失去的周末（1945）

I reached my peak when I was 19.
我将一篇文章卖♥♥给亚特兰大月刊
Sold a piece to the Atlantic Monthly…
其后又被读者文摘转载
reprinted in the reader’s Digest.
我既然有海明威的才华 那又何必要上大学呢
Who wants to stay in college when he’s Hemingway?
我母亲买♥♥了一台全新的打字机给我
My mother bought me a brand-new typewriter…
我立刻搬到纽约
and I moved right in on New York.
之后 我写的第一篇文章并不太成功
Well, the first thing I wrote, that didn’t quite come off.
第二篇 也不符合大众的胃口
And the second, I dropped. The public wasn’t ready for that one.
我写了第三篇 第四篇
I started a third and a forth.
到了那个时候 已经有个家伙常常在我背后
Only by then, somebody began to look over my shoulder…
用小提琴般清澈的声音对我说
and whisper in a thin, clear voice…like the “E” string on a violin.
“唐柏南”他低语
“Don Birnam,” he’d whisper.
“这不够好 你写的不够好”
“It’s not good enough, not that way.
“不如先喝个两杯 再来修饰看看”
How about a couple of drinks, just to set it on its feet?”
所以我喝了两杯
So I had a couple.
那真是个好主意
Oh, what a great idea that was.
简直有天壤之别
That made all the difference.
突然间 我可以洞悉一切
Suddenly, I could see the whole thing.
在我眼前 清楚呈现一部优美流畅的小说
The tragic sweep of the great novel, beautifully proportioned.
但在我能将一切付诸于纸笔前
But before I could really grab it and throw it down on paper…
酒精的作用开始逝去
the drinks would wear off
所有灵感也像海市蜃楼一样消失
and everything would be gone like a mirage.
我心中只留下一股空虚
Then there was despair.
我为了抹去这股空虚而喝酒
I’d drink to counterbalance despair.
就这样一杯接一杯
And then one to counterbalance the counterbalance.
我枯坐在打字机前
I’d sit in front of that typewriter…
绞尽脑汁 就为了挤出一些像样的东西
trying to squeeze out one page that was halfway decent.
然后那个家伙又会跑出来
And that guy would pop up again.
什么家伙 你在说谁啊？
What guy? Who are you talking about?
那是另一个唐柏南 这里总共有两个我
The other Don Birnam. There are two of us, you know.
一个是酒鬼 一个是作家
Don the Drunk and Don the Writer.
酒鬼总会对作家说 “来吧 你这个蠢材”
The drunk would say to the writer, “Come on, you idiot.
“把这台没用的破机器卖♥♥了”
“Let’s get some good out of that portable.
“我们把它拿去第三大道上的当铺”
“Let’s hock it. Let’s take it to that pawn shop over on 3rd Avenue.
“至少能当十块钱”
It’s always good for ten dollars.”
“再一杯美酒 再一次狂欢 再一次喧乐 再一次畅饮”
Another drink, another binge, another bender, another spree.
他总是如此风趣
Such humorous words.
好几次 我试图离开那个家伙 但是没有用
I’ve tried to break away from that guy a lot of times, but… no good.
知道吗 有一次我甚至买♥♥了枪跟子弹
You know, once I even got myself a gun and some bullets.
我准备在我三十岁的生日那天结束自己生命
I was gonna do it on my 30th birthday.
子弹在这里
Here are the bullets.
那把枪被我拿去换成三瓶威士忌
The gun went for three quarts of whiskey.
另外一个唐 希望我们能先喝一杯
That other Don wanted us to have a drink first.
他总是希望我们能先喝一杯
He always wants us to have a drink first.
一个失败作家的失败自杀经验
The flop suicide of a flop writer.
好吧 或许你不是作家
All right, maybe you’re not a writer.
但你可以试着做点别的
Why don’t you do something else?
当然 我可以找个普通的工作
Sure, take a nice job.
会计 房♥屋销♥售♥
Public accountant, real estate salesman.
问题是 我没这个胆子
I haven’t the guts, Helen.
大部份的人生活在宁静的绝望中
Most men lead lives of quiet desperation.
可是我办不到 – 但你的确是个作家
I can’t take quiet desperation! – But you are a writer.
你具有作家的每种特质 想像力 机智 同情心
You have every quality for it… imagination, wit, pity.
别傻了 面对现实吧
Come on. Let’s face reality.
我今年三十三岁 却还靠着我弟弟的接济过活
I’m 33. I’m living on the charity of my brother.
食宿完全免费
Room and board free…
每星期有五毛钱买♥♥香烟
fifty cents a week for cigarettes…
偶尔还有看音乐表演的票
an occasional ticket to a show or a concert.
这全都要归功于他宽大的心胸
All out of the bigness of his heart.
而他既善良又有耐心
And it is a big heart and a patient one.
我只不过是- 闭嘴
Don, I’ve only been carrying you along for… – Shut up, Wick!
我以前完全不事生产
I’ve never done anything.
