制片人（1968）

…想把他们的钱钱 投入麦克斯比亚韦斯托克产业.
…pleading to put their money in a Max Bialystock production.
看看我现在的投资人.
Look at my inVestors now.
瞧.
Voila.
好几百小老太太 驻足于麦克斯比亚韦斯托克的办公室…
Hundreds of little old ladies stopping off at Max Bialystock’s office…
…在去墓地的路途上最后爽一次.
…to grab a last thrill on the way to the cemetery.
你有十秒钟时间 把这恶心的怜悯…
You haVe exactly 10 seconds to change that look of disgusting pity…
…改作真诚的尊敬.
…into one of enormous respect.
1, 2…
One, two…
做账去吧.
Do the books.
我明白, 先生.
I appreciate that, sir.
窗户这样肮脏, 都不知外面是白天黑夜.
Window’s so filthy, can’t tell whether it’s day or night out there.
就是这样, 孩子! 趁着还有, 炫耀吧!
That’s it, baby! When you got it, flaunt it!
炫耀吧!
Flaunt it!
咳.
Cough.
咳!
Cough!
我假设你做出那样的漫画声音 是为了吸引我注意.
I assume you’re making those cartoon noises to attract my attention.
我的假设对不对, 你这鱼脸的人♥民♥公敌?
Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?
我伤害你的感情了.
I hurt your feelings.
– 好吧! 怎么了? – 我能和你说几句么?
– Good! What is it? – May I speak to you for a minute?
说. 你还有58秒.
Go. You haVe 58 seconds.
– 略读了一下你的账本, 我注意到… – 你还有48秒. 赶快.
– In glancing at your books, I noticed that… – You haVe 48 seconds left. Hurry.
– 略读了一下你的账本, 我注意到… – 28秒. 你快没时间了.
– I glanced at your books, I noticed… – 28 seconds. You’re running out of time.
– 滴答, 滴答… – 比亚韦斯托克先生…
– Tick tock, tick tock… – Mr. Bialystock…
…这种情况下我不能做到!
…I cannot function under these conditions!
你让我极度紧张!
You’re making me extremely nerVous!
– 什么, 一块手帕? – 什么? 没什么. 没什么.
– What is that, a handkerchief? – What? Nothing. That’s nothing.
如果没什么, 为什么不让我看?
If it’s nothing, why can’t I see it?
我的毯子! 我的蓝毯子! 给我我的蓝毯子!
My blanket! My blue blanket! GiVe me my blue blanket!
你… 不行! 你…
You… No! You…
给.
Here.
不要恐慌.
Don’t panic.
很抱歉.
I’m sorry.
我不想别人碰我的蓝毯子.
I don’t like people touching my blue blanket.
不是什么重要的. 只是小小的强迫症. 只要我想我就能对付.
It’s not important. It’s a minor compulsion. I can deal with it if I want to.
这东西从小跟着我…
It’s just that I’Ve had it ever since I was a baby…
…我会感到舒服.
…and I find it Very comforting.
他们来了. 他们都来了.
They come here. They all come here.
– 他们怎么找到我的? – 我可以和你说话么?
– How do they find me? – May I speak to you?
在, 米什金王子.
Yes, Prince Mishkin.
– 我们能帮你什么? – 这不是开玩笑的时候.
– What can we do for you? – This is hardly a time for leVity.
我发现了一些严重错误…
I’Ve discoVered a serious error…
…在你最后一场剧的账目中. – 哪里? 什么?
…in the accounts of your last play. – Where? What?
根据支持者列表, 你募集到60000元.
According to the backers list, you raised $60,000.
但是你的剧只花销58000元.
But the play that you produced only cost $58,000.
有2000元没记账.
That’s $2,000 unaccounted for.
我去洗个土耳其浴. 谁在乎? 这出戏彻底失败!
I went to a Turkish bath. Who cares? The play was a flop!
– 能有什么区别? – 能有什么区别?
– What difference does it make? – What difference does it make?
这是欺诈! 要是他们发现了, 你会进监狱.
That’s fraud! If they found out, you could go to prison.
谁会发现? 不过是2,000元. 布鲁姆, 帮我个忙.
Who’s gonna find out? It’s only $2,000. Bloom, do me a faVor.
挪挪小数点. 你可是会计师.
MoVe a few decimal points around. You’re an accountant.
你正做着高尚的行当. “算帐” 这个词是你的头衔.
You’re in a noble profession. The word “count” is part of your title.
这是作弊.
That’s cheating.
不是作弊. 这是慈善.
It’s not cheating. It’s charity.
布鲁姆, 看着我.
Bloom, look at me.
看着我!
Look at me!
我正在沉没.
I’m drowning.
别人顺利生活. 比亚韦斯托克撞上了礁石.
Other men sail through life. Bialystock has struck a reef.
我会下沉.
I’m going under.
这是个要求成功的社会, 我只有失败…
I’m being sunk by a society that demands success…
…我被社会击沉了.
…when all I can offer is failure.
布鲁姆, 我向你伸手求救.
Bloom, I’m reaching out to you.
不要把我送进监狱.
Don’t send me to prison.
救命!
Help!
救救我, 布鲁姆. 布鲁姆, 救救我.
Help me, Bloom. Bloom, help me.
我会做!
I’ll do it!
– 谢谢. 我知道我能唬得住你. – 好吧. 什么?
