旅程终点

Really? Never before?
9岁的时候我写了个关于二战的故事
I think I started a World War II novel when I was nine.
-是吗 很有雄心啊 -谢谢
Did you? That’s very ambitious. Thank you.
-写得可好了 是我最好的作品之一 -别扯了
It was so good, some of my best work. Come on.
是讲一群超能力拥有者
It was about people with hyperdeveloped skills and powers…
计划进攻希♥特♥勒♥地堡的故事
going to invade Hitler’s bunker.
妙极
Very nice.
然后 在大学里 我帮别人代笔过
Then, in college, I wrote a couple of papers for other people.
真的吗 有人付你钱请你帮他们写论文
Really? People paid you to write their papers for them?
-我可不会概括得这么粗鄙 -你是怎么…
I wouldn’t put it that coarsely. How would you…
-奖励体系十分精密 -明白了
There was a complicated system of rewards. I see.
我会先看两三篇他们以前的作业…
I would read two or three of their papers…
琢磨一下他们的行文风格
and get a sense of what their music was like.
到后来 我意识到我真的很擅长这个
At some point, I realized I’m really good at this.
有点像是个奇特的伪造大♥师♥
I’m like a strange kind of forger.
可以模仿任何人的文笔
I can sort of sound like anybody.
有点可怕啊
It’s kind of scary. Um…
我有可能会去采访你父母
Odds are I’m gonna want to interview your parents.
-去干什么 -就是搞点背景材料
What for? Just biographical stuff.
这样
Right.
我在此要求你不要去
I hereby request that you don’t.
-真的吗 -他们很注重隐私
Really? They’re very private people.
-所以我会介意你去 -嗯 好的吧
And so I would have a problem with that. Mmm, okay.
所以 不 你不可以去
So, no, you may not.
好吧 我不可以
Okay. I may not.
现在开始登机 去往明尼阿波利斯的54航♥班♥
Now boarding, Flight 54 to Minneapolis.
-请出示机票 -谢谢
Ticket. Thank you.
做过的糟糕工作 噢 老兄
Crap jobs? Oh, man.
我曾经替一家软件公♥司♥做过三个半月的保安
I was a security guard at a software company for three and a half months.
-真的吗 -我穿着涤纶制♥服♥
Really? I walked around in this polyester uniform…
在荧光灯下 转着警棍 四处走动
under these fluorescent lights, twirling a baton,
隔10分钟就通过对讲机汇报一次
checking in on the walkie every 10 minutes.
“这个分区一切正常”
“All clear at this cubicle.”
就像那些糟糕的 60年代反威权小说里写的一样
It was like every bad ’60s novel about meaningless authority.
然后你想着
You’re thinking,
“老天 我可是20出头就出版过两本书了
“My God, I had two books come out in my early 20s,
看看我现在这境况”
and here I am.”
不不 实际上 这份工作令我喜欢的一点
No. No, as a matter of fact, one of the things I liked about that job…
-就是我可以随意走动 而不用想事情 -是吗
is that I walked around not thinking. Really?
嗯 完全就是”哈 一块天花板瓷砖啊” 这个样子
Mmm, in a very, like, “Huh. A ceiling tile” sort of way.
保安生涯之外 还有别的什么吗
And what about after the security guard thing? Was there anything else?
-噢 这个是最糟糕的 -是什么
Oh, this is the worst. What?
-你得记下来 -正在呢
Get this down. I am.
我在一家时髦的健身馆当过递毛巾的
I was a towel boy at this chichi health club.
你当过递毛巾的
You were a towel boy?
工作职位不叫递毛巾的
I was called something other than a towel boy.
但实质上 就是递毛巾的
I was, in effect, a towel boy.
偶尔也会被派去帮人登记”请出示证件”
Occasionally trusted with checking people in. “Show your ID.”
有一天 我正坐着呢
Anyway, one day I’m sitting there.
见谁不好见到这个人走进来拿毛巾
Who should walk in to get their towel but this guy,
他是个作家 跟我同年拿过怀丁文学奖
this writer that I knew who won a Whiting writer’s award the same year I had.
-天哪 -是啊
Oh, God. Yeah.
而我就在那儿 坐着
So there I am. I’m sitting there.
-我以前跟这家伙一起站在台上 -妈呀
I’d been on a rostrum with this guy… Holy shit.
从尤多拉·韦尔蒂手里接过奖状
Having Eudora Welty give us an award.
然后两年后 我却坐在那儿
Two years later, I’m sitting there…
我记得那是我头一次 自己主动钻到什么东西下面去
It’s the first time I remember ever actively diving under something…
好躲开某个人
to have somebody avoid seeing me.
-你钻到桌子底下去了 -差不多
You dove under a table? Something like that.
是不是觉得你完了
Did you think you were done?
我那时相当确信 我的人生已经完了
I thought life was over. I was pretty sure.
这是在自杀观察之后的事情
And was this after your suicide watch?
你怎么知道那件事的
Okay, how do you know about that?
我…在哪儿看到过
I… I read about it somewhere.
是在麦克莱恩 对吧 你在那儿待了多久
This was McLean’s, right? How long were you there?