现在完全不事生产 以后还是一样完全不事生产
I’m not doing anything. I never will do anything!
零 零 零
Zero, zero, zero!
现在换你闭嘴 我们会想办法改善你的问题
Now, you shut up. We’ll straighten it out.
你听着 韦克很倒霉 生来注定是我兄弟
Look, Wick has the misfortune to be my brother.
但我俩只是萍水相逢
You just happened to walk in on this.
要是你还有点判断能力
If you know what’s good for you,
就赶紧离开吧
you’ll turn around and walk out again…
而且走快点 千万别回头
and walk fast and don’t turn back.
你去煮三杯咖啡 煮浓一点
Why don’t you make some coffee, Wick? Strong, three cups.
你听我说 帮你自己一个大忙 快走吧
Look, Helen, do yourself a favor. Go on. Clear out.
就因为我遭遇了劲敌？就因为你贪恋杯中物？
Because I’ve got a rival? Because you’re in love with this?
你太不了解我了
You don’t know me, Don.
我会继续奋战 努力奋战 弯下腰来
I’m gonna fight and fight and fight. Bend down.
好吧
All right.
这已经是三年前的事了
That was three years ago, Nat.
三年的持续奋战和保持信念是很漫长的
That’s a long time to keep fighting, to keep believing.
她知道她是在玩火 可她就是不肯放手
She knows she’s clutching a razor blade, but she won’t let go.
三年了
Three years of it.
然后呢？这个故事会如何结束？
And what? How’s it come out?
这我还没想出来
I don’t know. I haven’t figured that far.
要我告诉你吗？
Want me to tell you?
有一天 这家伙想通了 会去把他的枪买♥♥回来
One day, a guy gets wise to himself and gets back that gun.
要是他只有一块一毛钱
If he’s only got $1.10,
也可以跑到帝国大厦
he goes to the top of the Empire State Building.
爬上顶楼 然后…
Way up on top. And then…
或者你可以花五分钱 去地铁站跳铁轨
Or you can do it for a nickel in the subway under a train.
你真的如此认为？
You think so, Nat?
可是 海伦可能是对的
What if Helen is right
或许这家伙可以写出什么好东西来
and this guy sits down and turns out something good, but good?
那甚至可以终结他的酒瘾
And that pulls him up and snaps him out of it.
就你吗？我可不这么乐观
This guy? Not from where I sit.
你闭嘴 我要做给你看 我故事都想好了 你也听到了
Oh, shut up, Nat! I’m gonna do it now! It’s all there. You heard it.
是的 柏南先生
Yes, Mr. Birnam.
这就是为什么我没去乡下
That’s why I didn’t go away on that weekend, see?
这样 我就可以独自一人跟我的打字机共处
So I can be all alone up there and sit down at my typewriter.
这一次 我要把我的故事写下来
This time I’m gonna do it, Nat! I’m gonna do it!
或许你会 – 谢谢
Maybe you will. – Thank you, Nat.
我钱都付清了吗？- 是的 柏南先生
Am I all paid up? – Yes, Mr. Birnam.
再见 我要回家了
Good-bye, Nat. I’m going home.
这一次 我都想好了 我要把它写下来
This time I’ve got it. I’m gonna write!
祝你好运
Good luck to you.
你明明就有另一瓶酒 你知道的
You had another bottle. You know you
你放哪去了？
did. Where did you put it?
你没有疯 你到底放哪去了？
You’re not crazy. Where did you put it?
这是如此美丽 如此神奇
It was so beautiful so wonderful
天上的星辰闪耀
The stars above us shone
我们终于独处
We were alone
我们终于独处- 麻烦买♥♥单
We were alone – Check, please.
帐单在这里 先生
Right here, sir.
♪ The time was right The moon was low ♪
♪ I held you tight ♪
♪ How could I let you go ♪
♪ It was so beautiful so wonderful ♪
♪ So gorgeous so divine ♪
是的 先生
Yes, sir?
麻烦再给我一杯杜松子苦艾酒
Another gin vermouth, please.
是的 先生
Yes, sir. – Mmm, you were mine
♪ Nighttime found us ♪
♪ Happiness around us ♪
♪ Church bells ringing day is done ♪
♪ There’ll be ringing when we’re one ♪
♪ Evening’s blessing ♪
♪ You and I caressing ♪
♪ Music, moonlight, melody ♪
♪ Only there for you and me ♪
♪ It was so beautiful so wonderful ♪
♪ So gorgeous so divine ♪
♪ And you were mine ♪
♪ And you were mine ♪
♪ It was so beautiful so wonderful ♪
♪ The stars above us shone ♪
♪ We were alone We were alone ♪
♪ The time was right ♪
谢谢
The moon was low – Thank you.
♪ I held you tight ♪
你们的洗手间在哪？
Where is your washroom?
就在那边 先生
How could I let you go – Over there, sir.
要不要佩戴一朵康乃馨在您的口袋里？
How’s about a carnation for your buttonhole?
不用了 谢谢
No, thank you.
谢谢您 先生