绅士的启示联盟（2005）

你好，Reece，我是Steve – 你在哪？
Hi, Reece, it’s Steve. – Oh, where are you?
我在Hadfield。听着…… – Hadfield？
I’m in Hadfield. Listen… – Hadfield?
你在那干什么？我们安排好慈善义演的事了
What you doing there? We’ve got this benefit gig tonight.
听我说就好了，好吧？
Just listen, okay?
噢，天啊。，Royston Vasey里的角色还活着
Oh, Jesus. The characters from Royston Vasey are alive.
他们活着来到我们我世界了，并且他们还想让我们为他们写一部电影剧本……
Th-They’ve come alive and they want us to write a film for them, because-
是他们偷了电脑吗？就是他们偷了电脑
They stole the computer, yeah? It was them who stole the computer-
我现在正与Hilary Briss在一起
I’m standing here with Hilary Briss.
该死的
Oh, you bastard.
那样的话真比让你去帮助一群傻瓜还要过分
All that rather than spend two minutes of your time helping out a load of mongoloids.
是真的！
It’s true!
他不相信我
He doesn’t believe me.
把电♥话♥给我……我是Hilary Briss
Give it here… This is Hilary Briss.
[模仿Hilary的声音] 噢，你好，Briss先生，我是Shearsmith
Oh, hello, Mr. Briss. This is Mr. Shearsmith.
你最好不是Mark，我不会一个人包办慈善义演这事的
Not you as well, Mark. I’m not doing this gig on my own.
你如果不想让你的同事死的话，你就给我仔细听好了
If you want to see your colleague alive, you will listen carefully to what I have to say.
我有一些你可能会感兴趣的信息
I have some information you may find… very interesting.
我在听着
I’m listening.
呃……你的人有没有胡子的？
Erm… does your man have some moustaches?
没有 – 所以就不是Roger，Charles或者Lucas.
No. – Okay, so it’s not Roger, Charles or Lucas.
不能耍赖啊，嗯？
Now, no cheating, huh?
你们好[北英格兰口音]
Hiya, lads.
你们看上去很精神啊。有什么重要的事情吗？
You look very smart. What’s the occasion?
今晚是慈善义演的日子，上周我们谈过的
It’s that benefit gig tonight. We talked about it last week.
噢，是的，我就算丢了自己的脑袋也不会忘了它的
Oh reet, ja. I’d forget me own head if it weren’t fucked on.
你不会忘了它的重要意义了吧……Steve？
You remember what it’s for, don’t you… Steve?
噢，当然没有。是的，就是，呃……
Oh, for sure. Ja, it’s the, erm…
为了爱♥滋♥病患者……
AIDS…
……以及无家可归的人……
Homeless…
还有那些吉普赛人的期望，是吧？我去穿一下制♥服♥
Gypsies Trust, in’t it? I’ll just go and get me uniform.
（德语）但是你要快点…… – （德语）好的……
Aber schnell, wir müssen nicht spät sein. – Ja, genau so, es ist halb zwei…
（德语）该死
Scheisse.
进去！
Get in!
他在那里！
There!
快！
Come on!
不，不，不要把我带回那里！
No, no, don’t take me back there!
在那里，一定就是它了！ – 噢，不要……
There, that must be it! – Oh, no…
求求你们了！
Please…
在那里
That’s it.
先生们，晚上好
Evening, gents.
我们现在可以把我们的交易做一个了断了吧？ – 你先放了Steve
Shall we conclude our business? – Let Steve go first.
你们怎么会看不出我俩的区别呢？
How could you not tell the difference?
我以为你陶醉在剧本人物的世界里，就像是Mike Leigh一样
I thought you were staying in character, like a Mike Leigh thing.
那么他的眼睛呢？
What about those eyes?
我以为是你太累了，你那些孩子们把你累成那样的
I thought you were tired, all your babies and that.
噢，太好了
Oh, great.
你应该多花点时间陪你的家人 – 一边去！
You should spend time with your family. – Fuck off!
你可能想换件衣服 – 是的
You might want to change. – Yes.
是的
Yes, I do.
喔，谢谢你们的合作
Well, thank you for your cooperation.
就这样吗？ – 就这样。现在你们自♥由♥了，可以走了
That’s it? – That’s it. You’re free to go.
很高兴认识你，我希望…… – 走就好了（不要在这浪费时间了），好吗？
It was nice meeting you. I hope… – Can we just go now, please?
谢谢你帮助我，但是你真的没必要帮我
Thank you for helping me, but it really wasn’t necessary.
我不是为了你才那样做的
I didn’t do it for you.
是Shittington！
Shittington!
欢迎来到Royston Vasey
Welcome to Royston Vasey.
这不可能
This isn’t possible.
恐怕这是可能的，这全是你们的错
I’m afraid it is. And it’s all your fault.
现在你要为你们的所作所为承担后果了
It’s about time you took some responsibility for your actions.
这就是曾经高傲无比的生物——人——的最终结局
This is all that’s left of a once proud creation,
就像是被绞死一样，逐渐消失
cast aside like a bit of scrag-end.
但是我们在剧本里没有这样写啊！ – 正是这样
But we didn’t write this! – Precisely.
你们太忙了，忙于写Ponsonby Snottington-Smythe的故事
You’ve been far too busy doing Ponsonby Snottington-Smythe,
在这个过程中，我们也就沦落到了现在这种境地
and in the process, condemning us to this.
出来吧。他们不会吃了你的
Come on out. They won’t bite you.
