龙虾

“我希望今晚能抓到独身者”
“I hope catch some loners today”…
她说道
she said.
“也希望你能找到很多”
“And I hope you catch lots too”.
她接着告诉他 如果她不能
She then told him that if she didn’t…
很快找到合适的伴侣
find suitable partner soon,
就会从某个房♥间的窗户上跳下去自杀
She was going to kill herself by jumping from one of room windows.
也许是三二〇房♥间
320, maybe.
或者更高点 四八〇房♥间 这样更合适
Or one higher up, 480, that would be even better.
她说完后
When she stop talking,
他茫然地盯着她 无言以对
He stare at her blankly, not knowing what to say.
接着他看向森林 再一次想到
He then look out of the woods, thought once more…
他的借口有多棒
how good his excuse’s been.
不错 再高一点
Not bad, a bit higher.
如果失败了 你有想过变成什么动物吗
You thought about what animal you wanna be if you don’t make it?
一只龙虾
A lobster.
如果失败了 我想变成一只鹦鹉
I’m gonna be a parrot if I don’t make it.
不如你也变成鹦鹉吧 我们就有伴了
Why don’t you become parrot too, then we all be together?
你真是个白♥痴♥
You’re complete idiot.
自己有语言障碍
Picking one of few animals that can talk…
还要选会说话的动物
when you have a speech impediment.
就算变成动物 你也还是口齿不清
You’re lisp even as a animal.
至于你 他们会抓住你
As for you, they will catch you
把你扔进沸水里活活烫死
and put you in a pot of boiling water until you die.
接着会用工具撬开你的壳
And then crack open you claws with a tool by prying it,
用嘴吮吸那一丁点鲜肉
then suck up what little flesh you have with their mouth.
你们俩真是太可悲了
You’re pathetic, both of you!
我才不会变成动物 但到时候会带着我的伴侣
I’m not gonna be turning into some animal, I’ll come visit you though…
去看望你们的 之后我们会去公园
with my patner, then we walking together in some park of…
会去旅行 会去海里游泳
where we swimming in the sea when we’re on one of our trip.
朋友
Friends!
一八七号♥房♥间 请过来
Room 187, please.
靶纸的形状是单身而非情侣 这不是巧合
It’s not coincidence that targets are shape like single people and not couples.
你好
Hello.
你好 你的泳衣真漂亮
Hello. You swimsuit is very nice.
谢谢 不客气
Thank you very much. You’re welcome.
你喜欢蛙泳 自♥由♥泳 蝶泳还是仰泳
Do you like to swim breaststroke, front crawl, batterfly or backstroke?
我都喜欢
I like all sorts equally.
我喜欢蛙泳
You know I love breaststroke.
真的 我朋友总是取笑我 他们说
Oh really, my friends often teased me, said…
“别总是蛙泳了”
“stop swimming breaststroke all the time”…
之后他们就会笑
and they laughed.
蛙泳很好啊
Breaststroke is great.
可以很好地锻炼背部肌肉
It’s excellent exercise for the back.
男人蛙泳时不应该穿泳裤
When swimming breaststroke, men shouldn’t wear swimming shorts…
那会限制臀部的运动
has really limit movement in the buttocks.
不过你知道这个的 对吗
But you know that, didn’t you?
你流鼻血了
I think your nose is bleeding.
真的吗
Really?
该死
Oh, no.
我总是这样
This happen to me all the time.
真的很烦人
It’s really, really annoying.
我理解 我也有流鼻血的毛病
I know, I have nose bleeding problem too.
我看到你做了什么 一定很疼
I saw what you did, must have hurt.
鼻血出来了吗
Is it coming out?
没有
No.
现在流出来了
Yes.
给我点纸巾好吗 好的
Can I use the tissue? Yes.
我想问你一个问题 希望你能诚恳地回答
Can I ask you a question, I want you to answer me honestly.
哪一种情况更糟 是在森林里饥寒交迫而死
What’s worse? to die of cold and hunger in the woods?
还是变成动物之后被天敌吃掉或者杀掉
To become a animal would be killed or eaten by some big animal?
或者还是时不时的流鼻血
Or have nose bleed from time to time?
变成动物之后被天敌吃掉或者杀掉 这更糟糕
To become a animal would be killed or eaten by some big animal.
没错
Exactly.