-8天 -为什么会进去那里
I was there for eight days. And why were you there?
主要是因为我担心自己会做些傻事
Because I was probably afraid that I would do something stupid.
好吧
Okay.
高中时我有个朋友…
I had a friend in high school who tried to kill himself…
开着引擎坐在车♥库♥里 试图自杀
by sitting in a garage with the car running.
结果没成功
And what it turned out was he didn’t die.
只是把他变成了痴呆
It just really fucked up his brain.
而我…
And I, you know…
如果说有人注定连自杀都能搞砸的话 我觉得那就是我
I knew that if anyone was fated to fuck up a suicide attempt, it was me.
这么说吧 你那时也就20来岁
So there you are. You’re still in your 20s.
-快到30了 -好吧 快30了
My late 20s. Okay, your late 20s.
你渴望获得某种文学上的成功
And you’re in some kind of pain…
并因此而痛苦
about your desire to become some sort of successful literary person.
或者用不怎么精确的诊断来说 我抑郁了
I think that the not very sophisticated diagnosis is that I was depressed.
好吧
Okay.
那时 我将自我完全迷失在了写作里
Okay. At that point, my ego was all tied up in my writing.
就像食物之于实验箱中的小白鼠一样
It’s the only thing that I’d gotten any, like,
写作是宇宙间唯一我能汲取的动力
food pellets from the universe for.
我非常困惑
And I felt very trapped.
“啊 我的五年时间到了 我该往前看了
“Oh, my five years are up and I gotta move on.
可我不想往前看”
I don’t want to move on.”
我陷入了瓶颈
And I felt stuck.
而且不是因为酗酒好吗
And it’s not like I felt stuck because I drank, okay?
像是我的生活在28岁嘎然而止
It was like I felt my life was over at 28,
感觉很糟糕
and I felt really bad.
我想摒除这种感觉 于是尝试了各种方法
I did not want to feel that, so I did all sorts of stuff.
喝酒喝得很凶
I would drink real heavy.
跟陌生人上♥床♥
I would… fuck strangers.
有时候我又滴酒不沾 整整两星期
Sometimes I would not drink at all, not drink at all for two weeks.
每天晨跑个10英里 带着绝望的
Instead, I would run 10 miles every morning in a desperate…
极具美式色彩的…
Like, a very American…
“我会通过某种强硬手段解决这件事儿” 的想法
“I will fix this somehow by taking radical action” sort of thing.
也没错啊看看你现在 正在宣传广受赞誉的新书呢
And here you are promoting this acclaimed book.
也不赖啊
That’s not bad.
戴维 这是很好
David, this is nice.
可这是虚无缥缈的
This is not real.
顺便一提 应该会有个地陪来接我
By the way, an escort is supposed to pick me up…
送我去朗读会
and escort me to the reading.
自然 我听到地陪这个词的时候
Of course, when I hear “escort,” I picture,
想到的是一位艺伎 头发…
like, full geisha and hair…
当然啦
Of course, right.
送你去书店 再接你回酒店
Take you to the bookstore and take you back to the hotel,
陪你走回房♥间 然后跟你干到山崩地裂
walk on your back and then just fuck your eyeballs out.
-应该就是那位了 -哦 正如我所设想的
I think that’s her. Ah, just as I pictured.
-华♥莱♥士♥先生 -叫我戴夫就好
Mr. Wallace. Just “Dave.”
-我根据照片认出了你 -好的
I recognize you from your photograph. Okay.
我是帕蒂·冈德森
I’m Patty Gundersson.
欢迎来到明尼阿波利斯
And welcome to Minneapolis.
谢谢你 帕蒂
Thank you, Patty.
嗨 我是戴维·利普斯基 你好吗
Hi. I’m David Lipsky. How are you?
你好 哦 戴维和戴维 很简单嘛
Hi. Okay. David and David. That’s easy.
-这里是双子城 所以…-唔
-It’s the Twin Cities, so… -Hmm.
我们也刚认识
We only just met.
他正在写一篇 关于这个新书巡回宣传的文章
He’s writing a piece on the tour.
-我们走吧 -嗯 走吧 走啦
-Should we get going? -Yes. Come on. Come on. Great.
-早上顺利吗 帕蒂 -噢 挺好的
How’s your morning, Patty? Oh, it’s good.
你们呢 航♥班♥没问题吧
How about you guys? Was the flight all right?
你不会相信我都载过哪些名人
You would not believe the famous people I’ve driven.
有雪莉·麦克雷恩 她也来过这里推新书
Shirley MacLaine when she was on her book tour.
有荣·伍德 滚石乐队那个
Ron Wood, you know, of the Rolling Stones.
嗯 哇
Of course. Yeah. Wow.
还有彼德·奥图 哦天哪
Peter O’Toole. Oh, my gosh.
他挺纤瘦的 但很讨人喜欢
Very thin, but delightful.
嘿看哪 那就是玛丽·泰勒·摩尔像
Hey! Look, there’s the Mary Tyler Moore statue.
哦 在那儿呢
Yeah, there it is.
你想停下来看下吗