– Thank you. I knew I could con you. – That’s all right. What?
没什么. 干吧.
Nothing. Do it.
嗯. 我们来看看. 2000元.
Right. Let’s see. $2,000.
2000元.
$2,000.
不太多. 我能把它藏在什么地方.
That isn’t much. I’m sure I can hide it somewhere.
毕竟, 国税局对烂帐不感兴趣.
After all, the Internal Revenue SerVice isn’t interested in a flop.
是的, 对. 好想法. 你来算.
Yes, right. Good thinking. You figure it out.
我累了. 我去打个盹. 要是起火了就叫醒我.
I’m tired. I’m gonna take a little nap. Wake me if there’s a fire.
我们来看看加到那里我们得到什么, 10…
Let’s see if we add these we get, 10…
…4…
…four…
了不起.
Amazing.
绝对了不起.
It’s absolutely amazing.
在正常情况下…
Under the right circumstances…
…一个制♥作♥人可以通过失败剧作赚更多钱…
…a producer could make more money with a flop…
…超过了一部杰作能得到的.
…than he could with a hit.
对, 相当可能.
Yes, it’s quite possible.
如果他能确定演出会失败, 他就发财了
If he were certain that the show would fail, a man could make a fortune!
啊?
Yes?
– 啊什么? – 你刚说什么? 继续说.
– Yes what? – What you were saying? Keep talking.
我说了什么?
What was I saying?
在正常情况下…
That under the right circumstances…
…一个制♥作♥人可以通过失败剧作赚更多钱…
…a producer could make more money with a flop…
…超过了一部杰作能得到的.
…than he could with a hit.
是啊, 相当可能.
Yes, it’s quite possible.
你接着说了, 但是没告诉我怎么做.
You keep saying that, but you don’t tell me how.
一个制♥作♥人可以怎样通过失败剧作赚更多钱…
How can a producer make more money with a flop…
…超过了一部杰作能得到的?
…than he could with a hit?
它只是一种创造性的会计方式.
It’s simply a matter of creatiVe accounting.
我们来假设, 只是暂时的, 你是个不诚实的人.
Let’s assume, just for the moment, that you are a dishonest man.
– 假设. – 很容易.
– Assume away. – It’s Very easy.
你简单的募集了比你实际需要更多的钱.
You simply raise more money than you really need.
你说什么?
What do you mean?
你自己做过了, 你只是做了小额度的.
You did it yourself, only you did it on a Very small scale.
我做了什么?
What’d I do?
你在上一部剧比你需要的多募集了2000元.
You raised $2,000 more than you needed to produce your last play.
又怎样? 我得到什么了? 我还穿着纸壳腰带呢!
So? What did it get me? I’m wearing a cardboard belt!
这就是你犯错的地方. 你没有做到底.
That’s where you made your mistake. You didn’t go all the way.
你看, 如果你胆大妄为的去犯罪, 你可以多得一百万元.
You see, if you were really a bold criminal, you could haVe raised $1 million.
但是制♥作♥那部剧我只花了60000元.
But the play only cost me $60,000 to produce.
演出了多长时间?
And how long did it run?
– 一夜. – 你看?
– One night. – You see?
你理解我试图说什么了么?
Do you see what I’m trying to say?
你可以得到一百万, 投入60000元的失败剧作…
You could haVe raised $1 million, put on a $60,000 flop…
…留下其他的.
…and kept the rest.
– 但是如果演出成功了呢? – 那你就进监狱了.
– But what if the play was a hit? – Then you’d go to jail.
要是这剧一炮打响, 你就要分红给支持者…
Once the play’s a hit, you haVe to pay the backers…
…他们可是许多人, 永远不会有足够利润来分配. 明白?
…and with so many, there could never be enough profits to go around. Get it?
就是说为了使计划成功…
So in order for this scheme to work…
…我们必须找到一个肯定失败的剧作.
…we’d haVe to find a sure-fire flop.
– 什么计划? – “什么计划?”
– What scheme? – “What scheme?”
你的计划, 你个他♥娘♥的♥小天才!
Your scheme, you bloody little genius!
我没说什么计划.
I meant no scheme.
我只是提出一个小小的学术性会计理论.
I merely posed a little academic accounting theory.
不过是个想法.
It was just a thought.
世界就是由这样的想法来推动的.
Worlds are turned on such thoughts.
你没看到, 布鲁姆? 宝贝儿布鲁姆. 光辉的布鲁姆.
Don’t you see, Bloom? Darling Bloom. Glorious Bloom.
很简单.
It’s so simple.
第一步, 我们找到世界上最糟的剧本.
Step one, we find the worst play in the world.
肯定失败的剧作.
A sure-fire flop.
第二步, 我募集一百万元. 世界上可有许多老太太.
Step two, I raise $1 million. There’s a lot of old ladies in the world.
第三步, 你来做账…
Step three, you work on the books…
…给政♥府♥一个假造的支持者名单.
…phony list of backers for the goVernment.
你做得到, 布鲁姆. 你是个巫师. 第四步, 我们在百老汇开演.
You can do it, Bloom. You’re a wizard. Step four, we open on Broadway.
在你说”第五步,”之前 我们在百老汇关门.
And before you can say “step fiVe,” we close on Broadway.
第六步, 我们带着一百万, 飞往里约热内卢!
Step six, we take our $1 million, we fly to Rio de Janeiro!