潦倒岁月（2017）

我现在的医生比大多数人都好
My current doctor is better than most.
我仍然会偶尔一连好几个小时
I still get the freakouts and the crying bouts
精神失常 阵阵哭泣
for hours and hours on end every once in a while.
但我不再抽搐 也不再自残
But I stopped having seizures and I stopped cutting myself.
哇
Wow.
现在我真的很沮丧
Now I’m really depressed.
有一段时间真的很糟糕
It was really bad for a while.
我确信唯一的出路就是自杀
I was convinced the only way out was to kill myself.
自杀? 你疯了?
Kill yourself? Are you crazy?
是啊 你没在听吗?
Yes. Haven’t you been listening?
自杀是一个人所能做的最自私的事
Killing yourself is the most selfish thing a person can do.
我还没做过 不是吗?
Well, I didn’t do it, did I?
嗯 千万别
Well, don’t.
你知道什么是沮丧?
You know what’s depressing?
日益衰老 这是令人沮丧的
Growing old. That’s depressing.
你知道你的问题是什么吗? – 什么?
You know what your problem is? – What?
你需要放轻松 珍惜你所拥有的
You need to lighten up and appreciate what you’ve got.
因为很快 砰 它就会从你身边消失
‘Cause pretty soon, bang, it passes you right by.
哦 就这么简单? – 是啊
Oh, it’s just that easy? – Right.
真愚昧
That is so ignorant.
我不沮丧 我有抑郁症
I’m not depressed. I have depression.
这不一样
It’s different.
抑郁症是精神疾病
Having depression is having a mental illness.
必须吃药 – 扯谈
It has to be medicated. – Bullshit.
你得战胜自己
You gotta be a fighter.
当你遇到挫折时
Things get you down,
你就要靠自己的努力振作起来
you pick yourself up by your bootstraps
然后继续往前走
and you just trudge forward.
你还说别人 我看你就一直在吃药
You’re one to talk. I see you popping pills all the time.
那是因为我很痛苦
That’s because I’m in pain.
嗯 那我也是
Well, so am I.
你吃药是为了什么?
What are you taking for it?
我一开始吃的是阿立哌唑
Well, I was on Abilify,
这是治躁郁症的精神稳定剂
which is a mood stabilizer for bipolar disorder,
但我觉得我的脑子里24小时都在放烟火
but it felt like fireworks were going off in my brain 24/7,
所以我又试了奥卡西平
so I tried Trileptal.
但这让我整整睡了两个星期
But that caused me to sleep for two solid weeks.
同时我还吃依地普仑 是一种抗抑郁药
And I was taking that with Lexapro, which is an antidepressant,
但这会让你变成一个肥胖的僵尸
but that turns you into a fat zombie.
然后我尝试了左洛复 但它扼杀了你的性♥欲♥
And then I tried Zoloft, which kills your sex drive,
这是行不通的 氯硝西泮是种抗焦虑剂
and that’s just not gonna work. Klonopin is an anti-anxiety,
但也让我睡了10个小时
but that put me to sleep for 1O hours, too.
拉莫三嗪和锂类似
And Lamictal, which is similar to Lithium,
让我全身起了疹子
gave me a bad rash all over my body,
太不可爱了
which was so not cute.
然后他们让我服用思瑞康 一种安定药
Then they put me on Seroquel, an antipsychotic,
这也让我一连沉睡了好几个小时
which also put me into a deep sleep for hours on end.
所以他们让我用莫♥达♥非♥尼♥ 这是一种兴♥奋♥剂♥
So they put me on Provigil, which is a stimulant
这让我精神很集中 非常不错
that kept me up and focused, which was good.
事实上我在服用莫♥达♥非♥尼♥之前
In fact, I had to try several stimulants
尝试了好几种兴♥奋♥剂♥
before settling on Provigil.
还有阿得拉 二甲磺酸
Adderall, Vyvanse,
这些都让你表现得像个瘾君子
but those all make you act like a coke addict.
赛宝松让我产生了可怕的幻觉
The Suboxone gave me scary hallucinations
使得我在房♥子里到处乱扔东西
and caused me to throw up all over the house,
就像我之前说的 超级不可爱
which, like I said before, is super cute.
我现在喝的是莫♥达♥非♥尼♥鸡尾酒
I’m currently on a cocktail of Provigil,
劳拉西泮是用于焦虑症
Ativan, which is for anxiety,
百忧解可以缓解我的抑郁
Prozac for my depression, which helps clear the fog
让我的头脑清醒些
from my brain a little bit.
