旅程终点

Are you? Yes. You’re not alone in this.
-好的 -我们可以一起紧张
Okay. We’ll do this together.
-不不 我觉得会很有意思的 -是的
No, I think it’s gonna be a lot of fun. Yeah.
我其实 想通过这个新书的巡回宣传…
The thing about the tour is, yes,
滚几次床单
I would like to get laid off of it a couple of times.
会有人跑过来 勾搭你什么的
People come up. They kind of, like, slither up.
好像要…我说不准
And it seems like… I don’t know.
我要的是得来全不费功夫
What I want is not to have to take any action.
-你是指 -我不用问出
What kind of action? I don’t want to have to say, like,
你想来我酒店吗
“Do you want to come back to the hotel?”
我希望她们直接说 我跟你回酒店
I want them to say, “I am coming back to your hotel.”
-你酒店在哪儿 -那你就好处理多了 是吧
“Where is your hotel?” That would be easier for you, wouldn’t it?
我不想显得自己很积极在换取啪啪啪
I can’t stand to look like I’m actively trading off this sexually.
尽管其实我乐意之至
Which, of course, I’d be happy to do.
现在回想起来 还好我没这么干
I think, in retrospect, I’m probably very lucky that I didn’t.
为什么
Lucky? Why?
那只会令我感到寂寞
It just would have made me feel lonely. You know?
寂寞 为什么
Lonely? How so?
她们看上的不是我
It wouldn’t have had anything to do with me.
而只是…
I think it would have been… just…
-你的名声 -对 差不多这个意思
Your fame? Yeah. Whatever.
-你的名声 你可以说出来的 -好吧 好吧
Your fame. You can say it. Fine, fine.
-你很有名 -好吧 随便吧
You’re famous. Okay, whatever.
你确实出名 只不过…如果她们是被你的作品打动
You are. Except, though, if they’re responding to your work…
而你的作品又如此私密
and your work is really personal,
那么读你的书
then reading you is another way of meeting you.
何尝不是另一种与你相识的方式呢
Isn’t that right?
-说得真妙 -谢谢
That’s so good. Thank you.
要是这篇文章都用你的话来完成 那一定会很出彩的
This piece will be excellent if it’s mostly you.
敞开多讲点吧 我可省心多了
Talk all you want, man. Save me a whole lot of trouble.
哇 这才是开车的感觉啊
Wow! So this is what a real car feels like.
我那辆简直是割草机
The one I got is like riding around on a power lawn mower.
是吧
You know?
你觉得你的成功跟你长得帅有关系吗
Do you think being handsome has anything to do with your success?
-什么 -你很上相…
-What? -No, you’re photogenic.
-书里那张作者照挺帅的 -别扯了
You look good in your author’s photo. Come on.
我要是有一点点那种念头 你都得赶紧把我掐醒
You have to come put me down if I even start thinking that way.
哪种念头 关于怎么推销书吗
Thinking what way? What, about how books are sold?
好比说”你想接受滚石的采访吗
Like, “Do you want to do a Rolling Stone interview?”
你想做这个吗 你想做这个吗” 这种
Do you want to do X? Do you want to do Y?
我真的会担心我在做的这些事 本质上就是出来卖♥♥
It really worries me that what I’m doing right now is like being a whore.
出来卖♥♥ 怎么讲
A whore? Hey. Why?
趁机给自己捞钱捞点小名气啊
Cashing in somehow or like getting some little celebrity for myself…
出于某些诡异的错觉
that will, from some bizarre set of misunderstandings,
还会觉得这样能使书更畅销
sell more copies of the book.
-啊这样 -如果需要 你可以引用这段话
-Mmm, okay. -You can quote that if you want.
最好配点上下文 别让我听上去跟个十足的白♥痴♥似的
Preferably in a context where I don’t sound like a total dweeb.
别担心
Don’t worry about it.
顺便问下 他们会让安妮·莱博维茨 来帮我拍照吗
By the way, are they gonna send Annie Leibovitz to take pictures?
不清楚 有可能 要看故事写得如何
I’m not sure. Possibly. See how the story turns out.
我想到个点子 你长得挺好看的
I know. You’re a really good-looking guy.
我们应该让他们给你拍照 然后拿来当作我的照片
We should have ’em photograph you, say you’re me.
说不定这样我就终于可以滚个床单了
Maybe I’ll finally end up getting laid.
这么多你都要喝掉吗
You’re gonna drink all that?
我不想再回来补货 他们要是能配个箱子就好了
I don’t want to have to come back. I wish they had a case.
其实这是个好主意
Actually, that’s a good idea. Um…
麻烦拿下棉花糖
Get the marshmallow one too, please.
好 拿一包吗
All right. One?
-两包 -两包 当然啦
Two. Two. Of course.
我刚才是怎么想的 稍等 好了
Why would I get one? One second. Okay.
好了 我觉得这些差不多了 过来吧
Okay, all right. I think that’s enough. Come on.
-嘿 基姆 -这些我们都要了
Hey, Kim. Hi. We’ll take all of these.
-让我来付吧 -你不必帮我这堆鬼东西付钱的
-Please, let me. -No, you don’t have to pay for my shit.
不是我的钱…杂♥志♥社买♥♥单
No, no. It’s not coming out of my pocket. I have an expense account.
