天生冤家（1998）

我们没有偷卡车 我们也没有拿什么桃子
We didn’t steal the truck and we didn’t pick any peaches.
– 蹲在地上 马上！ – 拷上他们
– On the ground, now! – Cuff them.
你觉得这是因为之前在洗手间那事 没给那孩子钱么？
Do you think this is about offering that kid money in the bathroom?
你们因违反加州法律一四〇七条 运送非法移♥民♥
You’re under arrest for violation of California lmmigration law 1407.
依法被捕 你们有权保持沉默
Transportation of illegal aliens. You have the right to remain silent.
你们两个小丑 到前面来
You two jokers, step forward.
现在又有什么可美的呢？
What’s so amusing now?
我们该怎么告诉汉娜和布鲁斯
How are we going to tell Hannah and Brucey
为什么我们参加他们的婚礼会迟到四十年？
why we are 40 years late for their wedding?
别担心 我们能离开这儿的
Stop worrying, we’ll get out of this.
不能没有个律师 我们不能 你有律师么？
Not without a lawyer we won’t. Have you got a lawyer?
有 在佛罗里达 他九十二了
Yeah, in Florida. He’s 92.
走到电♥话♥要花他六个小时 案子都完了
It takes him six hours to walk to the telephone. The case will be over.
我们只要跟警♥察♥实话实说
We’ll just tell them the truth.
那是我们的人！
There’s our guy!
你妈妈怎么样了 教父？
How is your dying mama, compadre?
– 好多了 谢谢 – 我得送她一箱桃子
– Mucho better, gracias. – I’ll send her a crate of peaches.
– 你准备去告诉他们实情么？ – 我去告诉他们实情
– Are you going to tell them the truth? – I told them the truth.
我说你们拉了我 送了我一程
I said you picked me up, gave me a ride
然后我看到我的朋友们 他们带我回家 这是真的是吧？
then I saw my friends, they took me home and that’s the truth, no?
他的故事比我们的好 我想我们有麻烦了
He’s got a better story then ours. I think we’re in trouble.
– 奥斯卡·麦迪生 费利克斯·安格 – 我们在这
– Oscar Madison. Felix Ungar. – Yeah, here we are.
– 走吧 – 我说过我们会出去 是吧？
– Let’s go. – I told you, didn’t I?
如果我们完了 你跟我们一起完！
If we go down, you go down with us!
你是“肮脏的哈利”么？你看太多电视了
Are you Dirty Harry? You watch too much television.
再跟我说一遍这租来的车怎么爆♥炸♥起火的？
Tell me one more time how the rented car caught fire and exploded.
他一边骂我我是榆木脑袋一边使劲擂车
He called me a shithead and punched the car.
– 车就滑动滚下山去了 – 你为什么要擂车？
– It went rolling down the hill. – Why did you punch the car?
因为这个榆木脑袋把地图扔出窗外了
Because the shithead threw the directions out the window
还把我的旅行箱落在出租行外面
and left my suitcase at the Rent A Car agency.
你为什么要把地图扔出窗外？
Why did you throw away the directions?
我的雪茄灰掉在地图上 把我的裤裆点着了！
They caught fire from my cigar ashes and were burning on my crotch!
这么多年他那个部位第一次升温
First time he’s hot down there for years.
我只是想告诉你这是什么感觉
I just wanted to remind you of how it felt.
行了 孩子们 别胡闹了
OK, boys. Calm down.
你们在一起没法好好相处是吧？
You two don’t get along too well, do you?
我们还是有不在一起十七年的美妙时光的
There was a period of 17 years that was wonderful.
然后我们就又见面了
Then we saw each other again.
– 谁要结婚了？ – 我女儿和他儿子
– Who is getting married? – My daughter and his son.
我们一致同意你们的确是在去儿女的婚礼上
We all agree that if you two can’t find your way
迷路了 你们也没有什么见鬼的机会
to your own children’s wedding, there isn’t a chance in hell
偷运二十个非法移♥民♥过境
you could smuggle 20 illegal aliens across the border.
另外卡车司机刚才也供认了
Besides we just got a confession from the truck driver.
