远山远处（2009）

我不知道自己能不能做到 亲爱的
I don’t know if I’m going to make it, love.
你能
Yeah, you will.
我没看到他们 图加
I don’t see them, Tulga.
你叫什么名字
What’s your name?
你叫什么名字
What’s your name?
2004年4月 我儿子被诊断患有自闭症
In april 2004, my son Rowan was diagnosed with autism.
听到这消息
The feeling was like being hit…
我感觉像是当头一棒
Across the face with a baseball bat.
悲痛 羞愧
Grief. Shame.
这种奇怪 没道理的羞愧
This weird, irrational shame,
仿佛是我有意识地传递给他带病基因
Like I’d somehow cursed this child
带给他诅咒
by giving him my faulty genetics.
惊恐的看着他逐渐恶化
Watching horrified as he began drifting away to another place.
但这不是关于自闭症的悲剧
But this story isn’t about the tragedy of autism.
这是一家人的一场疯狂历险
This is a story about how, as a family, we did something crazy.
我们如何跨过大半个地球
How we ended up going halfway across the world…
寻找奇迹
In search of a miracle.
我们从头讲起
But let’s start at the beginning.
2001年12月27日
December 27, 2001.
怀孕8个月的妻子和我在朋友家喝茶
My wife, 8 months pregnant, and I were at a friend’s house having tea…
然后就像电影里一样
When, like something straight out of a movie,
她突然开始阵痛
She suddenly went into contractions.
快速的剖腹产手术后
One quick c-section later,
当克里斯汀还未从麻醉中苏醒
While they brought Kristin round from the anesthetic,
我独自站在私人病房♥里陪着这个小宝宝
I stood alone in the private room with this little boy…
早先 我们已经决定叫他荣恩
We’d already decided to call Rowan.
时间是12点半
The clock on the wall said half past midnight…
我突然意识到
Which meant, I realized,
在荣恩决定来到人世的
that Rowan had decided to come into the world…
七年前同一天 几乎同一时刻
Exactly seven years to the day, and almost to the hour,
我和克里斯汀第一次说话
that Kristin and I had first spoken.
要讲我们如何邂逅的故事吗
Are we going to tell the story of how we met?
你追我的 因为第一天我就没跟你说话
Well, you start because the first day I didn’t talk to you.
对 她当然没跟我说话
That’s right. Of course she wouldn’t talk to me.
谁会呢 我不会
Um, who would? I wouldn’t.
我们在印度相遇
But we met in India.
我受雇为那个地区写一本旅游手册
I’d been hired to write a guidebook to the region.
她在那儿为心理学博士学位做研究
She was there doing research for her PhD in psychology.
我们截然不同
We couldn’t have been more different.
我是英国人 成长过程中有时在伦敦
I was British, brought up partly in London,
有时在农场驯马
And partly on a farm training horses.
克里斯汀是一个加利福尼亚的郊区女孩
Kristin was a suburban girl from California.
我看到她的那一刻
But the moment I saw her,
我脑中的声音告诉我
a voice in my head said,
清楚如白昼
clear as day,
那是你的妻子
“That’s your wife.”
对 第一夜他就让我嫁给他
Yeah, that’s right. The first night he said, he asked me to marry him,
-然后 -肯定是疯子
-And, um – Must have been mad.
没错
Yeah, and I-
然后我说 你之前跟多少女人这么说过
And I said, “How many women have you asked to marry you before?”
-于是我撒谎说没有 -那是假的
– So I lied and said, “None.” – Oh, it was a lie?
我们开始了七年的旅行和探险
We embarked on seven years of travel and adventure.
最终我们结婚了 定居在德州
We finally married, and settled in Texas,
克里斯汀在那当心理学教授
Where Kristin got a job as a professor of psychology.
我继续我的新闻和人♥权♥工作
And I continued my career in journalism and human rights,
主要是和南非卡拉哈里的布希人一起工作
Working mainly with the Bushmen of Southern Africa’s Kalahari.
荣恩出生后 我们才开始像一个家
When Rowan was born, and we began living as a family,
像是所有东西终于回到正确的地方
It was like everything had finally fallen into place.
但是之后 美梦破碎了
And then, it all fell apart.
原本仿佛世界唾手可得
The world had once been our oyster.
但现在我们的精力只是考虑怎么度过明天
Now it had narrowed down to just getting through the next day.
甚至没人可以告诉我们自闭症准确的定义
No one could even give us a definitive expianation of what autism even was.
很显然 自闭症对不同的人有不同的含义
Now autism obviously means a lot of different things to a lot of people.
的确 每个人都有不同的定义
One could argue that people have different definitions.
那个 我先离开一下
All right, I’ll have to go.