她没有怀疑你在作假吗 没有
She isn’t suspect you’re lying? No.
我很高兴 因为一对新情侣产生了
I’m very happy because we have a new couple.
他们于两天前相识
They met just two days ago.
但现在已经深爱彼此 琴瑟相谐
But they very much in love and perfect suited.
他们的鼻子都有同样的问题
They both have same problem with their noses.
会突然流鼻血
They bleed quite suddenly.
明天他们会换到双人间
Tomorrow they will be transfer to a double room…
那里有更大的衣柜和卫生间
with larger wardrobe and larger bathroom.
他们会在双人间里住两周
They will remain in the double room for two weeks…
之后会换到游艇上 再住两周
and then been transferred to the yacht for the further two weeks.
我们衷心祝福你们能成功
We wish you every success
最终以情侣的身份返回城市
and hope you return to the city as a couple.
我觉得非常幸福 我也是
I’m very happy. Me too.
恭喜
Congratulation.
我们的员工以及我本人将会密切监视
The course of your relationship will be monitored closely…
你们交往期间的感情状况
by our stuffs and by me personally.
如果你们遇到了任何不能自行解决
If you encounter any problems, any tensions, any arguing…
问题 矛盾 或是争吵
that you can’t resolve yourselves,
我们会分配给你们孩子
You would be asign children.
通常那样就会解决很多问题
That usually helps a lot.
早上好
Good morning.
一〇一房♥间 剩余七天
Room 101, 7 days left.
早餐已开始供应
Breakfast is served.
你的头发真好看
You have really nice hair.
我知道
I know.
你看
Look.
那你喜欢我的头发吗
How do you like mine?
我感觉你的发质有点干燥
I think yours quite dry hair.
颜色倒是不错
Color is ok though.
最重要的是你没有谢顶
The most important thing is that you’re not bald.
可惜对于男人 谢顶总是不可避免
However when comes to men, bald is always the possibility you can’t avoid.
你父亲谢顶了吗 他没有
ls your father bald? No he isn’t.
即便哪天我秃顶了
And even if somedays I lose my hair,
也有办法让头发再生的
there are things I can do to get my hair back.
我可以去植发
I can have a hair transplant.
植发的人一眼就能被看穿
You always can tell someone had a hair transplant.
我知道 好头发并非人人都能拥有
I know. Nice hair is not something you can get
这是与生俱来的
It’s something you born with.
你父亲没有谢顶 并不代表你就能松口气了
The fact your father isn’t bald shouldn’t put you at ease.
你想好最后一天会做什么了吗
Have you decided what you’re going to do in your last day?
我还在考虑
I’m still thinking about it.
早上好 女士们
Morning ladies.
今天是你的最后一天
So, today is your last day.
按照惯例 你可以选择
And as the customary, you can choose…
如何度过最后一晚
how you like to spend your last night.
在这种情况下我都会建议你选择
What I always said in this situation is it would
变成动物后不能做到的事情
be wise to do something you can’t do as animal.
例如读一部经典文学
For example read a work of classic literature…
或者唱一曲喜欢的歌♥
or sing a song you really like.
选择下面的这些事情就太傻了
It would be silly to choose…
比如 去野外散步
for example, a walking the ground…
或者和别人做♥爱♥
or have sex intercourse with another person,
这些变成动物后也能做的
those are things you can do as animal.
但首先 你最好的朋友有点东西
But first, your best friend is reading something…
她想和你分享 这真是太感人
she like to read you, it’s really very touching.
在学校时我们总是坐在一起
We always sat together at school…
每当我有了麻烦
and whenever I had a problem…
我都向你倾诉 因为你总能给出最好的建议
I told you about it because you always give the best advice.
当我们在学校舞会上
When we didn’t manage to find…
没能找到舞伴的时候
dance partner at the school prom,
我们患难与共 这给予我力量
The fact we were together at that difficult moment give me strength.
我很抱歉事情到了现在的局面
I’m sorry things come to this.
我确信如果能再多给你几天
I’m sure if you have a few more days
你一定能像我样找到伴侣
you would find someone just like I did,
因为你是如此可爱
because you’re a adorable person…
拥有美丽的秀发和清新的口气
and you have very beautiful hair and very nice breath.
我一直很嫉妒你的秀发
I’m always jealous of your hair…