旅程终点

All right. I’m not gonna push much further. Sorry.
同样我也知道 某些瘾头要比其他的更性感
I am also aware that some addictions are sexier than others.
我一生最大的瘾头在电视机上
My primary addiction my entire life has been to television.
我告诉过你的 而对于你的读者来说
I told you that. Now television addiction…
看电视上瘾…远不如海♥洛♥因♥这种有意思
is of far less interest to your readers than something like heroin…
那个才能验证他们对于作家的迷思
that confirms the mythos of the writer.
-我可不信那个迷思好吧 -好的
Yeah, a myth I do not believe. Okay? Right. No.
我知道你不信那个 同样我也明白
I know you don’t believe that. I’m also aware that one of the things…
桓旋在此处隐而不宣的事实就是
that’s swirlin’ around here is
你希望能写出你♥他♥妈♥最好的文章
you want to have the best fuckin’ article you can have.
对吧 知道吗 你♥他♥妈♥想写什么就写什么呗
See, you know what? Why don’t you write whatever the fuck you want.
我跟你说 这不是什么《醉乡遗恨》里的那种情节
I am telling you that this was not a Lost Weekend sort of thing.
也不是什么斑斓的浪漫的
Nor was it some lurid, romantic,
酒鬼作家传奇
“writer as alcoholic” sort of thing.
其实这就是 一个28岁的人
What it was, was a 28-year-old person…
实在没有别的法子好活下去了
who had really exhausted a couple other ways to live,
这些法子都已经给画上句号♥了
had really taken them to their conclusion.
于我而言 就是一间粉红房♥间
Which for me was a pink room with
就地板正中♥央♥有个排水口
a drain in the center of the floor,
他们觉得我可能会自杀的时候
which is where they put me for an entire day
就把我丢在那里整整一天
when they thought that I was gonna kill myself.
在里面我不着一缕
Where I got nothin’ on.
被人从墙上的小口子里观察着
I got someone observing me through a slot in the wall.
当这种事发生在你身上 你就会变得无比…
And when that happens to you, you become tremendously,
史无前例地愿意
just unprecedentedly willing…
去尝试下其他生活下去的方式
to examine some other alternatives for how to live.
你还醒着吗
You awake?
是啊
Yeah.
我只是在想 嗯…
I was just thinking, um…
那不是因为体内微量元素不平衡什么的
It wasn’t a chemical imbalance,
也不是因为毒品或者酒精
and it wasn’t drugs and alcohol.
我觉得 嗯…
I think, um…
更可能是 我活得太依据美式理想了
It was much more that I had lived an incredibly American life.
即这种”如果我达成了X Y和Z
This idea that if I could just achieve X and Y and Z,
一切就都会好起来”的理念
that everything would be okay.
我书里写过一段是讲
There’s a thing in the book about how
当一个人从燃烧的摩天大厦跃下时
when somebody leaps from a burning skyscraper,
不是说他们不再惧怕坠落了
it’s not that they’re not afraid of falling anymore.
只是另一种选择更糟糕
It’s that the alternative is so awful.
这就会令你思考 什么样的情况是如此糟糕
And so then you’re invited to consider what could be so awful…
以至于跃入你的死亡都显得是种解脱
that leaping to your death would seem like an escape from it.
我不知道你有没有过类似这种体验
I don’t know if you have any experience with this kind of thing.
但这比任何物理伤害都更糟糕
But it’s worse than any kind of physical injury.
这大概就是以前所谓的心灵危机…
It may be in the old days what was known as a spiritual crisis…
感觉你生命中的每一句箴言都成了谬误
Feeling as though every axiom in your life turned out to be false…
万事皆空
and there was actually nothing.
你亦是无物
And that you were nothing.
一切皆是虚幻 你比旁人出色太多
And that it’s all a delusion and you’re so much better than everybody…
因你已看穿这一切均不过是幻梦
’cause you can see how this is just a delusion,
你也比旁人糟糕太多 因你已经该死的无法♥正♥常过活
and you’re so much worse because you can’t fucking function.
那种感觉非常骇人
It’s really horrible.
我觉得人是不会变的
I don’t think that we ever change.
我确信那仍旧深埋在我身体里
I’m sure that I still have those same parts of me.
大概我只是非常努力地 在想办法不被它牵着走
Guess I’m trying really hard to find a way not to let them drive.
是吧
You know?
嘿 唔 好了 晚安
Hey, um, okay. Good night.
嗨
Hi.
哦 嗨
Okay. Hi.
嘿 早上好 早上好
Hey. Good morning. Good morning.
早啊 老兄
Mornin’, man.
来吧 小家伙们 出发 好孩子
Come on, boys. Let’s go. Good boys.
啊 你在干嘛
Come on. What are you doing?
吉夫斯
Jeeves!
吉夫斯 跟上 小家伙
Jeeves, come on, boy.