还有一种酶 它是一种MAO抑制剂
And an enzyme patch, which is an MAO inhibitor.
我是说 这很有效 但我服用期间不能吃巧克力
I mean, it helps but I can’t eat chocolate when I’m on it,
这本身就令人沮丧
which is depressing unto itself.
有什么要帮忙?
Can I help you?
你不是应该在开车吗?
Should you be driving?
我们来这里是因为…
And we’re here because…
因为我就是在这儿长大的
Because that’s where I grew up.
我们开了三个小时
We drove three hours
只是为了让你能来看看你的老房♥子?
just so you could come and see your old house?
是啊
Yeah.
你有问题吗?
You got a problem with that?
你真老土
You are so corny.
是啊 很对 非常对
Yeah, that’s true. Very true.
无所谓了
Whatever.
我感觉自己像在乘坐一台时间机器
I feel like I’m in a time machine.
一切都没变
Everything looks the same.
味道也没变
Smells the same.
比如狗屎 – 没错
Like dog shit. – Exactly.
我发誓我妈会走出那扇门
I swear my mother’s gonna walk out that door
她会说
and she’s gonna say,
“马蒂 把你的图克斯带进去吃晚饭 ”
“Marty, get your tuchus inside for dinner.”
马蒂?
Marty?
我叫马丁·舒尔曼
Martin Schulman.
很高兴认识你
Nice to meet you.
等等 你的真名是马蒂·舒尔曼?
Hold on. Your real name’s Marty Schulman?
你不是在开玩笑吧?
Are you kidding me?
在我那个时代 如果有人想在好莱坞发展事业
Nobody from my day kept their Jewish name
就不会再使用犹太名字
if they wanted a career in Hollywood.
托尼·柯蒂斯的真名是伯尼·施瓦茨
Tony Curtis’ real name is Bernie Schwartz.
托尼·柯蒂斯是谁?
Who’s Tony Curtis?
算了
Never mind.
有什么要帮忙吗?
Can I help you two?
是的 夫人 我知道你以为我们是疯子
Yes, ma’am. I know you think we’re some crazy people
站在这里盯着你的房♥子看 但是…
standing out here staring at your house, but–
你是耶♥和♥华♥见证人教会的吗?
Are you Jehovah’s Witnesses?
不 夫人
No, ma’am.
我其实以前住在这所房♥子里
I actually used to live in this house.
我正巧经过这里
I happened to be in the area
想来回味一番往事
and I wanted to take a little walk down memory lane.
哦
Oh.
一定是很久以前了吧?
Must have been a long time ago
因为我们都在这里40年多了
’cause we’ve been here over 4O years now.
是很久了
That’s a long time.
嗯 这房♥子非常不错
Well, this house has been pretty good to us.
我们在这里养育了很多子子孙孙
We raised many a child and grandchild ourselves here.
他们说 老演员维克·爱德华兹
You know, they say that that, um, old actor Vic Edwards
其实也是在这所房♥子里长大的
actually grew up in this house here, too.
没开玩笑
No kidding.
夫人 这位就是维克·爱德华兹
Ma’am, this is Vic Edwards.
哦 我的老天!
Oh, I be damned!
你知道我有多少次
You know how many times
告诉别人你在这房♥子里长大的?
I told people you grew up in this house?
我甚至不知道是真的还是假的
I didn’t even know whether it was true or not.
你竟然来了 天啊 竟然来了
And here you are. My God, here you are.
我能拥抱你吗? 我能拥抱你吗?
Can I hug you? Can I hug you?
可以啊 乐意之至 – 哦 上帝啊
Well, please, I’d love it. – Oh, my goodness.
哦! 我简直不敢相信
Oh! I can’t believe this.
你来了 维克·爱德华兹
Here you are. The Vic Edwards.
哦 美好的回忆
Oh, memories.
真难以置信
I can’t believe this.
你知道吗 我和我哥哥
Do you know what? My brother and I
过去常常从楼梯上冲下来
used to come tearing down these stairs,
三步一迈
three steps at a time.
我不知道我们为什么这么匆忙
I don’t know why we were in such a hurry,
但那场赛跑就像是我们做过的最后一件事
but we were racing like it was the last thing we ever did.
你们在哪里?
Where are you guys?
我是说 你们什么时候回家?
I mean, when are you going to be home?
我不知道什么时候回家
I have no idea when I’m gonna be home.
你们在干什么?
What are you guys doing?
他在经历一场 怎么说呢
He’s on some, like,