潦倒岁月（2017）

因为一开始我以为那只是男人的浴室
’cause at first I thought it was just a guys’ bathroom stall.
真不敢相信这些卧室
I can’t believe these bedrooms.
我居然能睡这间房♥!
I call dibs on this room!
真不敢相信我们能在这儿
I can’t believe we’re here.
哦 我的天 我得去看看这个壁橱
Oh, my God. I have to go look at this closet.
哦 我的上帝 哈!
Oh, my God. Ha!
真不敢相信你以前一直呆在这种地方
I can’t believe you used to stay in these places all the time.
哦
Oh.
道格要疯了
Doug is going to freak out.
我们得赶紧放上网
We have to Instagram the hell out of this.
哇 – 哦!
Whoa. – Oh!
这什么鬼?
What the hell is that?
太不可思议了 我以前从没享用过客房♥服务
That was amazing. I’ve never had room service before.
哦 这是我最怀念的待遇之一
Oh, that’s one of the perks I miss the most.
豪华的酒店和客房♥服务
Fancy hotel rooms and room service.
维克大魔王 – 是啊
Vic the Dick. – Yep.
你很庆幸我现在心情不错
You’re lucky I’m in a good mood.
你心情好?
This is you in a good mood?
我讨厌看到你心情不好的样子
I’d hate to see you in a bad mood.
你有什么特长?
What do you do with your art?
除了画节日标志和侮辱人
Besides draw festival logos and insult people.
没了 真的
Nothing, really.
你为什么不办一次展览?
Why don’t you have a showing?
试着卖♥♥东西
Try and sell something.
我不可能只是卷起袖管就来办一场艺术展
I can’t just roll up my sleeves and throw an art show.
利用酒吧来办
Use the bar.
如果它能办个电影节 那么也足够能办个艺术展览
If it’s good enough for a film festival, it’s good enough for an art show.
我会很尴尬的 – 嗯
I get embarrassed. – Mm-hmm.
道格喜欢成为大家关注的焦点 而我不喜欢
Doug loves to be the center of attention, and I don’t.
会让我感到焦虑
Gives me anxiety.
成为关注的焦点并没有什么错
Nothing wrong with being the center of attention.
我宁愿成为身无分文的名人 也不愿成为富有的无名小卒
I’d rather be famous and broke than rich and nobody.
我现在反而又穷又无名
Instead, I’m broke and nobody.
真是绝配
That’s the worst combination.
你为什么就不能活在当下
Why can’t you just live in the present
而不要老是回眸过去?
and stop looking in the rearview mirror?
我总是听你说“我以前很富有”“我以前很有名”
All I ever hear from you is “I was rich,” “I was famous,”
我以前这个 以前那个 那现在的你呢?
I was this, I was that. How about “You are”?
说得容易做起来难
It’s easier said than done,
尤其是当你哥哥的小♥电♥影♥节
especially when your brother’s little film festival
聚焦在我过去的辉煌上
shines such a spotlight on where I was
和现在形成鲜明对比
compared to how far down I’ve come.
你不开心不是道格的错
It’s not Doug’s fault that you’re not happy.
好的 弗洛伊德医生（奥地利心理学家）
Okay, Dr. Freud.
我们各自做各自的心理工作
I’ll work on me and you’ll work on you.
好吗?
Deal?
好
Deal.
维克! – 怎么啦?
Vic! – What?
我们得走了 – 为什么?
We have to leave. – Why?
好吧 这些是我刚刚发的
All right. These are the pictures
我们俩的照片
I just posted of you and me.
肖恩点赞了 很多人都点赞了
And Shane likes some. A bunch of people like some.
然后我看到比约恩也点了赞
Then I saw that Bjorn likes some.
他说他整天都没时间给我回电♥话♥
And he doesn’t have time to call me back all day.
可他却有时间去逛网站
Yet he had time to check lnstagram.
我不太明白
I don’t understand this.
你听我说 – 好
Will you listen? – Yes.
于是 我注意到比约恩其中的一个关注
So then, I noticed that one of Bjorn’s likes
也被佐伊•坎贝尔点赞了
was also liked by Zoey Campbell.
好吧 佐伊·坎贝尔是谁?
Okay. Who’s Zoey Campbell?
她就是那个一直想偷我男朋友的臭婊♥子♥
She’s the bitch who’s been trying to steal my boyfriend.
比约恩说他们只是朋友 对吧?
The one Bjorn says they’re just friends, right?
然后 我查了她的主页
So then, I look at her Instagram
看到一小时前她刚刚发了一张自♥拍♥照
and see that she just happened to post a selfie an hour ago.
你比她可爱多了
You’re way cuter than her.
没什么好担心的
You got nothing to worry about.
那张照片是在我的床上拍的
That picture was taken in my bed.
