绅士的启示联盟（2005）

Then Mr. Pemberton here can sit down and write us a Royston Vasey film.
不要这样，我才看进去这剧本
Oh no, don’t Hilary, I was just getting into it.
一堆该死的废话。这是什么？
Load of bloody rubbish. What’s this?
“Ponsonby Snottington-Smythe先生……”
“A wigmaker, Mr. Ponsonby Snottington-Smythe…”
你应该觉得羞耻！
You should be ashamed of yourselves!
我们正准备改写那段的 – 本来就应该改
We’re gonna change that. – Not surprised.
我觉得Snottington很有趣，告诉你吧，我有点傻里傻气的幽默感
I think Snottington’s funny. Mind you, I have got a daft humour.
就像憨豆先生，以及《坚持到底》系列里的人物一样，嘿，Steve，你有一个可以写的角色
Mr. Bean, the Carry Ons… ‘Ey, here’s one for you, Steve.
就是电影《坚持到底》，但是要加上太空人……噢！ – 什么？
A Carry On, but with spacemen… Ooh! – What?
他跑了！ – 该死！你留在这删除那些文件
He’s gone! – Shit! Stay, you, and delete that file.
好的，但是…… – 我说删除掉那些文件！
Yeah, but… – I said delete it!
喔，如果你已经进来了的话，不妨进来吧 – 喂！
Well, come in if you’re coming. – Oi!
“那是1690年。”
“The year is 1690.”
“我们正参加一个葬礼。”
“We are at a funeral.”
“一群看上去像王室贵族的人裹着奢侈的绉绸。”
“A group of regal-looking mourners are extravagantly swathed in black crepe.”
“丧主是威廉三世国王和玛丽女王。”
“The chief mourners are King William III and Queen Mary.”
“国王很伤心，用花边手帕擦着眼里流下的泪水”
“The King is inconsolable, dabbing at his eyes with a lace handkerchief.”
噢，天啊，天啊！
Oh, lackaday, lackaday!
为我那亲爱的Hannah，我已经与悲伤一同化作水汽
I am melted into sweat with grieving for my darling Hannah.
快走，Lemuel，快走，你想让我们被发现是吧？
Come away, Lemuel, come away. Would you have us discovered?
国王埋葬了他最心爱的宠物，仿佛那猪拥有不朽的灵魂一样
The King buries his favourite pet as though it were possessed of an immortal soul.
埋葬猪不是什么大事，但是这信奉新教的君主和他那妓♥女♥般的妻子
Pig interment is but the latest blasphemy foisted on us
……的侮慢行为欺骗了我们
by this Protestant monarch and his whorish wife.
如果要恢复天主教体制的话，我们现在就得行动！
If a Catholic monarchy is to be restored, we must act now!
如果我们把一只胆小的猴子藏在假发里
What if we were to take a blenched monkey in a wig,
偷偷把它带到宫庭里，然后……
smuggle it into the court and then…
不行，不行，不行，不行。但利用假发的主意还是不错的
No, no, no, no. But the wig is good.
我知道了，我可以把头剃光，将一个小动物藏在假发里
I know. I could fashion me a tonsure in which is secreted a midget.
当我们把它带到皇族面前的时候，小动物就会进行攻击
When it is placed upon the royal brow, the midget will strike,
用它那小小的拇指挖出国王的眼睛
putting out the King’s eyes with his little thumbs…
先生，你的建议是非常荒谬的
Your suggestions, sir, are patently absurd.
是吗，先生？那么你有什么计划呢？
Indeed, sir? And what stratagem have you to offer?
我先前就想说的，只是有点犹豫
I have hesitated to mention this before.
你们知道的，我有一些……熟人
But well you know, I have certain… acquaintances
……一些天生残忍♥的人
of a diabolic nature.
呃……我们来找……
Er… we have come to see-
我们知道你们要来[鸟语，意译]
Doo arb eshpected, thir.
什么？
What?
我们知道你们要来[也是鸟语，意译]
Doo arb expected, thir.
这边请[同样是鸟语]
Thith way, thir.
晚上好，先生们
Good evening, gentlemen.
呃……我来说明一下我们此行的目的……
Er… let me explain our presence-
我知道你们为什么来，Nicholas Sheet-Lightning先生
I know why you’re here, Sir Nicholas Sheet-Lightning!
我知道是什么黑暗、血腥的东西把你们带来我这里的
I know what black and bloody business brings you to the house of Dr. Pea.
如果你知道了我们的计划的话，Pea医生，那么请告诉我们……你能帮帮我们吗？
If you are cognisant of our plot, Dr. Pea, then, pray tell… can you help us?
帮你？
Help you…?
去行刺信奉新教的国王吗？
Assassinate the Protestant King?
今晚我很累 – 是吗？
I’m tired tonight. – Are you?
累坏了
Shattered.
我知道你们先前所做的大多都失败了
I see you had little success with your previous endeavours.
他怎么知道的？ – 你真是个魔鬼，先生！
How can he know? – You are the very devil, sir!
不完全是
Not quite.
这才是魔鬼
This is the devil.
但是他的主意都是我给他出的
But his methods are mine.
那么
So,
你们想行刺国王
you would kill the King.
你们很幸运，我有个计划
Happily, I have a scheme.
你们对《国王的罪恶》了解多少？
What know you of the King’s Evil?
