天生冤家（1998）

God Almighty. We’re going to go back and get it!
我们花了两小时到这儿
It took us two hours to get here.
但我们得花五小时才能回去 因为我也不知道我怎么走到这的
It’ll take five hours to go back, cos I don’t know how we got here.
然后我们还得停三次 一次因为你得上厕所 然后被锁在厕所里
Then we’d have to make three stops. One for you to pee, get locked in the john,
给小孩五美元让你出来 然后我们还得停车因为你要吃东西！
pay a kid $5 to get out, and then we’d have to stop for you to eat!
你明白我在说什么是吧？
Do you understand what I’m talking about?
你那箱子里有什么？
What did you have in there?
熨衣板 去污剂？我都赔给你
An ironing board, some spot remover? I’ll pay you.
那箱子里有我一套黑色正装
In that suitcase was my black formal afternoon suit
我准备星期日下午我女儿婚礼时穿的
that I bought to wear to give my daughter away in marriage.
还有一个六千块的蒂芙尼的银盘子 是我买♥♥的结婚礼物
And a $6,000 Tiffany silver tray, which I bought as a wedding present.
而且箱子里还有一万美元现金
And in that suitcase was $10,000 in cash,
我要在结婚那天给我女婿的
which I intended to give to my son-in-law on his wedding day.
如果你不着回去找到我那该死的手提箱
In your suitcase, the police will find
警♥察♥在你的箱子里只能发现
your broken, smashed, mutilated and dissected body
你破烂 粉碎 肢解被解剖的尸体！
in the event that you don’t go back and find my fucking suitcase!
为什么我们不能折中一下呢？
Why don’t we ask Budget to deliver it?
从哪里折中？你纵横了加利福尼亚
Deliver where? You’ve crisscrossed California
远甚于一百年前那些四轮马车！
more than the covered wagons did 100 years ago!
然后告诉他们在高速公路上跟随着火的地图？
And tell them to follow the burnt pieces of directions on the freeway?
我们开到离这最近的镇子然后打电♥话♥到失物招领
We drive to the first town we see and then we’ll call Budget.
那是我最好的皮箱
That was my best leather suitcase.
这里到无人认领场要多久？
How long is it gonna stand on the sidewalk unclaimed?
什么人今晚就可以用我给女儿买♥♥的蒂芙尼盘子吃披萨了
Somebody will be eating pizza tonight on my daughter’s silver Tiffany tray.
快回车里吧 要是还站在这 他们就真的比你说的还快吃上了
Come on back in the car. If it’s still there, they will get it to you fast.
联邦快递 UPS 传真…
Federal Express, UPS, fax…
你能把旅行箱传真给我？我能穿上我婚礼礼物的照片！
You’re gonna fax my suitcase to me? I can wear a picture of my wedding suit.
– 放松点… – 然后复印一张要花一万美元！
– Take it easy… – And paper copies of $10,000!
别跟我动手！
Don’t get physical with me!
打架虽然对我来说太老了 但我一样就是吐唾沫也能吐死你！赶紧上车
I’m too old to hit, but I could spit you to death! Get in the car.
我想弄清一件事 为什么 当你在我身边
I want to know one thing, why, when you get around me
你表现得像个他妈的白♥痴♥ 低能 傻头傻脑的榆木脑袋？
you behave like a goddamn imbecilic, idiotic, moronic shithead?
等等！
Wait!
你没把发动机关上？
Didn’t you put the breaks on?
为什么？我又不知道你要捶它
Why? I didn’t know you were gonna punch it.
我们最好打电♥话♥给租车行 让他们再给我们传真辆车
We better call Budget and have them fax us another car.
– 我想我知道我们在哪了 – 哪？
– I think I know where we are. – Where?
– 在克林特·伊斯特伍德的电影里 – 《好人 坏人和蠢人》？
– In a Clint Eastwood movie. – ‘”The Good, the Bad and the Stupid'”?
你不是唯一的那个丢失了箱子一无所有的人
You’re not the only one who lost everything in his suitcase.
你丢了什么 一件老旧的大都会T恤 还有咸牛肉三明治？
What did you lose, an old Mets T-shirt and a corned beef sandwich?
我丢了我人生里最重要的东西——我的返程机票
I lost the most important thing in my life. My return ticket to Sarasota.
