喜剧之王

Not so uptight. Not so…
我得从这开始
I got to get started here.
非常好 非常棒
It’s wonderful. It’s very good.
-老实说 -我说的是实话
-Be honest with me. -I’m being honest.
你会这么穿吗
Would you wear it?
我喜欢 我很满意红色
I like it. I’m so glad I went with red.
他穿起来真不错
It looks so good on him.
非常好 杰瑞
It looks good, Jerry.
-来吧 -什么
-Come on. -What?
脱下来 我们走吧
Take it off and let’s go.
好 好的
Oh, O.K., fine.
你想我脱下来
You want me to take it off?
是的
Yeah.
他不能再穿一下吗
Can’t he wear it for a little while?
你能脱下来吗
Will you take it off, please?
我知道他在开会
I know he’s in a meeting.
这很紧急 我得和他谈
This is an emergency, and I’ve got to talk to him.
你得打断他 否则我得进来打断会议
You’ll interrupt him or I’ll come busting into that meeting.
不 别打回给我 我过去
No. Forget calling me back. I’m on my way.
你为何不听那录音带
Why didn’t you just listen to the tape?
那没什么难的
It wasn’t that hard,
你只用几分钟时间
A few minutes of your time to listen to something
而我为此用了一生
That I worked on my whole life.
如果仅仅因此 那么我们现在就去我的办公室
Let’s go to my office,
我们现在就听录音带
and we’ll play the tape right now.
你知道如果我去那儿的话会发生什么
Do you know what would happen if I went there?
你知道 我不傻
You know, I’m not stupid.
没人说你傻
Nobody’s calling you stupid.
你摆平这 你就很聪明
You pulled this off. That makes you smart.
你知道 杰瑞 我得告诉你
You know, Jerry, I’m going to tell you something.
友情是双行道
Friendship is a two-way street.
你知道吗
Do you know that?
你一点也不关心我
And you couldn’t care less about me.
我得这么抓到五旬节
Am I holding this till next Shavuot?
你得做决定
You going to make some decisions?
你要谈两分钟
You going to knock off the talking for two minutes?
给他穿上汗衫
You put the sweater on him.
是的 一分钟
Yeah. It took one minute.
-长夜漫漫 -我有东西说
-You have a long night ahead of you. -I have something to say.
你说够了
You’ve got enough to say.
-你气疯了我 -等等
-You’re driving me nuts. -Just a minute.
你不能安静一分钟吗
Can you be quiet for one goddamn minute
让我休息一下
and let me rest with this gun?
你气疯了我
You’re driving me crazy.
我们进来后你一直在讲
You haven’t shut up since we’ve walked in.
这是我的房♥子 我的王国
This is my house. This is my domain.
杰瑞是我的客人 你也是我的客人
Jerry is my guest, and you’re my guest.
你很幸运在这
And you’re lucky to be here.
你改变了我的房♥子
You change in my house.
你准备好今晚你的节目了
You get to get your head together for the show tonight.
饶了我吧
Give me a little break.
-闭嘴 -你怎么不闭嘴
-Shut up. -Why don’t you shut up?
我听到你谈论那汗衫
I listened to you talk about that sweater.
抱怨那袖子 颜色
Worrying about the sleeves, the color.
我说什么了
Did I say anything?
我替杰瑞说
I made it for Jerry,
他穿起来真不错
and it looks fabulous on him.
这是谁的主意
Whose idea was this anyway?
如果不是我的 你现在不会在这
If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t even be here.
你为何不听我给的录音带
Why didn’t you just listen to the tape when I asked?
我想你会明白的
I’m sure you can understand.
做我那样的节目 很伤神
Doing the kind of show I’m doing, it’s mind-boggling.
那么多东西要搞出来
There’s so much stuff that comes down,
你头脑很难清醒
You can’t keep your head clear.
如果是那样的话 我错了
And if that’s the case, I’m wrong.
你对的 我错了
You’re right. I’m wrong.
如果我错了 我抱歉
If I’m wrong, I apologize.
我仅仅是一个
I’m just a human being
充满缺点的人
with all of the foibles and all of the traps,
节目 压力
the show, the pressure,
群众 签名要求
The groupies, the autograph hounds,
工作人员 竞争
The crew, the incompetence,
台后那些你以为是你朋友的人
those behind-the-scenes you think are your friends.
你不能肯定自己的明天
You’re not sure if you’ll be there tomorrow
因为他们的竞争
Because of their incompetence.
每天都有太多压力
There are wonderful pressures that make every day
漫长 无趣的日子
a glowing, radiant day in your life.
非常棒
It’s terrific.
好吧 如果那不意味什么
O.K., if all of that means nothing,
如果我错了 尽管这一切
if I’m wrong, in spite of all that,
我道歉
then I apologize.
对不起
I’m sorry.
如果你接受我的道歉
If you accept my apology,
我想我们该握手
I think we should shake hands.
我们会忘了整件事
We’ll forget the whole thing.
我不会告你的
I won’t press charges.
你们可能很麻烦
You could be in deep trouble,
但我不会告你的
But I will not press charges.
你倒说的轻巧
That’s easy for you to say.
我说真的
But I mean it.
我会去办公室
I’ll go to the office
告诉他们是恶作剧
and tell them all it’s a gag.
他们会明白的
They’ll understand that.
如果我告诉他们 他们会信的
If I tell them, they’ll buy it.
然后我们会听录音带的
Then we’ll put the tape on.
坐下 听着 坐下
Sit down. I said, “sit down.”
你听到他的话了
You heard what he said.
拿支枪对着他 他当然得友好啦
With a gun on him, he wants to be friends.
他走出门口后会发生什么
What happens when he walks out the door?
会如何 杰瑞
What happens then, Jerry?
我告诉你会怎样 去到他的办公室 他们会逮住你
You get to his office, and they jump you.
是这样吗 杰瑞
Is that what happens, Jerry?
如果我阻止他们 那是不会发生的
Not if I tell them not to.
没有人会逮捕你
No one’s going to jump you.
如果我要他们做 他们会的
If I tell them to, they do it.
没有人会逮捕你
No one’s going to jump you.
这是真的 你得相信我
Now, that’s the truth. Take my word for it.
如果你认为我撒谎
If you think I’m not telling you the truth,
那么甭理我
then don’t respond.
如果你认为我说的是真话 让我走
If I’m telling the truth, let me out of here.
他这么说了
He gives me his word.
然后呢
And what else?
然后呢 杰瑞
And what else, Jerry?
没有然后 我发誓
There is nothing else, just my word.
我发的誓不够吗
Now, isn’t my word good enough?
我很抱歉 杰瑞
I’m sorry, Jerry.
如果我们给他录音 但他不健谈
Suppose we tape him, he doesn’t talk,
到了十一点半
It gets to be 11:30,
我们也这样播出吗
Do we put him on no matter what?
你可以给他录音
Go ahead and tape him.
不会有任何损失
It won’t hurt anything.
你仍然可以洗掉它
You can always erase it.
我们可以从中学到东西
We may learn something from it,
而且那会给我们时间
and it’ll also buy us time.
不过无论如何
And under no circumstances
我们也不会播出他的演出
will we put this man on the air.
这个疯子在威胁杰瑞
This lunatic is threatening Jerry.
你还不播出他的演出
You’re not putting him on the air?
先生们 别太激动
Gentlemen, let’s not get excited.
我想你不明白
I don’t think you understand.
我们七点录影