噢，太多了。我听说过他那可怕的…… – 不，你个傻瓜
Oh, plenty. I’ve heard he’s horrible… – No, you dolt.
《国王的罪恶》是一个无聊的仪式的名字
The King’s Evil is the name given to a senseless ceremony
据说君主的触摸能治愈所有人的瘟疫和溃疡
whereby the monarch’s touch is said to cure all manner of pox and canker.
也许它是很无聊，但是它有一个重要意义就是能维护新教的权威
Senseless it may be, but a perfect means of getting close to His Protestant Majesty.
对，我们当中的一个人，装扮一下……
Yes. One of us, disguised,
或许可以戴个假发，可以在裤子中藏一个小动物
perhaps with a wig, could smuggle a baby beneath his breeches.
我说的是小动物…… – 噢，闭嘴！
Said baby… – Oh, shut up!
我们能不能在手法上做得更隐蔽一点？
Could we be a little subtler in our technique?
如果可能的话，想想这个吧
Think of this, if you can.
就像自然界里一样，一个生物从种子进化而来
A creature grown from seed as in nature.
一个“侏儒”
An homunculus.
是一个魔鬼吗？ – 不，是一个侏儒
A demon? – No, an homunculus.
我就能创造这样的一个生物
Through spells, I can fashion such a creature
让他的皮肤可以流出致命的毒液
and cause his skin to weep a lethal venom.
一个毒人 – 的确如此
A poison’d man. – Exactly.
摸一下这丑恶的家伙那肮脏的皮肤，就足以让威廉国王致命了
One touch of this Caliban’s wretched hide will be enough to kill King William.
这是个不错的计划
‘Tis a fair scheme.
这样的话行刺计划就与我们没有任何联♥系♥了
And there will be nothing to connect us to such a plan.
太棒了
It is magnificent.
等等，先生们，你们忘了件事吧
But wait, gentlemen, you forget.
为了与黑暗力量达成合约，总是要付出一定代价的
To make compact with the Dark One, there is always a price.
我不知道他是什么意思 – 你们每个人都要献出身体的一部分给我
I don’t know what he’s talking about. – You each have to give me a bit of your body.
你……剪下一些脚趾甲
You, clippings from your toenails.
你……收集一杯口水
You, a cup of your drool.
还有你……
And you…
我要你的两只眼睛 – 什么？！
Both of your eyes. – What?!
两只眼睛，我创造的那生物要有双眼才能看得见东西，亲爱的
Both of your eyes. The creature has to see, sweetie.
是的，但是他们都没有…… – 别生气！照我说的做
Yes, but they didn’t get any… – Don’t sulk! Moving on.
好的 – 不！
Aye. – Aye. – No!
噢，是的
Ooh, yeah.
开始了……
It begins…
……马上就开始
…In a minute.
什么东西？你做了什么？
What is it? What have you done?
过来！
Come!
过来……
Come…
噢，他的眼睛
Oh. His eyes.
你忘了他是近视的
You forgot his glasses.
救命！谁来救救我！
Help! Someone help me!
现在……我们在哪？
Now, where were we?
你走了很远的路来的吧？ – 上帝保佑你
Have you staggered far? – God bless you.
上帝啊，这个决定是错误的
Great God, this is wrong.
想像一下吧，我们正与魔鬼一起替天行道
To think we have supped with the very devil in our quest to do the Lord’s work.
你终于承认了！谢谢！ – 如果我们鼓起勇气的话就会没事的
You say that now! Thank you very much! – All will be well if we keep our nerve.
但是我提醒你
But mark you,
不要触碰这个怪物的皮肤
touch not this monster’s flesh.
上帝保佑你
God bless you.
你应该排队……呃
You get in line ‘ere.
上帝保佑你
God bless you.
这个溃烂病症很有趣
That’s an interesting canker.
上帝保佑你
God bless you.
上帝保佑你
God bless you.
别碰它，国王！有毒的！
Don’t touch it, King, it’s poisoned!
我们失败了！
We are undone!
啊！
Aaah!
我刚才，呃……救了你的命
I just, er… saved your life.
好了，不用担心了。我抓住他了
Right, panic over. I caught him.
Geoff？
Geoff?
Geoff？
Geoff?
“Geoff Tipps是一个聪明而且小♥弟♥弟♥很大的人
“Geoff Tipps, a clever man with a big cock,”
他阻止了国王被人杀害”
“comes in and stops the king from being killed.”
“他是个英雄。”
“He is a hero.”
“他的小♥弟♥弟♥很大。”
“His cock is big.”
噢，Geoff，你这个该死的傻瓜！
Oh, Geoff, you bloody idiot!
(德语儿歌♥)睡吧，孩子，睡吧
♪ Schlaf, Kindlein, schlaf
(德语儿歌♥)睡吧，孩子，睡吧
♪ Schlaf, Kindlein, schlaf
(德语儿歌♥)父亲在牧羊….
♪ Der Vater hüt die Schaf…
Steve？ – 嘘
Steve? – Shh.
她才，呃……她才刚睡着
She’s, er… she’s just dropped off.
晚上过得愉快吗？ – 很好
Did you have a nice time? – Yeah.
怎么了？
What’s up?
没什么
Nothing.
晚上你一定很忙吧
You’ve been busy.
喔，我不能住在一个猪舍似的地方，我很讨厌乱七八糟的