自闭症源于大脑发育早期的
Autism is due to neurological abnormalities
神经系统异常
in the early growth of the brain.
自闭症是神经系统的缺陷
Autism is a neurological impairment…
影响一个人观察世界的能力
That influences a person’s ability to view the world
特别是社交方面
in a socially typical way.
我得学习社交技巧 社交技巧可以教授
I had to learn social skills. Social skills can be taught.
但是社交性的闲谈只是为了维持社交关系
But sort of social chitchat just for social relatedness,
我对那不感兴趣
I’m not into that.
自闭症人的大脑能发现更多信息
In autism the brain is able to detect more information.
如果他们的大脑被我们忽略的细节填满
If their brain is being flooded by lots of detail that the rest of us miss,
那就很容易影响其社交能力
That could simply get in the way of being able to interact socially.
此外 他兴趣范围很狭窄
In addition that the person has very narrow interests…
只对某些特定主题感兴趣 或称为着迷
In specific topics- sometimes these are called obsessions.
如今自闭症的范围很广
Today we see autism as a big spectrum…
从完全无语言能力的严重智障患者
That can range from the severely mentally retarded person who is completely nonverbal…
到有社交困难的数学或者物理教授
To somebody who is a socially awkward mathematics or physics professor.
有关自闭症的各种相互矛盾的文献信息
Our lives became clogged under a mountain
仿佛大山一样压垮了我们的生活
of conflicting literature and information on the disorder.
可能病因 治疗方法 病情诊断
The possible causes, treatments and prognosis.
我们尝试了所有方法
We tried everything.
行为分♥析♥ 药物
Behavioral analysis, pills,
奶油 饮食
Creams, diets-
我们没有选择了
We were out of options.
他不跟我们说话
He didn’t speak to us,
花数小时摆弄感兴趣的玩具
Spent hours lining up objects obsessively,
完全孤立于其他孩子
Was completeiy isolated from other kids…
经常会出现持续性的闹脾气
And subject to endless tantrums.
我很抱歉 甜心
I’m sorry, sweetheart.
他的脾气一波一波的来
His tantrums came in waves,
一天几次 最长可以持续4个小时
Several times a day, lasting sometimes up to four hours.
自闭症患者的努力 与一般的怒气不同
Autism tantrums, they’re not like normal tantrums.
一般源于神经系统
They’re often neuroiogical in origin,
这意味着我们不能与他沟通
Which means the child is unreachable,
安慰他也成枉然
impossible even to console.
指指是哪疼 是这疼吗
Point to where it hurts. Does it hurt here?
这疼吗
Did it hurt here?
是这吗 他这有个红点
Is it here? He’s got a red mark here.
那是个蚊子咬的大包
That’s a big mosquito bite.
-我想也许蚊子包是导火索 -它没了
– I think maybe that mosquito bite has inflamed – It’s gone.
-跳蚤没了 – 什么没了
– The flea is gone. – The what is gone?
-跳蚤 -跳蚤 有跳蚤吗
– The flea? – The flea? There’s a flea?
想看小山羊吗
Hey. Do you want to see the baby goats?
-山羊 -小山羊
– Goats? – Baby goats?
企鹅
Penguin!
-我要河马 -上去
– More hippo. – Here we go.
-我要河马 -你要河马
– I want more hippo. – You want more hippo?
我一直避免让荣恩接近马
I’d been keeping Rowan away from horses,
因为我觉得那会不安全
Because I thought he was unsafe around them.
但是有一天
But one day,
他跑到我的邻居 斯坦福的庄园
he ran away from me onto the property of my neighbor, Stafford,
直直地跑到他的叫白茨的老母马跟前
And ran right up to his old mare, a horse called Betsy.
它没有受惊
She didn’t spook.
相反的 它表现的很温和 很顺从
Instead, her reaction was so gentle, so submissive,
我立刻意识到他跟它有某种直接联♥系♥
I realized immediately that he had some direct line to her.
我抱荣恩骑上白茨的那一刻
The moment I put Rowan on Betsy’s back,
他开始说话了
he began to speak.
它是匹好马
He’s a nice horse.
这样的深度放松 对他来说很不常见
This deep relaxation, it’s such a rare thing for him.
他们之间的联♥系♥
There’s something going on between them
是我跟马打交道这么多年以来从未看到过的
that even with all my years of dealing with horses, I just have never seen.
这是个谜 但是是个很美的谜
It’s this mystery- but it’s a very beautiful mystery.
就像自闭症也是个谜
Just like autism is a mystery.
感觉像
Feels like a-
冬日里的一个暖阳天
A warm sunny day after winter.
就在荣恩第一次向我敞开心扉时
As Rowan began to open up to me for the first time,