我不是抱怨哈 为什么不找部电♥话♥？
Instead of complaining, why don’t you look for a telephone?
是什么使你以为这附近就该有部电♥话♥？
What makes you think there is a telephone out here?
这可能是他们试验导弹的地方
This is probably where they test those nuclear bombs.
[指的租车公♥司♥]
如果人们不在车里了 他们总会叫什么人找到我们的
They would have to call somebody to find out if they went off.
我以为是条蛇
I thought that was a snake.
这里可能还会有毒蜘蛛的
They probably got poisonous spiders here, too.
我们怎么活下来呢？
What will they live on?
你觉得它们在等两个像我们这样的蠢蛋？
You think they’re waiting for two schmucks like us?
我要坐下来 我们歇会
I got to sit down. Let’s rest.
– 我们得定个计划 同意么？ – 同意
– We need to have a plan. Agreed? – Agreed.
– 这个计划是怎样的？ – 我不在乎 我同意 我做我自己这部分的
– What should the plan be? – I don’t care, I agreed. I did my part.
我们去找部电♥话♥打给汉娜的妈妈
We got to find a telephone and call Hannah’s mother.
让她派辆车来接我们
Get her to send a car to pick us up.
– 你知道电♥话♥号♥码？ – 不 号♥码在我旅行箱里
– You know the number? – No, it was in my suitcase.
– 我们也可以打给查号♥台 – 哪个城市呢？
– We could call the information. – In what town?
圣…我女儿说圣…你记得么？
San… My daughter said San… Don’t you remember?
不 当时我在玩扑克 什么都没听见
No, I was playing poker. I couldn’t hear anything.
– 圣马力诺？ – 不 圣卡迪诺？
– San Marino? – No, San Cantino?
不是圣卡迪诺
Not San Cantino.
– 圣沙瑞诺？ – 不是
– San Sereno? – No.
– 升班迪诺 – 圣潘迪诺
– San Bandino. – San Patino.
圣法里纳 你去哪 找地方大哭么？
San Farina. Where are you going, for crying out loud?
我们需要个查号♥本 查查多少个圣xx好往上靠？
We need a phone book. How many towns can sound like that?
在加利福尼亚就好多 圣地亚哥 圣乔斯 圣昆丁…
In California, all of them. San Diego, San Jos? San Quentin…
[开始念西班牙语人名]
– 圣玛丽奥 – 圣克莱门托 罗伯托·克莱门特
– San Mateo. – San Clemente. Roberto Clemente.
桑丘·潘乔 潘乔·冈萨雷斯
Sancho Pancho. Pancho Gonzalez.
– 圣米玛 – 圣米玛？
– San Jemima. – San Jemima?
你知道什么？费尔南多·拉马斯 里卡多·蒙塔尔班
What do I know? Fernando Lamas. Ricardo Montalban.
– 瑞奇里卡多 – 圣佩德罗
– Ricky Ricardo. – San Pagaue.
[圣皮兰霍：胡编的地名]
– 现在在哪？ – 圣皮兰霍附近
– Where is that? – Near San Piranho.
洛斯平托斯 拉斯布里萨斯 洛斯佩科斯 这些听起来挺熟悉？
Los Pintos, Las Brisas, Los Pecos. Sound familiar?
是 他们是阿卡普尔科的酒店
Yeah, they are hotels in Acapulco.
总会有车过来的
A car has to come from some direction.
你站在这儿 我去道那边站着
You stand here, I’m going to stand on the other side.
这样我们就能全览洛斯－佩科斯五点交通高峰的盛况啦
So we can catch all the heavy traffic at five o’clock at Los Pecos.
你还有更好的点子么 Los白♥痴♥？
You got a better idea, Los Idiot?
还没看到什么么？
See anything yet?
[埃及裔好莱坞男演员，《日瓦戈医生》角色]
有那么一会 我好像看到奥玛·沙里夫骑在骆驼上
For a minute I thought I saw Omar Sharif on a camel.
回来！
Come back!
那是干什么？它已经走远了！
What was it? It just went by!
我听到些东西 你听到了么？
I hear something. Do you hear it?
以我们的运气是杀人蜂还差不多
With our luck it’s the killer bees from Brazil.
这到底是怎么啦？
What the hell was that?