我今天早上把那个瓶子放在那儿的
I put that bottle there this morning.
你等等好吗? 不要给他满足感
Will you wait? Don’t give him the satisfaction.
满足感? 我要杀了他
Satisfaction? I am going to kill him
然后我要杀了那婊♥子♥ – 嘿! 该死的 嘿!
and then I’m going to kill her. – Hey! Damn it. Hey!
这是最后一次了 我再也不会…
This is the last time. I’m never going to…
哦 我的妈呀
Oh, God.
哦
Oh.
维克 你没事吧?
Vic, are you all right?
嗯 我没事 我得喘口气
Yeah, I’m fine. I just got to catch my breath.
哦 该死 对不起 呃…哦 你脸色看起来很苍白
Oh, shit. Sorry. Uh… Oh, you look really pale.
我已经苍白了30年了
I’ve looked pale for the past 30 years.
好吧 不开玩笑 你认为你心脏病发作了?
Okay, no jokes. Do you think you’re having a heart attack?
不是 也许我…
No, maybe I…
以前也有过
I’ve had this before.
为安全起见 你认为我们
Well, do you think we should call an ambulance,
应该叫救护车吗? – 别闹了
just to be on the safe side? – Don’t be crazy.
我只需要歇会儿
I just need a minute.
你想喝水吗? 你知道吗? 不管了
Do you want some water? You know what? Screw it.
我去给你弄点水来 好吗? 呆在这儿 好吗?
I’m gonna go get you some water. Okay? Stay right here. All right?
哦 上帝
Oh, God.
哦 天哪 你是维克·爱德华兹
Oh, my God. You’re Vic Edwards.
加里 你看 他是维克·爱德华兹
Gary, look. This is Vic Edwards.
我是您的忠实粉丝 不仅仅对于电影
Big fan of yours. Not just in the movies,
您作为一个橄榄球运动员也非常棒
as a football player. You were awesome.
…《冒险河》 – 《美国联邦调查局》
…Adventure River. – The FBI.
《FBI行动》也很不错
Operation FBI was so good, too.
开车那场戏?
And the one with the car?
我们都是您的大粉丝 我们看您的电影长大的
We’re both big fans. We grew up on your movies.
很高兴见到您 很喜欢您的作品
Great to see you. Love your work.
哇! 打扰一下!
Whoa! Excuse me!
嗨 不好意思 我真的需要水
Hi. Excuse me. I really need water,
就现在 谢谢
please, right now. Thank you.
怎么了? 你和那个老家伙在一起干什么?
Why? What’re you doing with the old guy?
宝贝 让我请你喝一杯
Baby, let me get you a real drink.
给我未来的老婆来瓶马提尼
An appletini for my future ex-wife.
哦 哦 不 请问
Oh. Oh, no. Excuse me.
嗨 请问你们在这里见过一位老人吗?
Excuse me. Hi. Have you seen an old man right here?
他就坐在那张椅子上 没见过?
He was sitting in that chair. No?
没
No.
不好意思 你见过爱德华兹先生吗?
Excuse me. Uh, have you seen Mr. Edwards?
他刚才还坐在沙发上
He was just sitting on the couch a second ago.
没有 我没见过爱德华兹先生
No, I haven’t seen Mr. Edwards.
您的套房♥还喜欢吗?
How are you enjoying your suite?
很棒 谢谢
It’s wonderful, thanks.
女士们 先生们
Ladies and gentlemen,
告诉你们一个意想不到的惊喜 这位是维克·爱德华兹先生
an unexpected surprise: Mr. Vic Edwards.
谢谢
Thank you.
非常感谢
Thank you very much.
你能想象吗? 维克·爱德华兹
Can you imagine? The Vic Edwards.
在你女儿的婚礼上 – 绝对想不到
At your daughter’s wedding. – Absolutely.
谢谢 非常感谢
Thank you. Thank you very much.
谢谢 这是我很意外的荣幸能够为
Thank you. It’s an unexpected honor and treat
丹尼尔·德尔森这对新人夫妇
to be able to sing one of my favorite songs
唱我最喜欢的其中一首歌♥
to the new Mr. and Mrs. Daniel Delson.
你是做什么的 先生?
What do you do, sir?
我是名医生
I’m a doctor.
不错啊 哪个科的?
Impressive. What kind?
结直肠外科
A colorectal surgeon.
嗯 你知道吗 德尔森太太
Hmm. You know, Mrs. Delson,
你刚刚嫁给了一个讨厌鬼
you have literally just married a pain in the ass.
祝你们好运 恭喜
Well, good luck to you and mazel tov.
你怎么知道比约恩是个混♥蛋♥?
How did you know Bjorn was such an asshole?
你一眼就把他看穿了
You pegged him on sight.