教授

我知道很奇怪 好吧
I know it’s weird. Okay.
再见 再见 再见
Goodbye. Bye. Bye.
真迷人
Fascinating.
我很抱歉
I’m sorry.
哦 不必如此
Oh, don’t be.
好了
Okay.
从现在开始
From here on out,
我们会和以往非常 非常不同
we’re gonna do things very, very differently.
在座的各位 要是对此不感兴趣
So for those of you who are not even remotely interested
现在就可以直接离开了
in being here, please leave.
只要走出门
Just simply walk out the door
结课必定能得到一个C
and you’ll receive an automatic C.
我没有多少时间可以浪费
I no longer have time to be wasted
我也不打算浪费你们的时间
nor do I intend on wasting yours.
所以对于那些
So for those of you who receive grades of,
比如说 只能拿C 或是更糟的
say, a C or worse,
积极主动点
let’s just be proactive.
带上东西 走吧
Pack up your shit. And vamos now.
怎么样
Hmm?
不错 继续
Good. Here we go.
如果你们有人打算学习商业
If any of you have any intentions of studying business,
现在就出去吧
get the fuck out now.
我不会再说第二遍
I’m not gonna say it again.
如果你低头 发现自己穿着运动裤
If you look down and you happen to find yourself in sweatpants
或者是带腰绳的裤子之类的
or rather pants with the drawstring or something,
请出去
just please leave.
最重要的一点
Most important of all,
如果你从来没有为自己内心的欢愉读过书
if you’ve never read a book for our own internal pleasure…
你不属于这里 出去吧
you don’t belong here. Get out.
如果你们有人发现自己
If any of you find yourself
属于上述任何一类
falling into any of these categories.
我保证 你不会拿到比C更高分数
I assure you, you will not do better than a C.
继续
Here we go.
还有政♥府♥部门工作人员和从政者
The government workers and the politicians included.
运动裤可不仅仅是开玩笑
The, uh, sweatpants comment is not a joke.
我生病了 感冒
I’m sick. I have a cold.
好了 现在 那些有兴趣
Right. Now, for those of you who are interested in
学习更伟大思想的人 今天是时候了
learning from greater minds, and there are today,
你们负责读一本书
you’re in charge of reading one book
这个季度只有一本书
and one book only to this quarter.
这样做之后 你就可以站在这里
After doing so, you will then stand up here
开设你自己的课了
and you will run a class of your own.
干得漂亮 现在是饮水机边的国王和皇后
Excellent. There go the kings and queens of the water cooler,
明天就是给大公♥司♥卖♥♥命的工作狂
corporate whores of tomorrow.
也许是C 也许不是
C. Maybe not.
然后你可以站在这里 劝说你的同龄人
And then you will stand up here and you’ll persuade your peers
这项工作有多重要
of the work’s importance.
为此 你将得到一个B
For that, you’ll receive a B.
如果你能教我们一些新东西 就能得到A
If you teach us something new, you receive an A.
还有问题吗
Any questions?
额
Um…
啊哈 对了 还有一件事
Ah-ha. Yes. One more thing.
不能宣扬女权主义或同性恋
No feminist or queer propaganda.
我现在最不需要关心的事情
The plight of unkempt women is truly the last thing
就是不注重仪表的女人们的困境
I would like to think about right now.
我觉得你不能这么规定
I don’t think you can do that.
我已经做了规定
I just did.
现在 我将开启随心所欲
And now, I shall embark on an emotional…
狂欢的72小时
bender for 72 hours.
最可能的 是我一个人喝酒
Most likely, I’ll be drinking alone
我觉得那还行
and I’m all right with that.
因此 结果就是 课程取消
So as a result, class is cancelled.
结束
That’s it.
下课
Class dismissed.
哦 对了 顺便问一句 你们有人卖♥♥大♥麻♥
Oh, yeah, by the way, if any of you sell marijuana
或者认识卖♥♥大♥麻♥的人
or you know anyone who does,
能在办公时间过来找我一下吗
would you please visit me during office hours?
