
为什么要认识我
Why you should know me?
我也不知道
I don’t know.
真的 我也不知道
Yeah. I don’t know.
我猜 因为我叔叔是学校的校长
I guess because my uncle is the president of the school.
恶心 亨利·怀特是你叔叔吗
Ew. Henry Wright is your uncle?
-是的 -我受不了那个二货
– Yes. – I can’t stand the fuck.
我也不太喜欢他
I don’t really like him either.
很高兴听你这么说
That’s very good to hear.
我想说 他真像个蜜桃冰淇淋
I mean, he’s so peach melba.
既油腻又
Just slimy and…
我有主意了
I’ve got an idea.
先暂停一下这破课
How about we put a little pause to this shit
我们去酒吧
and we go down to the bar,
然后我们在那继续上
and we can run over it there.
我的亲生父亲是在波士顿
My biological father actually met my mothers
每月的堆肥会议上遇见我母亲的
at a monthly compost meeting in Boston.
他是个人类社会学家
He’s this social anthropologist over at a…
很好 罗丝
Okay. Rose,
去给大家每人再拿两扎啤酒 好吗
go and grab two more pitchers for everybody, would you?
为什么不直接记在你的账上
Why don’t you just put them in your tab?
不 这不是重点
No, that’s not the point.
重点是 我想要你去拿
See, I want you to go and get them.
而且我想要你现在就去 拜托了
And I want you go and get them now, please?
我能要些鹰嘴豆泥吗
Can I get some hummus?
可以 买♥♥吧
Yeah, get some hummus.
谢谢你
Thank you.
我给你们一小点建议
Let me give you all a piece of advice.
如果这个人有一丁存心怀孕的倾向
Steer very clear of anyone who has even the faintest,
躲的远远的
slightest whip of intentional conception.
我爸妈是故意怀上我的
I was conceived intentionally.
好吧 我得知道你叫什么
Well, I need to know your name.
还有 希望你们父母都告诉你们了
By the way, I hope your parents all told you
人总有一天会死
that you fucking die at the end.
你会死的 你会死的
You’re gonna die. You’re gonna die.
你会死的 总有一天
You’re gonna die. One day,
即使是无忧无虑的小罗丝也会死
even our blessed little Rose will die.
所以我在想 要是他妈的都没好好活过
So, what I’m wondering is, why the fuck do we
我们何苦要来这人世间走一遭
sort of float through this weird thing called life without living?
你知道 活着
You know, live.
不是存在 不是简单地存在
Don’t exist. Don’t simply exist.
那样太他妈无聊了 要活着
That’s boring as fuck. Live.
你懂的 干些大事 操地惊天动地
You know. Stir some shit up. Fuck some shit up.
操得对 最重要的是丰富我们的生活
Fuck it right. What I wanna focus on is enriching our lives.
从中学到一些能受益终身的智慧
And try to extract some sort of wisdom that we can carry with us.
你懂得 而不仅仅是爸爸妈妈的累赘
You know, something other than mommy and daddy’s baggage.
上帝祝福你 亲爱的
Ah, bless you, dear.
我想对你眨眨眼 可是我从来没学会
You know, I’d wink at you but I never learned how.
我觉得该解释一下
So I just thought you should know it.
还有人想要别的吗
Anybody want anything else?
我要 能给我拿杯威士忌吗
Yeah, could I get a whiskey?
当然可以
Oh, that’s fine.
她冲我放电来着
She winked at me.
我买♥♥了鹰嘴豆泥了
I got the hummus, so…
你拯救了圣诞节
Christmas is saved.
天呐
My God.
来
Here we go.
愿我们能永远记住每一个
May we forever remember that in each and every moment,
我们谱写自己生命篇章的瞬间
we are composing the stories of our lives.
我们要努力让它成为一个有意义的故事
Let’s aim to make it a meaningful read or at least,
至少是个有趣的故事
an interesting one, yeah?
来 干杯
All right. Cheers.
干杯
Cheers.
现在 不介意的话
Now, if you will excuse me,
我要去做点出轨的事了
I intend to explore a smidgen of infidelity.
什么情况啊
What the fuck?
好了 孩子们 玩得开心点
All right, kids. Have fun.
很抱歉
I’m so sorry.
-只管操♥我♥ -没问题
– Just fuck me. – Okay.
你根本不需要做任何选择
You don’t have to make any choices at all.
我们可以包办一切 重新装♥修♥科技馆
We can cover it all. We could renovate science hall.
英语部再换些新椅子
We could bring in a new chair to the English department.
我说 那挺好的 不用我吩咐了
Well, I said, “Well, of course, that goes without saying.”
你大学排名
Surely you have better…
肯定比我的要好
you know, college rankings than I.
闭嘴
Shut up.
天呐 维罗妮卡 那他妈的是啥
Jesus, Veronica. What the hell was that?
滚开
Fuck off.
让他们瞅着吧
Let them watch.
罗丝 嘴巴闭上
Rose, close your mouth.
你那样张着嘴非常不好看
It’s unattractive when you gape like that.
小丹尼 帮我个忙
Danny boy, do me a favor.
吃完后结下帐
Uh, close out the tab when you’re done.
然后 那啥
Yeah. And what… what…
不好意思 甜心 你叫什么来着
I’m sorry, what’s your name again, sweetheart?
萨拉.
Sarah.
别忘了给萨拉留小费
Be sure and leave Sarah a healthy tip
因为她是个非常非常好的人
because it turns out she’s a very, very nice person.
我们下周再见吧
I’ll see you guys next week, yeah?
罗丝 我先拿你开刀
Oh, yeah, Rose. Let me get you out of the way first.
-回去好好准备一下 -但我不知道该怎么做
-So be prepared. -But I don’t know what to do.
准备《白鲸》
. Moby Dick it is.
19世纪美国海洋题材小说 描写了亚哈船长为了追逐并杀死白鲸莫比·迪克
最终与白鲸同归于尽的故事
好主意 那先这样
Good idea. All right.
再见
Have a good one.
不到一分钟他就选中了女服务员
He just picked up that waitress in less than a minute.
到洗手间里上了她
And fucked her in the bathroom.
对 他们俩都是成年人
Yeah, well, they’re both consenting adults,
可以为所欲为
so they can do whatever they want.
干杯
Cheers to that.
吉布斯 吉布斯 看
Jibbles, Jibbles, Jibbles, look.
我感觉妈咪正在偷腥
Look, I feel mommy is cheating.
说了啥
What’s it say?
管用了
It works.
我们得试着阻止他
Let’s go try to stop him
-免得他喝个烂醉 -皮特 别管了
from drinking so much. Oh. Peter, come on.
他自己开心就好
He’s having a good time.
噢 理查德 你看起来很有精神
Ah, Richard, you’re looking rather sprite.
我刚刚做♥爱♥没带套
Oh, I just had unprotected sex.
噢 跟谁啊
Oh, with who?
狮子酒吧非常甜的那个女服务员
Some very sweet girl from the Lion’s Pub.
嗨 朵娜
Hello, Donna.
真恶心 他没必要跟我们说那个吧
Oh, that’s disgusting. Why would he tell us that?
今天过得怎样啊 甜心
So, how was your day, sweetheart?