我们是绅士联盟。非凡绅士联盟！
The League of Gentlemen. Extraordinary!
你好
Hiya.
我们共同商讨并提出了关于我们的电影剧本的方案
We’ve put our heads together and come up with a list of film ideas for us.
看看，给你们的
You know, just to get you going.
“Royston Vasey里的人物一起去西班牙度假了。”
“All the Vasey characters go on holiday together to Spain.”
是的，其实这是我的主意
Yeah, that were mine, actually.
想像一下，我们这么多人正准备登记登机
Imagine this lot checking in on an aeroplane.
但是当他们到了那里之后，旅馆的房♥间还没订好，而且没有人会说当地的方言
And when they get there, the hotel’s not finished, no one speaks the lingo…
“这些人中的一个被黑♥手♥党♥误认为是歹徒，
“One of the characters is mistaken for a gangster by the Mafia”
带着大把的钞票到处追杀他。”
“and gets chased around with a bag of money.”
“一个患麻疯病的小丑对待一个，持种族优越论的白人童子军团长就像是自己的朋友一样。”
“A clown with leprosy befriends a white supremacist scoutmaster.”
这是谁写的？
Who wrote this?
别理他们，从严格意义上说，他们还不算是剧中的人物
Ignore them, they’re not even proper characters.
我们都发誓过不会再写关于Royston Vasey的剧本了
We’re not doing any more Royston Vasey. We’ve all agreed.
其实…… – Steve
Actually… – Steve.
不，不，等一下
No, no, hang on a minute.
也许可以再考虑一下，这样如何……
There might be a way of doing it. What about…
实际上，这真是个好主意，这样怎么样……？
This is a really good idea, actually. What if…?
该死的！
Fuckin’ hell!
把枪给我！，你个该死的瞎子！我们不能让他们死！
Give it to me. You sightless shit! We need them alive!
Geoff！
Geoff!
对不起！他们强迫我说出了一切！，他们把我放在一个盒子里，还不让我脱下外套！
I’m sorry! They made me tell ’em everything! They put me in a box with me coat on!
我知道，我直说的时候可能听上去并不那么惨
I know it doesn’t sound much when you say it out loud.
他们是什么人？ – 他们可能是我们的代替者
Who are they? – These must be our replacements.
你们想怎样？
What d’you want?
我不想和你争吵，我的弟兄们现在都命悬于小说中
I have no quarrel with you, my brothers in fiction!
把那些造物者们交给我们，就不会发生流血事件
Hand over the creators and there need be no more bloodshed!
把作者们全部交给你？想都别想！
Give up the writers? Over my dead body.
那么就走着瞧吧
So be it.
跟着他们！
After them!
走这边！
This way!
你必须阻止他！，他就像电影中最坏的恶人角色一样！
You’ve got to stop him! He’s, like, the main baddy in this!
也许我们可以从那进去 – 好
Maybe we can get in there. – Okay.
爬上去跟着他们！我必须抓到那些作者！
Get up after them! I must have those writers!
不去！我们不想像跳棋盘上的棋子一样被人玩弄！
Nay! We will not be twiddle-twaddled about like pawns on a chequer-board!
那么好吧
You are right.
我宣布游戏……结束了！
I declare this game… Ended!
噢！怎么了？ – [汨汨声]
Ooh! What were that?
噢，你也太残忍♥了
Ooh, you bad sod.
Steve真的死了吗？
Is Steve really dead?
他不会死的！，我们不能被我们创造的人物伤害了
He can’t be! We can’t be harmed by our creations.
不对！他们是弗兰肯斯泰因（脱离了创造者的控制并最终毁灭创造者的事物） – 噢，是的
Incorrect! Frankenstein. – Oh, yeah.
你不觉得这有点像《海神的冒险》吗？
Mind you, this is a bit more like The Poseidon Adventure, innit?
是的，只要我不是那个溺死了的胖子的话就好，她叫什么来着？
Yeah, as long as I’m not that fat one that drowns. What’s she called?
她叫Shelley Winters
Shelley Winters.
又死了一个
That’s another one gone, then.
还有一个作者活着，我们必须保护好他，否则我们全都会完蛋！
One writer yet remains. We must secure him or we all perish!
拿着这个
Here, hold this.
噢，闻起来这有点像，呃……鸡蛋的味道 – 喔，是的，里面有鸡蛋成份
Ooh, it smells like, er, eggs. – Well, they’re in it, yes.
噢，拜托！
Oh, come off it!
叫你呢，德国佬！作点有用的事情
You! Germany! Make yourself useful.
不要让任何人回到这个地下室里，任何人！
Don’t let anyone back in this crypt. Nobody!
知道了。你去干什么？
Alles klar. What are you going to do?
我要去改写历史
I’m going to rewrite history.
Pea医生！
Pea!
结束了 – 结束了吗？
It’s finished. – Finished?
活着的那两个作者都在我手里 – 呃……
I have the two remaining writers. – Erm…
其实是活着的一个作者……，并且他已经同意继续写Royston Vasey的剧本了
One remaining writer, and he’s agreed to carry on doing Royston Vasey.
真的吗？ – 是的
Has he? – Yes.
Pea，他喜欢你这个角色
He likes your character, Pea,
他打算把你描写成一个邪恶的……化学家
and he’s prepared to write you regular cameos as a baddy…chemist
只要你现在就回到他们所描述的世界里去
if you’ll go back to them days now.
一个邪恶的化学家
A baddy chemist.
我了解你的，屠夫
I know you, meat-fletcher.
我们是有共同语言的
We are kindred spirits.