-好的 你坚持的话 -嗯
If you insist, yeah. Yeah.
既然我们一直都在吃这些玩意儿
If we ate like this all the time… Yeah?
-说明它们没啥坏处啊 -是没啥坏处
What would be wrong with that? What would be wrong?
除了会让你牙烂掉 并且吹成个气球以外
Besides your teeth falling out and getting really fat?
是没有正经食物那些营养
It’s got none of the nourishment of real food,
但嚼着咽着很爽啊
but it is real pleasurable masticating and swallowing this stuff.
没错 就跟诱人的商业化娱乐节目一样
Yes, it is. It’s like seductive commercial entertainment.
嗯 好在大部分的娱乐节目都不怎么样
Mmm, but what saves us is that most entertainment is not very good.
那些优质的节目又怎么说呢 比如《虎胆龙威》
But what about good seductive commercial entertainment like… like Die Hard?
《虎胆龙威》第一部吗 不错的片子
First Die Hard? Great film.
不 是超级赞
No, it’s a brilliant film.
-是最顶级的 太好看了 -没错
The best. So good. Absolutely.
如果说这本书有什么主题的话
I think, if the book is about anything,
-可以归结为一个问题 -嗯
it’s about the question of “Why?” Right.
我为什么在看这些鬼东西
“Why am I watching all this shit?”
那不是这些鬼东西的问题 而是我的问题
It’s not about the shit. It’s about me.
嗯 没错
Right. Yeah.
我为什么在做这些事
So why am I doing it?
而我这些破事又怎么会 如此地具备着美国色彩
And what’s so American about what I’m doing?
一旦谈起这些 我就会讲得
The minute I start talking about this stuff, it sounds,
一是很含糊
number one, very vague,
二是非常缩略
and number two, really reductive.
我完全不觉得你有含糊或是缩略过
I don’t think you’re being vague or reductive at all.
我是说 我拿不出一个诊断方案
Okay, because I don’t have a diagnosis…
或是一套药方来解决 我们这些…
or a system of prescriptions as to why we…
我说的我们正是指你我这样的人
When I say “we,” I mean people just like you and me…
多为白种人 中上层阶级
Mostly white, upper middle class,
惹人厌地受过良好教育 有份很有趣的工作
obscenely well educated, doing really interesting jobs,
坐在非常昂贵的椅子里
sitting in really expensive chairs watching the best,
看着钱能买♥♥来的最先进最好的电子设备
most sophisticated electronic equipment money can buy.
为什么我们会感到空虚 难过
Why do we feel so empty and unhappy?
有点像哈姆雷特啊 除了不断切换电视频道这部分
Right. It’s kind of like Hamlet except with channel surfing.
我不是说电视有害或者浪费时间
I’m not saying that watching TV is bad or a waste of your time…
这就跟打飞机差不多
any more than, like, masturbation is bad or a waste of your time.
花上几分钟作为消遣是不错的
It’s a pleasurable way to spend a few minutes.
但如果你一天来个二十次
But if you’re doing it 20 times a day…
如果你的主要性关系对象是你自己的手
If your primary sexual relationship is with your own hand,
那就有问题了
something is wrong.
至少打飞机
Except at least with masturbation,
还算是活动过身体是吧
some action is being performed, right?
那要比…比坐着不动看电视好些
Isn’t that… That’s better.
好吧 如果你把我接下来说的话写进文章里
Okay, you could make me look like
会显得我是个十足的混♥蛋♥
a real dick if you print this.
不 我不会写进去的
No, I’m not going to,
不过 如果方便 请对着麦克风讲话
but, if you can, speak into the mike.
是的没错
Yes, you’re performing
打飞机的确要用到手臂肌肉
muscular movements with your hand as you’re jerking off.
但其实你真正在做的
But what you’re really doing, I think,
是在脑海里播放小♥电♥影♥
is you’re running a movie in your head.
意淫一个幻想的对象…
You’re having a fantasy relationship with somebody who is not real…
仅是为了引起神经系统的反应
strictly to stimulate a neurological response.
照这样看 再过十年十五年 随着互联网的发展
So as the Internet grows in the next 10, 15 years…
总有一天毛♥片♥也会应用上虚拟现实的技术
and virtual reality pornography becomes a reality,
到时候我们就不得不 往自己肚子里装个什么机置
we’re gonna have to develop some real machinery inside our guts…
用以抑制这种纯粹肉♥欲♥的 毫无掺杂的欢愉
to turn off pure, unalloyed pleasure.
不然的话 我不知道你 但我就不得不离开这颗星球了
Or, I don’t know about you, I’m gonna have to leave the planet.
为什么
‘Cause the technology is just gonna get better and better.
技术发展只会越加精进
令我们越发容易地…
And it’s gonna get easier and easier…
越发方便地 越发愉快地
and more and more convenient and more and more pleasurable…
独坐在屏幕前 看着那些影像…
to sit alone with images on a screen…
里面的人儿对我们没有爱意 只想要我们的钱
given to us by people who do not love us but want our money.
这种事偶尔为之还行
And that’s fine in low doses,
但如果这就是你生活的基石
but if it’s the basic main staple of your diet,
那你会死的
you’re gonna die.
得了
Well, come on.
想想背后的含义 你会死的
In a meaningful way, you’re going to die.