谢了 拜拜
Thanks. Bye.
什么鬼
What the fuck?
学术休假
I need to go on sabbatical next quarter.
是美国大学教师发展的一种重要制度形式 每隔一定年限
在全薪或减薪的情况下 研究者外出休整一年或稍短的时间
我会 不 我不会准你学术休假
I would… No, I can’t give you a sabbatical,
那要一年呢
it takes a year.
准备学术休假的申请要一年的时间
A year to get that kind of thing done.
你得做点什么来加快速度
You’re gonna have to do something to speed it up.
不 我不能
No, I can’t.
你要学术休假干什么
What do you want to go on a sabbatical for?
我想写出下一部美国最精彩的小说
I would like to write the next great American novel.
哦 是吗
Oh, yeah?
或短篇 取决于长度
Or novela,depending on the length.
关于什么
What’s it about?
关于孤儿养兔子的故事
It’s gonna be about an orphan who raises rabbits or bunnies around there.
叫什么名字
And what’s it called?
现在 暂定的题目是 寻找兔兔乐
Right now, the tentative title is Bunny Fun Found
因为她的名字叫兔兔 奇怪的是
because her name is Bunny and oddly enough,
-她玩得很开心 -真是扯淡
– she was having fun… – You’re full of shit.
你满嘴跑火车 是在骗我
You’re full of shit. You’re having me on.
-皮特 我得了癌症 -什么
– I have cancer, Peter. – What?
我得了癌症 而且情况很不妙
I have cancer and it doesn’t get look good.
天啊 理查德
Jesus Christ, Richard.
我不想死在这里
I don’t want to die here.
我不想死在像这样的地方
I don’t wanna die here like this.
求你让我出去 就让我孤独的死去
Please get me out. Just let me die alone.
让我平静地死去
Let me die in peace.
理查德
Oh, Richard.
不要在桌子上拉手
No hands above the table.
好吧
Okay.
是什么癌症
What kind of cancer is it?
是肺癌
It’s, uh, it’s lung cancer.
可你从不抽烟
You don’t smoke.
不 我现在可以抽了
No. I can now.
听着 每个人都有可能这样
Listen, this is what happens to everybody.
这就是我们所有人不容逃避的现实
It’s what happens to all of us.
我是说 你也可能长满了这鬼东西
I mean, you could be ridden with the same damn thing.
你为什么要对我说这些
Why would you say something like that to me, huh?
不 我只是在表达论点 很抱歉
No, no. I’m making a point. I’m sorry.
说出来意思就不太对了
It came out wrong.
-我很抱歉 真对不住 -没关系
– I’m sorry. I’m sorry. – That’s allright.
酒来了
There you go.
我真讨厌这些女人气的杯子
I really hate these effeminate glasses.
我们该怎么办
What are we gonna do?
我会把药柜装满
I’m gonna fill my medicine cabinet.
还有
And…
我要直接挺过去
I’m gonna ride this thing out.
等等 你不接受治疗吗
Wait, you’re not gonna get treatments?
不
No.
-你欠我的 皮特 -是啊
– You owe me, Peter. – Uh, yes.
对 是的 当然
Yes. Yes, of course.
谢谢
Thank you.
你现在可以松开我的手
You can let go of my hands now
然后我们就能一块喝酒了
and then we can have a drink maybe.
-好 -谢了
– Yeah. – Thank you.
敬最后这几个月的时间
So to the months end.
为了你的健康
To your health.
不要需要开玩笑
There’s no need to be facetious.
我不是故意开玩笑的
I didn’t mean to be facetious.
还有你那碎嘴 别出去跟人乱讲
And don’t go blabbering your little wet mouth about this.
-不 不会的 -我生病和别人没关系
– No, no. – This is no one’s business.
-只是我的事 -当然了
– but my own. – Of course.
我认为你的艺术作品是出色的 令人惊叹的
I think your art is brilliant, stunning,