– 你们自♥由♥了 可以走了 – 我们对此不胜感激 警官
– You are free to go. – We appreciate it, officer.
等会儿 这里有一个非法拘捕的问题
Wait a minute. There’s a matter of false arrest here.
我刚好在佛罗里达有个当地最好的律师
I happen to have one of the finest legal minds for an attorney in Florida.
– 行了 走吧！ – 你会接到他的指控的
– Let’s go! – You may hear from him.
我们还是不知道怎么才能到婚礼现场
We still don’t know how to get to the wedding.
你到外面坐电脑前面的女孩那儿
There’s a girl outside at the computer.
把家庭人员姓名给她 她会给你查的
Give her the family’s name. She’ll run it down.
嗨 费利克斯？我们都开始着慌了
Hello, Felix? We’ve been worried.
不幸的是 我们不知道在哪
Unfortunately, we took a wrong turn.
拐错了弯
Everywhere.
– 镇的名字是什么？ – 圣玛利亚
– What was the name of the town? – San Malina.
圣玛利亚 对了 这就是我一直告诉奥斯卡的
San Malina. That’s right. That’s what I kept saying to Oscar.
– 你们在哪？ – 在一个小地方叫…
– Where are you? – In a little town called…
圣塔梅纳德斯 我不知道这离你那有多远
Santa Menendez. I don’t know how far it is from where you are.
– 大约五小时 – 五小时？
– About five hours. – Five hours?
如果你认路的话
If you know the way.
– 这有旅馆么？ – 在路尾
– Is there a hotel here? – Down the street.
费利克斯 我把新内衣给你拿过来了 快接着
Felix! Our new underwear has arrived. Catch!
真是个联盟杯级的接球！
Caught that like a major leaguer.
看看这短裤 我就像个垃圾游戏厅的女服务员
Look at these shorts. I could be a waitress at a crap game.
如果你屁♥股♥扭得恰到好处 你能摇出个双六点
If you wiggle your fanny right, you can make double sixes.
咱们去喝一杯
Let’s get a drink.
这好像不是我们该来的地方
This doesn’t look like our kind of crowd.
如果遇到难对付的人 你就给他看你的内♥裤♥
If anyone gets tough, just show him your underwear.
– 你点点儿什么？ – 干马蒂尼加冰
– What will it be? – A dry Martini on the rocks, please.
马蒂尼？
Martini?
– 你呢？ – 苏格兰威士忌 双倍
– How about you? – A double scotch for me, please.
晚上好！
Evening.
嗨
Hi.
美好的夜晚 不是么？
Beautiful weather, isn’t it?
还真的不错 蜜糖
Just terrific, honey.
如果你跟我想的一样的话 你应该在想：算了吧！
If you are thinking what I think you’re thinking, forget it!
– 我没在想 我在说 – 别这样
– I’m not thinking, I’m talking. – Don’t.
这是我朋友费利克斯 大家都叫我奥斯卡
This is my friend, Felix. They call me Oscar.
嗨费利克斯 嗨奥斯卡 我是塞尔玛
Hi, Felix. Hi, Oscar. I’m Thelma.
塞尔玛？你不叫露易丝 是吧？
Thelma? You’re not Louise, are you?
就好像我没自问个上万次那样 我叫霍莉
Like I haven’t been asked that about a million times. I’m Holly.
这是个非常好的名字 尤其是在圣诞期间
That’s a very nice name, especially around Christmas.
– 他挺逗的 – 你们在这住旅馆么？
– He’s cute. – Are you staying here at the hotel?
– 我们只是路过 – 我们也是 你们要去哪？
– We’re just passing through. – So are we. Where are you headed?
– 也许塔霍湖 也许维加斯 – 适合爱人的开阔大道 呃？
– Maybe Lake Tahoe, maybe Vegas. – Just lovers of the open road, eh?
我们在省钱 刚买♥♥了个货车
We’re saving our money. We’ve got a van out back.
在里面睡觉可不舒服 是吧？
That couldn’t be very comfortable to sleep in, could it?