吉夫斯老爷很好哄
You get instantaneous production from the Jeeve-meister.
而雄蜂相比就难搞多了
Drone’s a much tougher nut.
-这里真美 -是啊
-It is so beautiful out here. -Yeah.
你该看看春天的样子 清风拂过
You should see it in the spring when the wind blows.
涟漪丛生 就像水面一样
You can see ripples. It’s like water.
-就像海洋一样 不过是绿色的 -嗯
-It’s like the ocean, but real green. -Mmm.
真的
It really is.
有安抚之效 真正的美
It’s kind of calm. Real pretty.
-你饿吗 -嗯 有点
You hungry? Uh, yeah. Kind of.
不过…天啊 我不想回去
But, um… God, I don’t think I want to go back.
是啊 我懂你的感受
Yeah, I know how you feel.
-但差不多该走了 -好吧
Should probably get going though. Okay.
嘿 这次让我请你吃顿好的吧 算在詹恩账上
Hey, let me take you someplace nice this time. It’ll be on Jann.
-谢谢你拿着袋子 老兄 -小事儿
Thanks for holding the bag, man. Of course.
-我要吃点东西 突然就觉得饿惨了 -嗯
I gotta eat something. I’m, like, suddenly starving. Mmm.
-你不喜欢腌黄瓜啊 -哦不是吧
You don’t like pickles. Oh, come on.
怎么了
What?
怎么了 我是挑食 可需要让全世界都知道…
What, the whole world needs to know…
我妈早就知道的事情吗
what my mother’s known for years… I’m a picky eater?
-好吧 我收起来 -谢了
Okay, I’m putting it away. Thank you.
好的
All right.
可以喂它们薯条吗
Can I give ’em a fry?
-不行 -来嘛
No. Come on.
-好吧 试试 -嘿 吉夫斯老爷
All right, go for it. Hey, Jeeve-meister.
嘿
Hey!
-看好啦 -什么
Watch this. What?
吉夫斯 吉夫斯 坐下
Jeeves. Jeeves. Sit.
吉夫斯 坐下 坐下
Jeeves, sit. Sit.
-坐下 -真棒啊
Sit. Perfect.
坐下 老天 有吃的的时候 雄蜂超听话
Sit. God. Drone gets super obedient when food is around.
而吉夫斯还是个野人
Jeeves is still kind of a wild man.
别把吃的东西留在他周围 他会扑上去的
Do not leave food out around him. He will go for it.
好孩子
Good boy.
你真是个好…
You’re such a good…
你不会把我写成那些神经兮兮的
You’re not gonna make me look like I’m one of those insane old women…
-跟狗说话的老太婆吧 你会吗 -额 不会
who talks to their dogs, are you? Um, no.
别担心
Don’t worry about it.
我担心的 我的狗狗们也会感觉被冒犯了
I am worried about it. My dogs are gonna be offended.
狗狗们可不会去看这篇文章
The dogs are not gonna read this article.
-我得告诉你 -什么
I gotta tell you. Hmm?
他们以前从没像亲近你这样亲近过别的男人
They’ve never taken to a man the way they’ve taken to you.
-真的 -没有过
Really? Nah.
-当然除了我以外 -当然
Except me, of course. Yeah. Yeah.
噢 你能拿着这个吗
Oh. Can you hold this?
好的 当然
Yeah, of course.
你好
Hello?
嘿
Hey.
是的 我想去的 额…
Yes, I would like to, um…
现在不行 我这儿有个客人
I can’t right now. I got this guy here.
什么人
What guy?
《滚石》杂♥志♥的人 对
Rolling Stone guy, yeah.
我能去那边跟你会合吗
You know, can I just meet you there?
好的 赞 嗯 棒极了
Okay. Great. Yeah, perfect.
到时见 再见
I’ll see you then. Bye.
好啦 我应该…
All right. Well, I should…
我应该走人了 让你继续你的小日子
I should probably get out of here, let you get on with your life.
那个不是…那个是…只是有个舞会我打算去
That’s, no… It’s… There’s just this dance that I like to go to.
什么 你还跳舞
Sorry. You dance?
是啊
Yeah.
这是我最近几年挖掘出的喜好
It’s something I’ve discovered over the past couple years I really like.
尽管 我还不怎么擅长
Although I’m not that good at it yet.
等等 抱歉 哪种舞
Wait, sorry. What kind of dancing?
我就是…比如Jerk啊 Swim啊
I tend to do, like, the jerk, the swim.
Jerk 注重腿部弹跳摇摆 Swim 手部摆动
像是70年代迪斯科那种玩意儿
You know, like, cheesy ’70s disco.
-真的 -是啊 这是布卢明顿本地特色之一
Really? Yeah. It’s one of the things about living in Bloomington.
像是种时间扭曲 能那样跳就代表你是真正的嬉皮
It’s like a time warp. You’re completely hip if you do that.