喜剧之王

That’s Jerry’s as you can see.
-这是什么 -这是我的血 不是杰瑞的
-What’s that? -That’s my blood, not Jerry’s.
我信
I’ll buy this.
这是什么
What do we have here?
这是我写的介绍辞
Now, this is my introduction,
我希望兰德尔先生一个字一个字照着念
I’d like Mr. Randall to speak it word for word.
这是兰德尔给你独角戏的介绍辞
This is Randall’s introduction to your monologue?
我能有一份你的台词拷贝吗
Could I have a copy of your monologue?
我都写在脑海里了
Well, actually, I have it memorized.
所以我不会
So, I don’t have…
我有理由要一份拷贝
There are reasons that I need a copy.
我们得确定没有什么可疑的地方
We have to make sure we don’t say anything obscene.
不 一切都没问题的 真的
No. It’s all right. Really.
是的 会是完美的独角戏
Yeah. It’s a wholesome monologue.
-你保证 -我保证
-You guarantee that? -I guarantee it.
要确保观众留到十一点半
Make sure that audience lasts till 11:30.
他要求的都照办
Everything he needs, anything he asks for.
非常高兴见到你
Nice meeting you.
坐下 普金
Sit down, Pupkin.
普金先生 我得告诉你
Mr. Pupkin, I got to tell you this.
从现在起
From this point on,
你有权保持沉默
You have the right to remain silent
因为你从现在起说的一切
’cause anything you say from here on out might be used
-都会作为呈堂证供 -我意识到这点
-Against you later on in a court of law. -I’m aware of that.
说你明白
Say you understand.
我明白
I understand that.
你参与了杰瑞兰福先生的绑♥架♥案了吗
Did you participate in the abduction of Jerry Langford?
是的 我绑♥架♥了他
Yes, I did. I abducted him.
你绑♥架♥了他
You abducted him?
是的
Yes.
你知道兰福先生现在哪儿吗
Do you know where Mr. Langford is right now?
你会带我们去见兰福先生吗
Will you lead us to Mr. Langford?
不 我不会
No, I won’t.
好吧 普金先生 现在
Well, at this time, Mr. Pupkin,
我得告诉你
I want to advise you
你被捕了
to consider yourself under arrest.
好的 我想我得去化妆了
Fine. I think I should get made up.
你需要化点妆
You need some makeup.
给他点颜色看看
Put some color in his face.
我想给你上点颜色
I’d like to put some color in your face.
真的 我该化妆了
Really. I should get made up.
托尼 你要见我
Tony, did you want to see me?
你看过这东西了吗
Have you seen this stuff?
我认为没问题
I think it’s fine.
你认为没问题
You think this is fine?
我的写作班子在中♥央♥公园被射击团体给枪决了
My writing staff was executed in central park by the network firing squad?
你觉得这好笑
You’re laughing at that?
非常好
It’s very good.
就这么说
Do it, please.
为何
Why do I?
照着写的那么说
Exactly as it’s written.
这是为你好 相信我
It’ll be good for you. Trust me.
你是导演 你能帮我吗
You’re the director. Can you help me?
把你颈上的纸巾拿掉 我们走
Take the tissues out of your collar and let’s go.
翻卡片时翻快点
Turn the cards fast.
你听到我说的吗 翻卡片时翻快点
Are you listening to me? Turn the cards fast.
让我们今晚变疯
Let’s do something crazy tonight.
变狂
Just get insane.
我想变疯 变狂
I want to be crazy. I want be nuts.
我想痛快玩一场
I want some fun.
我的医生说不准找乐子
My doctor says don’t have any fun.
你不许玩耍
You’re not allowed to have a good time.
我得自控
I have to be in control.
我想看见自己不受束绑
I’d like to see myself out of my head.
你不想吗
Wouldn’t you like to see that?
那不是太好 太妙了吗
Wouldn’t that be great? Wouldn’t that be fabulous?
我今晚很高兴
I’m having a good time.
我今晚很高兴
I’m having fun.
高兴是我的名字
Fun is my middle name.
是的 玩的高兴
That’s right. Having some fun.
我从来没有这么高兴过
I never had this much fun before.
是的
That’s right.
旧式的美国式的高兴
Good old-fashioned, all-american fun.
这里是纽约现场
And now, direct from new york,
杰瑞·兰福秀
今天的嘉宾主持是 托尼·兰道尔
With guest host… Tony Randall
和他的特邀嘉宾
And his special guests
谢利·温特斯 戈尔·维达尔
Shelley Winters, Gore Vidal,
托尼·本内特
Tony bennett,
如常 娄·布朗和乐团
As always, Lou Brown and the orchestra,
还有我这老家伙 艾德·荷丽西
And little old me Ed Herlihy.
现在让我们欢迎托尼
And now, say hello to Tony!
晚上好 女士和先生们
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
非常感谢
Thank you very much.
我有点坏消息给你们
I have some sad news for you.
今天早些时候 我的写作班子
Earlier today, my writing staff
在中♥央♥公园被射击团体给枪决了
was executed in central park by the network firing squad,
所以今晚将不会有
So there will be no sensational
感人的兰道尔独白
Randall monologue this evening.
没有尴尬的情感展览
No embarrassing display of emotion, please.
我们今晚将
Instead we’re going to do something
有点不一样
A little bit different this evening.
非常不一样 如果你要我说的话
A lot different, if you ask me.
我们将给你
We’re going to give you a glimpse…
请把提示卡翻过来 未来的一瞥
Turn it over, please… into the future.
在舆♥论♥界
It isn’t often you can call someone a sure thing
你很难去肯定某个无名卒
In the entertainment business.
毕竟你们是评判
After all, the verdict is always in your hands.
我想 今晚 在你们见过
I think tonight, after you’ve met…
我的首位嘉宾
My first guest,
你们会同意我的 他注定是最伟大的
You’ll agree with me that he’s destined for greatness!
在某些方面
In one way or another.
让我们用最热烈的掌声欢迎
So will you please give your warmest greetings
新的喜剧之王
To the newest king of comedy…
鲁朴·普金
Rupert Pupkin!
晚上好 女士们 先生们
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
让我介绍我自己
Let me introduce myself.
我叫鲁朴·普金
My name is Rupert Pupkin.
我不敢相信我将要吻你
I can’t believe I’m going to kiss you.
玛莎 给我松绑
Masha, take the tape off.
真的吗
Really?
松开吧
Go on. Take it off.
准备好了
Ready now.
把他带走
Take him back down.
你为什么这么做
Why did you do this?
告诉我 也许我会信的
Tell me and maybe I’ll be able to believe in you.
你知道现在几点了
You know what time it is?
是的 差五分钟十一点
Yes, it’s 5 minutes to 11:00.
我想我得走了
I think we’d better go.
我不得不这么说
I don’t like to say it like this,
杰瑞将会不在了
But Jerry’s going to be unavailable.
当我们去到的时候 你会明白的
You’ll understand when we go.
明白 我为何要明白
I’ll understand? Why will I understand?
我们去哪里
Where are we going?
这是交易的一部分
That’s part of the bargain.
我想到其他地方看看
I want to see it somewhere else…
交易的一部分
Part of what bargain?
我是这样认为的
Well, that’s my understanding.
我仅仅是想到其他地方看
I just want to see it in this other place.
一旦看到了 我把兰福交给你
Once I see it, I’ll give you Langford.
你不明白我的处境
You don’t understand my position.