护工故事（2016）

每周 他都要在周四去公园
Once a week, he goes to the park on Thursdays.
每次都是周四 每次都是一点到四点 必须准确地从一点到四点
Always on Thursdays. Always from 1 to 4. Exactly 1 to 4.
他只吃华夫饼和香肠 两片华夫饼一根香肠
He only eats waffles and sausage. Two waffles, one sausage.
早中晚餐都是
Breakfast, lunch and dinner.
营养不太均衡 但是我已经
Not ideal, but it’s a battle I’m
放弃抗争了 转而给他吃维生素来补充营养
done fighting and the vitamins fill in the gap.
喂 看看她怎么样
Hey. Check her out.
爱达荷州的杰罗姆一家是历史最久的现役家庭农场
Oldest working family farms in Jerome, Idaho…
你想上她吗
Would you tap that?
反正我会把她操翻天
Because I would pound that shit into the ground.
他还要精确地按照日程服药
His medications are also on a precise schedule.
都写在这个笔记本上
It’s all in this notebook.
处方药 地夫可特 氯沙坦 依普利酮
Prescription meds, Deflazacort, Losartan, Eplerenone.
这些药你绝对不能忘记
Those you absolutely can’t miss.
接下来是营养品 普天登 氟轻缩松 欧米伽脂肪酸
Then the supplements, Protandim, Haelan, omega fatty acids,
钙片 维生素D 辅酶Q10 肌酸 谷氨酰胺 槲皮素
calcium, vitamin D, Co Q10, creatine, glutamine, Quercetin,
复合维生素 超级绿茶
multi-vitamin, and mega green tea.
你先看看这本笔记
Why don’t you read the
然后我们晚一点再更全面地讨论
notebook and we’ll talk more thoroughly later.
按理来说 特雷弗还可以再活七到十年
Statistically, Trevor probably has another seven to ten years.
所以 我们要做好每一件事情 可以吗
So, let’s do everything right, okay?
-我得听到你说可以 -好 可以 完全可以
– I need to hear you say “Okay.” – Yes. Okay. Absolutely.
特雷弗 他第一天上班 别把他弄哭了
Trevor, it’s his first day. Please don’t make him cry.
-你需要什么吗 -需要
– You need anything? – I do, actually.
你可以打给许愿机构吗
Could you call the Make-A-Wish Foundation
跟他们说我想让凯蒂·佩里来给我吹♥箫♥
and tell them I want a blowjob from Katy Perry?
按说她必须得答应 对吗 想象一下
I mean, she kind of has to say yes, right? Think about it.
如果她拒绝了我 她的公共关系就完了
If she was to reject me, that would a PR nightmare for her.
喷子满天飞
It’d be a shit storm.
这儿有什么呢 一个两层的厕所
What do we have here? A two-story outhouse.
啊哈 你看 爱达荷弗尔斯市 爱达荷州 一间两层的厕所
Aha. Here we go. Idaho Falls, Idaho. Two-story outhouse.
我不是什么专家 但我想
I’m no expert. I definitely
我绝对会选择厕所上面的那一层
think I’d prefer to be on the upper level.
-很明显他 -你问这是什么宝贝
– He apparently… – What is this gem, you ask?
这个地图上显示着
This is a map of your
你的宝贝国家里最烂的沿路景观
precious country’s lamest roadside attractions,
老博物馆 奇怪的地标 当然还有所有大个儿的东西
odd museums, bizarre landmarks, and of course anything giant,
-从家畜到樱桃派 -那红星星标志着什么
– from farm animals to cherry pie. – What’s the red star?
朋友 那个是世界上最深的坑 我的最爱
That, my friend, is the world’s deepest pit. My favorite.
因为它听上去特别压抑
It just sounds so depressing,
我喜欢 从一到三千五挑一个数字
I love it. Pick a number between one and 3,500.
快点儿 本 我们总得打发打发时间 一到三千五
Go on, Ben. We’ve got some time to kill. One and 3,500.
-三 -一千五百五十五 你根本没好好想
– Three. – One-5-5-5. You’re not even trying.
但我有个绝好的消息 我要大便
But I have some fantastic news, I need to take a dump.
这为什么叫绝好的消息
Why is that fantastic news?
因为轮到你发光发亮了 走吧
Because it’s your time to shine. Let’s go.
嗷
Ow.
我要拉屎 快 来吧 认真的
I need to take a shit, come on. Come on, be serious.
把我的腿抬起来
Take my legs.
你抬我的腿干什么
How does it make sense to take my legs?
你要把我拖到马桶那儿吗 放下
Are you gonna drag me to the toilet? Put them down.
-你可以吗 -可以
– You all right? – Yeah.
等一下 等等
Hold on, hold on.
或许 你想就这样拉在轮椅上吗
Do you wanna just shit in your chair, maybe?
或许是
Maybe.
本 本 轮椅出故障了 本 帮帮我
Ben. Ben, it’s jammed. Ben, help!
你觉得如果和死神对战谁会赢 我 还是一只鸟
Who do you think would win in a fight to the death. Me or a bird?
救命 救命
Help me! Help me!
救命啊
Help!