奥斯卡 要是不知道的人会说
Oscar, If I didn’t know better,
一个像你这样和善的老爷爷还试图勾搭两位年轻女士
I’d say a nice old grandfather like you was trying to hit on a couple of ladies.
我比看起来年轻
I’m not as old as I look.
我最近刚做了整容手术
I had this plastic surgery done recently.
庸医做的不好
The quack doctor botched it up.
– 你朋友不怎么说话 – 他就是那个庸医
– Your friend doesn’t say much. – He’s the doctor.
– 你还好么 大夫？ – 我把你的嘴安错位置了
– Are you OK, doc? – I put your mouth in the wrong place.
他还是很沮丧 因为他的行医执照被收走了
He’s still upset because they took his licence away.
我们厨房♥半小时后就打烊了 你们还要不要吃东西？
We’re closing the kitchen in half an hour if you still want dinner.
请原谅 我们一整天没有吃东西
Excuse me, we haven’t eaten all day.
你的修养哪里去了 费利克斯？
Where are your manners, Felix?
也许女士们愿意在回她们的货车休息前和我们共进晚餐？
Perhaps the ladies would like to join us before they retire to their van?
当然好的
Yeah, sure. OK.
你们找张桌子 我们先梳洗一下
We’ll meet you at the table. After we’ve freshened up.
你疯了？两个中年摩托党
Are you crazy? Two middle-aged bikers.
她们比监狱里的那些还难缠
They’re tougher than the guys in the jail.
你想过我们会遭遇什么么？
And have you thought what we could get?
我脑子里唯一跳出的词就是“幸运”
‘”Lucky'” is the only word that comes to mind.
我不会让你得逞的
I’m not gonna let you do this.
我知道这不会发生 她们甚至都不会来我们的房♥间
I know it’s not gonna happen. They wouldn’t even come up to our room.
并且你我得花两年才能爬上她们的货车
And it would take two years for you and me to climb into their van.
我最后要做的事就是让她们看我们的内♥裤♥
And the last thing I want them to see is our underwear.
你做这些是为了什么？
What are you doing this for?
为了梦想 为了哪怕一次能够无限接近我的梦想
To be wanted. To get close to it happening one more time.
灯芯快燃尽了
The wick is almost out.
所有我想的就是能最后发光 这样总好过在黑暗中诅咒
All I want is for the candle to glow rather than curse the darkness.
[指蜡烛将熄]
这不是我们的未来 不是你的 也不是我的
It’s not going out. Not yours, not mine.
我仍然抱有希望在某处我们能找到正好能点亮我们的火种
I still have hope that somewhere, we’ll find the right lamplighter.
我们刚才用了这么多比喻
We just used so many metaphors,
我忘了我们一会见鬼的该说些什么
I forgot what the hell we were talking about.
– 晚上好 – 晚上好 先生
– Good evening. – Good evening, sir.
– 两位绅士是来参加研讨会的么？ – 什么研讨会？
– Are you gentlemen here for the seminar? – What seminar?
“生命-是否真的到了尽头？”约翰鲍克瑟博士主讲 我八十四岁
‘”Life – Does It really Have To End? ‘” Dr John Boxer. I’m 84 myself.
鲍克瑟博士认为我没有什么理由不能欢庆二〇二〇年
Dr Boxer sees no reason why I shouldn’t be around to celebrate the year 2020.
也许更长 研讨会明天结束
Maybe longer. The seminar ends tomorrow.
但是我得回圣玛利亚去参加我女儿六十三岁的生日
But I have to get back to San Malina for my daughter’s sixty-third birthday.
那就是我们要去的地方
That’s where we’re going.
– 真不可思议！你们要搭个便车么？ – 别人跟我们说到那要五个小时
– Fancy that! You need a lift? – They tell us it’s a five hour drive.
跟我走 你们到那不会超过两个小时
Come with me. You’ll be there in less than two hours.
我们明早六点准时出发
We leave at 6:00 am, on the dot.
– 早上六点？ – 对我来说太好了
– 6:00 am? – That sounds great to me.
对我来说有点早
That’s a little early for me.
懒床可不会长寿的
You’ll never live a long life sleeping late.
我今晚上跟塔霍湖的朋友们还有点事情要办