他们是故意的 他们恨纽约人
They purposely did it. They hate New Yorkers.
现在谁会拉我们？
Who’s gonna pick us up now?
我们看起来像一对皮尔斯伯里面团
We look like a couple of Pillsbury Doughboys.
在我们被烤干以前躲躲太阳吧
Let’s get out of the sun before we start to rise.
有什么好笑的？
What’s so funny?
如果我们能赶到 我们两个可以做婚礼蛋糕上的两个小人
If we ever get there, we can be the two figures on the wedding cake.
真有你的
Hilarious.
停车！
Stop!
嗨朋友 你们要去哪里？
Hey amigos, where are you going?
[瞎编的地名]
– 圣雷东多 – 哪儿？
– San Redondo. – Where?
圣塔马利 圣塔可钟 上哪都行
San Tamale. San Taco Bell. We’ll go any place.
– 那好 上来吧 – 太感谢了！
– Well, hop in. – Thank you very much.
– 你们连车都没有跑到这荒郊野外的干什么呢？ – 说来话长
– What are you doing out here with no car? – It’s a long story.
我们要去参加我女儿跟他儿子的婚礼
We’re going to a wedding. My daughter and his son.
– 那你们一定是好朋友 – 最好的
– Then you must be good friends. – The best.
我们需要找部电♥话♥ 你能帮我们么？
We need to find a telephone. Can you do that for us?
没问题 离这两英里的加油站就有 我这就带你们去
No problem. Gas station two miles from here. I’ll take you there.
– 格雷西亚斯 为你做的一切我们愿意酬谢你 – 你们俩穷的跟我一样叮当响
– Gracias. We’ll be glad to pay you for it. – You are compadres, poor like me.
这就算我送给你们孩子的结婚礼物
This is my wedding gift for your children.
给我们孩子的结婚礼物 这比我们给他们的礼物还要重
A wedding gift for our children. It’s more than I’m gonna give them.
– 我希望没出什么事 – 我不想破了我们现在的幸运
– I hope nothing is wrong. – I’d hate to break our lucky streak.
坏消息 我表弟说我妈妈病了
Bad news. My cousin say mi mam? very sick.
我必须得马上赶回她的身边 就在刚才我们来的那个地方
I have to go to her very pronto. It’s back where we come from.
我跟他们回去 他们开车很快的 你们开我的车去加油站
I go with them. They drive very fast. You take my truck to gas station.
把车留在那 我的名字叫瑞克 那的人认识我
Leave it there. Rico, that’s my name. They know me there.
– 你确定么？我们会十分小心的 – 我知道 我信任你们
– Are you sure? We’ll be very careful. – I know, I trust you.
要是你们饿了 吃桃子
If you get hungry, eat peaches.
我做的不错吧 伙计？这次由我来驾驶了您哪
I did pretty good, comprende? And this time, I’m gonna drive, amigo.
这就是我现在首要的工作
Which is what I should have done in the first place, muchacho.
你为什么不用手绢挡着？这样桃汁就不会喷到我这了
Why don’t you use a handkerchief so you don’t get peach juice all over me?
你以为我们这是在铺满鹅卵石的乡村俱乐部么？
You think we’re pulling in to the Pebble Beach Country Club?
别放弃 我们快到家了
Don’t give up. We’re almost home.
没用的 我们不是走在卡片上
It’s not gonna make it. It’s not in the cards.
我们是骑着匹死马去参加葬礼
We’re riding a dead horse, we’re coming in for the funeral.
别这么悲观
Stop being such a pessimist.
– 我打赌我们会开过这座小山 – 赌多少？
– I bet you we make this hill. – How much?
加油…快了…yeah！我就知道能成功！
Come on… Almost… Yes! I knew it!
直到那个胖女人跟我离婚 我也以为自己没有指望了
Never count me out till the fat lady divorces me.
– 那又是怎么回事？ – 也许他们想要点免费桃子
– What is that? – Maybe they want some free peaches.
停车！
Stop the truck!
– 他们在跟我们说话么？ – 这可是一大群警♥察♥给一张罚单
– Are they talking to us? – That’s a lot of cops to give one ticket.
从车里出来！现在！
Step out of the vehicle! Now!
把你们的手放在我们能看到的地方
Put your hands where we can see them.
我觉得是发生了什么误会
I think there is some kind of mistake here.