好人、巴特与洛基（2021）

好人们 巴仔 和洛基
洛基 你又一次触犯了阿斯加德的法律
Loki, once again, for crimes against Asgard,
为此你将被流放至地球
you are banished to Earth.
哪里 纽约 伦敦 还是巴黎
Where to? New York? London? Paris?
春田镇
Springfield.
不
No!
哥们 你咋啦
Hey, man. Can I help you?
你又怎会知道拥有一个冷漠易怒的父亲
What would you know of a distant, abusive father?
和一个完美无瑕的金发手足的感觉
And a blonde-haired sibling who’s always perfect?
这不就是我的家庭吗
Oh, have I got the family for you.
我儿子说你会魔法
So, the boy says you’re magic.
你能把这块猪排变成两块吗
Can you turn one pork chop into two?
我崇拜您 伟大的洛基
I worship you, great Loki.
差遣我吧 伟大的神 我从此否认一切其他神明
Command me, O Lord. I renounce all other gods.
这世界最不需要的就是更多的猪排了
The last thing this world needs is more pork chops.
拿下她
Get her!
别这样 巴特 我是你姐…
No, Bart! I’m your sis–
凡擎动此锤者
若其身负天资
将获得索尔之力
我不可能有这资质 还是放回去吧
Well, there’s no way I’m worthy. I’ll just put it back.
再见了 自我怀疑
Goodbye, self-esteem issues!
丽莎成索尔了吗
Lisa is Thor?
这锤子其实也没那么牛逼
It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
我还把春田复仇者们带过来了
And I brought the Springfield Avengers with me.
这就是迪士尼收♥购♥漫威和福克斯之后的画风
我这弹力伸缩裤可真不错啊
I ruined my pants in a brand-new way.
行吧 他们啥用都没有
All right, they’re no help.
但我不会饶了你的 洛基
But you’re through here, Loki!
不不 你搞错了 侯默救我
No, no! You’re making a big mistake. Homer, help me!
侯默 其实我是…
No! Homer, I’m really–
我们很爱你 儿子
We love you so much, boy.
好的 父亲
Yes, Father.
明天你能把傅兰德变成猪排吗
Oh, and tomorrow could you turn Flanders
然后交给我就行
into a pork chop? I’ll do the rest.
好的 父亲
Yes, Father.
终于有了一个正常的家庭
Finally, a functional family.
老谋子 不敢相信
Gee, Moe, I can’t believe
你今天请客让我们随便喝
you gave us drinks on the house tonight.
因为我并不是老谋子
That’s because I ain’t Moe.
我是洛基
I’m Loki.
而这些啤酒会毁掉你们的人生
And these beers will ruin your lives,
溶解你们的肝脏 让你们充满悔恨
dissolve your livers, fill you with remorse.
还有虽然厂家说这瓶子是可回收的
And though they say these bottles are recyclable,
他们只是扔到海里处理掉
they just fill up the ocean!
你们的星球要完蛋了
Your planet is dying!
那也值了
Still worth it.
你坏坏
You’re not nice!
我想静静
Privacy please.
洛基 我可以用两个字就概括你的罪行
Loki, I could give my verdict in two words or less,
但如果用你的话来说
but as you would put it,
你被指控以下罪名:篡改神圣时间线
you stand here accused of tampering with the sacred timeline,
在哲学层面上反对先决论
philosophically opposing predeterminism,
随意侵入Disney+的禁区
crossing over into forbidden areas of Disney+,
在高飞停车场占用两个车位
taking two spots in the Goofy parking lot,
比其他超英都更受欢迎
being more popular than all the heroes,
操着一口英音
having a British accent
但其实你应该是挪威人
when you’re actually supposed to be from Norway,
承诺当个好人
promising to be good,
然后亿次次打破自己的承诺
then breaking your promise like a zillion times,
让观众等着看了一个又一个的片尾彩蛋
making us sit through numerous mid-credits scenes,
还以为能有新剧情
hoping they advance the story!
还有 你能不能洗洗你那一头黏黏的乱发
And will you please wash your nasty hair?
罪名成立
Guilty as charged!
赶紧滚吧
Get out of my face.