那如果是我跟一群鸟比呢
How about me versus a lot of birds,
但是所有的鸟都有肌营养不良症
but all the birds also had muscular dystrophy?
我觉得一群有肌营养不良的
I think a bunch of big birds
大鸟会把你玩儿得团团转
with muscular dystrophy are fucking you up.
-这次我很享受 -我也是
– I enjoy this time together. – Me too.
我能问你个问题吗
Can I ask you a question?
什么
What?
如果你醒来发现你完全 好了
If you woke up and you were totally… fine…
你最想做什么
what’s the thing you’d wanna do most?
假如我可以做任何事情吗
If I could do anything at all?
我会非常想站着尿回尿
I’d really like to take a pee standing up.
对 那感觉爽翻了
Yeah, it’s pretty awesome.
再见
Bye.
如果今天有人抢银行 别逞能
If somebody tries to rob the bank today, don’t be a hero.
万一肾上腺素飙升我可就不能保证了
I can’t promise anything once the adrenalin kicks in.
有道理
Fair enough.
你是把这些食物摆成了
Did you arrange these to
大蛋蛋和小鸡鸡的样子了吗
look like large testicles and a small penis?
-没错 -天才
– Yep. – Brilliant.
-享受你的早餐 -谢谢
– Enjoy your breakfast. – Thanks.
你从来没跟我说过
You never told me what you
你在开始给人擦屁♥股♥之前做的什么工作
did before you got into the ass-wiping business.
-我以前是个作家 -不可能 真的吗
– I was a writer. – No, you weren’t. Really?
是 我写了几本你从没听过的小说
Yeah. I wrote a couple of novels you’ve never heard of.
好吧 那现在这个工作算什么 算是个调研吗
You’re right. So, what is this? Is this, like, research for you?
-不算 我退休了 -你退休了 好吧
– Hardly. I’m retired. – You’re retired. Right.
你应该写写我的故事
Well, man, you should write about me.
那肯定会是本很有意思的书
Well, that would make for a really interesting read.
第一章 看电视
Chapter One, Watches TV.
第二章 吃华夫饼
Chapter Two, Eats Waffles.
第三章 看电视之后吃华夫饼
Chapter Three, Watches TV, Then Eats Waffles.
-都不用写 -说真的 我支持你
– It writes itself. – Seriously, I’m your man.
当你写关于我的故事的时候
And when you do write about me,
我想让你把我描绘得英俊潇洒
I want you to describe me as handsome and cool.
最好的品质是诚实
The best stuff is truthful.
本·本杰明
Ben Benjamin?
我有东西要给你
I have something for you.
喂 等等
Hey, wait!
这是法♥院♥的指令
This is a court order!
我认识你住的地方
I know where you live!
来的真及时 辣妹的节目开始了
You’re just in time. The hot chick is on.
今天我要来拜访鲁弗斯 世界上…
And today I’m going to visit with Rufus, the world’s…
如果我能和她睡一晚 我发誓在结束之后
If I had one night with her, I swear when I was done,
她都没法好好地走路
she wouldn’t be able to walk properly.
哦 因为你会传染给她肌营养不良症吗
Oh, because you’d give her muscular dystrophy?
你真可爱
Cute.
鲁弗斯重两千一百磅
Rufus weighs 2,100 pounds.
喂 快看 世界上最大的牛 在华盛顿的里茨维尔
Hey, check it out. World’s biggest bovine. Ritzville, Washington.
里茨维尔 离这儿不远
Ritzville. That’s not far from here.
我们去亲眼看看这些地方怎么样
What if we saw some of these places for real?
你脑子被含铅涂料毒坏了吗
Have you been working with lead-based paint in an enclosed area?
走吧 你除了一周去一次公园 一直坐在房♥间里
Come on. Don’t you get bored just sitting in this room
不觉得无聊吗
and going to the park once a week?
难道你不想
I mean, doesn’t any part of you
亲眼看看世界上最深的坑吗
want to see the world’s deepest pit in person,
而不是在电视上
not just on TV?
我想 但如果我们要列人生目标清单的话
I do. But if we’re making bucket lists,
我会将它放在用金字塔体♥位♥操翻西雅图海鹰队拉拉队员
I’d put that way behind nailing the Seattle Seahawk cheerleaders
-的很后面 -我真希望能在电视上看到这一幕
– in a pyramid formation. – I do hope that’s televised.
尴尬了
Embarrassing.
好吧 那我们就去看海鹰队的比赛
All right. So, we go to a Seahawks game.
你知道吗 大多数残疾人
You know, most disabled
不会天天坐在家里
people don’t just sit in their houses all day.
他们会像正常人一样出门做事 你有一封信
They get out and do things like everybody else. You got a letter.
那是些什么
What are those?
信 我爸爸寄来的
Letters… from my father.
我不知道你还有个爸爸
I didn’t realize you had a father.
我又不是石头里蹦出来的 当然有爸爸
I was born, wasn’t I? It means I have a father.
我知道 但是
No, I know, but…
他在我三岁的时候离开了 就在我确诊之后
He left when I was three. Right when I was diagnosed.
-也许只是个不巧的巧合 -哦 抱歉
– Probably just a silly coincidence. – Oh. Sorry.